She rose, lifted the quilt, and laid her sister’s hand beneath it to keep it warm. Then Shiloh leaned over and kissed Jordan on the cheek. “Get well, big sister,” she said, her voice hoarse with emotion. “I so miss our little squabbles.”
As she straightened and glanced down at Jordan’s pale, expressionless face, Shiloh’s breath caught in her throat. A single tear rolled from Jordan’s eye and trailed down her cheek.
11
Two days later, Emma Duncan, the housekeeper who had been with the Wainwright family for almost twenty years, was finishing up Jordan’s bath with Shiloh’s assistance when she gave a soft cry. “Land sakes, Miss Jordan. You’re awake! You’re really and truly awake!”
At the older woman’s words, Shiloh, who was busy pulling out a fresh nightgown for them to put on her sister, whirled around. Her heart pounding, she hurried over to the bed. Sure enough, Jordan was staring straight at Emma and appeared to be gazing at her in recognition.
“Jordan?” Shiloh took up one of her sister’s hands. “Jordan, look at me.”
After what seemed hours instead of just seconds, Jordan turned her glance to meet Shiloh’s. Confusion clouded her eyes. Her lips moved, but only a low moan escaped.
“Jordan,” Shiloh said, leaning closer. “Do you know who I am?”
She nodded, then a pink tongue escaped to lick dry, cracked lips. “W-water,” her sister croaked.
Emma was immediately at the bedside table, pouring a glass of water from a small pitcher and handing it to Shiloh. “Remember to raise her head,” the housekeeper warned, “and only give her a tiny sip at a time. Otherwise, she’ll choke on it.”
Shiloh did as instructed. After a moment while Jordan held the liquid in her mouth as if she didn’t know what to do with it, she finally swallowed. A few more sips, and Shiloh finally set aside the glass.
“That’s enough for now,” she said, smiling down at her sister. “But in a little while, you can have more.”
Jordan reached up and touched her sister’s hair. “Pr . . . pretty,” she murmured. “Shi . . . loh.”
“Oh, you do remember me,” Shiloh cried joyfully. “That’s a good sign, isn’t it, Emma?” she asked, turning to the other woman, who had moved around to the other side of the bed.
“Yes, it is. The fact that Jordan can speak, hold up a hand, and remembers you are all very good signs.” She looked down at Jordan. “Honey girl,” she said, using the nickname she’d always called her, “do you remember me?”
Jordan turned to her, blinked a few times, then closed her eyes. “T-tired. Sleep . . .”
Emma smilingly nodded, took up Jordan’s other hand, and bent to gently kiss her cheek. “Just let us get a clean nightgown on you, and then you can take a nice nap. Plenty of time later to talk.”
Working together, Emma and Shiloh soon had Jordan dressed in a pretty, white cotton nightgown trimmed with rows of lace down the top front. Then, after pulling up the quilt to tuck it beneath Jordan’s chin, Emma motioned for Shiloh to join her in exiting the bedroom.
Once outside with the door closed, Emma engulfed Shiloh in a big hug. “Oh, thank the Lord! Thank the Lord. Jordan has come back to us.”
Shiloh enthusiastically returned the embrace. Yes, thank You, Lord, she thought. My dearest desire was for my sister to live, and that I might have the chance to tell her how much I love her. You are indeed merciful to a sinner such as I.
Then, disengaging herself from Emma’s clasp, Shiloh stepped back, grabbed up the housekeeper’s hand, and pulled her down the hall. “Let’s go tell everyone the good news. Then we’d better get started on a big pot of chicken and dumpling soup. I’m thinking it won’t be long and Jordan will be asking for a lot more than water and broth.”
A short while later, leaving the rest of the family happy, relieved, and talking excitedly among themselves, Shiloh threw on a shawl and headed outside. She had seen Jesse ambling off toward the barn about ten minutes ago and guessed he’d gone to check on his pony. She wanted to be the first one to tell him about Jordan’s return to full awareness.
As she entered the barn, however, she heard voices, and none of them were Jesse’s.
“Stinking ’breed,” one man scornfully said. “You’ve got a nerve, riding in all high and mighty with Miss Wainwright.”
“Yeah, like you owned her or something,” another voice added derisively. “I’ve half a mind to beat the living tar out of you.”
From inside the stall where the two ranch hands were standing just outside came Jesse’s calm voice. “You’re sure welcome to try. You’re going to need more than half of that mind of yours, though, to succeed.”
“Well, maybe I’ll just help Dan out a bit,” the first hand said. Hands fisted, he took a threatening step forward.
“That’s enough!” Shiloh cried, hurrying to join them. She glared up at the two hands, who quickly jumped back to stare at her with wide eyes.
“We—we didn’t mean no harm, ma’am,” the man named Dan stammered. “Stu and I, we was just fooling with him. He didn’t take it none too well, though. These ’breeds just don’t seem to have much sense of humor.”
“Well, neither do I, when I see a Wainwright guest treated so rudely by our hired help.” Shiloh didn’t break gaze with the hand. “And you can be sure my brothers will be hearing about it too.”
“Now, you don’t need to be telling them about this, ma’am.”
“Don’t I? Then maybe you two should make your apologies and make them quick.”
Stu and Dan exchanged a quick glance.
“Beggin’ yore pardon, sir,” Dan said.
“Yeah,” Stu added. “Beggin’ yore pardon.”
Shiloh looked to Jesse. “Is that sufficient for you?”
He gave a snort of amusement. “Sure.” He turned back to the hoof he was picking.
She shot the two hands a stern look. “Get on with whatever you were doing.”
Stu and Dan all but fell over each other scurrying to the door.
“Shiloh, I don’t need you always standing up for me,” Jesse said quietly, interrupting her troubled thoughts. “I can take care of myself.”
“I know you can.” She turned around to face him. “I just get so mad when I hear talk like that. They’re the ones so high and mighty, thinking they’re better than you.”
“I long ago ceased to care what people like that think of me. I’d have to value someone and his or her opinions before I’d let myself care.”
She knew he was right, but she still couldn’t shake off her anger. “The only way people like Stu and Dan are ever going to change is if people like us make them see what they do is unacceptable. We can’t just stand by and let them get away with it. By not hearing anything to the contrary, they’ll think that everyone goes along with them.”
Jesse released his pony’s hoof and moved to the next one. “True enough. But you also need to pick your battles. And have the sense to know when there’s a chance of winning and when there’s not.”
Shiloh considered that for a moment, then nodded. “Well, likely you’re right about that too. I just need more practice to know which battles are worth it and which aren’t.”
He finished with the hoof, put it down, and straightened. “I’d imagine you do. It’s not as if you’re faced with men like those two every day.” He grimaced. “Only when folk like me come around.”
“Folk like you can come around anytime they want. I much prefer your kind anyway.” She paused, reminded of why she’d originally come to find Jesse. “I’ve got some good news. Jordan opened her eyes just awhile ago, looked at Emma and me like she knew us, and even said a few words.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” He walked over to stand before her. “It must be quite a relief to you and your family.”
She gazed up at him, thrilled by his nearness even as she fought to keep her focus on the subject at hand. “Yes, it is. The Lord has heard our prayers and brought our sister back from the edge of death.”
His cynical words muted a little of Shiloh’s joy. It pained her that his regard for the Lord was about as high as that for most whites. Which, in truth, wasn’t very high at all.
“Reckon that means I can head back home now,” Jesse said, wrenching her from her troubled musings. “Now that I know your sister’s out of the woods and on the road to recovery.”
“So soon?” She laid a hand on his arm, her heart twisting within her. “You’ve only been here a little over two days. Stay a few more days at least. Emma’s good cooking will put a little more meat on your bones, and a bit more rest will only strengthen you for the trip back.”
“I can manage the trip back just fine.” Jesse covered her hand with one of his own. “I only stayed this long because you asked me, so I’d be here for you if something . . . something happened to your sister. But now that she seems to be on the mend, there’s no sense me hanging around. I’m of no use here, save for showing up for three squares a day and taking up space in the bunkhouse.”
Guilt filled her. She’d been so worried about Jordan and so involved in her care that she’d given little thought to what Jesse did much of the day. She’d expected him to remain at her beck and call, and then she’d hardly spent time with him except for meals and a brief visit or two each day.
“Oh, Jesse,” Shiloh exclaimed on a remorseful breath. “Please forgive me. I’ve been so selfish and gave you so little thought these past few days. I imagine you’ve been near to going out of your mind with boredom.”
He smiled ruefully. “Well, I spent a lot of time down by that little creek, dozing in the sun. But I didn’t begrudge you that. I understood where your attention had to be. And my job was just to be there if you needed me.”
His generosity of spirit touched her deeply. “As I’ll always be there for you, if you ever need me. Oh, Jesse,” Shiloh said, impulsively moving to hug him, “you’re such a good man and a wonderful, wonderful friend!”
For a long moment, he just stood there, arms at his side. Then with an anguished groan, Jesse wrapped his arms about her and pulled her even more tightly to him.
“Shiloh,” he murmured, his lips nuzzling the top of her head. “This isn’t right. And you need to stop tempting me like this.”
His words gladdened her more than she could say. Shiloh leaned back against the circle of his arms and smiled. “But that’s where you’re wrong. If we both want it, it is right.”
The sound of a throat pointedly clearing behind them wrenched them back to reality. Immediately, Jesse released her and stepped back. Shiloh whirled around to find Cord and his wife Sarah standing there. From their garb, they looked like they were headed for town.
Her brother’s dark gaze swung from Jesse to Shiloh, and she cursed her easy propensity to blush as the heat flamed in her cheeks. She took a step forward, her hands lifted in supplication.
“Cord, it’s not what you may think—”
“And what exactly would I be thinking, little sister?” he demanded curtly. “That this man seems to have a taste for secret meetings in the barn with both of my sisters? Meetings that always seem to end up with him taking inappropriate liberties?”
Exasperation filled Shiloh. “Oh, for Pete’s sake, Cord! I was only giving Jesse a hug of thanks for all he’s done for me. I hardly think that’s an inappropriate liberty.”
“And, because he was too polite to hurt your feelings, he was hugging you back, is that it?” Cord gave a disgusted snort. “Come on, Shiloh. You’ll have to do better than that.”
She scowled and fisted her hands. “Whether it was or wasn’t what you thought it was, what does it matter? I’m a grown woman and can hug whomever I choose!”
“Not as long as I’m your brother, you can’t!” He was making a move toward her when Sarah grabbed his arm.
“Cord, this isn’t the time or place for a discussion of this sort,” his pretty blonde wife said. “And besides, Shiloh’s right. She’s a grown woman now, whether you want to accept it or not. She’s old enough to know what she’s doing.”
Her husband turned and glowered at her. “Maybe that’s what you think, but I’m not so sure about that.”
“Oh, well, thanks a lot for that compliment!” Shiloh’s fists settled on her hips. “So nice to be considered so highly. And by my own brother, no less.”
“Look,” Jesse said just then. “I hate to break up such a tender family get-together, but for one thing, I’m getting tired of being maligned in the third person. And, for another, I’ve fulfilled my obligation to Shiloh and am heading home. So, you don’t have to worry about me and my dubious intentions anymore.”
“No, Jesse!” Shiloh whirled around in dismay. “Don’t go just because my brother’s being such a knothead. He’ll calm down in a bit and see reason. He always has before.”
“Oh, I will, will I?” Cord gave a harsh laugh. “Don’t count on it, missy.”
“Cord, come on,” his wife urged. “We came out here to fetch the buggy whip and then head for town. Not to get in an argument with Shiloh. So are we going buggy riding or not?”
A moment passed while Cord stood there, looking back and forth between Sarah and Shiloh. Then he heaved a huge sigh.
“Fine. Let’s go get the whip.” With that he stalked past Shiloh and Jesse, heading down the aisle to the tack room.
Shiloh turned to Jesse. “I’m sorry. My brother’s still a bit too protective of me. But he’ll see reason. I know he will.”
Jesse smiled sadly and shook his head. “He has every right to be suspicious of me. Because I’ve done exactly what he said.”
“That was nine years ago, Jesse. I’m thinking it’s past time everyone needs to forgive and forget.”
“Yeah, maybe we all do.” His expression went solemn. “But it doesn’t look like that’s ever going to happen. I’m not wanted here. Never have been. And I’m not one to stay where I’m not wanted.”
Tears stung Shiloh’s eyes. “But you are wanted, Jesse. I want you.”
He had made a move to head back to his pony, but at her impassioned words, he turned back to her. He grabbed her by both arms.
“Don’t say that,” he cried, an agonized look in his eyes. “Don’t even think it! I’m riding out of here just as soon as I can get my pony ready and my gear collected from the bunkhouse. Riding out of here and out of your life, once and for all. And I don’t want you coming back to the Agency. There’s nothing you can accomplish there. Nothing. Stay here where you’re safe. Stay with your family.”
Jesse released her, walked over to the stall, and took down the hackamore. Without sparing her another look, he proceeded to place the headstall on his pony.
Shiloh watched him, the tears welling then tumbling down her cheeks. Myriad protests formed on her lips, some logical, some pleading. All formed then died away, never to be uttered.
She was sick of how he pulled her close, then pushed her away, over and over and over again. Only a fool would keep coming back to take such abuse. And she was no fool. She wouldn’t let herself be, no matter how much her heart wanted to do otherwise.
Better to be like Jesse. Just turn and walk away, never to look back. She had given up on him once before. Surely she could do so again. If he was such a coward when it came to following his heart, then she didn’t want any part of him.
Angrily, Shiloh swiped the tears away and squared her shoulders. “Fine, have it your way!” she shouted after him. “You go and I’ll stay here because my sister needs me. But just know one thing, Jesse Blackwater. What I told my brother applies to you as well. I’m a grown woman and can do whatever I choose. And if I choose to eventually return to the Agency, I will!”
With that she turned on her heel and, in high dudgeon, stomped from the barn.
The rest of the day, Sh
iloh’s anger at Jesse gradually abated until, by suppertime, she was acutely regretting her decision to allow him to ride away without trying one more time to convince him to stay. She was also acutely missing him.
Though the meal of beef stew, fresh-baked wheat bread, followed by a dried apple pie was likely delicious, Shiloh found she had little appetite. Just as soon as she could, she excused herself and went outside to sit on the front porch. She needed time to be alone and think.
The sun soon set behind the mountains, and the day quickly darkened to night. The sound of voices rose inside the house, talking and laughing, the clink of forks against plates as they finished their dessert in the parlor. Finally, everyone departed for the kitchen to wash and dry dishes or for their favorite spots in the house.
The sounds were familiar, even comforting, but possessed a quality Shiloh had never noticed before. It was as if she recognized it all but it still seemed strange, as if she wasn’t an integral part of this oh-so-familiar and beloved life. As if, in a sense, she didn’t truly belong here anymore.
She’d heard it said that you can’t go home again, thinking it’d all be as it once was. This realization both confounded and pained her, even as she accepted it as truth. Too much had changed in her life. Even if she’d wanted to, she couldn’t go back and be who she once was. Funny, though, but until now she had never noticed that.
Things had certainly taken a dramatic turn of late. She had gone to the White River Indian Agency and found her new job to be supremely difficult and challenging. After all these years and quite unexpectedly, she had stumbled upon Jesse, an encounter that had freed all the long-buried emotions, emotions that would never be contained again. Emotions that were now so different and so much more intense. And then Jordan had almost died.
In a curious sense, she now sat here feeling almost torn in two. Part of her wanted to be here, where she could help in the task of bringing Jordan back to a full and productive life. Even if she might never be a wife to Robert Travers again, her sister could still be a mother to her infant daughter.
Heart of the Rockies Collection Page 45
