by Geoff Ryman
253
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THIS IS AN EZI-ACCESS NOVEL
It’s reader friendly. Compare it with other novels. You’ll see the difference right away! Everything is clearly labelled. Each part is divided into the same, repeating sections for EZI ACCESS.
NO MORE FORGETTING WHERE YOU ARE!
NO MORE ENDLESS DESCRIPTIONS!
You only need read as much as you like, when you like. Relax! It’s so EZI!
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No complicated assembly instructions
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No batteries
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No special plugs to let you down when you travel abroad
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No manuals
Just sheer reading pleasure at your fingertips—anywhere, any time! Not a novelty, not a gimmick, this is a work of serious fiction that will provide years of use if properly cared for.
SERVICE SUPPORT QUALITY AND PERFORMANCE
253 has been comprehensively tested with live audiences. Whole characters have been read aloud sentence by sentence to test links and logic.
Official guarantee print remix
This novel contains the full text of the award-winning 253 web site. Nothing has been cut or censored. Experience 253 offline…now with six added introductory bonus pages!
The big brand that’s hard to beat
But you may be looking for a novel with two main characters and a plot. We can help. Consult the HarperCollins catalogue. It’s full of entry-level fiction. You may find that a less expensive option from the Voyager list is perfectly adequate for your needs.
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For compelling, top-of-the-range fiction, consult our Geoff Ryman™ sales and service email hotline at: [email protected]
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Go serious, go easy with 253!
Geoff Ryman
is a Canadian writer, author of numerous highly acclaimed works, now living and working in London and Oxfordshire. He works as Head of New Media for the Central Office of Information. The following are selected responses to his previous novel Was:
‘Staggeringly original and profound…All paths lead back to that farm in Kansas—no place like home—but Ryman’s message is far from the film’s bromide, involving the loss of innocence, fantasy and reality, and a history of America. Extraordinary, wonderful.’
Time Out
‘Ryman’s imagination and his meticulous care for detail make this an extraordinarily powerful novel which should win him the mainstream critical acclaim that he so richly deserves; at the end of this yellow-brick road, there could even be a Booker.’
New Statesman & Society
‘Ryman’s depiction of the harshness of frontier life is enthralling and his portrayals of the various characters’ childhoods have the bitter tang of truth.’
Daily Telegraph
‘Both a moving lament for lost childhoods and an eloquent tribute to the enduring power of art…a forceful and resonant book.’
New York Times
‘Imagine for a moment if Dennis Potter looked behind the legend of the film of The Wizard of Oz. The result would be certainly bizarre, and exactly what Geoff Ryman has created as he weaves three separate possible backdrops to Dorothy’s adventures in the land of Oz…The book and the characters will haunt you.’
Daily Mail
By the same author
THE WARRIOR WHO CARRIED LIFE
THE UNCONQUERED COUNTRY
THE CHILD GARDEN
WAS
253: the print remix. Copyright © 1996, 1998 by Geoff Ryman. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Ryman, Geoff.
253: the Print Remix / Geoff Ryman.—1st St. Martin’s Griffin ed.
p. cm.
ISBN 0-312-18295-3
1. London (England)—Social life and customs—Fiction. 2. City and town life—England—London—Fiction. 3. Subways—England—London—Fiction. I. Title.
PR6068.Y74A615 1998
823'.914—dc2l
98-28602
CIP
First published in Great Britain by Flamingo, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublisbers. A slightly different version of 253 has been published on the internet since 1996.
First St. Martin’s Griffin Edition: September 1998
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
for Bryan
Contents
Introduction
Car 1 passengers
Car 2 passengers
Car 3 passengers
Car 4 passengers
Car 5 passengers
Car 6 passengers
Car 7 passengers
The End of the Line
Appendix
253
(or Tube Theatre)
Beginning…
• Why the title?
• How to use this book
• Time span
• Other information
(please choose one)
WHY THE TITLE?
A tube train only has seven cars. Why? It seems an odd number. Eight would be rounder, more comforting. Perhaps it is seven for good luck.
A tube carriage has 36 seats. This means that an ideally filled tube train that was neither overcrowded nor disturbingly empty, would carry 252 passengers plus the driver. This would make a total of 253 people. That’s the comforting thing about numbers. However unlikely, numbers are always there for a reason.
On January 11th 1995, a tube train left Embankment Station, in London, England, heading south on the Bakerloo Line towards a station called the Elephant and Castle. (This is what happens to words. ‘Elephant and Castle’ was originally named after the Infanta of Castile,1 who was wrongly supposed to have stayed there once. This is an example of the kind of poor communication that costs British industry billions of pounds every year.)
It was the ideally filled tube train. Every seat was occupied. No one was left standing unless they wanted to. Because the universe is not held together by cause and effect alone, but by mysterious patterns, every one of those people reached an important point in their lives. Some made key decisions. Some attained enlightenment. All except for the driver. He fell asleep.
This book is about those 253 people. That is why the title is 253. So that the illusion of an orderly universe can be maintained, each section will consist of 253 words, not counting the headings, page numbers or footnotes.
HOW TO USE THIS BOOK
All 253 characters have their own page. Each page is divided into the following helpful sections:
Outward appearance
Do the characters dress well? Do they look like someone you would like to have for a friend? Remember: this book happens in winter. Many of the passengers are wearing thick winter clothing. This hides some of their individuality. For example, few of them are wearing T-shirts with messages, or revealing lycra shorts. Nevertheless, Outward appearance should help you to decide if you want to read more about that particular person.
Inside information
People are not always what they seem. Inside information provides key facts about each passenger. Some of them are very interesting. Others are not.
What they are thinking and doing
Some of them are thinking positive thoughts. Others are up to no good at all.
Some of them take decisive actions. Most of them simply sit and think. Whatever happens to them, you will share their London Transport experience.
People and Subjects
How to find a particular individual? The book works its way from the front of the train towards the back, one carriage at a time. Each car has a map, showing who is on that car, and where they are sitting. All passengers have their own unique number.
A List of Links at the end of the book details things the characters share, such as:
MARGARET THATCHER: how do the characters view this historical personage?
HAIR CARE: who is a beautician?
LOWER MARSH: who works on this important street?
This feature might help you to find subjects of special interest to you.
TIME SPAN
Every novel happens over a particular period of time. This can present many interesting technical problems. Budding authors may find the following information of interest.
This novel begins as the train doors close at Embankment Station. The journey under the River Thames to Waterloo Station takes roughly one and a half minutes. The train waits there for thirty seconds before leaving. Two minutes later, it arrives at Lambeth North and waits for a further thirty seconds. The final leg of the voyage takes three minutes to reach the Elephant and Castle.
In other words, the action of this novel lasts seven and a half minutes. This means it probably takes longer to read it than it would to live it. This may strike you as absurd.
If so, may I recommend my previous work of serious fiction, Was? It lasts 114 years and takes most people considerably less time to read. Was is about the book and the film The Wizard of Oz and features stimulating characters, colourful locales—and some guest appearances by well-known celebrities.
To order Was in the United Kingdom, email me, the author, at:
[email protected]
In the United States, simply visit your local bookstore and find a member of its Sales and Service team. Ask a team member to order the book for you. Quote the following ISBN numbers: 0-679-40429-5 (hardback) or 0-14-017872-4 (paperback). You should find the Sales Team members very helpful.
If they are not helpful, email me. I will sort them out for you.
OTHER INFORMATION
Nothing exciting happens in this novel. It is ideal fare for invalids or someone wanting a quiet break. Those seeking excitement are advised to read the section called The End of the Line.
253 is designed to appeal to the Nosey Parker in all of us. How often have you sat in a restaurant, theatre, or bus and wondered who the people around you are? This novel will give you the illusion that you can know—indeed, that you are Godlike and omniscient. This can be a very pleasurable sensation. But remember that, as soon as you close the book, you are no longer Godlike and omniscient. The author, however, is. This is because the author only exists because of and within the book.
If you plagiarize parts of this novel, I will get ugly and sue. Save yourself the trouble. I am an author myself and understand the need to recycle material. Simply write to me, stating which parts of my novel you wish to purchase. Undertake to provide full acknowledgement in your novel. I will give you a firm quotation that will not change unless your brief changes.
Finally, help us to serve you better. Please take a few moments to fill in the customer feedback form at the end of this novel. Don’t think too long about each answer—just give us your first response. Mail the completed form to the address shown. All information is treated in the strictest confidence.
That’s all there is. Enjoy your copy of 253.
The first helpful and informative 253 footnote
1 Another theory is that the Elephant was named after the Cutlers’ Company that dealt in ivory at the junction of roads. Medieval heraldry often showed an elephant with a castle on its back, so that might be a source. Is it any wonder that the English are so obsessed with their fascinating history?
Most of the people in 253 are going to places in and around Lambeth and the Elephant. Most of Lambeth was a marsh until the 18th century. Never guess that from street names like Lower Marsh, would you? In fact, one of the guesses (by Christopher Hibbert) as to how London got its name is because of Lambeth. If Lambeth was basically a shallow lake, the place beside it might be called Llyn Din—Lake City. And I thought it was because the Roman city was called Londinium.
This is the second novel I’ve set in Lambeth. I work there, and it makes research cheaper than, say, Egypt or Thailand.
For Your Reading Ease and Comfort
PASSENGER MAP
Car No 1
THIS MAP SHOWS YOU
WHO is in the car
WHERE they are sitting and
WHAT are their interests and concerns
1. TAHSIN CILEKBILECKLI
driver
2. VALERIE TUCK
badge and identity
37. RICHARD TOMLINSON
love and death
3. DEBORAH PAYNE
brains and beauty
36. JASON LUVERIDGE
brains and beauty
4. DONALD VARDA
an American werewolf
35. MARIE BREATNACH
brains and beauty
5. BRIAN LATHAM
cookery and hoovers
34. ADELE DRISCOLL
courtroom drama
6. MARIA REVENTOS
trains and boyfriends
33. DEIRDRE HIDDERLEY
sound and vision
7. VICTOR REVENTOS
trains and girlfriends
32. WILLIAM DYNHAM
politics and people
DOORS
DOORS
8. LISA JABOKOWSKI
beauty and the beast
31. MAURICE HAZLETT
spooks and cottages
9. KEITH OLEWAIO
Polaroids and minicabs
30. BOB ‘THE KNOB’ HALL
see nickname
10. TOBY SWISWE
Britain and minicabs
29. HELEN BALE
ads and medicine
11. DOUGLAS HIGBEE
pianos and boats
28. FLORA McCARDIE
departed days
12. GINA HORST
louts and pooftahs
27. DANNI JARRET
sex and pencils
13. MAY HANMORE
fear and photos
26. PAUL HENNESSEY
wife and grandson
DOORS
DOORS
14. PHIL BARKER
dads and knuckles
25. ALFRED CUSHWAY
Vauxhall and violence
15. HARRY WADE
rugby and sheep
24. CLIVE KELTON
bathroom paradise
16. MINERVA NICHOLAS
love and Bosnia
23. YOSHI KAMIMURA
London and Japan
17. HARRIET DAWE
sons and lovers
22. TONY MANNOCCHI
wine and spirits
18. TONY COLLEY
Camilla and good faith
21. JUSTIN HOLMES
holmeslessness
19. EVELEEN DOYCE
melodrama and happiness
20. JOY HARVEY
one-stop anger
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At last! The book that thinks for itself!
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End Literary Embarrassment Forever
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Simply pu
rchase an Internet service agreement. Install six separate pieces of software and then configure them. It’s so easy there aren’t even any manuals. Instant answers to your questions are available from your Internet Service helpline through the miracle of email. Unless of course your email isn’t working yet. In that case, just go through your modem, using Hayes modem language.
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Just imagine the boss’s face when you tell him, ‘I’ve read 253, the novel for the Internet.’ He will look at you through new eyes. So will your partner for the evening.
253—a world of success and romance could be yours for the price of a phone call!
1
THE DRIVER—
MR TAHSIN CILEKBILEKLI
Outward appearance
Like Antonio Banderas in Interview with the Vampire, down to the long black hair. London Underground uniform, neatly pressed except the jacket which is slung over the back of his chair. Unshaven, baggy-eyed. His Hush Puppy shoes are worn along one edge.
Inside information
A qualified Turkish political scientist living in Britain with a British wife. He walks splay footedly because his feet were beaten while he was in prison. His name means Perfection With Steel Wrists. Turkish surnames are new this century, added under the rule of Ataturk—Father Turk. Such names sound beautiful to them.
