Sophie looked down and then back at him. “I’m the one who’s lucky.”
And Leland knew that she had somehow seen in him that they both had experienced the pain of loss and come out on the other side still breathing.
It only took them about twenty minutes to put together the bed. Leland kept sneaking glances at Sophie, ignoring the knowing look and grins Keith sent his way. They hauled in a dresser that had been freshly painted white with pink trim. Sophie was already making up the bed with a patchwork quilt. She tucked a baby doll by the pillow.
“Maggie will love this. Thank you so much Keith.” She turned to Leland and her smiled widened. “And Leland. I appreciate the help.”
Leland nodded.
“Leland doesn’t mind,” Keith replied. “He’s happy for an excuse to get out. He’s single, so he needs a few more excuses, I think. Sophie, why don’t you invite him over for the Christmas party?”
“Oh. I—uh, didn’t know if he’d be available.” Sophie’s cheeks turned pink.
Leland pushed Keith off balance. “Your brother is kind of a pest, you know.”
Sophie chuckled. “I actually do know that very well.”
“It’s been a long time since I’ve—um, dated, so Keith here is trying to help me, I guess,” Leland stuttered.
“Well, it’s a small gathering with a big turkey, so if you’d like to come, maybe we could beat Keith at poker?”
“I’d love to.” Leland glanced down at his boots and then back at Sophie.
She put her hand to the side of her mouth. “We play with pennies, but Keith still owes me from last year.”
They all laughed. As they walked toward the door, Leland trailed behind with Sophie. “Thanks again for the invitation.”
Sophie smiled. “Merry Christmas.”
Leland nodded. “It will be, I think.”
Even though Keith razzed him on the drive back to his shop, Leland didn’t stop smiling. He kept picturing the way Sophie’s curls trailed down her back and how the dimple in her right cheek deepened when she smiled. He thought of Jessie and felt a lightness in his heart with the knowledge that it was time to continue on to the next chapter of his life.
Chapter 26 ~ Kissing Ghosts
December 1945 ~ Evelyn
The light reflected off the film of ice on the edges of Evelyn’s window. She tugged against the frozen window casing until it shrieked and the ice splintered, allowing a breath of frigid air to seep into the room. Three deep breaths later, she pushed the window back down and hugged herself as the wintry air circled about her.
The house was devoid of sound, at least the sound for which Evelyn listened. No voices floated up the stairwell, no footsteps could be heard shuffling through the hall. Dawn was just breaking over the horizon, but she couldn’t sleep any longer. The past three days had felt like an emotional hurricane had struck the household.
Danny acted unusually fussy, and the two-year mark seemed to have brought with it a frenzy of temper tantrums. At least that was how Marie explained his behavior, but Evelyn knew better. Her sweet little boy could sense the heartbreak in his mother as clearly as his father could discern the same.
To say that interactions were awkward would be an understatement. Jim tried his best to become acquainted with his son, but Danny was still confused over what had happened to Sterling. He couldn’t vocalize it, but Evelyn knew when Jim sat close to her and took her hand, Danny’s wide blue eyes questioned what had happened to the man who had sat by his mother every day for several months.
If throwing a temper tantrum might help her feel better, she’d gladly sink to that level—anything to escape the tense emotional cloud hovering over the household. She found herself thinking of Sterling, wishing for a chance to explain to him, to comfort him. Then her head would pound with remorse over the part of her heart that betrayed Jim each time she entertained thoughts of Sterling.
A door clicked down the hall and Evelyn straightened, listening for Jim’s solid step on the hardwood floor. He had oiled the hinges on his door so it no longer squeaked. Any chore Harold could think of, Jim jumped at the chance to be of help. In only a couple of days he’d finished the to-do list Marie had been nagging Harold about for years.
Evelyn frowned. She should have been using this time to talk to Jim, to fall back in love with him, but the wall around her heart seemed impenetrable. She knew Jim could sense the barrier because he’d immersed himself in odd jobs around the house. Every time they crossed paths, she could feel the intensity of Jim’s nearness. She caught him staring after her with such longing that it sucked the breath right out of her.
Four steps softer than usual sounded outside her door, and she felt his presence as Jim stood at the threshold of her bedroom.
“I heard your window open. Can I come in for a minute?” he whispered.
Evelyn struggled to fill her lungs with air. She had been holding her breath, listening for him to continue walking down the hallway the same way he had each morning.
“Evelyn?”
She hurried across the room. With a tight grip on the knob, she pulled the door open and managed a smile. “Good morning.”
“Mornin’.” Jim was already dressed for the day and hesitated in the doorway until she stepped aside. He crossed the room and looked outside.
Searching for words, Evelyn walked to the end of the bed and squeezed the railing. Jim’s back was straight and tense with the muscles that stretched across his shoulders. He seemed to radiate pressure, as if the smallest touch might burst his cool exterior and unleash his unspoken emotions.
He turned toward her, took two steps and licked his lips. “Evelyn, I don’t understand what’s happening to us.” He reached for her hand. “I love you. We can’t keep avoiding each other.”
“I know. I didn’t mean to.” Evelyn looked down when Jim gave her hand a gentle squeeze. She curled her toes into the thick rug at the end of the bed, embarrassed because Jim was right—she hadn’t ventured past her own fears and the hurt surrounding her heart. There were a million questions between them and neither could find a way to delve into the past two and a half years.
Jim lifted her chin in a gentle movement so that she had to look into the ocean of emotions in his blue eyes as he spoke. “Last night, I thought about how happy I was when I married you. We were so close. I felt like the luckiest man alive.” He smiled. “Now, I know I must be to have a second chance with you.”
“You always were a sweet talker, Jim Patterson.”
Jim’s eyes sparkled when he laughed. He pulled her close, as if they had never been apart. “Oh, Evelyn, I’ve missed you so much.”
Pushing down the tremors in her stomach, she encircled Jim’s waist and leaned her head against his chest. “It’s been too long.”
He rubbed her back in a circular motion. “I just feel like if we had a chance to spend some time together, we’d find that the closeness is still there. I feel it now.”
Evelyn nodded. “I think you’re right. So much has happened, and I’ve struggled to put my life together only to have it fall apart again.” She paused, trying to come up with the words to tell Jim about Harlan’s attack—to explain to him the anxiety she lived with every day. “There’s a lot I need to talk to you about.”
“Nothing you say will change the love I feel for you.” Jim cleared his throat. “I hope you can trust me enough again to tell me what’s been worrying you.”
She looked up and could see the love in his blue eyes. She smiled and he lowered his face to hers. Evelyn’s heart pounded as their lips met. Jim’s hands moved down to her waist, and she felt the warmth of his heart next to hers.
The sweetness of his caress sent her spiraling back in time to the carefree days when they lived in that tiny apartment in Colorado Springs and Jim was finishing up his airman’s training. His lips claimed her as his wife and the kiss deepened, his hands pulling her body closer to him.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and remembered how
often Jim had simply lifted her from the ground and twirled her about the room, laughing and full of hope for the future. His kisses were familiar, the way he kissed her neck and the tops of her shoulders.
Jim turned toward the bed, lifted her and lowered her head onto the pillow. He continued to kiss her, and as he leaned onto the edge of the bed, Evelyn heard a noise that made her heart stop and her eyes grow wide in panic. Suddenly she saw Harlan leering at her as he unbuckled his pants—that was the noise—a jangling sound.
“No, stop!” Evelyn cried and scrambled off the bed. Her breath came in short gasps and her eyes burned with tears.
“What’s wrong?”
Jim’s voice, edged with a panic of his own, brought her back to her senses. She wiped a hand over her eyes and looked at him. There, clipped to his belt loop was a ring with a few keys attached. When he had leaned forward they clinked together, and Evelyn understood her mistake.
Jim took a step around the bed, and she involuntarily stepped back.
“Are you hurt?” Jim’s eyes were searching, trying to read the emotions on her face.
She felt the heat in her cheeks and the flush of her neck increase as the memory of the assault overcame her, the shame she felt, the people in town who looked at her knowingly when she ventured out. She didn’t want Jim to know. It was too awful.
Jim shook his head. “Something’s happened to you, hasn’t it? You’re afraid of me, but I don’t know why.”
“I—I’m not,” Evelyn stammered. “It’s just that . . .” she closed her eyes and tried to think of what to say.
“Were you thinking of him? Is that it?” Jim said, and she heard a hard edge to his voice. “Has he kissed you like that?”
Her eyes flew open. His hands tightened into fists, and she watched him clench his fingers again and again, yet his face remained impassive.
She covered her face with her hands and her body shuddered with great heaving sobs.
“Evelyn, I’m sorry.”
Jim approached her, but she held up her hands.
“No, just go. I’m sorry. I can’t.”
For a moment he stared at her, and then he stalked out of the room, letting the door swing shut with a bang. Evelyn heard him bound down the stairs. The front door swung open on its newly greased hinges and then slammed shut, followed by the rattling of the recently repaired screen door.
Evelyn swallowed and wiped her eyes. She walked to the window that overlooked the front yard. Jim cursed and kicked at a heap of snow on the sidewalk. The walk was littered with a dusting of fresh snow, but the nightly wind had shaken even more from the trees. Grabbing the snow shovel, he set to work clearing the snow—his face set in a grim line of anger.
Evelyn stepped to the side so that he couldn’t see her watching. Her insides felt as lifeless as the tree branches scattered across the road. For a moment she’d felt the heat of attraction to Jim, so familiar that it almost overtook her. She gripped the windowsill, her nails biting into the white paint. How could she explain to Jim what had happened in her room when she didn’t fully understand it herself?
Chapter 27 ~ The Visit
December 1945 ~ Evelyn
A few of the leaves on her mother’s aloe vera plant had shriveled and turned brown. Evelyn tugged at them and dusted the pot. Her eye caught a shimmer of blue behind the plant, and she moved the pot aside, her heart stuttering in her chest. Sterling’s gift for Danny. It had been three days and she had completely forgotten to give Danny the present. She reached for the package, but then stopped.
She thought about that morning, the incident with Jim and the harsh feelings he had for Sterling. Jim hadn’t come back inside for breakfast. He was holed up in her dad’s shed, hard at work repairing something else that must not have been on her mother’s list.
Evelyn grabbed the present and held it close to her. She opened the closet and pulled out Danny’s stroller and stuffed the package under a blanket. “Mother, I’m going to take Danny for a walk. I need some air,” she called toward the kitchen.
Danny stopped building his block tower and grinned at Evelyn. “Walk?”
“Yes, let’s get your coat on.” She hurried to dress Danny, wondering if Jim would be coming in from the yard soon.
“Don’t you think it’s too cold for him?” Marie said.
Evelyn tried to cover the tenseness in her voice with a laugh. “Like Dad says, a little fresh air never hurt anyone.” She pulled Danny’s stocking hat over his ears. “We won’t be gone long.”
“Evelyn.” Marie stood a few paces behind Evelyn, and her tone seemed to indicate she suspected something. “Don’t do anything to make this worse.”
She didn’t meet her mother’s eyes. “How could going for a walk to clear my head make things worse? C’mon Danny.”
She pulled on her coat and gloves, sensing that Marie wanted to say more. “Tell Grandma bye now.”
“Bye now,” Danny said.
Marie laughed and Evelyn pushed the stroller outside before Marie could say something else. Danny didn’t want to get in the stroller and began protesting. Evelyn shushed him and whispered. “If you get in, Mommy will push you fast and give you a prize.”
That quieted him, and she pushed the stroller along the icy streets heading toward town. It was less than half a mile, and she knew if she hurried Jim might not even miss her.
“Danny, how would you like to see Sterling?” she said.
He squealed and clapped his hands. “Stir, Stir!”
Evelyn smiled. She increased her pace, heart pounding, cheeks flushing from the cold but also from the anticipation of seeing him again.
Danny giggled and waved his arms in the air as the stroller bumped along the uneven sidewalk. She tried to keep it from skidding on the bits of ice covering the walkway.
When Sterling’s red-brick home came into view, Evelyn’s heart lurched and she heard the questioning tone in Marie’s voice. She pressed her teeth against her bottom lip. Sterling should at least be able to see Danny one more time and give him his gift.
She told herself this, all the time knowing it wasn’t the only reason she was reaching out to knock on his door. She knocked three times and then pulled Danny from the stroller with trembling hands. She turned back toward the door just as Sterling opened it, his eyes widening in surprise.
“Stir!” Danny cried and wiggled out of his mother’s arms, bolting for the door.
Sterling caught Danny and laughed. “Hello, birthday boy!” His eyes questioned Evelyn over the top of Danny’s head, she nodded and he motioned for her to come inside.
“I two,” Danny said and hugged Sterling.
“What a big boy! I’m sorry I didn’t get to come to your party.” Sterling set Danny down and patted his head.
“Sterling has a present for you.” Evelyn held the blue package out. “I’m sorry we didn’t come sooner.”
Danny squealed and hugged the present.
Evelyn laughed. “You can open it, sweetie.”
“I had it made special for you.” Sterling crouched beside Danny and helped him with the wrapping. He winked at Evelyn. “A guy in town, Leland, does wonders with wood.”
Sterling smiled when Danny unveiled a wooden train engine painted blue with a matching boxcar.
“Vroom, vroom,” Danny said as he pushed the train.
Sterling laughed. “No, it’s choo-choo. Can you say choo-choo?”
“Choo-choo. Vroom, vroom,” Danny said.
“Thank you, it’s perfect for him.” She admired the details carved into the side of the train, noting the letter D fixed into either side of the boxcar.
“Can he have a cracker?” Sterling asked. “I have some in the kitchen.”
“I’m sure he’d love that.”
“How would you like to haul some crackers in your boxcar?” Sterling tickled Danny and they stepped into the kitchen. She looked away; her emotions were too close to the surface.
When Danny was busy eating and hauling crackers
around the table and then down the hall, Sterling stood close to Evelyn and murmured. “How are you? Is Jim coming?”
“No.”
Sterling grasped her hand. “I’ve missed you so much.”
An awkward silence passed as Evelyn recalled Jim saying the exact same words as he held her that morning. She shivered and covered her mouth with her hand to hide her trembling lips, but Sterling noticed how her eyes filled with tears and immediately pulled her to him.
“Evelyn,” he whispered. “Are you okay?”
She let him hold her and tried to blink away the tears, but they fell onto his shirt anyway.
“I’m t-trying,” she stammered. “It’s just so much harder than I thought it would be.”
“Maybe you need to give it more time,” Sterling said. “You made your choice so quickly.”
“I know, but I thought it was the right choice. But now I’m so confused and—”
His mouth found hers and kissed away the ending of her sentence. She immediately warmed to him, fiery emotions coursing through her veins. She kissed him, thinking it was probably her last for Sterling, but wondering at the same time if it would be.
How could she simply turn off the part of her heart that still beat for Sterling? His kiss evoked a feeling of comfort, possibly because it was absent of the raw hunger she felt in Jim’s kisses earlier. Not that Sterling’s desire for her wasn’t evident, but she let him kiss her because of how safe she felt in his arms and because of what they’d been through together.
Sterling held her tenderly as he always had, kissing her mouth, her cheek, the curve of her neck, and covering her mouth again. He sighed when she put her hand against his chest and pulled away. She looked at him and opened her mouth to speak, but he kissed her again, and then mumbled, “I love you. I want you to stay with me. Please don’t leave.”
His arms surrounded her and she felt the strength in his broad shoulders as her hands moved up his back. She didn’t push away again, she kissed him willingly, her fingers twisted in his black curls. She whispered in his ear, “I love you, Sterling.”
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