There was an abundance of equipment for keeping infants happy. Papasan infant seat on a frame. Soothing Motions glider. Cradle swing with batteries to keep it moving. He was skeptical of the Jumperoo, a circular frame with a seat in the center.
It was green. “I like the color, but am philosophically opposed to the concept.”
“In what way?” she asked.
“Babies need to be free to move around and develop large-muscle skills. If they’re confined in something like this for too long a period of time, that can’t happen.”
Em looked at him. “Annie’s pediatrician warned me about that.”
“Great minds,” he said.
They walked up and down several aisles filled with clothes, bottles, nursing pillows and racks of tiny nail clippers, thermometers and plastic baby bottles. Emily stopped and picked up some sort of sling. There was a tender look on her face.
“I had one of these,” she said.
He’d seen new mothers with them and the infant swaddled close to their body. “Did it work for you?”
“Keeps the baby close and hands free,” she said softly. “I can’t believe she’s too big for it now. Seems like yesterday she was tiny enough to tie her to me or put her down and I’d know where she was when I came back. Now she’s all over the place and into everything.”
“While we’re here, maybe we should get some of this stuff so I can safety proof your place and mine.”
“Okay.”
They passed strollers, cribs, furniture and finally stopped in the toy section. There was a Melodies & Lights Gym floor pad with a tentlike frame containing hanging toys and spinning butterflies that fit over it. Then he spotted two things he had to get.
Cal picked up a red-plastic medical case and read the contents: blue disposable gloves, neon bandages, two-by-two gauze pads, antiseptic wipes and hand gels.
“It’s a doctor kit. Mitch will get a kick out of this even if the little guy is too young to appreciate it.” He grabbed two more.
“You’re buying three?” Em looked puzzled. “Is one for Annie?”
“Yeah,” he said. “And I think Henry might like one, too.”
“Very sweet of you.”
“I’m glad you approve. And before you say anything I’m planning to get something for Oscar or it wouldn’t be fair.” He went to a display of T-shirts for new parents and looked them over. One had the Superman design with the word Dad inside it. Another said New Dad. And he picked up the winner that proclaimed Dad Survived Delivery. “I’m getting this for Mitch. He’s been a basket case waiting for Sam to have that baby.”
“It’s pretty exciting—” She stopped and before she turned away he thought there was a sheen of tears in her eyes.
“Em?” Cal saw her shoulders tense. “What is it? And don’t say it’s nothing because you’ve been acting weird since we got in the car.”
“It’s just—” She turned and rubbed a finger beneath her nose.
“Seriously. I’m not kidding.” He’d have pointed a finger at her but his hands were full. “What’s bothering you?”
“Looking at all this stuff makes me sad.”
He glanced around at the pastel and bright primary colors, the soft cheery wall hangings along with baby blankets and was mystified. “Why? In addition to Disneyland, this has got to be one of the happiest places on earth.”
“Not the last time I was here.” She sighed and sad eyes looked into his. “I was pregnant and alone. My fault. I get that.”
He hadn’t brought her along for revenge. He was way over that now. Being a dad to Annie left no energy for anything but moving forward, wherever that took him. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I know.” She shrugged. “I can’t help it. You’re not the only one who missed out. Bringing Annie into the world was amazing, but it would have been so much richer in memories if you’d shared the experience with me.”
“Okay. Here’s what we’re going to do.” He set down the medical kits and T-shirt, then nudged her chin up with his knuckle. “We both made mistakes, but right here, right now we put the past away and start fresh. We start sharing the experience of raising our daughter. You and me—we’re going to pick out something for her together.”
“I think that’s a great idea.” Em brushed away a tear from the corner of her eye and smiled.
She looked so beautiful at that moment. His chest got tight and his pulse throbbed. Making peace with her wasn’t problem free. Parenting together meant spending time with Em as well as his daughter. Annie was a joy. The magnitude of his wanting for Em was not.
God help him, it was like waiting for the other shoe to fall. Again.
Chapter Eleven
Emily could understand why Cal had asked her to help him shop for a baby gift, but the invitation to tag along when he delivered it was beyond her ability to rationalize. All she could think was that he wanted to show off Annie and didn’t trust himself alone with her yet. However, the confidence he displayed while holding newborn Lucas Tenney could make a case for her being wrong, which she very much wanted to be. A very large part of her wanted to believe he’d asked her to come along because he liked spending time with her.
The couple had recently bought a new house in the McDonald Highlands development in Henderson. It was a sprawling two-story with curving staircases and panoramic views of the golf course from the plush green sectional where they were gathered in the family room. Gift paper littered the floor as Samantha Ryan Tenney eagerly and enthusiastically ripped into the gifts Cal had brought.
The brown-eyed blonde held up the toy medical kit. “Look, Mitch. This is too cute.”
Her dark-haired husband laughed. “Yeah, nothing like putting pressure on the kid to follow in his father’s footsteps.”
“It’s not a bad life.” Cal looked around at the high ceiling, river-rock fireplace and huge kitchen with stainless-steel appliances. “You’re doing okay. And with the practice expanding, we stand to be pretty successful.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” Mitch protested. “I love what I do. It’s about time the south valley had a facility and they finally will with Mercy Medical Center finishing construction on the third campus.”
“It won’t be long until the structure is ready, but that’s the easy part,” Cal said.
“It doesn’t look easy,” Emily commented. “I’ve been by the construction on the 215 and Durango and it looks pretty complicated.”
“That’s all about building codes and passing fire department specifications.” Mitch shook his head. “After that it’s getting down to the nitty gritty details of policies, procedures and protocols. Budget. Equipment. Before that they need to pass inspections and get certification for radiology, blood gas lab. The personnel needs to be in place. Our own Jake Andrews is a candidate for Trauma Medical Coordinator.”
“You didn’t tell me that,” Sam said, surprised.
Mitch indicated his son. “I’ve had a few other things on my mind.”
“Like birth?” she said, one eyebrow arching. “That must have been hard on you.”
“It was. Cal knows,” he said, his expression pleading with his partner for backup. “I was checking my beeper constantly, waiting for the call.”
“Poor you. That was just as mentally challenging as waiting for your water to break and labor contractions to start.”
“A little help, buddy. Change the subject,” Mitch pleaded, holding up the toy medical kit.
“I got Annie one, too,” Cal said without missing a beat. He was standing with the sleeping newborn, swaying back and forth. “They can be in therapy together.”
As if hearing her name was the signal to turn on her fidgeting, their little girl squirmed to get down.
“Reprieve is over,” Em said, watching as her toddler sat beside the wrapping paper and grabbed a box. “Don’t worry, I’m on full alert so she doesn’t turn your lovely home into a postapocalyptic wasteland.”
Mitch grinned. “Are you saying
that we should enjoy this time before Lucas becomes mobile?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” she agreed.
“In spite of the fact that he wakes up every two or three hours to eat, and we’d very much like him to grow out of that?” Sam asked.
“I guess that’s the definition of conflict,” Em said wistfully. “You want them to be normal and grow and learn. Yet this time when you have a chance to protect them passes by in a heartbeat.”
She glanced at Cal who was staring at the infant and wondered what was going through his mind. Was he thinking about missing out on seeing Annie at the same age? He wasn’t the only one missing out. More and more Em was seeing how Cal embraced being a father. How things might have been if she’d given him an opportunity to screw up before judging him not willing to take responsibility.
“A chance is what it’s all about.” Mitch watched Annie as she pounded the box lid up and down chattering away. Then he turned his gaze on his son. “Sometimes a life doesn’t even get that.”
Sam’s expression turned sympathetic and tender. “This is a time to look forward, not back.”
“What are you talking about?” Cal asked.
“My first wife decided to discontinue birth control without a discussion when we were having problems. She got pregnant but the trouble didn’t go away, so she decided to get rid of the baby, also without discussion. I hate that my child never had a chance.”
“Oh, Mitch, I’m so sorry—” Clearly Em wouldn’t win a communicator of the year award, but at least she’d tried to tell Cal. And as sad as it made her to not know how her first child was getting along in this world, at least he was in this world with a chance at life.
“How come I didn’t know about that?” Cal asked, frowning.
“The marriage ended and there wasn’t any reason to bring it up.” Mitch shrugged, then smiled tenderly at his wife. “At least not until my tenacious conflict-resolution counselor made me.”
“When he says tenacious, he means pit bull,” Sam explained. “But we certainly did have our conflicts to resolve. It wasn’t easy sailing for us.”
“You also have a healthy and handsome little guy,” Cal said, smiling down at the little guy in question who was squeaking and squirming in his arms. “Did you know that Em is running a program called Helping Hands that mentors teenage moms who don’t get any support from their families?”
“Really?” Sam looked genuinely interested.
Em nodded. “I have two girls right now. The housing was donated by Ginger Davis, president and founder of The Nanny Network. Donations and grant money subsidize what the girls make. They share child care and juggle college classes and part-time jobs. But the program gives them another alternative when an unplanned pregnancy occurs.”
She glanced at Cal who was studying her. Instead of resentment or disapproval in his expression, she swore there was pride.
“Em is doing a really good thing for those girls,” he commented. “She has specific rules, one of which is getting an education. It’s the only way to become an independent member of society and not a drain on taxpayers. The girls work hard. One of them is coparenting with her son’s father who is also working hard while he goes to school. Jonas has a good head on his shoulders.”
“What an incredible load he’s carrying.” Sam pulled Annie into her lap when the little girl stood beside her to check out the toys on the sofa.
“That’s for sure,” Cal agreed. “And it’s why the kids need encouragement and assistance. When Henry had an accident, everyone pulled together for him.”
“Including Cal,” Em told them. “He was there to make sure there were no complications.”
“Sounds like an extended family.” Sam smiled as Annie squirmed to get down.
“Something I never had,” Em said quietly. Everyone looked at her expectantly and she found herself saying more. “It was only my mother and me. My father disappeared before I was born so when things happened there wasn’t any support system.”
Sam nodded. “I guess we’re all broken in some way or other. I lost my mom when I was little and was raised by a stepfather. It wasn’t easy, and I hate to spout clichés, but what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. If we’re lucky, someone special comes along and we don’t have to be quite as strong as we were without them. I waited a very long time for Mitch.”
“And wasn’t I worth the wait?” he said grinning.
She leaned her head on his shoulder. “Definitely.”
Em realized Cal was the only one who hadn’t shared part of his past. She knew he’d had a pretty carefree childhood, but he’d also been married and never talked about it. That was part of who he was and she had a bad feeling that it had a lot to do with his never-get-serious-or-take-responsibility attitude.
When she studied him she saw something restless in his eyes, an expression that looked a lot like envy. It occurred to her that she recognized it because of a similar feeling.
Mitch and Sam had revealed that they’d been through a lot before finding each other. Their perseverance had produced a happy marriage and beautiful child. Like Cal, Emily envied them. The family they had was all she’d ever wanted.
If she’d persevered in telling Cal that she was pregnant with his child, maybe they would have had a chance. But whatever broken part of her had kept the secret had cost her that chance. This glimpse of how wonderful their life could have been was her punishment for screwing up.
Several days after her visit to see Mitch and Sam’s beautiful baby boy Em was still feeling down, depressed and restless at the same time. It was after 10:00 p.m. and Annie was sound asleep. Em had decided to channel the edgy energy into the distasteful chores that needed doing.
In her cutoff sweatpants and thin-strapped T-shirt she’d already scrubbed the bathrooms and now she had the refrigerator in her crosshairs. With the trash can in front of the open door she was tossing everything that had been there for a week or more.
Peeking underneath the folding top of a square carton that had been chow mein when Cal brought it over she wrinkled her nose at what now looked like a science experiment gone horribly wrong. Next she pulled out a rectangular plastic container with burgers and hot dogs left over after Cal had grilled them. She smiled, remembering how she’d teased him about cooking enough to feed a Third World country.
Something squeezed tight in her chest when she looked at the longneck bottle of beer that he’d stuck in the fridge when Annie had snagged his attention. Apparently she’d needed him more than he’d needed the beer because he never got back to it.
Em picked up the bottle and circled the mouth with the tip of her finger at the same time an image of Cal formed with his big body filling up her tiny kitchen. He was wearing his cocky grin, the one that made her hormones go into free fall and opened a big, lonely, black hole inside her that caused ripples of pain that went clear to her soul. The refrigerator light backlit the bottle as her fingers squeezed until her knuckles turned white. She was the world’s biggest idiot.
In every women’s magazine on the newsstand there was an article about how to find a good man. She’d actually had the blind luck to stumble across one, then proceeded to throw him back into the pond because she’d been afraid of rejection.
“You’re a pathetic loser, Emily Summers.” Unable to part with the bottle, she put it back on the shelf and closed the door. “A pathetic, immature loser.”
She walked down the hall to Annie’s room and looked in on her daughter who didn’t seem to mind that her mother was an immature loser. At least not yet. Hopefully she’d respect and admire her mother more than Em had her own. Maybe the fact that Cal was involved in his child’s life would make Annie’s world happier than her own had been even though the perfect family wasn’t going to happen.
Em glanced at the watch on her wrist and hoped that ten-thirty was late enough and she was finally tired enough to sleep. In the living room to shut off the lights, she heard a soft knock on the door. The sou
nd made her jump because it was so unexpected this time of night. Probably Lucy or Patty needed to tell her something and didn’t want the phone to wake Annie.
She twisted the deadbolt then opened the door, but instead of her neighbors, the owner of that old, flat beer in her refrigerator stood there. Cal. Heart pounding, she said something completely witty and brilliant. “Hi—”
“It’s late, I know. But I saw your lights on and—”
Usually he called to tell her he was coming by to see Annie. She studied his face, the deep lines on either side of his nose and mouth that indicated he was tired. Or stressed. Or both. “Is something wrong?”
“I just wanted to look in on Annie. Sorry to bother you, but—”
“It’s not a problem.” He was in blue scrubs and she guessed that he’d probably come straight here from Mercy Medical Center. That meant he’d worked later than usual. Opening the door wider, she stepped back. “Come in.”
“Thanks.”
She put her hand on his arm when he started past her. “Annie’s asleep, so—”
“I won’t wake her. I just want to look at her, to—”
He stopped because his voice cracked. And that wasn’t all. Studying him more closely she swore that he looked like a man who was cracking from the inside out. “What’s wrong, Cal?” she asked again.
“I’ll just be a minute,” he said, not answering the question.
She followed him into Annie’s room and the night-light revealed the suffering in his eyes as he gently ran his hand over his little girl’s curls. Sighing in her sleep, Annie rolled to her tummy with her tush in the air. He ran his finger over her chubby arm and settled his palm on her back, watching it rise and fall. Finally he sighed heavily and moved away from the crib, pausing briefly in the doorway for a last look before walking into the living room.
He stopped by the coffee table and shoved his fingers through his hair. “Thanks, Em. I appreciate you not giving me a hard time.”
“Don’t thank me just yet.” In her opinion she’d never given him a hard time about seeing Annie. A guilty conscience tends to make you gracious and agreeable even if you were opposed to a father/daughter relationship, which she was not. But he’d never stopped by this late or looked this troubled. “I want to know what happened to you.”
The Doctor’s Secret Baby Page 14
