by Suzy Shearer
“Oh, Kall, I’m so sorry. I really thought it would be different this time.”
“So did I. That damn contract! Everything was lovely before that. He hides behind it, Stace.” She howled, “What am I going to do without him?”
“What did he say when you left?”
“He told me he loved me and he couldn’t understand why I was leaving him.”
“Honestly, that man needs a hit on the head with a thick lump of wood!”
“Oh, Stace, I love him so much.”
“I know you do, sweetie. I know.”
Kall heard a car door slam. “Oh God, no! I think he’s here!”
Even Stacy could hear thumping on the door and Alex shouting at Kallie to open it.
“I have to go, Stacy.”
“Ring me.”
She hung up the phone, went to the door, and opened it. Alex barged in. It was so obvious he was angry as he pushed past her. He ignored Zeus trying to get his attention.
“What the fuck is going on, Kallista?”
“I thought I made it clear last night, Alex.”
“Is this because I don’t drive you home? You want me to drive you home? Fine, I’ll drive you home!”
Kallie had her hands up face high and her palms toward him. She clenched and unclenched them, shaking her head. She didn’t want to fight, didn’t want to yell. “You really don’t get it, Alex. Yes, the car thing pisses me off, but that’s only part of the problem.”
“Well tell me!”
“If I have to tell you then you’ll never understand. You can’t expect someone to love you if you hold them at arm’s length. You have to take a risk.” Her voice rose. “You live behind that fucking contract, Alex, and until you can step out from behind it, you’ll never truly love someone and have them love you in return.”
He looked even more confused. Kallie thought at least he was showing some sort of emotion even if only puzzlement. He pointed his finger at her.
“The contract is something that protects you. Its whole idea is so that I know all your limits. It’s for your safety.”
She shook her head.
“You know the contract is important between a Dom and his sub.”
“No, it isn’t at least not for you. It’s something you hide behind. You’ve spelled out that you will only have a sexual relationship. You warned me.”
“Yes, I wanted you to understand from the outset that I wouldn’t collar you or marry you.”
“Oh, I get that, and I accept it. I honestly don’t need that but you won’t allow anyone to get close. You’ve shut yourself off emotionally. You won’t allow that fucking lump of ice in your chest that you call a heart to thaw out!”
“But I’ve told you I love you.”
Kallie could see him struggling to understand. She could see the pain in his expression. “Alex, it takes more than words to love someone. I tried to explain that last night, but you honestly don’t get it.”
“I thought you were happy, that we had a good thing between us.”
“I’m sorry, Alex. It’s not enough.”
“So do you want to rewrite our contract? We can change it so that I drive you home.”
She could hear the desperation in his voice as he said.
“I’ll collar you!”
Exasperated Kallie raced into the bedroom and opened her top drawer on the dresser. She rummaged through her underwear and found the contract. She went back into the room. She tore it in half and then half again and threw it at him.
“This is what you can do with your contract, Alex!”
“I see.”
Shocked Kallie stared at him as the Dom mask slipped down over his features. He straightened. Kallie flinched from the way he coldly looked down at her as if there had never been anything at all between them.
“If this is what you want, then I will certainly respect your wishes. You won’t hear from me again, Kallista. I know when I am not welcome.”
He began walking up the hall. He stopped with his hand on the front door and looked back at her. “I’m sorry, Kallie. I honestly thought we were good together. I do love you but…”
He took a breath as if he was trying to hold his emotions in check. Kallie thought that was the whole problem. He gave a wry laugh. “I knew there was a reason I didn’t want to fall in love, and this is it. When the person you love doesn’t love you in return it really hurts. Good-bye, Kallie.”
With that he walked out, closing the door behind him. Kallie stood staring up the hallway for at least ten minutes, and then she slid down the wall and hugged her knees, crying. It felt as if her heart had been ripped from her chest. The pain was so unbearable.
That stupid, stupid man. He has no idea!
Chapter Eighteen
“Come on, Zeus. It’s too hot outside. Want to keep me company in the studio?”
The dog thumped his tail listlessly against the pavers, stood, and followed Kallie inside. She’d been lying in the hammock, but it was just too hot outside. Unseasonal hot for the last day of July, she could smell smoke in the air, and Kallie just didn’t want to be outside any longer. She didn’t want Zeus to be outside either. Anyway, she spoilt him rotten.
Kallie walked down the hall, following Zeus, who had raced ahead and gone through the dog flap she’d had installed in the studio door. She opened the studio door and entered. Zeus had already settled on the dog bed Kallie had for him alongside the mixing desk. She closed the door behind her and walked over to the mixing console.
She worked steadily for about two hours, sent her files to the offsite Cloud, and then stood and stretched. The track sounded good, but she still needed to tweak it a little more before she’d be totally satisfied. She went to the small bar fridge in the tiny kitchenette and pulled out a cold bottle of water. She grabbed a few ice cubes as well and dropped them into Zeus’s water bowl.
Going over to the old couch, she sat down to drink and think. It had been five weeks since she’d left Alex—five weeks of absolute misery. Still she knew she’d had to do it to survive, even if it meant living with this terrible heartache. Bad enough that he’d told her he loved her but to not understand that he was hiding behind the damn contract sent her over the edge. She honestly didn’t care if he’d never collared or married her, even though he’d said he would that terrible day. All she ever wanted was for him to show her his feelings. She wanted to share their good times and the bad.
This was her own fault. She’d known from the beginning the risk, but Kallie hadn’t realised just how painful it would be. At the start of their relationship she would have been excited just to be with him, but that was before she fell head over heels in love with him.
Kallie couldn’t accept a relationship with Alex where his only commitment to her were the hollow words of saying he loved her. He still held her at arm’s length. If he’d only shown some emotion rather than just saying he loved her.
How could you love someone and not want to wake in the morning with them wrapped in your arms? Hell, the only time she slept at his place was before they’d gotten together when her mattresses had been thrown out!
He’d rung her a few times when she first left, despite saying he wouldn’t contact her, but she’d refused to answer his calls. She couldn’t face hearing his voice. Stacy and Dan had offered her support. Dan tried to convince her she should tell Alex she loved him, but Kallie didn’t think it would make any difference. Dan told her he knew Alex was being his usual heartless self, but Dan wanted her to give Alex another chance.
“And let him be Mr. Frozen still? I can’t, Dan. I love him so much, but I can’t be in this emotionless relationship.”
“He loves you, Kall.”
“No, Dan, he just thinks he does. No one could love someone and not show some tiny spark of emotion.”
Stacy understood it all completely. She knew how much Kallie loved him, and she understood fully that Kallie couldn’t live in a relationship where even though he loved her he would never show
that love, never live together, or even drive her home, a relationship where her love wasn’t emotionally returned. Hell, he wouldn’t even sleep the night with her!
To make matters even worse, Kallie really regretted she never told him she loved him. But she been so angry when he couldn’t understand anything she said. Then when he offered to alter the contract to drive her home, she’d seen red.
Now it was too late. So many times over the past five weeks she’d been tempted to ring him and tell him but deep down she honestly thought it wouldn’t change the way he acted.
She felt tears start again. “Damn him! I won’t shed any more fucking tears over him!” she shouted. Zeus jumped up alert, thinking someone was there. “Sorry, Zeus. Go back to sleep.”
The dog sat back down again but remained watching her. Kallie wiped away her tears with the hem of her T-shirt. She felt so miserable. Dan kept begging her to tell Alex she loved him.
“Tell Alex that’s was the reason for your leaving, Kall, please. Tell him how much you love him.”
But Kallie kept telling him she didn’t think it would make any difference. He was determined never to let anyone have his heart, even though he thought he loved her, it was still locked away frozen.
“Even if I did, Dan, he would still keep his emotional side locked up tight. I can’t handle the coldness.”
Part of her regretted her decision, but it was useless to say anything to him now not after this long. She’d thrown herself back into work, although she couldn’t face the office and had been working from home most of the time. That was all she’d done since she left him—work, work and more work. It helped to block the pain as long as she kept busy it stopped her from thinking about him. She was supposed to go back to the office last Monday but changed her mind. Maybe next week.
Zeus got up and left the room. A few minutes later he came back, but he seemed restless, walking back and forth. He kept leaving the room then coming back. After about five or six times Kallie shouted exasperated, “For goodness sake, Zeus, will you lie down or stay outside!”
He looked at her whimpering as he sat on his bed. Another few minutes and he got up again slunk off through the dog door again. This time when he came back he began pawing at her leg and crying.
“What is wrong with you?”
She stood, and he went to the door and looked back at her.
Maybe the back door dog flap is locked. Better check it.
She opened up the studio door, climbed the stairs, and walked up the hall. “I can still smell smoke, Zeus, smells close.”
Opening the hall door she went through it and into the main part of the house. “Shit!”
Smoke filled the room. She raced to the back door and looked out. It was hard to see through the smoke, but she could hear the crackle of flames close by, could see red flames licking against the trees. Grabbing her car keys, she ran to the front door, opened it, and looked out stunned. Terrified Kallie could see more fire on the track leading out to the main road. It had almost reached alongside the house.
Cut off and trapped she screamed, “Oh my God, Zeus! What can we do?”
She tried to think clearly. Don’t panic!
Phone. That was first.
She slammed the front door, raced back into the kitchen, and grabbed the phone. The landline was dead, so she picked up her mobile where she’d left it charging on the kitchen bench, prayed the tower was still active, and dialled emergency. When they answer, she practically screamed into the phone, “I’m trapped! I’m on Spencer’s Mountain. There’s fire all around my home, I can’t get out!”
“Where on the mountain?”
Kallie explained where she was and who she was. All the while the smoke was getting thicker. She started coughing and was beginning to panic.
“Didn’t you hear the warning broadcast?”
“I’ve been working for the past few hours. I’ve a basement-type room downstairs, didn’t have my phone with me, and there’s no radio.”
“Look, the whole mountain is alight. We’ve got dozens of crews out. We’ll try and make our way to you. In the meantime can you go back to that room? Wedge wet towels under the door, block the windows.”
“There’s no windows.”
“That’s good. Take wet towels and cover yourself with them, especially your face. Stay low. We’ll try to get to you, but honestly, Miss Robins, I don’t how long it will be until we can get through. You’re cut off from the road by the blaze. I’m sorry, but it’s enormous.”
Emotionlessly she answered, “I understand. Thank you.”
Surprised at how distant from the emergency she suddenly felt, Kallie dropped the phone in her pocket, raced into the linen press, and pulled all the towels out. Calmly she sped back down the hallway, coughing all the while. She called Zeus to stay with her. She closed the door between the hall of the main house and the studio. Going down through the other door into the studio, she went into the tiny kitchenette and soaked a couple of towels. After carrying them back up the hallway, she wedged them underneath the door.
Then she went into the studio and closed that door. She wedged a few more wet towels under that one. There was nothing else she could do except hope the studio with its insulated walls and ceiling would save her and Zeus. She wrapped a few more wet towels around herself and Zeus.
The dog was distressed, whimpering, and Kallie felt like doing the same. Her adrenaline rush was over. Now she felt petrified and began crying. Kallie realised the chances she and Zeus would survive were almost zero. Suddenly, all the anguish of the past few weeks flew out the window.
“I should have at least told him I loved him, given us a chance, but now he’ll never know.” She sobbed aloud as she hugged Zeus. “I don’t want to die!” she screamed in terror to the walls.
She pulled her phone out of her pocket. There was still a connection. That meant the tower must be still intact. Maybe she had time to get a last message out. At least she could tell him before she died. She dialled Alex’s number. Sadly the phone was engaged so it went direct to voice mail.
Calmly she said, “Alex.” Then the enormity of what was about to happen hit her, and she broke down fully. “Alex!” She sobbed. “I honestly love you! I’m sorry. I don’t want to die. Zeus and I are trapped. I was afr—”
The signal cut out. Kallie looked at the phone horrified. That meant the phone tower had gone. It was less than ten metres from her house, on top of the ridge. She and Zeus sat shivering with terror.
Then she heard it.
Even through the soundproofing—the roar.
The crashing.
An explosion—probably her car. Then the windows in the house bursting and the glass smashing.
More crashing.
Now she could feel the heat. Smoke poured in through the dog flap. Coughing madly, she got to her feet and raced over, trying to wedge it closed. The door felt hot to her hand.
She crawled back to the dog blindly, coughing as the smoke got even thicker.
“Oh, Zeus, I’m so sorry.”
She could do nothing else except—maybe they could shut themselves in the sound booth?
She dragged a cowering and terrified Zeus by the collar and shut the door behind her. There was no smoke in here, but she doubted it would stand up to the fire. The glass front would probably shatter from the heat. She covered them both with the wet towels.
Kallie couldn’t help peeking out, mesmerised by fear and the fire. She watched fire licking at the dog flap on the studio door, and then it erupted into flames. Shaking, she buried her head in the dog’s fur and cried. He licked her face, but she could feel him quivering with fright as they sheltered under the towels.
At an even louder crash, she peeped out and saw the ceiling in the main part of the studio cave in. It smashed through the glass where she and Zeus sheltered. She tried to crawl back farther into the corner as she felt the heat on one of her legs.
The last thing she remembered was the terrible deafening roar as
the fire raced up the ridge. It tore through the house, engulfing everything and swept up to her before cradling her in a hellish lover’s embrace.
* * * *
“You hearing the news?”
“News? No why?”
Dan looked at his friend. “Not sure if you want to know, but Spencer’s Mountain alight.”
“What!” Alex leapt to his feet.
“Calm down. She’s at work, Alex.”
“But her beautiful house. Fuck.”
Alex grabbed his phone and rang Sonic Max. “Can you put me through to Kallista Robins?…What?”
Alex dropped his phone on the desk. He looked at Dan in fright. “She hasn't been at work for weeks. Apparently she’s been working from home.”
“I thought she went back in last Monday. She must have changed her mind.”
Alex grabbed his keys and phone. “I’ve got to make sure she’s okay, Dan.”
“I know. But, Alex, if the mountains on fire they won’t let you through.”
“Fuck ’em!”
He raced from the room and took the stairs two at a time. He saw Charles in the foyer talking to Lenny. “Charlie! Quick I need to get home as fast as you can get us there. I need to get the four-wheel drive.”
Charles raced alongside him, and they got into the car. Alex wondered how they’d managed to get back to his home without collecting a ticket. The gods must have been watching over Charles as he tore through the traffic. Alex tried Kallie’s cell phone number, but she didn’t answer. When he tried the landline, it was dead. Charles dropped him alongside the garage, and Alex raced inside. He leapt into the Jeep and zoomed from the garage.
He tried dialling her number a few more times, but each time it went unanswered. He hoped she’d gotten out before the fire took hold. Of course she did. He bet she was at Stacy’s or on her way there. The drive to the mountain normally took him fifty minutes, but today he made it in forty only to hit a roadblock right at the bottom of the mountain.
“Sorry, sir, you can’t get through.”
“I have to! My girlfriend lives on the mountain.”
