Now, he was watching it all happening in reverse. It pained him in ways he never imagined. Why did he wait to say what needed saying? Why couldn't they talk while they had time? Why did he let his bitterness stand in the way for so long?
Kejal moved to the edge of the bed.
"I know what he's waiting for."
"What?" Odo stirred from his reverie. "Kejal, don't reposition him again."
"I'm not. Just watch." Kejal bent and gave Doctor Mora a hug. "He needs his hug. Nobody leaves without getting one, remember?"
A shiver ran through Doctor Mora's body. Odo saw him blink and look at Kejal. Did that really happen, or was he imagining it?
"Hey, father...you're going the wrong way. Are you lost?" Kejal tried to smile, but his lips quivered instead. "It's okay. Step-mother will be here soon to guide you."
Doctor Mora blinked slowly. His left hand patted Kejal's knee. He moved his eyes to focus on Odo. Something profound and intangible reached out through his gaze.
"Hug him, mother," whispered Kejal.
Odo climbed onto the bed without question. His arms overlapped Kejal's.
Tears spilled down Doctor Mora's cheeks. Odo brushed them away and shed one of his own in solidarity.
Because, now, he could.
Their eyes met again. No words were needed.
Finally, Doctor Mora's attention focused just above the foot of his bed. His eyebrows went up and his eyes reflected a light not present in the room. He uncurled his right index finger to point towards his feet.
"Is she here? I told you she'd come!" Kejal's face practically lit up with hope. "Go to her, father!"
Doctor Mora's eyes widened. He gurgled and tried to sit up. Odo and Kejal stopped him.
"You have to leave your body behind. You don't need it anymore." Kejal glanced at Odo and his brown eyes held a strength reminiscent of Kira. "Your work here is finished. We'll be fine. You can go now. It's okay. You can go."
He met Odo's gaze and nodded towards the ailing man, mouthing, "Tell him."
"Everything is in order." Odo stammered, completely at a loss for what to say. He never was good at things like this. "You've done all you can. It's time to rest. I won't leave your side. I promise."
Doctor Mora stared intently at the foot of his bed. His eyes drifted halfway shut and his lips went from blue to white to grayish-purple in a span of seconds. Odo found the sudden changes alarming, yet he couldn't look away.
"There...now you're going the right way." Kejal murmured. He kissed Doctor Mora's cheek and stroked his jaw. "You'll be in the light soon, father."
Odo watched the remaining color drain out of Doctor Mora's skin. His breathing slowed to a shallow breath every thirty seconds. The way his tongue and throat flexed looked so mechanical. The awful, congested rasps of his exhalations grew even louder.
Sadness stung in Odo's eyes. He wanted to flee from that awful sound. Knowing his mentor's suffering neared its end became his only solace. He clung tightly to his single-minded wish for a painless passing.
"I'm still by your side, Doctor Mora, and I'm not going anywhere. Never again," he said. "If you can still hear me, listen...I'm right here. You have nothing to worry about. Relax...just relax."
Doctor Mora's ears, fingers and eyelids went purple.
"Everything is fine." Odo spoke softly. "It's time to rest now. Relax. Just relax."
He rubbed his thumb in circles around Doctor Mora's palm. Hoping to comfort him in the face of his impending oblivion.
"It's all right. Your discomfort will end soon. Very soon now..."
Another quick inhale followed by a long exhale.
"Let it happen, Doctor Mora. Don't think. Relax and let it happen..."
Doctor Mora's neck muscles clenched and went slack.
"No. No, don't struggle. Please, just relax. I'm right here..."
His jaw twitched.
"...That's it. Relax. You're doing fine..."
The room became silent.
"...It's all right. I'm here. I'm right here..."
"Mother?"
Odo focused on his son.
Kejal's eyes glistened in the dim lamplight. "He's not breathing anymore."
Time hiccupped the same way it did for Kejal's birth. Nothing moved or made a sound. There was no more struggle for air. How could such a profound moment be so natural and unremarkable? The weight of it crashed into Odo like a planet-killing asteroid. He straightened and stared at Doctor Mora's face.
"Doctor Mora?" Odo blinked in disbelief. "Is he...?"
"Not yet." Kejal said. He rubbed Doctor Mora's chest. "He said I'll know when his pagh leaves. Brain death takes three minutes without oxygen. Maybe he's waiting for that. Let's wait three minutes, mother. Please." He closed his fists. "Three minutes. I'm counting on you, father."
Odo released Doctor Mora's hand and grasped Kejal's instead.
Three minutes won't make any difference, he thought morosely. There won't be a grand sign from beyond. It's all false hope and everyone is deluding themselves. His suffering is over, and that is all that matters.
Kejal hid his face against Doctor Mora's neck. Odo mirrored his son's pose. They stayed that way in silence, both embracing the person who shaped their lives.
Several moments later, Odo felt a chill run down his back. He noticed a tiny stain on the pillow.
"Kejal, is his left ear bleeding?"
"Huh? No." Kejal gasped, wide-eyed. "He did it! His pagh is free!" He hugged Doctor Mora closer, looking up towards the ceiling. "I knew you could do it, father! It's okay now. Everything is okay. Have a safe journey."
"Kejal?"
"He's on his way to the Celestial Temple. He's gone now. Oh, father...I love you so much." Kejal nuzzled Doctor Mora's shoulder. He stopped short. "Um, mother? His nose..."
Odo straightened. "What now?"
Blood oozed out of Doctor Mora's nostrils. More filled his mouth to overflowing. Dark yellowish-red rivulets dribbled onto his white nightshirt.
The peaceful moment shattered into something hellish.
"Doctor Mora!" Odo recoiled in horror.
Kejal grabbed four towels but they weren't enough to contain the mess. He snatched the bowl meant for catching vomit and bent Doctor Mora's head over it.
Odo heard the ping-ping of blood hitting the metal bowl. He grimaced. "I'm calling Aleexa."
"Mother, no. I've got it." Kejal said. Nothing about his body language expressed fear. How could he be so calm at a time like this?
Odo's inner substance turned over. He gripped the altar of the prayer shrine. His fingernails cut deeply into the wood as he clung on for dear life.
Kejal started mumbling more prayers...a bunch of useless incantations directed at wormhole aliens who didn't care! Hearing it almost made Odo knock over the prayer mandala in rage, but respect for Kejal's faith stopped his hand. He asked Doctor Mora to teach Kejal about the Prophets and he had no right to tear those beliefs down, no matter how unrealistic they were.
Merciful gods indeed.
When Odo regained control of himself, he faced the bed again.
Four stained towels surrounded Doctor Mora's pallid, crimson-streaked face. His pupils were dilated like black holes.
The bleeding finally stopped. Kejal set the bowl aside and began systemically removing the soiled towels.
"What happened?" Odo asked.
"I don't know, but I'm going to clean him up. He wouldn't want anyone seeing him like this." Kejal replied. He asked the replicator for a basin of soapy water, cradled Doctor Mora's head in the crook of his arm and tenderly washed his face. Afterward, he dried Doctor Mora off and set aside the washbasin.
"There." He got rid of the cushion propping up Doctor Mora's arthritic knee and repositioned his head on the semicircular pillow. Every motion was performed with utter love and reverence. "I miss you already." He adjusted the mattress to lay flat and smoothed Doctor Mora's rumpled hair. "Mother, I think his pagh went right past you."
The statem
ent dug at Odo's rawest wound. Moments ago, the body on the bed was a brilliant scientist renowned throughout Bajor and Starfleet for discovering the first Changeling. Now...he'd become a corpse destined to decompose.
"No..." His eyes stayed bolted to the bloodstained nightshirt. Something cold opened deep in his chest. He wanted a re-do without the bleeding. "This is wrong."
"Mother? What's the matter?"
"Everything." Odo choked out. The rising panic wouldn't abate. He tapped his combadge. "Aleexa!"
"I'm right here." Aleexa stopped in the doorway at the sight of Doctor Mora. "Oh, bless his heart." She finished tying her robe and checked her tricorder. The slight shake of her head made it official.
"That wasn't peaceful!" Odo exploded over the emptiness in his chest. He pointed at Doctor Mora's face. "He drowned in his own blood! You said he wasn't suffering!"
"Mother!" Kejal gasped. "And you tell me I'm immature."
"Kejal, I'll handle this." Aleexa came further into the room. "Odo..."
Odo clenched his teeth and held up a hand to halt her.
"Odo, listen to me. Did the blood look foamy?"
"No. It was dark in color."
"Then it wasn't from his lungs." Aleexa scanned Doctor Mora with her tricorder and showed him the screen. "See? His lungs are clear. Odo, look."
Odo stared at the image of two lifeless lungs bearing no abnormalities other than mucus in the bronchial tubes. The heart nestled between them stood still with all its valves pulled wide open. He saw similar images a few times when scanning Bajoran murder victims. It let him estimate the time of death. Regardless of temperature or the kill method, Bajoran hearts stayed relaxed for twelve hours before they contracted into a tight ball.
But this was Doctor Mora's heart, and it wasn't beating anymore.
"Then where did it come from?" Odo asked. "And why was there so much? Look at this!" He gestured at the bowl and bloody linens piled up on the bedside table.
Aleexa's eyes glistened. She ran another, more detailed tricorder scan. "It came from his esophagus. I've never seen this happen before myself, but it isn't unheard of with Delfeya syndrome. He was already gone when he bled, Odo."
"How can you be sure?"
"Bleeding of this sort only happens after the heart stops." Her voice remained calm. "I will let you see my full report when I chart it."
"Don't leave anything out." Odo said brusquely.
She touched his hand. This time, he let her.
"He loved you," she whispered.
"I know. W-we talked...I know." Odo mimicked a swallow. "I-I'm sorry for my outburst." He sat down again, trembling and embarrassed. "Please, I didn't mean to doubt you. You did nothing wrong. I thought-- no, no excuses. I'm sorry."
"Shhh, Odo. Everybody reacts differently. I had no idea he would bleed like that. Please remember, it happened after he died and he never felt it. He didn't suffer." Aleexa gave Odo's shoulder a squeeze. "Do you need to talk about what you saw?"
"No." Odo groused.
"All right. When you're ready." Aleexa said without taking offense at his tone. She got rid of the bloodied objects on the bedside table and gently approached Kejal. "Kejal?"
"I'm okay. Father promised to let me know his pagh escaped, and he kept it!" Kejal dropped his voice to a whisper. "He did it, Aleexa. He's flying now. No more pain."
"No more pain." Aleexa agreed. She patted his arm and kissed the side of his head. "Looks like you're still saying goodbye. I'll leave you to it unless you want me to help with-- you don't? That's fine. Call me if you need any assistance."
"Thank you," said Kejal.
Aleexa sniffed and bent to kiss Doctor Mora's forehead. She did a remarkable job of holding her emotions in check. "Now you're at peace, sweetheart. Good night."
At the door, she offered a respectful nod and keyed the code to close it.
Odo stared at the cooling body lying in the bed. The cold, empty space in his chest grew heavier, making his whole being feel numb. How long before it swallowed him up?
What is the use of life if it disappears as soon as someone expires? Hmph, I suppose it doesn't matter to Doctor Mora anymore.
"Mother? Are you okay?"
"Hm? I was just-- thinking." Odo passed his palm over Doctor Mora's eyelids. They wouldn't stay shut. His cheeks felt waxy and cool. "His body needs to be tended to."
"In a little while." Kejal didn't budge an inch. "I don't want to disturb him yet. Look how peaceful he is."
"Peaceful...yes, I suppose."
Odo took Doctor Mora's hand again. He thought he was ready to witness this. He'd prepared himself to move on. He never expected pain.
"I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do." Odo whispered, rubbing the former scientist's limp, purple fingers in a last-ditch attempt to warm them up. When no answer came, he solemnly laid Doctor Mora's hand down on his chest.
Now it felt real.
Kejal shifted Doctor Mora's hand into a more relaxed position. How could he lay there and embrace his lifeless corpse like that? How could he smile?
"He was in our arms." Kejal said softly. "He felt safe enough to die in our arms."
"Don't say things like that."
"Why, mother? It's true. Come, lay with him a little while."
"Later...after he's cleaned up." Because his nightshirt is still bloody, and that's all I can see right now.
Someday, Kira would take her last breath.
Odo frowned at his thoughts. He shook them away. Doing was the only way to stop his mind from twisting itself in knots.
"Where is his old lab tunic?"
"In the closet behind the winter robe."
Odo found the garments in a bag. He hung them on the hook next to the closet door. He turned and grasped Kejal's shoulder. "Let me know if you need me."
Kejal nodded once. "Thank you, mother."
Odo quietly exited the room. The void in his chest refused to go away.
Kira stood outside the door. She looked disheveled and groggy, having awoken only moments before.
"I was coming in to check on you. Aleexa told me Pol just died. Are you all right?"
"Nerys, I'm fi-- no. No, I'm not."
"Odo?" She was suddenly wide awake. "What happened?"
Odo shook his head and walked right past her. He headed out the front door. His legs kept moving until he stood upon the cold ground next to Leruu's burial arch.
"Odo? Odo!" Kira followed him. "Talk to me, Odo!"
"I can't."
Cloaked by darkness, Odo formed a shovel out of his substance and let it bite into soft, grassy dirt. He dug and dug. All his rage went into the shovel, but the hole never matched the emptiness in his chest.
"Odo!" Kira shouted. "Dammit, stop digging!"
"Let me do this!" Odo snarled back. He returned to the task at hand. Some of the dirt he tossed aside fell back into the grave, dirtying his face and hair. His legs were covered in soil. He didn't care.
Kira jumped into the hole and wrenched the shovel out of his hands. It turned back into Changeling cytoplasm. They both watched it merge with his shoulder.
"Talk to me," she said.
Sighing, Odo wrapped his arms around Kira and hugged her close to his chest. Her heartbeat brought sensation to the numb part of his being.
Jeraddo rode high in the sky, offering enough light to see Kira's face so clearly. He saw the march of time on her skin and in her hair.
Every second counted down her lifetime. Each beat of her heart was precious.
"I watched him die, Nerys."
Kira rubbed his back and kissed his cheek. "Your being there meant a lot to him. Was Kejal in the room, too?"
"Yes. He's still with him. I think he wants to be alone for awhile."
"That's fine." Her breath tingled across his neck. She pressed closer to him for warmth. "I'm sorry, Odo."
Odo closed his eyes. Life was so fragile and short. How much of hers did he waste by not saying what he should have said? If what his Gaia count
erpart said was true...the alternative seemed unthinkable.
He brushed his lips against the soft shell of her ear, whispering, "I love you, Nerys."
Kira's grip on his arms tightened. "I love you too, Odo."
He kissed the top of her head. His breath, or what passed for it, hitched in his throat.
"Let's get out of this grave." Odo formed himself into a ladder. Kira climbed up and lifted him onto the ground next to her, where he resumed his humanoid shape. They sat together, their feet dangling into the hole.
She made him look at her. "Something's bothering you. I'm not leaving until you tell me what it is."
Odo gave in and told her exactly what he saw. The horror of the blood. He doubted Doctor Mora's final seconds were peaceful, regardless of what Kejal or Aleexa said.
"...and I wish I hadn't witnessed it. I can't think of him without seeing his face covered in blood. It's going to haunt me forever." He grimaced. "I've seen less gruesome murders."
"I know. You're in shock right now." Kira wrapped her arms around him. When she spoke, her voice cracked. "But each time that ugly memory comes up in your mind, find a good one to counter it."
"Does it help you?"
She smiled a little. "Every time."
"Then..." He sighed, rubbing her hands with his thumbs. "Five minutes before the end, he looked at us. He just...looked at us like he was saying goodbye with his eyes. Then he stared at the foot of his bed and pointed at something. Kejal is convinced he saw Leruu waiting to take him away. He closed his eyes and died right after that."
"Maybe he did see his wife." Kira pressed her hand against his chest. "There you go, Odo. Make that your last memory of him."
He cringed. "I wish it was that easy."
"Give it time," she whispered. "The hard part is over for Pol."
"But not for me." Odo replied.
Kira's eyes flickered at his words. She leaned into his embrace without another word.
Finally, Odo stood and offered her his hand.
"You should go back to bed," he said. "Tomorrow is going to be a rough day."
Kira let him help her up. "Will you be okay?"
"I...need time."
When they started towards the house again, Odo saw the light still on in the bedroom. In its glow, Kejal gently tended to Doctor Mora's dead body.
Beginning: A Star Trek Novel (New Frontier Reloaded Book 2) Page 29
