I feel like the lowest of the low as we continue on in a tense silence, her happy chatter obliterated. It is for the best. I know this.
But I also know this hurt I feel is one that will never heal.
So be it.
I know my duty. And I will see to it.
No matter the cost.
15
Mei
Traveling back to the tribe takes longer than running away did.
Of course, we didn't stop then because Ryuth was trying to get as far away as possible as fast as possible. So I understand why he'd be cranky coming back here. Attitude I could deal with. I understand.
But the way he’s trying to push me away. . . Did I read the whole situation that wrong? Does the real Ryuth, the one that isn't lost to the bijass, not want me? Did I lose him when he got his memories back?
Do I just have a severe case of Stockholm syndrome? Falling in love with my captor is so Beauty and the Beast. I always did think she was kind of an idiot for falling for the guy who kept her prisoner.
I look over at Ryuth. There are quite a few similarities between him and Beast . . .
No. I'm not wrong or deluded. Yes, he did kidnap me. Took me away against my will. But he's bringing me back, even though he clearly doesn’t want to.
I know how he touched me, how he looked at me. I know I'm not mistaken about that. Or the way he calls me his treasure. He loves me. Or at least cares for me. Which just leaves me so confused.
Why is he trying to distance himself now? Is it because he really is afraid that the Tribe isn't going to accept him? That he's going to have to leave me there while he's exiled?
Or is it something else?
Those same thoughts have been running through my mind the whole way here and I still don't have a clear answer. It's driving me nuts.
We crest a dune and Ryuth brings us to a stop, adjusting his arm around my waist.
There it is. We've made it. Hallelujah. I should feel happier, shouldn’t I?
We're looking down at the wall built to keep danger out, the rock face rising up behind it. People are going about their day, walking along the ramp, going in and out of caves. Everything looks normal enough.
Two Zmaj are guarding the wall. Padraig is on the right. It’s not Padraig I'm worried about, though. I meet Bashir's eyes. Even from this distance, his stance and his bunched-up face show exactly how angry he is.
Forcing a smile to my face, I wave at him.
"Just play it cool," I murmur to Ryuth out of the corner of my mouth. "Everything will be fine."
Ryuth sighs. "I fear that will likely not be the case," he says.
But he does start moving forward with me in tow, his wings giving us enough lift that we almost glide across the sand.
Bashir and Padraig both move forward to block our way as we near the wall, their faces suspicious.
"Halt," Bashir orders, his eyes focused on Ryuth. "What are you doing back here? Missed your prison cell?"
"Are you well, Mei?" Padraig asks, his eyes also on Ryuth but his response more measured.
Of course, he wasn't thrown off a cliff.
"I'm fine," I say quickly, inching even closer to Ryuth, trying to at least partially cover his body with mine. He gives me a hard look and I stop.
Maybe this wasn't the best idea.
"Uh, Ryuth isn't lost to the bijass anymore," I try. "He isn't a danger anymore."
"Forgive me for being skeptical," Bashir retorts, his hands tight around his lochaber. "You were, after all, the one championing him right before he escaped. Violently. With you, I might add."
I really don't know what to say to that. He isn't wrong.
"I understand your reticence," Ryuth says in a low voice, his eyes watchful, his arm around my waist firm. Both the guards' faces reveal their surprise that he’s actually speaking. "I also apologize for making you fly."
Bashir's eyes narrow and he takes a step forward. Good job, Ryuth. That last comment was a jab if I ever heard one.
"What's going on out here?"
I feel Ryuth go still next to me at Ragnar's voice. His arm loosens around me and I take the opportunity to step to the side as the brothers face each other. Now that Ryuth is fully himself again, the resemblance between them is clear.
"Brother," Ryuth says, his voice hoarse as he takes a step forward, his face filled with emotion so painful it's difficult to look at.
Ragnar swallows, his shoulders dropping, face slack with surprise. But he recovers quickly.
"Ryuth," Ragnar responds, his voice low, filled with all that he's feeling.
They stare at each other for a few heartbeats. And then Ragnar strides forward, closing the distance between them in a rush. They meet in a bear hug, their arms wrapped tight around each other. Ryuth's eyes are closed tightly as they hold each other, his expression almost pained.
I blink back tears at the reunion. I'm so glad Ryuth has Ragnar. And I'm so happy Ragnar has his brother back. This is the outcome I'd so hoped for.
Finally, after long moments of just holding on, they pull back from each other, Ragnar smiling from ear to ear. Ryuth smiles back a little more tentatively, but there’s love for his brother shining in his eyes.
"What took you so long to come back to us?" Ragnar demands, mock angry. And I know he means more than the journey from the oasis to here.
Ryuth grins. "I was simply waiting for the correct incentive," he says, his eyes drifting over to me. But then his face sobers. "A lot happened, brother."
Ragnar's face grows solemn. "I know." He slaps Ryuth on the back. "Much has happened to all of us since we have been apart. We will discuss it. All of it. But for now, come inside." He turns Ryuth towards the gate. "Let us welcome you back to the Tribe."
Ryuth takes my hand in his as he passes and I smile, squeezing it. I don't care what he says. He doesn't want me to be with anyone else.
The Tribe is already gathered beyond the wall when we reach the other side. Word travels fast around here. Astrid, Delilah, and Penelope crowd around me right away.
"Oh my God, are you okay?"
"Where did you go?"
"Did he hurt you?"
I laugh as I hug everyone. "I'm fine. We went to an oasis a long way from here. I'm going to have to tell you all about it . . .”
I trail off as I catch sight of Olivia, completely and thoroughly distracted from my train of thought.
Astrid sees where I'm looking and grins. "Yup, there's been a new addition to the Tribe since you've been gone," she confirms.
"Oh," I gasp as I take a step towards the beaming new mom. The baby is a lump held against his mother by a cloth sling. Olivia folds the edge of the fabric down and shows me her child. "Oh, he's gorgeous, Olivia!"
The baby is only a few days old, adorably chubby, round cheeks and sunny smile making me fall in love instantly. Oh, he's so cute! His little wings, the magenta-tinted scales, his teeny-tiny little horns peeking out of his curls.
I reach my hands out and he gurgles happily, coming to me easily.
"Oh, aren't you just the cutest little heartbreaker," I croon, hugging him close. I freeze. "Wait. He is a he, right?" I ask Olivia, suddenly worried I might have called her baby girl a boy.
She laughs, so full of love and joy it makes me grin back at her. "Yes, he's a boy. Little baby boy Malcolm," she says proudly.
I raise my eyebrows at the little baby. "Captain Mal, huh?" I comment, tickling his little chin. "Shiny. Those are some big shoes to fill my friend."
"He will be able to fill any shoes easily," Ragnar comments as he brings Ryuth over. "Isn't your nephew beautiful, brother?"
The whole world goes still. Ryuth is talking, so he's obviously made progress. But I can tell they're worried he might not be fully in control. That he might not be safe around the baby.
What a load of bullshit. Ragnar must think the same. He's obviously proving a point to everyone along with introducing his baby to his uncle.
Everyone holds their collect
ive breaths as Ryuth smiles, holding his finger out for Malcolm to grab in his tiny fist.
"Good strong grip," Ryuth comments, smiling. "You've done well, Ragnar." He leans in to kiss the cutie on his forehead. Malcolm laughs and grabs a handful of his hair, yanking on it. "Ouch!" Ryuth complains. "I forgot how careful one has to be around those tiny hands!"
Everyone laughs around us as Ryuth carefully untangles his hair from chubby little fingers, his touch infinitely gentle. And I know things are going to be okay with the Tribe.
"Come, I'm certain you must be hungry," Ragnar says, pulling us both over to a table that's already half-filled with food, with more being carried over from the food prep area. "Today, we feast for your return Ryuth. Brother of my blood."
Ryuth's smile is a little guarded as he acknowledges the gesture. It makes me frown. Is he trying to put distance between himself and his brother too? What is going on with him? But then we're swept up in the Tribe, everyone wanting to know everything about what happened after we left. And I have to put that thought on the back burner.
"There are waterfalls and this compound that's in ruins. But it must have been a museum or an attraction of some kind when it was built, I'm guessing. And there are bivo herds, and so many plants, and . . . oh, that reminds me! I brought some fruit back for everyone!"
I open up my bag and take out the delicious little things.
"Lychnara!" Ormarr exclaims from farther down the table, grinning in delight. "Where did you find these?"
I smile. "At the oasis we went to. Maybe you know of it . . .”
We eat and talk with the Tribe. Our welcome is warmer than I could have predicted, and I'm grateful for it. It was the right decision to come back here. There's safety in numbers and comfort in them too. For Ryuth as well. I watch as he talks to his brother, to the other Zmaj. This is good for him.
Eventually, the socializing starts to die down as the suns slowly set. I start looking for Ryuth again without even thinking about it. We've been sleeping together every night. It's habit, but more than habit, too. I meet his eyes from across the table where he's talking to a group of Zmaj. Our connection snaps into place. I'm not imagining it. There’s something between us.
I watch as he excuses himself from the conversation he's having and makes his way over to me, his eyes never leaving mine. When he reaches me, he holds his hand out.
"Are you ready to retire?" he murmurs, his eyes warm, steady. Waiting. There's more than an invitation to sleep.
And there’s no decision to make.
I put my hand in his.
He smiles at me, a small, secret smile. Just for me.
I feel the anticipation building already.
He helps me to my feet and I turn to lead the way up the ramp to my quarters. Something about the deliberateness of the act makes it feel more real, more tangible. This is a clear choice we're both making. No ambiguity.
We duck inside the cozy cave. We're alone, but we don't speak. This isn't about talking. Not now.
Ryuth slowly undresses me, his hands lingering on my skin as the cloth slides off to drop to the floor. I return the favor, my hands sliding over his cool skin. I want to touch every inch of him. Have his hands on every part of me. Reconnect in the most primal way, show him that putting distance between us doesn't make sense.
Ryuth leans down and kisses me. Soft, clinging kisses that have me feeling hot all over. Hungry for more.
He lays me down on the furs, his mouth breaking from mine to leave a trail of slow kisses down my neck. Across my breasts. My stomach. Down one leg. And back up the other.
By the time he makes it to where I really want him, I'm so wet and ready that he only licks me once.
And I come.
I cry out as he seals his mouth over my clit, making me ride the waves of the orgasm to the bittersweet end. It's so good. He's so good at pushing my buttons.
And then he slides up my body, his face inches away from mine as he slowly pushes into me. We stay like that, his arms braced on either side of my head, as he rides me slowly. Gently. Tenderly.
This is not just a physical act.
We come together, the sweetness of the moment sinking into me. This is what I want. This connection. He kisses me, his breath coming in pants as he pulls out. And pushes back in with his second erection.
I don't think I can come again so soon, but he proves me wrong once more. He draws a deep, satisfying orgasm out of me with his fingers between us, his mouth on mine, his cock buried deep inside me.
His kiss is deep, wet, demanding as he follows me over the edge, as deep as he can be.
It's almost . . . desperate?
That can't be right.
When he finishes, he drops his head down next to mine, the sound of our breaths echoing around us in the silence. When he carefully pulls out of me, he doesn't meet my eyes as he moves to lie down next to me. Suddenly I feel like he's miles away instead of right next to me.
"Ryuth?" I question as I turn to put my hand on his chest, wanting to regain that connection.
"Hmm?"
His profile is all I can see in the dimness of the cave.
"Is everything . . . fine?" I ask cautiously, not knowing how to ask what I really want to know. Does he not want me?
A pause.
"Yes, of course. Go to sleep, Mei."
I bite my lip at my name. Not my treasure. Mei. I close my eyes, resting my head on his shoulder.
Maybe I'm just imagining things. Or reading too much into them. No man touches a woman like he just did if he doesn't mean it.
Right?
I tell myself that. But it still takes me a long time to fall into a fitful sleep.
16
Ryuth
It takes Mei some time to fall asleep but she finally does, her warm body relaxing into the furs next to me.
I turn to her, letting my eyes drift over her sleeping face. So pretty, my treasure, my cactus flower. But she cannot be mine. The pain of that thought is starting to be a familiar one.
Perhaps it was foolhardy to have her again, to touch her, to taste her. Torture myself with her. The more I have, the more I want. But I could not leave without feeling the warmth of her embrace once more. I needed that last farewell. That last embrace. And now my time with her is truly over.
I look my fill, memorizing her so I can pull out the picture later, when I'm alone. But I cannot lay next to her forever. My duty cannot wait. Mei is safe here now, with the Tribe.
Steeling myself, I slowly slip out of bed, careful not to wake her. It is best if I leave without her knowing. I know I will not be able to lie if she asks where I am going.
I push her hair off her beloved face, allowing myself only that small touch. She frowns, murmuring something in her sleep. But then she settles, drifting off once again.
Goodbye, my sweet treasure.
With one last look, I leave her cave and step out onto the ramp, the final separation wrenching. I clench my jaw. It must be done.
I need to find Ragnar.
As luck would have it, I have only to walk a short distance down the ramp to run into him.
"Hello brother," he greets me, his smile open, welcoming. Just as he welcomed me when we arrived, despite everything. "I thought to come out and take in the beauty of the stars."
At their mention, I look up at the inky black sky, the stars sparkling gems strewn across its expanse. "The night sky always made me feel small. Not significant," I murmur, memories of doing this very thing flooding me.
"And now," Ragnar prods. "Does it make you feel different?"
I shake my head, smiling ruefully. "No. It still makes me feel small. And perhaps that is the beauty of it."
"Hmm. Perhaps."
We stand in companionable silence for some time. I do not know how to the broach the subject I wish to speak of.
"You are with Mei?" Ragnar murmurs. "She is a fine female. I tried my best for you, but I believe she is the reason you have returned to yourself. I owe
her a great debt."
"She is a fine female," I agree. But I leave it at that. The subject is too raw. Too painful. I turn my head to look at Ragnar. He meets my eyes, his attention now on me rather than the sky.
"What is it, Ryuth?" he asks. "What has you looking so worried?"
He has always been sharp-witted.
"I must tell you something," I admit. "And I know you will not like it."
He smiles. "I do not think there is anything you could tell me that would dull the joy of having you back in my life," he says.
"I wish that were true," I say, shaking my head.
"It is true," he insists. He puts a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it in an offer of comfort that only makes me feel even worse about what I must say. "Please. Tell me what has brought you out here, out of your warm bed and away from your female."
I lick my lips, looking out at the vast expanse of the desert laid out in front of us. There is no good way to broach this. I must simply say it.
"I was not fully truthful with you. Before the Devastation."
"In what way?"
The words stick in my throat but I force them out into the open. "I . . . instigated the uprising."
Ragnar's hand drops from my shoulder. "You . . . what?" he whispers, his voice cracking.
"I was trying to destroy the source of the epis," I continue. I must tell him everything. There is no point in drawing this revelation out now that the first slice has been made. "Or we were."
"You . . .” he shakes his head, horrified. I can see it in his eyes. "Epis is the source of life here on Tajss! It is why we live even now, so many years after the Devastation!"
"No, Ragnar. Don't you see that epis was the cause of all the evil here? All the greed, all the strife? It shouldn't have existed at all!"
"You sound like one of those fanatics, Ryuth," Ragnar says, his face hardening. "It was not so simple—is not so simple. The problem was never the epis. It was the people."
I scoff at that. "The problem was the epis," I say. "People are flawed and they always will be. Give them access to something so rare, so valuable, so addicting, and evil will be the result. It is inevitable. Our people were reduced to slaves, we had no purpose besides gathering epis for those who would abuse it."
Dragon's Taming Page 10
