by Suzy Shearer
“Am I going to die?”
He grinned at her through his tears and shook his head. “No.”
She dropped her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes. He waited for her to speak again. She made no sound. Alex was worried so he buzzed for the nurse.
“Is she okay?” he asked in a panic when the man walked in with food for Kallie.
“Yes, she’s just fallen asleep.” He laughed. “It’s been a traumatic time for her body and it needs to heal. She’ll probably doze off quite a bit for a while. I’ll put these in the fridge. She can have them when she wakes.”
He placed a Jell-O and a custard in the little fridge alongside the cupboards. Alex thanked him and took Kallie’s hand again. He sat waiting for her to wake again. It was close to seven when she did. She turned her head and looked down at her hand in Alex’s. Tears began falling again.
“Don’t cry, Kallie, dearest. Please don’t cry.”
“I thought I was going to die.” Her voice didn’t sound as rough as earlier. “I didn’t want to die!”
“Hush, I know. It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re safe.”
He stood and sat on the edge of the bed, carefully putting his arm around her as she cried. She turned her head into his chest. Her sobs broke his heart anew.
“Please don’t cry, sweetheart. It’s okay.”
“Zeus?”
“He’s okay. He’s safe at my home.”
That started her crying again. He rocked her, her sobs tearing him apart.
“My house is gone, isn’t it?” he heard her whisper against his him.
He nodded against her head. “Yes, sweetheart, but you’re alive.”
Suddenly she pulled away and stared at him in shock. “Why are you here?”
“Kallie, I love you. I got your message.”
“Message?”
“Your phone message.” He took both her hands, carefully holding the one with the drip. “Kallie, I’ve been so stupid. I was frightened that you wouldn’t love me, couldn’t love me. I was terrified you’d leave me. I held you at arm’s length when I should have been holding you tight. Please forgive me. Like a fool, I thought if I allowed myself to show you I loved you, if I told you how much you mean to me, then you’d leave me.” His voice broke. “I…God, I’m such fool Kallie.”
Kallie didn’t speak, but the look on her face confirmed all he’d said.
“Kallie, my dearest Kallie, I can’t live without you. I need you in my life. These past few weeks have been hell on earth. Please, can we go back like it was?”
She looked up and searched his face. “You want us back like we were before I left?”
“Yes, Kallie, I need you. You love me. I know that now. Sweetheart, we can be together forever just the same as we were before.”
“Let me understand. You want us back like before?”
“Yes.”
Kallie stared at him and he felt her pull away. He couldn’t understand the shocked look on her face as she began to shake her head.
“No.” She kept shaking her head. “I can’t go back like we were. I won’t. No matter how much I love you!”
Alex was stunned! He dropped her hands, stood, and turned. He walked out of the room and started to walk into the corridor, bumping blindly into Dan and Stacy in the hallway. He pushed them aside then almost raced down the corridor. There was an empty small waiting room, and he stumbled his way inside, tearing off the hospital gown and throwing in the corner. Sinking onto a sofa, he put his head in his hands, his tears slipping through his fingers.
Why? Why would she tell me she loved me but not want to be with me?
“Alex! Alex, what’s happened?”
It was Dan and Stacy.
Dan looked worried as he asked, “Is Kallie okay? What's happened to her?”
Alex lifted his tear-stained face and peered at his two friends. “I knew I should never have fallen in love. I knew what would happen.”
“I don’t understand. What are you trying to tell us, Alex?” Stacy sounded completely confused by his words.
“She doesn’t want me.”
“What? But she loves you.” Dan sounded as puzzled as Alex was.
“I know. I asked her to forgive me. I said I wanted us together, but she said no.”
Stacy sat alongside him and put her hand on his knee. “That makes no sense, Alex, she’s been so miserable. She loves you so much.”
“Well, obviously not enough to live with me!” Alex knew how he sounded. They would hear the frustration and anger in his voice. He looked from one to the other. Dan looked puzzled, but Stacy appeared thoughtful. She cocked her head.
“Alex, what exactly did you ask, and what did she say?”
Frustrated he said, “I told you.”
“No, you just said she said no. I want to know what you actually asked.”
He sighed. “I said I couldn’t live without her and asked if we could get back together.”
“What did she say?”
Dan looked at his wife angrily. “Stace!”
She just ignored him.
Frustrated, Alex barked. “Heck, Stacy!”
She just looked at him silently waiting for his answer.
“I asked her if we could go back together. She asked me if I wanted us back like we were and I said yes. I wanted us to be together just like we were. That’s when she kept saying no, that she couldn’t go back even though she loved me.”
“I thought so. Men!” She rolled her eyes. “Listen, Alex, what did you mean?”
Dan glared at Stacy and Alex could hear the anger in his voice as he spoke to his wife. “Mean? For heaven’s sake, Stace, what’s this about? Hasn’t Alex been through enough without this third degree?”
Dan looked so furious with Stacy, and Alex could feel himself getting exasperated with her as well.
“Just bear with me. It’s important.”
She stared him down. Stacy was getting him more irritable with each second. Alex just glared at her, but she just raised her eyebrows and cocked her head, again waiting for his answer.
Okay, I’ll tell her exactly. “I want her forever. I can’t live without her. I never want to be apart from her.”
She squeezed Alex’s leg. He felt his anger disappear as if it had never been and instead he felt so miserable, so heartbroken. He almost wept as he continued.
“I love her, Stace. I love her like there’s no tomorrow. I want to go to bed at night with her in my arms and wake up the next morning knowing she’s with me.”
Alex looked up at Dan, who was grinning at him like a madman.
“Hope you’re happy, Dan,” he said roughly. “You’ve got what you wanted. I’ve fallen in love, but…I’ve never felt like this in my entire life, but I want to feel this way forever. I want her to marry me. I want her to wear my collar. I never want to let her go. But…she doesn’t want me,” he wailed.
Stacy shouted triumphantly pumping one hand the air. “Yes!”
He just looked at her. She grinned wildly at Dan and then at Alex before she spoke.
“You are such an idiot, Alex!” She thumped his arm as she shook her head laughing. “Remember how you were before, after you signed the contract? You’d play, and then Kall would go home. You’d never take her home, either she’d drive herself or Charles would. You didn’t socialise together. She never slept over. There was never any emotion between you.”
Alex nodded.
“You fool! She thought you wanted that!”
Alex looked at her in surprise. He wondered what she was saying. “I still don’t get it.”
“Hell, Alex. You asked her to just be another uncollared sub with you, treating her the way you always treat your subs! You asked her to go back to the way it was between you. No emotions, just sex and nothing else, no love, no forever-afters. No wonder she didn’t say yes. That was the whole reason she left you, you idiot, and you just asked her to go back to that!”
Alex started shaking his head, horrifi
ed. “No! No I don’t want that!”
“That’s why she said no, you fool!”
Was she right? Damn I have to sort this out and do it now! Alex leapt to his feet and rushed out of the room with the other two following him.
“Don’t forget to wash, Alex!” Dan shouted then laughed as Alex went to run into Kallie’s room.
Frustrated he dashed to the washing area and scrubbed his hands, wrenching a gown from the pile he roughly pulled it on. Then he stormed into the room, slamming against the wall as he opened it. He went to the end of the bed and looked at her pale, startled face. He put both hands on the rail at the end of the bed. Leaning forward, he glared angrily at her.
“You will marry me,” he shouted at her exasperated. “You will wear my collar!”
Her mouth opened, but no sound came out.
“Do you understand?” he demanded. “Answer me now!”
She just kept looking at him as if she didn’t understand the words he was saying.
“Damn, sub!” he shouted. “I should put you over my knee now! I’m waiting!”
Chapter Twenty-one
“Yes,” she whimpered. “Yes, Sir!”
But he could see in her face that she didn’t believe him. Then he noticed her eyes. They were red and swollen. Her cheeks were wet with tears. She’d obviously been crying since he stormed out.
He drooped shamefully. She was still so ill. The tube had only been out for a few hours, and he’d made her worse. He’d screamed at her like a crazy man. He rushed to her side and enveloped her in his arms.
“Oh, Kall, my beautiful Kall, I’m so sorry.”
She turned her head against his chest. He felt the sobs wracking her. He rocked her as best he could, with the drips and monitors on her. He pulled back a little and put a hand under her chin, lifting her face.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t explain, I didn’t do it right, but I love you so much. I want you to be my wife. I never want us to be apart ever again. Please, Kallie, my dearest, please forgive me.”
She nodded through her tears, and he kissed her tenderly. He kissed her, and as he did he felt his heart almost burst from his chest.
So this was love! This was what it felt like to have your heart melt at the touch of the woman you adored when you knew she loved you, too. He finally realised this was the best feeling in the world.
Love!
They sat without moving until Dan and Stacy entered. Stacy grinned at him like a maniac. He looked at her gladly and held out one hand. She took it.
“Thank you, Stace. I love you.”
“Just stop being such a frozen-hearted bastard, Alex, and everything will be fine.”
Kallie looked stunned, as if she couldn’t quite believe everything that happened and Alex thought she really couldn’t. Too much had happened. She was trying to cope with the fact she was still alive and he’d acted like some sort of madman.
Stacy leant over and kissed her, and then Dan did.
“How do you feel?” Dan asked uncertainly.
“I don’t know.”
They laughed at her, but then they all saw a tear trickle down her face then another. It was obviously all too much. Alex tightened his arms around her as she started sobbing again. A doctor came in.
“Are you okay, Ms. Robins, Kallista?” He sounded worried.
She lifted her face and looked at the man. “I don't know.” She wept.
He smiled at her. “I understand. In the morning one of our counsellors will be down to talk to you. Sometimes after such an ordeal it helps to talk it through with someone.”
Kallie nodded.
“I just want to look at your throat and your leg.” He looked at Alex. “Can you move to the other side, please?”
Alex stood and walked around the bed. He took Kallie’s hand thankfully there was no cannula in this one. They all watched as the doctor began to check Kallie’s throat. A nurse came in with a tray and the doctor pulled on gloves while the nurse removed the blanket on Kallie’s leg.
“Kallista, we have to change the dressing on your burn every six or eight hours to prevent infection. Up ’til now, you’ve been unconscious. This will hurt—a lot. I’m sorry. We’ll be as gentle and as quick as we can be.”
Alex was used to seeing this, but the knowledge Kallie would be awake this time and would feel it made him sick. As they watched, the staff soaked her leg for a short while. Then they slowly began to remove the dressing. Kallie blanched, holding her breath. She gripped Alex’s hand tightly. She moaned loudly when the last of the dressing was peeled away. Alex watched as her whitened face dampened in a glossy sheen of perspiration. The pain seemed horrendous, and Alex wondered if she could cope with it.
She glanced down at her leg. The angry red burn looked so awful. The staff began to clean the area and apply creams. Kallie wept in agony. Alex thought she was trying not to scream. She held Alex’s hand so tight now her knuckles were white.
“Not much longer, Kallie.”
“It hurts.” She choked. She gasped and moaned. “Oh God, the pain!”
Alex could feel her shaking through her hand.
“We’ll be as quick as we can.”
The doctor, true to his word, began laying the dressings across the wound. When he finished, Kallie lay back against the pillow, sweating and panting. The doctor told the others the pain would feel like her whole leg were in a raging fire. The nurse took away the tray and when she came back, she injected something into Kallie’s line. The doctor took her pulse as the nurse did her blood pressure.
“Okay, we’ve given you something extra for the pain. It should help. Now I want you to drink and eat. It’s very important, Kallista. We have a catheter in so you won’t have to worry about that end of things. It may not look like it, but your leg is healing well. When you first arrive we debrided it. That means we took off all the dead tissue. There was a concern it may develop into a third-degree burn, but now it’s looking as if that won’t happen.”
Kallie tried to take in all the doctor said, but everyone in the room could see her pain was overriding everything. She nodded listlessly. Alex spoke to the doctor.
“What would have happened if it had?”
“We’d definitely have to do a skin graft. But as I said it’s looking very good, and there is no sign of an infection, which is our biggest concern. Make sure she eats and drinks plenty of fluids. It will help with her recovery.”
Alex nodded. “I will.”
“Those drugs we’ve given her will kick in very soon.”
They both left the room. Stacy looked pale as she came back to the bedside. Dan had his hand on her shoulder. Alex sat back on the edge of the bed and held Kallie’s hand as she lay with her eyes shut. After ten minutes or so, she opened her eyes.
“Better?”
She nodded dully to Alex.
“You have to eat. You still have the Jell-O and custard.” He went to the fridge and got them out.
“Not hungry.”
“You are. You haven’t eaten for six days.” He opened the containers and dug in with a spoon. “Now open.”
Stacy giggled, and Kallie looked over at her and rolled her eyes, but she opened her mouth to let Alex give her a mouthful of food.
“I can feed myself, Alex,” she muttered, annoyed.
“It’s okay. I’ll do it.” He gave her another spoonful. “And I saw the eye roll.”
Dan burst out laughing. “Better watch out, Kall. He’s keeping score. When you get out of here, you won’t be able to sit down for a week.”
Kallie’s eyes widened as she looked from Dan to Alex. Alex had a smug grin on his face.
“You wouldn’t?”
“Wouldn’t I?”
Wisely Kallie ate. The nurse came back in.
“Kallie, is there anything you don’t eat? I’m going to ring through to make sure you get a late meal sent up. Normally they come around about five thirty. Anyway I’ll get something light sent across for you to have tonight.”
Before Kallie could answer, Alex piped up. “No seafood or offal.”
The nurse smiled as she thanked him and left the room.
“Heavens, Alex!”
“What? I know what you don’t eat.”
“I am capable of answering.”
He just ignored her and made her eat the last of the Jell-O before throwing the empty container in the rubbish bin. Stacy looked over at Kallie.
“You sure you want to stay with him? I have a feeling he’s going to drive you crazy.”
“Of course she wants to stay with me.”
Everyone laughed even Kallie. Then she looked soberly at them.
“I was so sure I was going to die.”
Dan reached out and touched her cheek. “We drove up to your house this morning.”
“Is there anything left?”
“Nothing. We don’t know how on earth you and Zeus managed to survive. Even where they found you is just rubble.”
Kallie looked fearfully at Alex. “Is Zeus truly okay?”
Stacy answered. “He is. We’ve seen him. Apparently you and the towels shielded him. He lost some fur on his tail, a small burn, but apart from that he’s fine. They kept him in the vets for a few days just in case.”
“Charlie was picking him up today and taking him home,” Alex added. “He’ll be spoilt rotten by Marie and him.”
Kallie lay back against the pillows again. They could all see how tired she was. Dan, Stacy, and Alex talked among themselves for an hour, mainly about work. A woman came in with a food tray for Kallie, set it on the table, and pulled it across for her. She apologised that it was late but assured her she would get a meal on time in the future.
“I don’t want this.”
“I’ll feed you again, Kallista. You heard the doctor. You have to eat.”
She picked up a fork and began to pick through the food, pushing it from one side of the plate to the other.
“Eat,” Alex warned while getting to his feet. He looked as if he would stand over her, so she began to eat. She obviously couldn’t manage it all, and when she pushed it aside she looked exhausted. Alex moved the table away and brushed her hair with his hand. Kallie closed her eyes briefly.
