He sighed, laid aside the book he was reading by the light of the room’s single oil lamp, and glanced at the clock sitting on the mantel of the library fireplace. Ten past ten.
Another day over and done, and Sarah still wasn’t back. But it had only been two days since she’d ridden off with her brother Noah. And if her brother Caleb was lingering on, or was even recovering from his gunshot wound, there was no telling how much longer she might be.
Time I head to bed, Cord thought, pushing to his feet. Plenty of ranch work awaits tomorrow, and I’ll need a good—
Footsteps sounded on the porch. Then, as if ridding shoes of excess snow, someone stomped right outside the front door before turning the handle and entering.
Cord tensed. Who’d be visiting at this hour?
Taking up the oil lamp, he headed for the entry and almost slammed into Sarah. For a long moment, they just stared at each other. Then Cord cleared his throat.
“You’re home,” he observed lamely, his mouth gone dry, his heart pounding at the sight of her.
“Yes.” She took a step back, pulled off her mittens, and stuffed them into her coat pocket. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get word to you. I’d imagine you were worried . . .”
“Only that something would happen to you, or you’d decide you’d had enough of me and come back only to fetch Danny and then be on your way.”
Irritated at himself, Cord clamped down on further utterances. He could’ve bitten off his tongue for all the babbling he was doing. At a time like this, what mattered most was Sarah and what she’d been through, not his own fears.
“Here”—he reached for her coat as she removed it—“let me take that. You must be chilled to the bone. Go in and sit by the fire. I’ll fetch you a mug of hot coffee.”
She smiled wanly. “That would be wonderful. Two spoonfuls of sugar and a—”
“A splash of cream. I know.”
Cord hung her coat on one of the pegs beside the front door, and headed for the kitchen. He quickly poured a steaming mug of coffee and added the sugar before finally noting that his hands were shaking. Laying aside the spoon, he paused to inhale a steadying breath, then took the cream from the icebox and splashed a bit into the coffee.
Easy there, son, he cautioned himself. This is no time to get yourself all riled. And this certainly isn’t the time to berate her for her crazy, impulsive actions or smother her with questions. Just stand back and let Sarah tell you what she wants, when she’s ready. By the look of her, things didn’t go well.
He found her sitting on a stool she’d pulled close to the hearth, hunched toward the fire with hands extended. Her long, pale hair tumbled down about her shoulders like some gossamer veil. Cord swallowed hard against an intense swell of longing. It seemed like forever since he’d held her in his arms, kissed her, fingered that gloriously silken hair.
Sarah glanced up just then. Their gazes locked, and Cord was swamped by an impression of intense sorrow. Then Sarah shuttered her emotions behind a stoic façade. She rose, walked over to him, and extended a hand.
Though he wished it were him she was reaching out to, he knew it was really just for the coffee. He handed her the mug.
“Be careful. It’s hot, and I filled it too full.”
Gingerly, she accepted his offering. “Thank you.” Sarah took a careful sip.
A faint smile teased the corner of her mouth when she finally glanced back up. “It tastes so good. I really missed Emma’s coffee. No one makes it like she does.”
“No, no one does.” He gestured to the hearth, bright with leaping flames and fragrant with the bracing scent of burning pine. “Want to sit and talk for a while? Or would you prefer some time to yourself, with the coffee and a warm fire?”
She hesitated, then gestured to the fireplace. “If you’re not too tired, I wouldn’t mind some company. Especially yours.”
Her response heartened him. “I’m not at all tired, now that you’re back home.” It was his turn to hesitate. “I’ve missed you, Sarah. Missed you more than you might imagine.”
Briefly, humor flared in her eyes. “Oh, I don’t know about that. I’ve got a very good imagination.”
Cord chuckled. “Then imagine away, just as long as I’m the center of it all.”
Sarah took another sip of her coffee, then used it to gesture to the fire. “Let’s go sit. I’ve got a lot to tell you.”
He followed her. When they were both seated, he leaned forward, clasping his hands between his knees. “How did things go with your brother? The one that was shot.”
“He died.” She looked down. “In the end, it was a peaceful death, and I think he reconciled with the Lord.”
“I’m sorry, Sarah. For your loss. I know you loved him very much.”
“Yes, I loved Caleb.” She lifted a tear-sheened gaze. “He was so young, had so much life ahead of him. It shouldn’t have happened the way it did.”
What could he say to that, save to agree? “No, it shouldn’t have happened the way it did.”
“I’m so tired, Cord. So tired of all of this. The hatred. The fighting. The deaths.”
“So am I. So am I.”
A tear trickled down her cheek. Angrily, she brushed it away.
“Why won’t it stop? We try so hard, you and I, and it just won’t stop!”
“It’s almost over. We’ve just got to hang on for a little while longer. And not do anything ourselves to drag it out or make it any worse.” He locked gazes with her. “You and I, we’ve got to stay strong and not give up on each other.”
When she didn’t reply, an uneasy premonition washed over him. “Can you do that?” Cord reached out, took her hand. “And, more importantly, do you still even want to?”
In his own inimitable way, Cord had cut to the very heart of the matter. Even if she should—for Danny’s sake at the very least—did she still want to keep on fighting and stand with Cord? Did she still wish to marry him?
Sarah had thought she had. But seeing him, being with him again, had thrown all her emotions into renewed turmoil. Her earlier doubts resurfaced. What did she really know of him? Their courtship had been brief and filled with a wild mix of happiness and pain.
How committed to her was he really? How deep did his anger and need for revenge go? Cord’s unresolved feelings for his father had reemerged in a flash of fury when she’d asked him for help defending Noah and her father. He was still so torn between anger and grief over his own father’s death . . .
Yet wasn’t she equally torn over her father? And how could she be fair or judge Cord when she couldn’t even make up her mind—at least not for long anyway—over what to do about family loyalties? She owed the man she’d agreed to marry better than that. Oh, if only they could both turn their backs on their fathers and all the unhappiness they’d wrought, and start their lives anew!
She wanted to do that—be strong, stand by Cord, marry him—but was it the right thing to do? Even more importantly, was it the right time? Maybe it was better to slow things down a bit, to work through all the crazy emotions and see where it took them, rather than going ahead with their wedding plans. Plans that, if not put to a halt soon, would culminate in a marriage on December 31, just another four weeks from today.
“Best you do marry him, girl,” her father had urged just this afternoon as she was preparing to depart with Noah for the ranch. “From here on out, we’ll need someone on the inside. Someone to warn us of Wainwright’s plans and feed us information. Once you’re his wife, after all, he’ll think it’s safe to tell you everything.”
Jacob Caldwell chuckled grimly. “I had my doubts at first, but it’s the perfect solution. We can continue to work in our own ways to destroy him, while you undermine him at home. And then, when it’s all over and done with, you can deliver the final and worst blow when you leave him.”
Sarah knew her father was raving mad even to consider such a plan, but it still angered her. “So, once again, you’re willing to prostitute me to Cor
d Wainwright, just to avenge yourself against him and his family. There’s not anything or anyone you’ll spare in order to win, is there?”
He gave her a blank look. “But you said you wanted to marry him.”
“Yes, I did. But not to betray him.”
“So Caleb’s death doesn’t change anything for you? He just died in vain?”
“He died in vain because of you, Papa! Because you drove both him and Noah to commit crimes, and those crimes finally caught up with them.” Sarah threw up her hands in exasperation. “Oh, what’s the point of trying to reason with you anymore?”
Fury reddened her father’s face. He reached out, grabbing her by the arm.
“Don’t you ever talk to me that way again, do you hear me, girl? You just do as you’re told.” He released her with a jerk, causing Sarah almost to lose her balance and fall. “Now, get on with you. Noah needs to sneak you back under cover of darkness, and you’ve a long ride ahead. No more sassing me, do you hear?”
More than anything she’d ever wanted, Sarah wanted to tell her father that she was done obeying him. That she wasn’t about to do what he asked, not now or ever again.
But Sarah also feared if she pushed her father any further, he might change his mind and not allow her to leave. And, no matter what, she didn’t intend to remain with him a moment longer. So Sarah just nodded and mumbled a “Yes, Papa,” and she and Noah were soon mounted up and heading back down the mountain.
Not that Cord needs to know about any of what transpired between me and Papa, she thought, recalling her attention back to the present. Right about now, there are probably as many doubts about me in his mind as there are about him in mine.
Help me, Lord, she thought, lifting a prayer heavenward. Help me to know what’s best for the both of us. And help me to say the right things, things that’ll help him understand.
Sarah swallowed hard, then nodded. “Yes, I still want to stand by you, Cord. I don’t want to give up on what I think—I hope—we have. But the things that have happened of late . . . well, I’m not so sure we should rush into marriage. At least not in another four weeks.”
His gaze narrowed. His jaw clenched.
“And why’s that, Sarah?”
Blast him, she thought. He’s not going to make this easy. But then, why should I be surprised? He’s always been as prickly as some pinecone.
“Do you want me to be honest, or would you rather I dance around things and pretend all’s well with us?” Though Sarah tried to keep the irritation from her voice, she feared she was far from successful. “Because it isn’t right now. We’ve got a lot to sort through before we can focus on a life together.”
“The only thing that needs sorting through is your inability to separate yourself, once and for all, from your crazy father!”
The first tendrils of anger licked at Sarah. It took all her willpower to smother the flames.
“Yes, I’ll admit to that,” she replied, struggling to speak calmly. “But you’ve also got a lot of unresolved feelings about your father, and it makes you defensive and ready to fly off the handle at the least provocation.”
Cord expelled a weary breath. “So, it always comes back to my refusal to defend your father and brother, doesn’t it? You just won’t let it go, will you?”
“On the contrary. I’ll let the part go about defending my family. At the time, I was desperate and not thinking straight. I was unfair to you.” Sarah paused, considering how best to word what she was next to say. “The part I won’t let go is your unwillingness—or maybe even your inability—to forgive. Because it eats at you, Cord, and makes you so unhappy. And I’m afraid, so afraid, that if you don’t find some way to forgive, you’ll end up like . . . l-like my f-father.”
As if she were speaking gibberish, he stared uncomprehendingly at her. Despair filled her. He didn’t understand or, worse, didn’t want to understand.
Tears welled, trickled down her cheeks. Sarah clasped her arms about her.
“I-I don’t think this was such a good idea,” she whispered, her voice clogging. “It’s late and we’re both tired. I-I think I’ll head up to bed.”
Just as she stood and turned to go, Cord groaned out her name. He climbed to his feet and swiftly covered the space separating them. Taking her into his arms, he pulled her close.
“No,” he said, “this is a good idea. We’ve got to start talking to each other. No matter what, we can’t keep tiptoeing around each other and the things that are bothering us. It’s no way to begin a life together.”
Despite the harsh words they’d so recently shared, it felt so good to be held, to feel Cord’s strong arms about her. Sarah clung to him like one drowning. The tears came in earnest then, and she wept long and hard.
Wept for Caleb. Wept for the shattered dreams of a happy family and a father she could trust and depend upon. Wept for the sense of isolation from and tension between her and Cord that had been going on for much too long. And wept in relief, that though there were still unresolved issues between them, he finally seemed willing to meet her halfway, to try and work things out.
“Y-yes,” she croaked out the word. “We’ve got to k-keep talking. It’s the honest and loving thing to do.”
Ever so tenderly, Cord kissed her on the forehead. “I love you, Sarah. No matter what, I don’t want to lose you. And certainly not because of my father or your father. We can’t let them destroy what we have. We just can’t!”
A fierce resolve filled her. Maybe she didn’t know everything about him. But what she did know was enough. Cord had the courage to face what needed to be done to heal the breach between them, and that gave her renewed hope for a life together.
“No, we can’t let them—or anyone—destroy what we have.” She leaned back and looked into his eyes. “Do you still want to marry me on New Year’s Eve?”
Joy warmed his eyes and made him smile. “Yes. But I don’t want to rush you into anything.”
She chuckled softly. “Oh, maybe we are still rushing things a bit. But being held in your arms also reminded me how much I want—I need—to be married to you. And I think, if we just keep talking things out, we’ll be fine.”
Sarah smiled softly. “Indeed, more than fine.”
The following day, and with great trepidation, Sarah took Danny aside to tell him about Caleb. Understandably, the little boy was very upset when he learned of his brother’s death, and wept long and hard. Unfortunately, it also set off an asthma attack.
For the next hour, the entire household labored to bring Danny back under control, having him breathe in copious amounts of steam and take the remaining medicine Doc Saunders had given them at the last attack, now almost three months ago. Blessedly, this time the symptoms abated far more quickly than before, even though Danny continued to sniffle off and on about his brother for the rest of the day.
Once again, Sarah was grateful for all the support, both physical and emotional, that Cord, Nick, and the others provided. It only reconfirmed the rightness of her decision to go ahead and marry Cord as originally planned. This was where she and Danny both belonged. This was now home.
In the ensuing days the wedding plans that, in the past two weeks had noticeably slowed, picked up with a vengeance. Invitations were penned and delivered. The wedding reception to be held at Ashton’s church after the ceremony was planned, and food stores checked for available ingredients, before a shopping list was made. Finally, just four days before Christmas in the last flurry of holiday baking, decorating, and gift wrapping, the time came for Sarah’s final fitting of her wedding dress.
A storm had blown in the night before, dropping several inches of fresh snow, but the morning of that next day dawned sunny, calm, and clear. As Sarah and Emma pulled on their coats and mittens in preparation for a visit to town and the dressmaker, Danny ran up.
“Can I come? Can I come?” her brother asked, hopping from one foot to the other, his blue eyes bright with hope. “With all the storms and cold, I haven’
t been able to go to town in a month of Sundays!”
At Danny’s rather gross exaggeration, it was all Sarah could do not to roll her eyes. “In actuality, little brother, it’s only been—”
“I need to do some Christmas shopping!” he said, cutting her off in midsentence. “And this might be my only chance before Christmas.”
“Christmas shopping?” She eyed him suspiciously. “And exactly when did you come into any money to buy anything?”
“Golly, I didn’t steal nothing.” Danny heaved an injured sigh. “Mr. Nick gave me some money and asked me to buy some presents for everyone.” He dug in his pocket, pulling out several bills, which he showed to her. “See?”
Remorse instantly filled Sarah. She was overreacting just because stealing seemed to run in her family these days. She squatted before her brother and took him by both arms.
“I’m sorry. I guess I jumped the gun a bit, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, I guess you did,” he agreed solemnly. “So, can I go with you and Emma?”
After a moment’s hesitation, she nodded. “You have to be patient, though, while I try on my wedding dress. It could get a little boring. And you have to dress warm and wear a muffler over your nose and mouth whenever we’re outside, okay?”
“Sure.” Danny’s grin was wide and joyous. “I don’t care how much time it takes for you to try on your dress, just as long as I can go shopping afterward.”
“I guess that can be arranged.” Sarah shot the housekeeper a questioning glance. “Would that work out all right for you, Emma?”
“Sure it would. And maybe, if there’s time, we can even stop by the Wildflower Café for a piece of pie before heading home.”
“Oh, that’d be swell.” Her brother shoved the money back in his pocket and grabbed his own coat from the lower row of pegs near the front door. “I can’t wait!”
An hour later, they pulled up in front of Edith Wolfe’s dress shop. The trip to town had gone well, the ranch sleigh gliding smoothly over the fresh snow. While Emma tied the horse to the hitching post in front of the dress shop, Sarah helped Danny down from the front seat.
Heart of the Rockies Collection Page 24
