"The ointment is cold." He complained.
"I know, father. I'm almost done."
Mora's attention flickered to the butterfly. It got left behind when the forest disappeared. He smiled, letting it land on his wrist.
Then Kejal took his hand, smashing the insect into paste.
"Kejal! No, no!"
His outburst made Kejal jump. "Oh! What?"
"You crushed it. Why?"
"I crushed-- father, I'm sorry, I didn't see it there. I'm so sorry. Is it okay?"
Mora wiped the butterfly's pulverized remains on his sheets.
"You visited the forest again, didn't you?" Kejal still looked regretful.
"Mmhmm..." Mora's eyes wandered to the ceiling, where dozens more butterflies roosted.
Suddenly, the butterflies all took off at once. The whisper of their wings surrounded Mora before they flew out his bedroom door to...he had no idea where.
Kejal smiled shakily. He placed a straw in the mug on the table and held it up to Mora's lips. "Here, I made your deka tea."
The hot tea tasted bittersweet the way he liked it. Sucking it through the straw took a lot of energy. The tea went down wrong when he swallowed. He coughed violently, sending spasms of pain through his torso.
"Slowly." Kejal told him. He wiped the tea off Mora's chin and offered another sip.
Mora spat out the straw and closed his eyes. He awoke on the asteroid orbiting his star again. Odo was busily clipping his toenails for him.
How much time passed?
"Doctor Mora," Odo acknowledged him. "You're overdue to have these trimmed."
Nodding, Mora checked his fingernails. They, too, had been groomed.
"Do you remember Aleexa giving you a haircut?"
"No..."
"Ah. Well, she said you needed it."
"Mm. Thank you." Mora replied sleepily.
Odo finished trimming his toenails and set the clipper disk aside. He sat on the edge of the bed, his weight denting the mattress. "Do you need anything?"
Did he realize the entire universe shone in his blue eyes?
Mora reached out. He touched Odo's face. His eyelashes were damp with what could have been. The words he wanted to say came out of their own accord.
"I love you."
Odo seemed to flinch. "Is Leruu behind me?"
"No. I'm saying it to you."
Something in Odo's eyes screamed. A silent cry unheard for far too long.
"Thank you. I uh, I think Aleexa is making something in the kitchen. I should assist her. Excuse me."
He left in a hurry. Starlight trailed behind him.
Tears poured down Mora's face. All at once he felt Leruu's familiar hands stroking his cheek.
"He won't listen to me!" Mora sniffed. He turned his face towards the light of the nearby star.
"He will." Leruu kissed away his tears.
"When?"
She cradled his head on her chest. "When he is ready to believe it."
"Mmh, the pain is getting bad again."
"You'll get medicine in one more hour, my love. Shhh...oh, my beloved...I'm sorry."
"It hurts, Leruu, it hurts."
Her gentle hand squeezed his arm. "I know. It won't hurt forever, my dear husband."
Mora stared at the planet and moon as they spun through the glow of their parent star. He vaguely heard someone whisper his name. No, a dream...then they did it again, and his surroundings transformed once more into his familiar bedroom.
He peered at Kira's face through the haze of pain clouding his mind. At the sight of her, he started to weep. Lately, it was all he seemed to do.
"Oh, Pol." Kira cupped his cheek. The last time Mora saw her, she told him she would stop by the temple on Deep Space Nine and pray on his behalf. He wondered if she remembered.
Maybe it didn't matter.
"Is the pain bad right now?" asked Kira.
Mora nodded once. He hated crying, yet could not spare the energy to stop himself once he started.
"One second." Kira turned to the door. "Aleexa?"
Aleexa's distant reply, "Yes?"
Rather than shout at the other room, Kira walked into the doorway. "Pol is pretty bad in here. Should I dose him?"
"Go ahead. Mark it on his bedside PADD."
Kira followed Aleexa's instructions. Mora groaned when the hypospray hissed. The medicine took ages to touch his misery. Several more minutes passed before he relaxed again. He sensed a cool cloth on his brow.
"Leruu?"
"No, it's still me," whispered Kira. "Is that any better?"
"Uh-huh...thank you."
She washed the evidence of tears off his face.
"Leruu's belly is getting so big," Mora said.
"Is it?" Kira beamed. "Sounds like she'll have the baby soon."
"Mmhmm."
Odo stepped in behind Kira. He rubbed her shoulders and kissed her above the ear. Mora smiled at them together. Then he closed his eyes.
"I gave him more pain medicine. He was suffering." Kira still held Mora's hand between hers. "It's hard to see him like this."
"Two months..." Odo trailed off with a sigh.
Something tightened around Mora's frame. A membrane, strong and fibrous. He sensed it squeezing, and instinctively he knew what it meant if it ruptured.
No! Mora pushed it off. Not yet. You go away!
The tightness disappeared.
Slumber took the membrane's place.
Motion woke him. Someone's arms laid him inside something smooth and cool. The change in position sent pain shooting across his lower back. He groaned and squirmed.
Aleexa bent into his visual field. She smiled tenderly. "Hey, sweetie. You got sick to your stomach in your sleep and I don't think you want to smell like bile. Are you uncomfortable?"
"Yes," Mora answered simply. "Back hurts."
"Don't worry, the water will help. I thought you might like a bath in the tub one more time. It's going to be bed baths after this."
"I don't mind," said Mora.
Warmth flowed over his skin. Aleexa bathed him head to toe and gently washed his hair. It felt so nice he drifted back to sleep before his bath was finished.
Not long after, a familiar heat and scraping echoed through his consciousness. He looked up. Odo was shaving his face for him.
"I couldn't grow facial hair when I was humanoid," Odo remarked. "I grew hair everywhere else...but never my face."
Mora held his upper lip between his teeth. It made shaving under his nose easier. He refocused on Odo's face, which looked almost natural except for the lack of true eyebrows or facial hair.
"Careful of the butterfly," Mora whispered.
Odo stopped moving the razor. "Where is it?"
Mora brushed it off his nose. It joined the swarm roosting on his ceiling. He pretended not to see Odo roll his eyes. The razor resumed its smooth motions, soothing him into slumber.
Faces came and went. Once in awhile, they were followed around by the butterflies from the moon forest. He got upset whenever somebody accidentally smashed one. Did they realize it took ages to pick the remains off his sheets and clothes?
Kejal started 'policing' the visiting butterflies by arranging flowers in a vase on the windowsill. The insects landed there instead of on people, and the accidental killings stopped.
Mora noticed someone in bed with him. He wrapped his arm around the presence.
"It's me, father." Kejal kissed Mora's cheek.
"I love you," Mora whispered before letting his eyes lose focus again.
Hands rubbed his upper arms. "I love you, too. I know you're still in there, and I'm going to take care of you as long as you need me."
Mora wasn't sure whether he thanked him out loud or not.
"The fireflies like you," he said.
"Oh?" Kejal smiled. "How many are there?"
Mora showed him six fingers. He couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, but he still saw the fireflies through his closed eyelids.
&nb
sp; "Do you want me to sing for you?"
"Mmhmm."
Delighted, Kejal pulled Mora close and sang softly against the top of his head. His gentle tenor voice lifted Mora into a place of pure, white light. There was no pain, no sickness-- only love and peace.
Mora hugged Kejal tighter, keeping his voice close. He glided past people he knew long ago. Flickering beings surrounded them. Such beauty beyond imagining...
Kejal's song ended. The brilliance withdrew like fog and Mora found himself in his bedroom again.
"Did you dream?" asked Kejal. "You look like you saw something amazing."
"Yes. I saw where I will go." Mora trembled. "It's so beautiful there. It's so beautiful."
Kejal kissed his hairline. "Go back to sleep. Maybe you'll dream about it again."
"I..." His bladder complained. Lately it emptied every time he felt an urge. This time, it didn't. He squirmed. "Need to make water."
"Go ahead. You're wearing something to keep you dry."
Clarity crystallized in Mora's mind. He shook his head. "I want to use the commode."
"Why?"
"Because men stand up to urinate, and I want to do this like a proper man!"
"All right. Okay. Shhh, it's fine. I'll assist you," Kejal said. He helped Mora stand up, unhooked the briefs and pulled the commode closer. "I promise not to watch. I'm closing my eyes."
"No. You can help me by leaving me alone for a moment. I want my privacy."
Understanding dawned in Kejal's eyes and he quietly stepped out. He closed the bedroom door behind him.
Mora swore his organs were rough bricks rubbing together against his muscles and nerves. He gathered the bottom of his nightshirt in his left hand, aimed himself with his right and relaxed.
It burned on the way out, but the relief curled his toes.
When he finished, he jiggled himself, tucked everything in and Kejal returned to lay him down. He glimpsed brownish-purple fluid in the commode before the transporter beams emptied it.
Time kept getting away. Hours passed in seconds, and seconds passed in hours. He remained half-aware even when he slept.
Rustling noises brought him back. Stars-- the correct ones-- twinkled outside the window. He was being repositioned on his right side in bed. The person doing it placed a soft body pillow behind his back and tucked another one between his knees.
He looked up when the presence slipped a washcloth under his cheek.
Odo smiled a little. "I didn't mean to wake you. You were having trouble breathing on your back. Are you comfortable?"
Mora indicated the affirmative. He reached behind him and squeezed the body pillow that somehow hugged the shape of his back perfectly.
Odo noticed his movement. His expression softened. "That's Kejal. He wanted to be your pillow tonight."
That made Mora chuckle. He had so much he wanted to say, and not enough energy for saying it. Words were so complicated. They got in the way. They mucked everything up.
He offered his hand instead.
Odo took it. His fingers were cool. He'd been outside.
Mora's entire body reacted to the chill. Goosebumps prickled his skin.
"I took the shape of Kejal's deka tree. Tonight was my third time," said Odo. "He's right. Trees do know things. They recognize the sun. They know whether the air is warm or cold. They sense their environment. Being a tree is probably one of the most peaceful shapes I've taken so far."
Mora noticed the forest fading in around Odo. No rain this time. An abundance of grasshoppers took its place. Bright yellow and green ones bigger than his thumb. He frowned, shooing them off his pillow.
"Doctor Mora?" Odo's voice sounded distant. "Is everything all right?"
The grasshoppers went away. Nearby, Leruu leaned on the trunk of a large, bushy tree.
"Odo," Mora forced his voice to work.
"Yes?"
"I love you."
.o
Those three words again. Odo's inner substance churned at hearing them. They were the only words Doctor Mora seemed to say to him, and he hadn't said much over the past twenty six hours. What kept possessing him to repeat himself like that?
Odo wanted to leave the room, yet Doctor Mora still held onto his hand. Making him let go would be cruel.
"Thank you," Odo said, keeping his tone neutral. "Do you want some water? Here." He grabbed the water glass and guided the straw between Doctor Mora's lips.
No response.
"Are you thirsty?"
Doctor Mora let go of Odo's hand and slapped the glass away. The spill proof lid was the only reason water didn't splatter across the floor.
"I love you," he said again. His eyes held nothing but sincerity.
Odo put the glass on the bedside table and rushed out of the bedroom. He almost ran over Aleexa in his haste to escape from himself.
"Oh!" Aleexa covered her tea mug to avoid a spill. "Excuse me, I didn't see-- Odo?" She put the mug on the kitchen counter. "Odo, no, don't run off. Sit down. Talk to me."
Odo didn't realize how late it was until he noticed Aleexa wearing a long knitted purple robe with black flannel pants underneath.
"He hardly talks anymore." Odo shook his head. "Except to say he loves me."
"Oh." Aleexa sat next to him.
"Why? Why?"
"Because he means it."
"It doesn't make sense."
"Odo, everything is falling away. His energy is focusing on releasing his pagh. It's just like labor. You said you reached a point where you didn't want to talk much. Pol is at that point now. He can't lie to you. He won't say anything that isn't important in some form or another, even if it sounds like nonsense to you."
"I want to believe him, but I can't...I can't! Dammit!" Odo's eyes and nose ached. He soothed it by rubbing them.
"Maybe you need a good cry." Aleexa whispered. "You seem to hold onto so much pain. It's not good for you."
"My people can't shed tears. Ironic, isn't it?"
"You didn't cry while you were a humanoid?"
"No. Um, where is Nerys?"
"Asleep. She fell asleep waiting up for you. I thought it best not to disturb her."
"Ah. No, let's not wake her."
"You stay put. I'm going to check on Pol. We'll talk when I come back."
Odo rested his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands.
"Hey, sweetie. It's Aleexa. I'm just checking you over." Aleexa's voice filtered through the bedroom door. She reappeared a few minutes later. "He's asleep."
Shrugging, Odo stared at his palms. "I know Doctor Mora told you all about me, but have you heard my side of it?"
Aleexa hooked her finger through the loop of her tea mug. She rejoined Odo on the couch. "No, you never told me."
"I don't like to talk about it, but..." Odo clasped his fingers together and laid it all out. He spared no details. In about two hours, Aleexa knew as much as Kira.
"...and I can't reconcile the image of who he was with who he is." Odo said. Then he looked Aleexa dead in the eyes. "Just once, after I left the lab, I hoped he would drop dead. I took it back immediately, but a part of me wonders-- "
"No. Odo, no, you did not cause this. It's a disease. A rare and ugly disease." She wrapped her strong Talaxian hand around his wrist. Her touch didn't bring him the ripple of pleasure he felt from Kira. "Hold my hand and listen to me."
He obeyed, reluctantly.
Aleexa tapped on his knuckles. "You're struggling to make sense of this. You want to see the man you're familiar with, and instead you see him as he is now." She made a wiping motion. "That's his past self. It's changed, and so has he. Stop seeing the past when you look at him. Look only at the present. He hurt you, and you acknowledge that it wasn't intentional. It's time to forgive."
"I wish it were that easy, Aleexa."
She sipped her tea. "Odo, I grew up in an abusive foster home. Then I watched the woman who raised me die of cancer. It ravaged her body, and I was the only person qualified to tak
e care of her. I know what you're thinking. One part of you says, 'Good, hurry up and get out of my life!' and the other part of you still cares enough to put it aside and help. And an even smaller part always longs to say things you've never told anyone else."
"Did you...?"
"Yes." Aleexa stared at the rim of her mug. "We reconciled and forgave, and I had no regrets when she passed away. She was Bajoran...her name was Entil Voana. She grew up during the Occupation, and I think it hardened her heart so much she became hateful. She thought her hate caused the cancer in the first place." She swirled her tea and finished it off. "Pol will make it clear when it's time to talk. Don't miss it, Odo. Whatever you do, pay attention."
Nodding, Odo sat back on the couch and stared at the edge of the sand mandala. In the dark, it appeared in tones of gray and black, barely distinguishable for what it really was.
"Don't stay up on my account. I can see you yawning." Odo smiled wryly. "I don't need to regenerate for another three hours. Nerys will likely get up and take over."
"All right. Wake me if you need anything."
The air in the empty room weighed on Odo's shoulders.
Doctor Mora remained unconscious all day the next day. Kejal puttered around in the garden. Kira sat with Odo while he stayed close by Doctor Mora's bedside.
Sometime around noon, Doctor Mora developed an awful nosebleed. Odo glanced up and found him with his face covered in red rivulets. The bleeding ruined four washcloths before it stopped.
Kira helped Odo clean up the blood. Fortunately, none of it got on Doctor Mora's nightshirt.
"He looks peaceful now," Kira said, taking Odo's hand.
Doctor Mora rested on his left side. Not quite snoring, but not breathing quietly either. His face looked so thin and his lips cracked where they touched his teeth. Kejal was liberal with the lip balm to control it.
Kira lifted the blankets off Doctor Mora's legs and massaged his feet. Her ministrations generated no response.
"Nerys?"
"His feet are so cold. Feel them."
Odo gasped. Doctor Mora's feet felt as chilled as the outdoor winter air. His toenails had a blue tinge that wasn't there yesterday, and his toes curled downward at an unnatural angle.
"Are his feet ticklish?"
"Yes."
Kira tickled one. Doctor Mora pulled his foot back without opening his eyes. Just like that!
Beginning: A Star Trek Novel (New Frontier Reloaded Book 2) Page 25
