“Are you all right? Really all right? Where were you all this time?” She realized she must have looked like she was gearing up to deliver another slap and softened her features.
“It’s a long story,” Ariana sighed. “And confusing even to me in parts. I’d really rather only tell it once. And Owen needs to tell his part as well.”
“Oh, bloody hell, where is your father?” After a firm squeeze, she dropped Ariana’s hand and ran to the hallway. She found she couldn’t leave her child, not even for a moment. She was frozen in the doorway and finally let out an unladylike bellow toward the stairs. “Julian! She’s back. Hurry and come down.”
Kostya peeped his head out from the library down the hall and his eyes widened when he saw her. She shrugged, not having time for niceties at a moment like this. “Run and fetch him then, if you don’t want me yelling up and down the halls.”
He said something she couldn’t make out to whoever was in the room, probably Owen. Good, Ariana had said he needed to explain some things and she wanted to properly hug him. Though they’d known roughly where he was all this time, no one could help but worry about him being so far away and on his own. And how had he ended up with Ariana?
She waved eagerly for Kostya to hurry up, still unwilling to let Ariana out of her sight. The look on his face should have been as relieved as she was, but if possible, Kostya looked more worried and haggard than before. Was something wrong with Owen?
Before she could ask, he took her by the arm and motioned for her to go back into the breakfast room. She stood firm.
“Is it Owen? Is he hurt?”
“He’s fine. It’s not Owen.”
Well, this didn’t bode well for her relief at all.
With an impatient grimace, he yelled for Serena, who came out of the library. She looked much happier than Kostya. Her eyes were wet with tears but she smiled widely until she realized her husband wanted to tear her away from the reunion with her son. She might have put him off if she hadn’t seen the same look that had Tilly getting worked into an anxious frenzy again.
“It’s Ashford,” he said when he closed the door behind them.
“Father?” Ariana stood up. “What is it?”
Tilly didn’t expect to hear that something was wrong with Ashford and felt her legs begin to buckle. As if sensing it, Ariana reached for her arm.
“He hasn’t been sleeping. He made himself sick from writing those spells, didn’t he?” Tilly made for the door, pulling Ariana with her. Seeing her safe would perk him right up. She immediately knew it was worse than a self-inflicted illness when Kostya held his hand out to stop her.
“He’s not ill, he’s gone.”
Now Tilly’s knees did give out. Ariana cried out, following her to the floor and throwing her arms around her. “It's my fault, all my fault. Mum, what will we do?”
“Stop,” Kostya said. “Dear God, I suppose I shouldn’t have phrased it so bluntly. The idiot’s gone back in time to—” he stopped and leaned over to give Tilly a hard look while Ariana had her head buried in her shoulder. He mimed a throat slashing gesture.
Tilly caught her breath. The relief that he was alive was quickly swallowed whole. “You must be joking,” she said, standing up and dragging Ariana with her. “Your father’s alive, darling. At least until I find him.”
Ariana pieced together what Kostya said before stopping himself so she wouldn’t hear and wiped her face. The poor girl looked as if she’d run three marathons and then been tossed in a raging river. “Did you say he went back in time? But that’s not when I was. I was going forward all this time.”
Tilly sucked in her breath. No matter what they’d done, Ariana had still ended up in the future. Before she could spiral out of control, she concentrated on the fact that Riri was right in front of her, safe and sound if not a little haggard. She’d promised she wouldn’t run away again. But now her husband had run away. She was starting to feel put upon.
“What’s going on?” Serena interrupted. “You don’t mean to say Ashford’s trying to time travel again? It nearly killed him the last time.”
It was Ariana’s turn to gasp. “What do you mean?”
“It’s a spell he made up himself. His sister was the talented one in the family, at least at writing new hexes. He couldn’t get any of the known spells to work so he had to piece one together. And yes, it nearly killed him.” Kostya gave Ariana a stern look, which in that instance Tilly thought she deserved more.
“He did it to come after me,” she admitted. “It’s a long story.” She took a deep breath, trying to think of where to start.
“Cousin Dexter told me all of it,” Ariana said.
“You saw Dex? You went to that future?”
“That was one of them,” she replied sheepishly.
Tilly let it go. Finding Ashford before he did something so incredibly foolish as Kostya had intimated he was going to was more important than pinpointing every date Ariana had traveled to.
“If it’s out in the open that we all know that Ariana went forward, er, both times,” Serena started. “Why would Ashford go to the past?”
“Ariana, why don’t you check in on Maria. Owen was sitting with her, she’s still quite distraught.”
Tilly couldn’t fathom why Maria was with them and didn’t have the mental capacity for it at that moment. Every second they spent explaining things around in circles was another second her stupid, foolish husband was risking his life. She couldn’t have that.
“It’s fine,” she said. “Ariana can stay. I told her no more lies. No more covering up the truth. And—” she stopped.
“And it’s my fault he went.” Ariana straightened her spine. “I’ll go after him. Just tell me when. I’ll have him back in a trice.” Her voice only wavered a little.
She was trying to be brave but Tilly could see the last thing she wanted to do was wander around in time again. For the most part that was good. No, there was no way she’d let Ariana do it again.
“Nonsense. I’ll go,” she said.
Kostya snorted at that. “More nonsense. It will have to be me.”
“We’ll both go then,” Tilly said, actually liking that plan. “One of us should be able to talk some sense into him.” If they found him in time. Or at all. Her stomach rolled over at that thought.
Ariana gaped at them. “You’re both speaking nonsense. Listen, Mum, what about the boys if you and Father both don’t make it back?” She paused to clear her throat, blinking rapidly to try and hide obvious tears. “And Uncle Kostya, this isn’t your doing. It’s my mess and I’ll clean it up.” When Kostya opened his mouth to argue, she held up her hand imperiously. “When was the last time you tried a spell? Any spell, not just the precise art of traversing time?” She looked far too smug for Tilly’s liking but she also had a good point.
“I tried to scry you just last night,” he said weakly.
“Oh, is that how you found me, then?” She snickered and then looked apologetic. “I’m sorry to say it but you’d probably make things worse. You’re out of practice and you’re fearful of it. You’re asking to be killed.”
Serena moaned and sank into a chair, putting her head in her hands on the table. “Why would he do such a thing?”
Kostya looked questioningly at Tilly over Ariana’s head. She nodded at him that it was okay to tell it all.
“He’s gone back to… remove… someone… before he has a chance to meet you.”
Ariana shook her head. “No! He’s going to kill Nick?” At their collective gasp, she frowned. “I know it all. Cousin Dexter told me everything. Now I have to go. I have to go at once, because he can’t kill him. He’s innocent.”
“No, he’s not, Ariana,” Kostya said quietly. “Your mother was there.”
“That time, but not this time. Please, we’re wasting time. Nick had nothing to do with it, he was a victim as well. He’s safely in Italy. Father can not kill him.” Her voice rose with every word to a near hysterical pitch and Til
ly put her arm around her.
“I wouldn’t let him do it,” she said to Ariana. “He wanted to, after we learned what happened to you. Even before he ever knew you, your father wanted to protect you. But I couldn’t let him kill someone who hadn’t done anything yet.”
“He didn’t do anything at all,” Ariana said, scraping her fingers through her tangled hair. She looked so like Ashford in that moment it made Tilly’s heart hurt. She didn’t want to live without any of them, was that too much to ask?
A difficult silence filled the room and Serena lifted her head. “If he’s gone back to a time he already exists, isn’t that dangerous?”
Of course. Of course it was. Tilly had forgotten all about that. “If he gets too close to his younger self, he’ll get sick. He could go mad or even die.”
“Tell me when to go,” Ariana demanded. “There’s no time to waste, especially if I have to get back to London.” She hung her head. “I can’t do a quick travel spell at all.”
Kostya narrowed his eyes and then whooped in triumph. “And your lump of a father— sorry, dear— certainly doesn’t know how to do one either. That should trim the timelines down a bit. We only need to think if Nick and Ashford were ever here at the estate at the same time back in those days.”
“It won’t trim them much,” Serena said. “Nick and Jeremy used to come here all the time.”
Tilly let herself float back in her memories for a moment. She hadn’t known him long but she was already in love with Ashford by the time he brought her to this place for the first time. The circumstances had been dire, he’d been searching for his missing sister. But Serena had insisted on throwing a ball in his honor since he hadn’t been home to Scotland in so long. Nick had showed up, begging for forgiveness and a clean slate. She’d been amused and charmed by him back then, but he couldn’t hold a candle to Ashford. Not that Ashford knew that. It was the first time he’d acted jealous, when he shoved Nick away and told her to only dance with him from that moment forward. It was the first night they’d…
She loved him then and she loved him now, more than ever. She had to have him back, and whole. Because no matter what he thought in his sleep deprived and retribution seeking mind, he wouldn’t be the same if he killed Nick Kerr.
She reached for her firstborn’s hand. “You’re sure you can do it?”
“Positive. I’ve been doing it for months.” She didn’t sound as if she was bragging, but confident she could succeed. Tilly knew then that she had to accept her baby had grown up, no matter how much she hated it. It killed her that she didn’t really have a say anymore. If Ariana was the safest option to get him back, they’d have to take it.
“Then I know exactly when you can find him.”
Chapter 23
Ariana left the room, vaguely stunned at everything. Uncle Kostya looked quite the same as he edged past her into the library. She tiptoed up to see if it was Maria or Owen or both in there and almost got bowled over by Uncle Kostya on his way out again.
“She won’t hear of staying. I think it would be more harmful to keep her here than put her in the carriage back to London. I can’t believe…” His shoulders sagged but he regrouped and gave her a forced smile. “I’ll send Mary or one of the others with her so you needn’t worry.”
Ariana nodded guiltily. He was already off toward the stables and Ariana took a deep breath. She’d almost worked up enough courage to go in when her mother came out of the breakfast room, speaking hurriedly with Aunt Serena.
“I’m certain I have a trunk full of gowns from back then,” Aunt Serena said. “You needn’t worry if you can’t find the specific one you’re thinking of.”
Her mother had a far off, dreamy expression on her face, underlined with worry. “No, I know exactly where it is. I’d never get rid of it.” She tugged on Ariana’s arm as they passed. “Come along. It’ll take at least an hour to get all the grime out of your hair.”
“Maria wants to go home. I’ll just say goodbye to her then meet you up there.”
She understood why she had to get cleaned up some, she was filthy and Lucy was no longer around to keep her shielded. What she didn’t understand was why her mother was so stuck on her wearing a particular dress. A dazed expression met her at the mention of wanting to speak with Maria. Her mother must have completely forgotten she was there. There was still so much to explain. With a slight frown, she and Aunt Serena headed upstairs to hunt for the special gown.
Ariana tried to find some of the ease she’d had when her mother first hugged her and everything seemed like it would be all right. Now everything was worse, if that was possible. She didn’t feel anywhere near the bravado she put forward. Her father was often grumpy, sometimes yelled a bit, but she couldn’t fathom him wanting to kill someone. They’d all seemed so seriously frightened he would do it, which frightened her. If she was too late, he would be a murderer, her mother would be heartbroken beyond repair, and it would all be her fault.
And now she had to try and make amends for being part of getting one of her best friends possessed by a ghost. With a deep breath, she entered the room as quietly as she could.
Owen sat forlornly facing Maria, who had pushed her chair as far as she could from his and pressed herself into the corner of it to boot. She kept her eyes on the wall, resolutely turned away from him.
Ariana cleared her throat, but Maria either didn’t hear her or was ignoring her as well. “I guess you’re leaving straight away?” she asked, cutting a glance at Owen. He shook his head. Maria refused to speak to him as well. “I’m so sorry, Maria. I want to make it up to you if you’ll tell me how.” She watched Maria’s fingers dig into the arms of the chair and her shoulders stiffen. “Please, Maria. You must forgive me.”
At this poor choice of words, Maria whirled in her chair, eyes wild. She tried to work her fingers through her matted curls and laughed, completely without any trace of mirth.
“I must forgive you?” she asked. Her voice was scratchy, perhaps from the tears she’d clearly shed since she was back to herself, perhaps from having Lucy speak through her all these weeks. Ariana repressed a shudder.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” she pleaded, taking a step toward her. Maria shook her head forcefully. Ariana stopped. Maria was definitely herself again. The strange light in the depths of her eyes was gone, but something else had replaced it. A knowledge of something no one should have to know. “I only want to make things right,” she said. Before Maria could answer, Ariana already knew.
“Things will never be right for me again,” she hissed. Owen flinched. She pointed a trembling finger at him but kept her desolate eyes locked on Ariana. “You tried to erase me.”
“No,” he gasped. “That isn’t what—”
It was as if he hadn’t spoken. “You tried to blot out everything I loved and believed in and it killed me. You killed me.”
Owen cried in earnest now, shaking his head and repeating again and again that wasn’t what he wanted to do. He tried to say he loved her but Maria screeched angrily before he could get the words out.
“Don’t you dare. Do not dare. The things I had to endure. Too cold and too hot at the same time. Sometimes seeing, sometimes not. Never able to break free. It was like I was falling endlessly, endlessly and all I could see above me was you. It was torture.”
“She was trying to save you,” Owen said. Ariana really wanted to put her hand over his mouth. He wasn’t helping at all. “She did save you.” He seemed to realize he had admitted to causing her demise, however unwittingly, and clamped his lips together.
Another screech. Ariana flinched now. Not out of fear, but empathy. It was clear Maria was in terrible pain. “She saved me? That creature? That demon? That—”
“It was my sister,” he whispered.
“Enough, enough! Can’t you see how much I hate you? Both of you? I never want to see either one of you again.”
He put his head in his hands and said no more. Ariana rushed to his side an
d dragged him out of his chair. “I’m truly sorry, Maria. We’ll leave you alone now.”
She pushed him ahead of her out of the room, leaning against the wall outside as soon as she closed the door behind them. It took her a moment to get her stomach under control, certain she was about to be sick. Owen looked worse than she felt, if that was possible.
“I’m sorry,” she said. It was as close as she’d been able to get to admitting her part in all of it. “I have to go get cleaned up and changed now.” She wanted to kick herself for following her apology with that nonsense. It made it seem like she was sorry for having to leave him alone in the hall.
He felt the same and raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “That’s your main concern right now? By all means, go have a luxurious bath.”
Taking his arm, she pulled him alongside her as she headed upstairs. “It’s not that. I have to- I have to time travel again.” His eyebrows shot up further, disappearing under his disheveled hair.
“You can’t be serious? After what we’ve been through, after what nearly happened to you because of all that? I would think you’d be off that forever.”
“I’d like to be. Really I would. But my father’s gone and done something foolish.” She cleared her throat. “Because of me. So I have to, as many times as it takes to find him. I’m so tired of being the one who’s ruined everything. I’ll make this right for my mum and brothers if it kills me.”
Owen closed his eyes and huffed out of his nostrils like a horse. “I don’t think you can take all the credit for ruining everything,” he said wryly. She looked down at the floor, unable to meet his eyes. “Well, I can’t let you be killed. Again. I’m coming with you.”
She should have told him no. Unequivocally no. But she didn’t want to be alone, didn’t want to be without Owen again. They never should have split up, she knew that now. If she hadn’t been so selfish, perhaps she could have made things work in Moldavia and they could have properly harnessed their powers. Setting off to to do magic on her own had been the first of many stupid decisions.
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