by SF Benson
The kiss, innocent at first, deepens as I suck at his lips, savoring the taste of him—like sweet nectar to a dying man. Teasing them apart, I penetrate with a deep thrust of my tongue. Without hesitation, Colton surrenders to me.
Of course, this isn’t my first kiss with a man, but it’s the first time that it feels right. It’s like I’ve been searching for a port in the storm, and Colton’s beacon shines the brightest, calling me home. My cock stiffens, but my mind alerts me that we’re on a dangerous path. What if this is purely physical?
Go with it. Stop thinking so much and enjoy it.
Dragging my mouth away from his, I sit back, panting. “You said wait, but I want you so much.”
Colton leans forward, his lips inches from mine. “I know. Same here.”
“Are you sure? If you don’t want to—”
A knock at the door puts a grinding halt to the conversation and tosses cold water on the mood. “Don’t move,” I say.
Adjusting myself, I open the door and find Azaria on the other side.
“Hey, Jeremiah. Can we talk?”
“Now’s not a good time.” I lean against the door, attempting to block her entry. “I can call you later.”
“Nonsense.” She pushes past me. Common sense would dictate stopping when Colton came into view. No such luck. She walks right up to him. “Colt, right?”
“Yes.” He stands up. “Why don’t you two talk in private? I’m going to shower before it’s time for me to go to work.”
Grasping his elbow before he walks by me, I say, “You don’t have to leave.”
“We’ll pick it up tonight.” He places a brief kiss on my mouth and looks back at Azaria before heading down the hall.
Did he claim me as his?
I wait for the door to close before I say anything to her. “What’s so damned important?”
“I hadn’t heard from you since last night.” She crosses her legs and sits back on the sofa. “Just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“Everything’s fine.” I sit at the keyboard.
“Is that what that little display was about? Well, have you fucked him yet? Is he The One?”
“Can you keep your voice down?” I glance up and see we’re still alone. Thank Heaven for small favors.
“I take it that’s a no to both questions,” Azaria continues. Her voice is still too loud. “What are you waiting for? The sooner you do it, the quicker you can move on.”
“I’m not trying to move on, Az.” I play with the keys, but no matter how hard I try I can’t make the keyboard sing the way Colton can. “He makes me happy.”
“You like him?” Her eyes flick toward the ceiling. “Please don’t do this, Jeremiah. I don’t want to pick up the pieces again. Do us all a favor and cut him loose. You said you had your doubts.”
“Really? I wasn’t aware that you did.” The familiar voice comes from the kitchen.
My gaze rocks up. Colton, wearing his leather jacket, stands in the doorway with a stony expression. His lips press together. What happened to the shower?
Slowly, I rise to my feet. “Colton, let me explain.”
“No need.” He backs up with his hands outstretched. “I have to get out of here. I’ll pick up my stuff later.”
“Don’t do this.” I chase behind Colton as he makes a beeline for the door. “You don’t understand.”
He doesn’t say a word. Simply closes the door in my face.
I place my forehead against the wood as Azaria comes up behind me. “Jeremiah, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t,” I warn.
“Maybe it’s for the best. If he can’t—”
I whirl around. “Stop it! I don’t want a lecture from you. I don’t want your fucking excuses. Get out!”
Azaria touches my forearm. “Jeremiah, calm down.”
“I said get the fuck out!” Opening the door, I step to the side and wait for her to leave.
“You don’t want to do this,” she urges. “We’ve been through a lot together. Don’t let a man come between us.”
“I won’t say it again, Azaria.”
Her midnight-blue eyes narrow, and her cheeks redden. “Okay. I’m leaving for now. When you calm down, you know where to find me.”
“Don’t hold your breath.” I slam the door behind her.
My body crumples onto itself, and I’m slouched against the wall. How the hell am I going to fix this shit? Living alone is not anything I want to do again. I can’t let Colton go. It doesn’t matter whether the Prophet was right or wrong.
I spend the rest of the afternoon on the keyboard. My fingers won’t stop playing my song. No. Our song. Every few minutes I’m staring at my phone, hoping for a text from Colton. But it doesn’t happen. As the sun grows dim in the sky so do my expectations. This is my fault, and I’m the only one who can fix it.
As the streetlights come on, I drag my feet back to the bedroom. Reluctantly, I remove a suitcase from beneath the bed. With more care than what’s needed, I fold up Colton’s clothes and place them in the case. I don’t know what else to do. Yes, I’ll make leaving easier for him, but I won’t give up. I can’t. If I stop… If I say the hell with it, then I deny my feelings and make a mockery out of what I’m sure he feels for me too. We deserve a chance to see where this could lead.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Colt
I’m a damned fool believing JJ had genuine feelings for me. I made myself vulnerable around him. None of this would have happened as an incubus. I would have fucked him and moved on. No deepening of emotions. No kiss…
No amazing, toe-curling kiss from him… Fuck!
It’s going to take a lot for me to forget it. The memory alone makes my dick hard. My lips still tingle while my heart craves the man. I am royally screwed. How the hell did I let myself become infatuated with him? I’ve always been careful. Whether a female or a male, I’ve always behaved the same way. Get as much sex as I can. Recuperate. Be an ass if the person wants more from me.
Makes me wonder what’s wrong with me. Why should I care about what happened with JJ? People lie. Humans. Supernaturals. Everyone lies. Everyone hides shit from each other. I’m hiding the truth from JJ. And to be honest, it’s killing me. I want to tell him the truth. Find out if he would still want me after it’s all said and done. But running is easier. It’s how I normally deal with things I can’t handle. Things I don’t want to face.
Like the fact you’ve fallen for him.
The number one edict all of us—Cash, the Mazrels, Rocco, and myself—lived by is Lilins don’t fall in love. We couldn’t.
Cash did.
The same principle, however, doesn’t guide incubi like succubi. For females, it’s all about who they can’t fall in love with. It’s why I got so angry when Cash’s sister chose that fucking vampire over me. She claimed to love him. She risked what she was meant to be over a bloodsucker. Hell, the idea of it still pisses me off.
Incubi, however, don’t have a curse hanging over our heads. For us it’s about a tenet we all grow up hearing. Love confuses incubi, makes our lives complicated. Falling in love makes it harder to steal essence from humans. If you care too much for a soul, you won’t want to harm it.
But this ache in my heart has nothing to do with taking essence. Maybe love is a curse on mankind? If that’s the case, I don’t want it. Hell, I should reclaim my supernatural nature, lose this pain, and go back to what I was.
And that was working for you?
Of course it wasn’t working for me. But I can’t go on like this. I feel betrayed. Hurt.
Going back to JJ isn’t a viable option. That damned female friend of his made it sound like she was betting against us. No. It was more like JJ has a history of falling in love at the drop of a hat. He beds a guy and then walks away.
Do you honestly believe that one? He wanted to go slow. Get to know you before sex.
Why should I believe anything else?
Because you heard him say he’s not looking t
o move on.
My feet automatically take me back to the bar. It’s too early for me to go into work, but maybe I could do a little cleaning in the apartment. Make it… What? Like home? It won’t feel like home without JJ.
Shit, you’ve got it bad.
“You’re not due here for another two hours,” Marjorie says from a table in the center of the bar.
Play it off. Don’t let her know the truth.
“I’ll be taking the apartment. Figured I’d come by and see what all I need.”
“You won’t need much other than food. I left a lot of stuff behind. If I recall, there are sheets and towels and possibly cleaning supplies.” She pushes a chair out. “Come sit for a minute.”
“Maybe later. Right now, I only want to go upstairs and get some rest.”
“Colt, I’m a good listener.” Her voice pleads with me. “Sometimes things seem better after you talk them out with a friend.”
Friends… I still need those, but friendship requires trust. I tried it with JJ and failed.
“I’m afraid I must insist that you sit and talk to me. As your employer, I can’t allow employees to wallow in their own funk. It’s bad for business.” She folds her arms beneath her oversized breasts. The gesture is comical at best. It’s kind of hard to take her seriously.
“Whatever.” Dragging my feet into the room, I straddle the chair. “I have nothing to talk about.”
She purses her lips and tilts her head. Hasn’t anyone told her that making faces detracts from stern words? “You’re lying. I saw you and JJ together. I also heard your argument earlier when I showed you the apartment. How long have you two known each other?”
“Not long.” There’s the problem. My feelings for him smack the border of love-at-first-sight shit. “His argument has no merit.”
“You’re still lying.” Marjorie stacks what looks like receipts into a pile. “I’ve known JJ for a few years. The man usually keeps to himself. It’s rare when he’s seen with the same guy more than once. It’s usually an overnight thing with him.”
Just like I thought. He’s a fan of the fuck-them-and-move-on mentality, too.
Kindred spirit.
“I guess I got lucky. We lasted longer than one night.”
“Tell me it’s none of my business, but you don’t look like the one-night-stand type to me.”
Her words, under different circumstances, would be hilarious. Marjorie has no memory of our one-nighter. If she did, she’d choke on her words and kick me out of here. But I’ll play along. I want to see where she’s going with this conversation.
“Why do you say that?”
“I’ll tell you a story, and you can decide for yourself.” She takes a sip from the mug on the table. A whiff of coffee hits my nose. “When JJ first started working here, he met this guy. In a matter of days, JJ fell for him. They lived together. If you saw one, you saw the other. Then one day the guy up and left. JJ was devastated. He sang so many heartbreak songs I had to ask him to stop. People were complaining, and we were losing business.”
“Nice story, but what has that got to do with me?”
“JJ hasn’t lived with anyone else until you came along. He was fighting to keep you from taking the apartment. Plus, I saw the look on his face. He’s in deep.” Her eyes rake over me. “I think you are too.”
“You’re wrong,” I mumble.
“Okay, I’m wrong.” Marjorie stands and picks up the receipts. “Come on back to the office. We’ll get your paperwork done and get you a few T-shirts. If you’re serious about the apartment, I don’t mind going shopping with you for whatever you might need since you’re new around here.”
I glance around the small, crowded office for an available seat. Marjorie’s desk, shoved against an exposed brick wall, is piled high with bundles of receipts and file folders. A cardboard box full of dark green T-shirts takes up the chair beside her desk.
“You can slide it to the floor,” Marjorie instructs. “When we’re done, you can find your size.”
I do as she says and sit down. She opens a drawer and pulls out several forms. The one for withholding taxes and the application sit on top. It occurs to me that if I fill out those papers, I’ll have lots of explaining to do. More than that is the fact filing them will enable my father to find me.
“I’ll also need to make a copy of your driver’s license.” She looks at me. “You do have one, right?”
“Yes, but I have a problem.” I’m praying that the Fates are on my side for a change.
Marjorie pushes away from her desk. “Oh, hell. Let’s hear it.”
“I’m kind of hiding out.”
She shakes her head. “You can’t kind of do anything. You’re either hiding or you’re not. What’s the story?”
Leaning forward, I place my elbows on my knees. “I’m definitely hiding out. But it’s not what you think. This is about my family.”
Marjorie giggles. “This is priceless. I guess you want me to believe your family has mob connections, too.”
Actually, that’s a simpler way of describing my situation. Father does have the personality of a mafia boss. Instead of disputing her words, I remain quiet.
Her eyes widen, and her voice drops. “You’re serious? Shit, shit, shit. Skip the paperwork.”
“Thanks, but is this going to be a problem for you?”
“This goes against my better judgment, but I trust JJ, and I like you.” She jumps up and closes the office door. “I’ll just pay you in cash. If my father asks, I’ll tell him you’re waiting on your green card. He has a heart for immigrants.”
I’d be fortunate if I were merely an illegal trying to find work. What would the man think if he knew he was harboring a fugitive supernatural?
“I appreciate it.”
“Can you tell me why you’re hiding out from your family?” Marjorie returns the paperwork to a desk drawer and pulls out a small notebook. She scribbles my name across the front of it.
“If I told you, they’d kill you too.”
Her eyes widen, and her pouty pink lips make a perfect O. “Well, then, I don’t need to know. I’m giving you this notebook to keep up with your hours since I can’t have you leaving a paper trail. Find me at the end of each shift, and I’ll sign off on the page. That way I’ll know what nights I need to pay you for.”
I take the notebook from her.
“Don’t forget to pick up your shirts. Take a few for the week since you don’t have a washer and dryer upstairs. I’ll show you where the nearest laundromat is along with a grocer.” Her bright-blue eyes are full of unasked questions. “Do you need anything else right now?”
“No.” I remove five shirts in my size from the box and go to the door. “This is fine. Don’t worry about showing me anything. I’m pretty good at navigating places.”
Her lips curl up. “Your shift starts at five thirty. Plenty of time to patch things up with JJ.”
“Yes.” Too bad that won’t happen any time soon.
Upstairs, I paced the floor. I had things to do, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation I overheard at JJ’s. If he had doubts, he should have told me instead of his so-called best friend. It’s not the first time someone close to me has turned into a disappointment.
Cash.
Maybe I’m simply one of those souls who invites sorrow. It’s time to stop feeling sorry for myself and do what Grandfather gave me the opportunity for—discovering myself and what I want in life. I pull out my phone and pull up a map. First, I need a computer. Second, I still want that piano. There has to be a place I can rent one for a while.
According to my phone, I’m a mile away from a Best Buy. I have enough time to walk over, make my purchase, and not be late for work. Unfortunately, the Fates had other plans for me. I opened the door, and JJ stood on the other side.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Jeremiah
One look at the beautiful man before me, and the speech I planned is forgotten. Words evaporate, and
the melody is forever lost. Even if the rhythm saved lives, namely my own, it wouldn’t matter. Only the weight at the end of my arm reminds me why I’m standing here like an idiot.
Clearing my throat, I ask, “Can I come in?”
“I’m going out,” Colton says and then glances at the suitcase. “If that’s for me, you can leave it. Pick it up from the bar tomorrow night.” His cold, unwelcoming tone matches the ominous look in his eyes.
