Her eyes widened and she shook her head, fresh tears falling down her cheeks.
“Please,” Sterling locked eyes with her. “It’s like you’ve died.”
Evelyn started as if she’d been slapped. She stepped back from Sterling’s grasp. She wrapped her arms around herself, looked up and down the street, and then closed her eyes.
It was there. He’d said the words that sparked a memory, and Evelyn listened as the wind chanted the message—a melody moving through the trees covered in new life and vibrant green leaves.
Chapter 13 ~ Fragile Steps
June 1945 ~ Evelyn
“You haven’t gone out since it happened. I want to drive you over to Newbold, away from here, for a nice dinner. I’ve been saving my gas stamps for this. Will you let me help you make a new memory tonight?”
Sterling lifted her face to look into her eyes. Evelyn met his gaze and he smiled. She knew that he was trying to imbue her with courage. The hallway mirror showed that she looked alive again after three weeks of talking and walking through the streets near her home. Still fragile, but alive.
Sterling squeezed her hand. “I talked to your parents—they think it would be good for you, too.”
Evelyn hesitated and smiled. “Okay, I’ll go.”
“I’ll be back to pick you up at six.” Sterling gave her a quick peck on the cheek and stood. His movement sent the swing into a gentle rock, and she cuddled Danny and waved her fingers at Sterling as he walked away.
~*~
She wore a black skirt with a blouse the color of wild orchids. When her mother had checked in on her and saw her wearing a simple black dress, Marie insisted that Evelyn wear something other than black.
Evelyn’s forehead puckered as she frowned, but she conceded to her mother’s wishes. Marie still made a clucking noise when she saw her black skirt. “I guess if that’s the best you can do, we’ll just take one step at a time.”
“Thanks for understanding, Mom, and for watching Danny,” Evelyn said. Ever since the day she walked with Sterling and heard the wind speak to her, she had made an effort to push away her fears and live. She had read through Jim’s letter again and cried, but then resolved to fight. She thought of Jim’s message every day, gripped the locket she still wore, and promised herself that today would be better than yesterday.
Evelyn hugged her mother and gave Danny a kiss on his chubby cheek. “You be a good boy now.” He squealed and clapped his hands when he heard Sterling’s knock at the door. Evelyn couldn’t help but laugh as she went to meet her date.
Sterling deserved credit for steering the conversation into lighthearted chatter. He told her about some of the work he’d been busy with at his shop and how the town of Aspen Falls seemed to be growing.
As they drove along the highway, she noticed how the new homes of Aspen Falls stretched much closer to Newbold and Callaway Grove than she remembered. Soon they would merge together, and she hoped her secluded town wouldn’t lose its cozy aura to the more bustling city of Newbold.
At the restaurant, Evelyn didn’t see anyone she knew and allowed herself to relax and enjoy Sterling’s company. “I remember when I was a little girl, being so excited to visit Colorado Springs and thinking that one day I’d live there.” She paused and cut her meat into smaller pieces realizing that every memory seemed to come back to Jim no matter how hard she tried to avoid it. “Jim and I moved to Colorado Springs right after we were married.”
Sterling concentrated on his food, chewing carefully as if he also recognized the precarious turn the conversation was taking. “Really? I didn’t know that, but I’ve only lived in Aspen Falls for four years.” He swallowed and took a drink. “My brother and I set up shop out here not long after my dad passed on.”
“See, it’s proof our town is growing,” Evelyn responded. “We moved because I’d found a good job as a secretary and wanted to see more than our city square. Of course, Jim was in the air force.”
They both concentrated on eating for a time as memories filled their minds. Evelyn pulled apart the steaming dinner roll and slathered oleo on it. Missing real butter, she watched the golden pat sink into the thick bread. “Thank you for bringing me here tonight. You were right, I needed to get out.”
Sterling winked at her. “They have dancing in the next room, and I wondered if you’d mind a few slow dances with a cripple like me?”
She smiled. “That’d be fine.” She folded her hands in her lap to hide the tremors in her fingers.
“You look so alive tonight, Evelyn.” He reached for her hand under the table. “I was worried I’d lost you.”
When they danced, she tried to block the memory of Jim holding her in their kitchen and humming to the tune of the music box. Fortunately, Sterling led her away from the dance floor after only one song, and they watched the couples moving gracefully through a waltz.
“I used to be a great dancer,” he said.
“Don’t worry about it, Sterling.” Evelyn squeezed his hand and then leaned her head on his shoulder.
On the way home, she sat closer to Sterling and he put his arm around her. The temperature dropped as night drew on, and he motioned to the blanket he brought to cover her legs. She pulled the blue-and-white plaid blanket up to her waist and nearly dozed in the warmth and motion of the car.
When Sterling drove up to her house, he switched off the ignition but hesitated before opening his door. He leaned toward Evelyn, and she focused on the depths of his jade-colored eyes and held very still. He smiled and she felt the warmth of his breath caress her cheek as he kissed her lightly on the lips.
Evelyn closed her eyes and she felt him pause as if gauging her reaction. Her lips responded to his next kiss. A tiny thrill traveled through her, and she could feel the flush of heat in her cheeks. Sterling put his arms around her and kissed her again, drawing her body close to his.
The kisses were tender and his hold on her wasn’t forceful, but the only man who had kissed her since Jim had been Harlan, and now her lips felt tainted. She wanted to enjoy the soft caresses of Sterling’s mouth against hers, but instead she shivered under his touch. She choked on her tears and leaned back, but Sterling pulled her close to him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. His touch gentle, yet firm. “But I’m not. Please Evelyn, look at me, keep your eyes open and kiss me just once.”
“I can’t.” She pulled away, looked at him, then rested her head on his shoulder.
“I know what you’re thinking and that’s why I want you to kiss me. Don’t let Harlan infect your heart. Don’t let him win.” He rubbed her back in a circular motion and let several seconds pass before he spoke again. “I know you won’t believe me, but I’m just as scared as you.”
The streetlamp cast a soft glow on his face, and she could see from his eyes he spoke the truth. “You mean the flashbacks?”
He nodded. “I haven’t let myself get close to anyone because I never know when I’ll be overcome by the memories.” His fingers traced the line of her jaw. “But now you’ve helped me. I know they might never leave completely, but when I’m with you I feel like I can keep waking up every day and try to face the world.”
“But I feel the same way,” she whispered. “If it weren’t for you, Sterling, I don’t know . . .”
He bent his head toward her and she felt his lips, soft and moist, brush against hers. Evelyn almost pulled back again, but the part of her that hated Harlan didn’t want to let him ruin this.
She parted her lips and kissed him, feeling the warmth of his breath against her mouth. Her trembling fingers sifted through the dark curls at the nape of his neck. His kisses grew longer, and when his lips trailed along her jawline and onto her neck, she sighed and brought his mouth back to hers. Then with a ragged breath she clung to him and buried her face in his chest.
“I love you, Evelyn,” Sterling whispered.
She clutched his shoulders and pressed her cheek against his beating heart and wondered if she would ever
be able to say those words to him.
Chapter 14 ~ Pieces
July 1945 ~ Evelyn
Evelyn wiped the perspiration from the back of her neck and pinned up her hair, almost ready for another date with Sterling. She placed her fingers on her lips and thought about the kiss they’d shared over a month ago. She hadn’t let him kiss her like that since that night, and her heart quickened as she thought about how he held her close each time they were together, his breath warm against her cheek. The fear welled up inside again, and Harlan’s face flashed before her. She shuddered and tucked another strand of hair in the ivory clip.
She heard a car door close and knew Sterling had arrived. A knock at the door caused her stomach to flip, and she listened as her father greeted Sterling with a hearty chuckle.
Evelyn stared at herself in the mirror. Her face had lost its soft innocence, and the lines of her jaw were more defined. The brown of her eyes held no glimmer of excitement the way they used to when she was preparing to meet Jim. She covered her face with her hands and took a deep breath.
Sterling was trying his best to hold onto her, but Evelyn had lost her spark. Harlan’s terrifying attack had awakened something in Sterling, given him a boldness that had been lost before. But while it had aroused something in Sterling, it had equally dampened Evelyn’s venturing spirit. How could she go on when the jagged pieces of her broken heart seemed to pierce her soul with each breath she took? Danny’s giggle echoed through the hallway, and she knew Sterling was probably tickling him and singing some funny song to make him smile. Danny adored Sterling—he had even started calling him Stir.
Every time Evelyn had tried to push Sterling away and hide under the consuming tower of her fears, he had reached for her, pulling her from the gloom. She couldn’t help but see what a good man he was, how much he wanted to be a father someday.
She glanced in the mirror again and rolled her shoulders back her thoughts wandering to the promise she’d made to Jim. It was difficult, but she was living again, trying to piece her life back together. She would try to make a better effort to open her heart to Sterling.
The stairs creaked as Evelyn descended holding tight to the banister. Sterling looked up and her body trembled when she recognized the adoration in his eyes. He loved her, and she felt guilty for not giving him her whole heart, but it wasn’t possible—at least not yet.
“You look lovely.” He held out his hand. “I’m a lucky man.”
“Thank you,” she murmured and looked at her squirming son. “You be a good boy. Grandpa has a new story to tell you.”
“Pa! Story!” Danny shouted and sprinted into the kitchen where he knew he could find Grandpa reading the paper.
“I guess it’s time to make our escape,” she said.
Sterling hesitated and looked back into the kitchen. “Be sure to hug him good night for me later, will you?”
Evelyn nodded, unable to trust her voice to answer. Sterling had a way of making each moment so intense, like he treasured every second. She grasped his arm and wished she could be more like him.
Sterling whistled as they walked to his car.
She pursed her lips and took a deep breath. “Thanks, Sterling, for being patient with me these past few months.”
“Thank you for letting me be a part of your life.” He touched her arm and trailed his fingers toward her hand. Her skin responded to his touch as he leaned toward her and kissed her on the cheek. He opened the door and she slid in. Sterling started up the engine of the 1942 Series 61 Cadillac. She listened as it rumbled and then purred, reminding her of how Sterling had told her he’d always dreamed of driving a car like it. With almost no new automobiles manufactured in the past few years, he’d given up hope. Last year he had salvaged this one from an auto accident and spent every spare moment repairing it.
They drove to the movie theater and after Sterling parked the car, he turned toward her. His smile widened and he put his arm around her. She pushed down the fear of being near another man and rested her head on his shoulder.
“Will you sing it for me?” he asked.
“What?” Evelyn lifted her head.
“Your song.” He rubbed her arm and held her close. “You used to hum or sing that tune constantly, but now . . .”
“I know,” Evelyn said. “It’s just that every time I think about singing it, I get a lump in my throat.”
“Sing it anyway. It’s beautiful. And if you shed some tears, maybe it will help.”
Running a finger along the thin chain of her locket, she took a deep breath and let the words of the song play in her mind. “It’s so hard to keep on living when I’m falling apart inside.”
Sterling looked at her. “I wish I didn’t know what you mean, but I do. Evelyn, please tell me how I can help you.”
She reached down and touched his injured leg. “Sometimes I forget because you’re so good at hiding your limp, but knowing that you’ve gone through some of the same anxiety helps.”
He tapped the steering wheel with his left hand. “I read somewhere that it’s important to face your fears. That if you talk about them, sometimes they don’t seem so scary anymore.”
Evelyn swallowed. She didn’t want to speak but remembered her resolve earlier to try to open her heart to Sterling. “I’m afraid to get close to a man again.” Folding her arms, she whispered, “Sometimes I’m even afraid to be alone with you. I know it’s ridiculous to feel that way, you would never hurt me, but . . .”
Sterling rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “You’re right. I would never hurt you. But I know why you’re scared. You’re scared of the unknown—of what will happen if you let down your guard and leave your heart vulnerable.” He took her hands in his and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. “I love you, Evelyn. I want to protect you and help you heal.”
“I’m so scared.” She leaned toward him and he pulled her close to his chest.
“It’s okay to be afraid, but you can’t afford to waste as much life as I have by hiding from your fears.” He put his hand on her cheek and tipped her face upward. “You’re so much stronger than you think. Look at what you’ve been through. You have a wonderful son. You’re talented and beautiful and kind.”
She shook her head and a curl came loose, twisting down her back. “I don’t know if I have any strength left.”
Sterling put his hands on her arms and held her upright. “Sing it,” he said. “Sing your song to me now and let’s see what happens.”
Her lip quivered and she started to shake her head, but he cupped her face in his hands and locked eyes with her. “That song is magic every time you sing it. Now, please.”
Evelyn stared at him for a moment, at the determination emanating from the jade flecks in his eyes. She cleared her throat and sang,
There’s an angel on my shoulder.
Her voice cracked and she stopped, but the attentiveness in Sterling’s gaze didn’t falter and so she continued.
There’s an angel by my side.
Her voice grew husky with tears, but she kept singing,
And it leads me and it guides me
through the trials in my life.
A tear slipped down her cheek as the impact of the words seared into her heart.
With a jolt, she saw every detail of that day so long ago when Jim gave her the music box. As her voice reached for the high note and bloomed with the crescendo, she realized it hadn’t been so long ago—just a few short years—that her life had changed. Sterling’s face blurred before her as more tears fell. She finished the song and in the seconds before he spoke, she heard the wind blowing outside the car and thought about the words Jim had written in the music box, Don’t die with me.
A sob escaped her throat and she buried her head against Sterling’s chest. The part of her eternally linked to Jim wanted to die with him. It was so painful to be apart. The corner of her heart that would always love Jim would rather die than keep on beating without him. But she had made a promise to he
rself that she would heed his last wish—she would live for him, for his son, and for herself.
She wiped her eyes with the handkerchief Sterling offered her. “Before Harlan . . .” she stumbled on her words. “I believed I was getting on with my life and doing what Jim wanted me to do, but I was still holding back. I wasn’t living with my whole heart.”
Sterling rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head. “I did the same thing—tried to tell myself I was getting on with life when half of me was still hiding.”
Headlights from another car illuminated the interior of Sterling’s Cadillac. “I guess we better get going. The show will start soon.”
“Thank you,” she spoke in a low voice, “for understanding.”
“You’re an incredibly brave woman, Evelyn. I know you’ll make it through this.”
As Sterling guided her inside the theater, thoughts churned through her mind. She had listened to the wind, to Jim’s words, and was living again. But did that mean she could love another man?
Chapter 15 ~ The New Patient
October 1945 ~ Emika
The room smelled like antiseptic, medicines, and other things that stung Emika’s nose. Unfamiliar noises surrounded her—nurses talking, charts flipping. She could hear the different kinds of shoes making contact with the floor—that one a heavy step, this one light, that one stopping next to a patient’s bed. With her eyes closed, she could still see the room because every sound gave off a picture.
The music box was magic because when it played, she didn’t have to see the ugly green hospital walls, or the bandages, needles, and silver trays of medicines. She could close her eyes and listen to the music and imagine her mother’s face.
Her father brought the music box to the hospital after her first treatment, and when Emika’s very bones seemed to cry out with pain, she focused on the song. The medicine made her vision cloudy, and it was difficult to focus on the spinning ballerina. So Emika closed her eyes and pictured the graceful dancer, with a tiny bit of white tulle wrapped around her slender waist, twirling, smiling, and never pausing until the brass handle halted in its slow rotations.
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