“We’ll fuck it up together.” I replied softly.
He stopped pacing and snapped his head around to look at me. “That’s not very reassuring baby.”
I snorted. “It’s true. Neither of us has any idea of what we’re getting into. But we’ll get through it. We’ll do our best Lawson. It’s all we can do.”
He stared at me – pain in his eyes. “What if it breaks us?”
There it was, his fear of losing me was holding him back.
“I can’t lose you.” His voice cracked.
I walked towards him. “You won’t”
“She’s not even ours –”
“She’s ours now.” I interrupted him.
He grabbed me and tugged me against his chest. I felt him breathing in the vanilla scent of my hair – trying to calm himself down. His tense muscles started to loosen.
“We’re strong. We’ll be strong for her too.” I told him. “The only thing that will break us is if you run. I need you to run to me, not away from me.”
He sighed and squeezed me tighter. “No more running.”
No more running.
***
I glanced out of the cab window – Salt Lake City was quite a sight. We’d had to wait until early Monday morning to get a flight out. It had taken a little under six hours and I hadn’t slept a wink, Lawson hadn’t either. Quinn was the only one who had managed to get any rest, and even then it was no more than a couple of hours.
We’d left the dogs with Logan, and arranged to have at least this week off work. Quinn hoped to get back into the office when we returned later in the week.
I was so nervous. The thought of seeing Stella was terrifying. I knew Lawson wasn’t doing too well either. He was touching me constantly and kissing me often. I knew he needed me close to keep him sane.
It gave me butterflies in my stomach – knowing that I could be an anchor for him. He was exactly that for me. He was my rock.
“What if she hates me?” Lawson muttered quietly.
I couldn’t help it, I laughed at him. “She’s just a baby Lawson, she doesn’t know how to hate.”
He huffed out a breath and stayed silent for the remainder of the ride.
The cab pulled up outside of a tall apartment building. We’d given the driver the address that Samuel had provided. He was meeting us here and would be introducing us to both Charlotte – Stella’s babysitter, and to Stella herself.
My hands were shaking as I stepped out onto the pavement.
Lawson must have sensed my distress – he pulled me into his arms and held me tightly, running his hands through my long blonde hair.
“I love you so much El.”
“I love you more.” I whispered back the reply that had become habit for us.
I took a deep steadying breath and tipped my head back to look up at the up market building. This was it… there was no going back from this. As of today, we would be a family.
“Y’all ready?” Quinn asked loudly, pulling me from my thoughts.
Lawson shrugged. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
I gave her a small smile and took Lawson’s hand in mine.
***
“It’s just this door right here.” Samuel told us nervously. We stood outside apartment number one hundred and twenty five. I wondered idly if Michael and Cassandra had planned to bring their daughter up in this building. I believed children should have space – room to run around and play. That was the way I’d imagined raising my children one day, and I knew Lawson would agree with me.
Samuel knocked and I heard the sound of feet padding towards the door. The woman who opened the door was older than I’d expected. She was short, her graying hair was pulled back into a loose bun, and she had wrinkles around her eyes.
She smiled warmly at us all. “Come in everyone, I’m Charlotte.”
We filed in, each of us introducing ourselves to her.
She stopped at Lawson. “My gosh, you are just the spitting image of your father Lawson.”
He looked uncomfortable. “So I’ve been told.” He murmured quietly.
She led us into the living area. The apartment was impressive. Expensive furnishings filled the space and large paintings hung on the walls.
“Stella is due to wake any time now, can I get you a drink while we wait?”
We all politely declined.
“Where do you live Charlotte?” I asked her as I peered out of the window that overlooked the city below.
“Oh just down the hall love. I’ve known Michael and Cassandra for three years.” She turned around to face Lawson and Quinn. “I am terribly sorry for your loss.”
Lawson tensed. “I don’t mean to be rude, but to be completely honest with you, we haven’t lost a thing. Michael hasn’t been a part of our lives since we were very young. You knew him better than we did, so I’m sorry for your loss.”
Charlotte nodded. “Yes… he told me about the two of you; how he regretted what he’d done… he wished he could take it back you know.”
“Too little, too late.” I heard Quinn mumble.
Charlotte didn’t hear her. “You know what I think? I think that’s why he’s put this on to you now. I don’t think he could have forgiven himself if he had taken another family member from you.”
Lawson was getting agitated; he had been bouncing his knee up and down as he sat.
I placed a hand firmly on his leg and smiled at Charlotte. “Would it be okay if you ran through Stella’s routine with us?” I asked her, taking the focus away from Lawson.
“Certainly honey.” Charlotte sat down on the couch and gestured for me to join her.
I moved to the space next to her, pulled out a pen and paper and wrote down every single little thing the older woman said.
***
Samuel had left us with Charlotte a half hour ago, he had an important meeting to get to, but he assured us he was available for us to contact if there was anything at all we needed.
I heard the light cries through the baby monitor at the same time Charlotte did. “She’s awake.” She pushed up to her feet and headed off down the hallway.
My heart was beating out of my chest. I was sitting a few meters away from Lawson and my body needed to be near his. I hopped up swiftly and a nervous giggle slipped past my lips as I saw him doing the same thing. We met halfway across the space.
“Here we go.” He said softly, searching my eyes for signs of panic.
I relaxed at his proximity and smiled.
“Oh my god… she’s beautiful.” I heard Quinn squeak.
I spun around and my eyes locked on the precious little girl in Charlotte’s arms.
Her big green eyes flicked backwards and forwards between Quinn and I, before finally landing on Lawson.
She’s just like him.
Stella looked so much like Lawson, but at the same time, I could see her mother in her. Her skin tone wasn’t as olive as Lawson’s; it was more of a golden tone, like mine. She had a small amount of light hair on her head, but the most captivating thing about her was easily her eyes. Quinn and Lawson’s big green eyes were repeated exactly into her sweet little face.
Beautiful doesn’t even cover it…
I squeezed Lawson’s hand. “Wow.” I breathed.
Stella shrieked and held a hand out toward Lawson.
Charlotte walked her over towards us slowly – Stella’s eyes never leaving Lawson’s face.
I turned slightly to watch, riveted to the spot, I knew Quinn was too. Nobody said a word.
Charlotte stopped right in front of Lawson and held Stella out. Lawson reached towards her, his hand shaking slightly. Stella shrieked again and thrust her hands out towards him, wanting to be held.
She loves him already.
I could feel the tears streaming down my face at the pure magic of this moment. It dawned on me then that we would be okay; we would be able to overcome anything that this new challenge would throw at us.
“She wants you to hold her
.” Charlotte told Lawson gently.
“I… I don’t know how.” Lawson stammered.
Charlotte ignored his protests and gently passed Stella into Lawson’s arms. He made an awkward looking cradle and tucked her against his body.
My heart swelled at the sight of the two of them together. They were so perfect.
I needed to get a ring on that mans finger. He looked even hotter with a baby than he did with a puppy.
Quinn stepped quietly over to where we stood. Lawson still holding Stella, with me pressed against his side, both of us staring at the wonder in his arms.
“She’s so stunning.” Quinn whispered as she stroked Stella’s small hand.
I nodded in agreement.
“She’s a pretty little thing alright.” Lawson replied quietly, a small smile on his lips.
“My turn.” Quinn demanded – breaking the moment.
Lawson chuckled, but handed her over. He gently slid Stella from his arms into Quinn’s waiting ones. Stella struggled to keep her eyes on Lawson – even letting out a small wail, but when she finally met Quinn’s gaze, she calmed down, it was as though she recognized the blood ties the three of them shared.
I wiped the sweat from my hands onto my jeans. I didn’t have any connection to Stella.
Would she sense that? What if it’s me she doesn’t like?
“Relax baby.” Lawson leaned in and murmured in my ear. “She’ll love you as much as I do.”
7. Quinn
Well fucking hell. This was a lot – like A LOT, a lot.
They were parents now… my best friend and my big brother had their own little family.
Sweet baby Jesus.
Life just went from partying to diapers real bloody quick.
I am so glad it’s not me.
I felt like a selfish bitch for thinking that, but hell, it was true. I was not at the stage in my life where I was ready for a baby. I would have taken her – in a heartbeat… but I wouldn’t have been anywhere near ready. And Colt… god I couldn’t even imagine what he would have done. He was just a baby himself.
A really, really persistent baby…
Lawson and El… they could handle this – they were solid.
I looked down at the sweet little girl in my arms. I loved her already. She was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen in my life and I was going to be the coolest aunty in the world.
I glanced at El, she was nervous. I would be too; meeting a baby that would eventually call me Mom… it was fucking huge.
I can’t believe she’s going to be a mom!
I had to admit it was hard being here, seeing that the man whose name was written on my birth certificate had wanted this family, but hadn’t wanted mine.
Hadn’t wanted me…
I knew I shouldn’t give a fuck, but part of me did, just a tiny bit.
Stella squirmed in my arms and snapped me out of it.
“Your turn El.” I announced and stepped towards the only sister I’d ever known – at least until now.
“Oh okay… shit –” El clapped a hand over her mouth. “Did I just swear in front of her already?” She whispered, clearly horrified.
“Who gives a fuck?” I crooned in my best baby voice. “You don’t have a clue… do you baby girl?”
“Quinn!” El snapped playfully. “Give her here before she starts cussing like a sailor.”
“Here you go Momma.” I said quietly as I passed her over.
El gaped at the name and I saw tears shining in her eyes.
“You’re her mom now El.” I told her in a whisper.
She nodded and bit down on her lip, I knew she was trying to reign in her emotions and hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.
The minute El had Stella in her arms her body began to automatically rock slowly from side to side. They locked eyes and it was as though they’d known each other forever.
I let out the breath I didn’t even realize I’d been holding.
They’re all gonna be okay.
Lawson stepped behind El and wrapped his arms around her waist. I could hear El talking softly to Stella, but I couldn’t make out the words – they were just for the three of them.
I pulled out my phone and quietly took a few photos.
I would never forget this moment, not for the rest of my life. The photos were for Stella, so she could look back on this day, and see the first moment she was loved unconditionally by her second set of parents.
“Sometimes it knocks the breath right out of me, realizing how lucky I am to be here and alive with you. To be the one you feel safe with. To be the one whose bones you curl up into when it’s cold. To be the one whose mouth you drowsily kiss when you are half asleep in my arms.”
- Beau Taplin
8. Lawson
How the fuck did I get so lucky?
El was a complete natural with Stella; it was as though she was born to be a mother.
We’d been here all afternoon, learning her cues, feeding and changing her. Charlotte had stayed with us, and I was grateful, we were essentially still strangers to Stella and I didn’t want to frighten her.
We didn’t seem like strangers though…
It was clear to see that she was comfortable with both El and I. She had barely cried, she smiled often and babbled away at us constantly.
The one time she had gotten upset, El had passed her to me while she went to find a bottle – I’d looked into her eyes and she’d calmed down. It wasn’t hard to figure out why. I’d never been happier to look like my father, I was just grateful that being his spitting image would help this little girl transition into our lives.
“She’s asleep.” El told me quietly as she tip toed into the room and sank down onto the couch.
Charlotte followed her out and laughed. “You don’t need to be quiet honey, that little girl sleeps like the dead. You won’t hear from her again until morning.”
“You’re not staying?” I asked, suddenly nervous.
“I’m just down the hall, but you won’t need me, she’ll be out to it for at least the next 10 hours.”
“Really?” El gaped. “Aren’t babies meant to wake up all the time?”
“Not this one. She’s slept solidly through the night since she was ten weeks old. She’s a real dream in that respect.” Charlotte began collecting her various items from around the room. “The first hiccup might come when we run out of breast milk; she’s never tried formula before.”
“I’ll run out and get her some tomorrow.” El said, making a note on her phone. “At least we know she’ll take a bottle.”
“If she’s anything like her aunty, she’ll drink anything.” Quinn teased.
“That sounds weird.” I shook my head and grinned at her. “Aunty Quinn.”
“You know what sounds weirder?”
I laughed – I knew where this was going.
Q pointed at me. “You’re a daddy.”
I knew she expected me to look stunned, shocked… even a little horrified maybe.
“I guess I am.” I chuckled. “Who the hell would have thought huh?”
El gave me a megawatt smile and snuggled into my side. Quinn huffed – she was hoping I’d flip.
Not this time little sis.
***
El had checked Stella about half a dozen times since Charlotte left us, before conceding that she did in fact, sleep like the dead.
I’d even given into the urge I had to check myself, and sure enough, she was out to it.
“Okay, so what will happen to all of this?” El waved her hand around, gesturing to all of the belongings.
I looked at Quinn; it was her decision to make.
“Well it’s all going to have to go.” She glanced around. “I was thinking it might be nice for Stella if you took some of the paintings to hang at home – you know, so she has some familiar sights.”
It was a good idea.
“I’ll arrange to have them packaged up.” I told the girls.
&nb
sp; “Obviously we’ll take everything of Stella’s with us.” Quinn went on. “I think the rest should just be brought back to Boston and stored, and the apartment rented. That way it will make Stella some money, and she can decide what she wants to do with it all when she’s older.”
I nodded. I was happy Quinn was on the ball with all of this; my head was all caught up in bottles, sleep times and diapers. I was betting El’s was too.
How the hell we were going to run two companies, operate the restaurant, care for Stella and the dogs, and still find time for each other was beyond me. The phrase ‘bitten off more than you can chew’ flashed through my mind.
“Lawson?” El nudged me in the side.
“Huh?”
“Quinn asked if there is anything here you want to take?”
“Oh right. Sorry. I don’t think so, but I’ll take a look.”
Quinn started making notes on her phone, probably of all the things she’d need to have moved.
“Are you okay?” El whispered.
I smiled as I brushed a strand of hair from her face. “I’m fine; I guess I’m just worried about how we’ll manage our lives when we get back.”
El sighed. “I wondered the same thing. We both work so much.”
“I think I’ll cut down on my hours.” I told her. “Logan is too good to be a project manager; I could promote him to my second in charge. He can handle it.”
“But you love your work.” El protested.
I chuckled softly. “So you’re telling me that you haven’t already thought about how you can spend less time in the office?”
El blushed and gave me a guilty smile.
I thought so.
I tapped the end of her nose. “You love your work too baby.”
“I think I already love her more.” She whispered – snuggling in even closer to me.
Luckiest son of a bitch in the world…
***
Charlotte was right – we didn’t hear a peep from Stella until half past seven in the morning. Even then it was just a quiet jabbering that I could hear through the baby monitor.
Pierced (Love like Yours Series Book 2) Page 4
