by SF Benson
“No.” He pants. “I don’t want desperation with you.”
His hot-and-cold moments are killing me. Once again, my dick is so hard it hurts. I’m tired of these damned games. “What the hell do you want, JJ? You tell me you want me. I’m here. You can have me.”
Mixed emotions—fear, surprise, or maybe it’s disbelief—cloud his beautiful face. JJ’s mouth opens and closes, but nothing comes out. I know he’s struggling.
Why is it so difficult for him to give in?
“I told you. This scares me,” he admits.
“Then be scared with me. Let me comfort you.” I push the hair away from my forehead and hold it back. “Hell, I should be the one scared. I have never felt this way about anyone, male or female. But I’m willing to try with you.”
JJ’s gaze bounces around the room.
What the fuck is scaring him so damned bad that he can’t make eye contact?
“I think I should go,” he announces.
The most honest thing he’s said so far. “Yes, you should. Don’t worry about me. I’ll grab a meal at the bar.”
Going to the door, he reaches for the knob but looks over his shoulder. “Colton?”
“What?” My posture stiffens. I’m waiting for him to say words I don’t want to hear.
“I really want a chance with you.”
That’s it. JJ claims he wants one thing and then does something different. I’m tired of it. An impatient snort slips out. “You have a fucking weird way of showing it.”
“My problem. Not yours,” he mutters.
Turning away, I listen as the door closes behind him, shutting me out of his life.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Jeremiah
Going home, after what just happened, isn’t an option. All I’ll do is spend the time staring at the walls. Bottom line is I don’t want to be alone. I’ve spent too much time by myself, and I’m tired of it.
This could have been avoided if you had given in.
Giving in isn’t an option either. It requires honesty, and I’m not ready for that. And so, here I stand on the sidewalk too torn to go forward and too scared to go back. What the hell am I supposed to do? It’s not like I can stand out here forever.
“Is it that bad?” When did Marjorie come outside?
“Yeah, it is.” I give her a resigned shrug. “And I don’t know how to fix it.”
“Come inside, and we’ll talk.” She holds the door open.
I glance up toward Colton’s apartment. I’d rather not have to explain why I’m talking about us to Marjorie. I have enough shit on my plate. “No. Let’s go for a walk.”
“I guess I could use the fresh air.” Marjorie tucks her hands into her hooded sweatshirt as we cross the intersection, headed toward the playground.
A group of screaming and squealing toddlers runs past us. Another group of noisy kids plays on the equipment while their mothers or nannies watch. Marjorie points to a vacant bench next to the entrance.
As soon as we sit down, the words tumble from her mouth. “What happened upstairs? When I saw you and Ezekiel, I guessed maybe you were going to tell Colt the truth and everything would be okay.”
Staring at the ground, I say, “Same here.” Good thing we didn’t tell him the truth. It would have been an ugly conversation.
Marjorie wraps her small hands around my bicep and snuggles closer against the cold. “Be honest with me, Jeremiah. Do you think Colt is the one from the prophecy?”
I nod.
“You’re scared.” Her hot breath mingling with the cold air looks like wispy smoke. “I can feel it, but I don’t understand why you would be.”
My shoulders hunch forward. “Because if the prophecy is fulfilled, things change for everyone.”
“I get that. Ezekiel filled me in. But Jeremiah, that’s only one possible outcome. First, you would need to do a serious job convincing everyone—and I do mean everyone—that doctrine is wrong. I don’t see that happening. Second, are you willing to put your life on hold for a guess?”
My gaze settles on Marjorie. She can’t possibly understand the chaos waiting for mankind. If I’m honest, however, the fate of humanity doesn’t scare me as much as my emotions. Man’s fate may only be a possibility, but I’m certain of my feelings for Colton. I can fight for humans, but what do I do with the passion I have for another?
“What I feel for Colton scares me.”
“And what is that, Jeremiah?”
I’ve been struggling with what it all means ever since Colton walked out on me. When I first came here, I believed the prophecy was about a woman, so I dated lots of them. To be honest, I felt nothing. No one piqued my interest, which proved that my destiny was tied to a man.
Consequently, I dated plenty of men. A lot of men—mostly one-night stands. I kept expecting a spark or something that screamed at me declaring he was The One. Every single man let me down. And then came Colton.
He’s been different. He’s the man I can’t get out of my head. Or my heart.
“Is it possible to love someone you’ve only known for a short time?” I ask.
“Maybe.” Marjorie’s eyebrows knit together. “Personally, I don’t believe in love at first sight. It works in the movies and in books but not in real life. At least it’s never happened to me. But Jeremiah, we’re not talking about humans. The more I talk to Colt, the more I believe he’s some sort of supernatural. Aren’t the rules different for non-humans? Would you like my advice?”
Funny. Out of everyone I know, human and otherwise, her opinion outweighs all others. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
Marjorie reaches over and places a finger against my chest. “Follow your heart. Stop being scared of your feelings. I bet Colt is as scared as you are.”
“He did say this was a first for him,” I mumble.
“See? You’re not alone.” She scoots away from me. “Fix this, Jeremiah. I don’t want to hear any sad songs at the bar. Okay?”
“Yeah,” I say absently. Music isn’t even on my mind at the moment. “Maybe I should stay away until this is settled?”
“You’ll be missed, but you can’t stay away forever, Jeremiah. Eventually, you need to face this. Be brave. Stand up for love. You’ve done it before.”
“And got my ass kicked.” The scars on my back throb as if they’re in agreement.
“It happens to the best of us.” She gets to her feet. “Don’t let fear be the death of you, Jeremiah. You’re too special to go out like this. If you do, then the Principalities you talk about win. And if they win, it’s proof you deserved to get kicked out of Heaven.”
I don’t need the reminder. This is one time I wish I could sprout my wings and fly up out of this piece.
I walk Marjorie back to the bar. As the door opens, I notice Colton. He’s standing behind the bar with Nick, an individual I attempted a relationship with about a year ago. Nick runs a hand through his dark, wavy hair and smiles at something Colton tells him.
Marjorie looks up at me. “Jeremiah, they work together. It’s nothing.”
Nothing nefarious that is.
Nick writes on a napkin and tucks it into Colton’s front pocket. The gesture is a little too intimate for me. Evidence that all hope is lost.
“You’re wrong, Marjorie. I screwed up.” I walk backward until I’m on the sidewalk again. There’s no way I can fix this. Prophecy or no prophecy.
Misery loves company, and of late, I’ve been turning to Ezekiel for companionship. Watching him indulge in decadence should be enough to take my mind off Colton. The music from Dark Wing Ink drifts down the dimly lit, narrow staircase. I push open the door and find a packed shop. Ezekiel has always enjoyed an audience. Today there’s a camera crew in place shooting a reality show I’ve never watched.
A lanky woman with more ink than visible skin and bright pink, short hair greets me at the door. “Sorry, hun. We’re not doing ink today. Wanna make an appointment?”
“I need to see Zeke. Can you tell him
his brother is here?”
“Oh, wow. Sorry, I just started here.” She purses her dark purple lips and jerks her head toward the back of the room. “I think he’s in the office.”
“Thanks,” I say and make a dash down the hall.
A woman’s laughter, unfamiliar to me, comes through the door. I open it and find a voluptuous brunette on Ezekiel’s lap. Her head is tossed back, and all her assets are on display.
“Zeke? Got a minute?”
My brother’s gaze swings toward me. “Hey, Brother, what can I do you for?”
“A little privacy.”
The woman kisses his cheek and slides off his lap. “Talk to ya later.”
“You can count on it.” Ezekiel pats her mini-skirted ass before she leaves. “What’s so important, Brother?”
Sitting on the corner of his desk, I announce, “I need a job.”
“Don’t you have one with Marjorie?” Ezekiel shuffles a stack of papers. “What about the strip joint?”
“I’m taking a leave of absence from the bar, and the club doesn’t pay enough to cover rent.” Placing my hand on the stack of files, I make eye contact with Ezekiel. “I can’t work in the same place with Colton.”
Ezekiel’s face reddens. “What the fuck did you do?”
I sigh and drop my eyes. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Colton’s moving on. I need to do the same.”
“Damn. You really do know how to fuck things up. Don’t worry, Brother. I’ll find work around here for you. I can spot you on the rent too.” Ezekiel leans back in his chair and places his boot-clad feet up on the desk. “I don’t understand you, Brother. A millennium ago you were shouting about your right to love who you wanted. Your sweet ass got tossed from the Realm, and now you lack the balls to practice what you preached. What gives?”
Standing, I pace the floor. “I won’t cause chaos.”
“Bullshit! You’re the embodiment of chaos, Brother. Have you forgotten how many of us went down with you? I never took you for a coward.”
Something shifts within me. I’ve been called a lot of things in my lifetime but never a coward. “This isn’t about being brave, you asshole!”
Ezekiel’s head moves side to side as his eyes narrow. Damn. He’s reading me like a fucking book.
“You’re right,” he says. “This is about love, and you’ve finally done it.”
“What are you talking about?”
A loud, hearty laugh breaks through Ezekiel’s lips. “Oh, this is fucking priceless. You’re in love with the guy. You’ve known him all of one week…” His voice trails off, and he practically bolts out of the chair.
“What is it, Zeke?”
“You’ve only known him for a week. Shit, shit, shit.” The blood drains from my brother’s face. “You’re staying at my place tonight.”
My heart rate kicks up a notch. Ezekiel is scaring me. “Start talking, Zeke. What’s going on?”
“The Prophecy is true, and you found The One.” Fear, a rarity for my brother, is raw on his face. “I hope to Heaven he’s not human.”
Ezekiel doesn’t have to say it. Both of us think of Azaria.
As soon as my brother put the puzzle together, we left the shop and walked the short distance to his apartment. He’s guessing it’s only a matter of time before other celestial beings figure it out. The fallen will be the first to arrive, wanting proof. It’s their ticket back to Heaven. Next dark angels and other demons will come, wanting to witness the fall of the Realm.
We pass the concierge and step onto the elevator. I’m dying to say something. Anything. But Ezekiel’s jaw is set, and his brow furrowed. Best to wait until we’re behind closed doors.
“Can you still read minds?” he asks as soon as we’re inside his apartment.
“Nope. Lost the ability along with my wings.” I cross Ezekiel’s spacious, corner apartment and head straight for the bar. My hand lands on an open bottle of tequila and I pour a shot. “Want one?”
“Hell, yeah.” He stops at my side, takes the glass, and tosses the contents back. “I should have read your lover when I met him.”
“We’re not lovers,” I shoot back.
“Not yet.” Ezekiel motions for me to pour him another drink.
Ignoring the remark, I pour second shots for both of us. I don’t hesitate, gulping mine down. “I’m shocked you didn’t read Colton.”
“I was trying to be respectful.” Ezekiel grabs the bottle and goes over to one of the black leather sofas. “It’s not too late for me to do it. The sooner, the better. Find out what you’re dealing with.”
I collapse across from him. “Wrong there. Colton wants nothing more to do with me.”
My brother takes a swig straight from the bottle. He drags a hand across his mouth. “What the hell happened after I left?”
The memory evades my mind. Reliving it hurts too much. “We were doing fine, and then Colton made a move that I wasn’t ready for it.”
“Wait! You turned down sex? Were we looking at the same guy?” Ezekiel’s mouth slackens. “Brother, fallen angels have sex. You’re not a fucking monk. Please tell me how in Heaven’s name did you get to be the oldest?”
“Shut up!” I close my eyes. A better question is how did I end up the fallen one? Ezekiel has always pushed boundaries, bent rules to his favor, and had a general disregard for authority. Loving the wrong angel earned me the punishment.
“No, Brother. You need to hear me for once.” The leather cushion groans beneath Ezekiel. “Open your damned eyes and look at me!”
I glare at him.
“Thank you.” He lowers his voice and continues. “I need you to pull your head out of your ass and deal with this situation. Either you go to Colton and tell this man what you are or I will.”
“No, you won’t.” I ball my fists. “Stay the fuck away from Colton. If we leave him be, no one will threaten him.”
Ezekiel taps his fingers against the sofa arm. “Then you’re willing to let him go? Say fuck it and forget about happiness?”
“Yeah.”
He pushes to his feet. “You’re one dumb-ass fucker. Be glad you already lost your wings. Otherwise, I’d pluck them off your back myself.”
“No need to make me feel any worse than I do.”
Ezekiel goes over to the window and looks out. “Shit. We’ve got company.”
“What?” I jump up and go to the corner. A bald, gangly man dressed in head-to-toe black stands across the street. He’s staring in our direction. Correction. He’s staring at us. “Who the fuck is that?”
“A demon.” My brother closes the blinds. “You still want to hide under a damned rock?”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Colt
Days have passed without a word from JJ. I haven’t seen him since he walked out of my apartment. Instead of wallowing, I’ve kept busy taking on extra shifts at the bar.
I’ve also made a new friend. Nick, one of the bartenders, is a dabbling musician. I told him I wanted to rent a piano, and he gave me the number of a place to check out. He even went with me and helped me pick out a shiny, sleek Yamaha upright. Nick even helped me clear an area in front of the window for my new toy.
Nick has made living without JJ more bearable. When we’re not working, we spend our nights playing music. He plays a decent guitar which has come in handy as I flesh out melody after melody.
But Nick’s companionship doesn’t erase the lingering feelings I have for JJ. A fervent hunger has replaced the swelling fascination I had. Right when I think I can breathe without thinking of him, a memory flickers and I’m back to missing the man.
Marjorie told me JJ won’t be back at the bar any time soon. He claimed to need a break. Right. For a person who doesn’t tolerate bullshit, he sure can shovel it.
On more than one occasion, I’ve been tempted to give JJ a call. Just to check up on him. Make sure he’s all right.
Now, who’s shoveling shit?
I miss him, but what the hell am I supposed
to do about it? He was the one who ran. For once, I stayed put. I allowed myself to stay in the moment, but he left me. I’m not groveling to anyone.
Yet.
“You gonna eat that?” Nick points to the pickle on my plate. We grabbed dinner together at a pub down the street from the bar. Nick swore the food would be worth it. He’s right. I wonder why we don’t eat here more often. The atmosphere isn’t too bad if you don’t mind sawdust-covered floors.
