“That shrug,” she said, shaking her head. “Between you and Joey, I’ll probably end up having nightmares about it. Enough of this. Let’s get this meal, such as it is, on the table. I consider myself a decent cook, but not today. Would you tell Joey to wash his hands, please?”
They consumed their lunch with Joey talking animatedly about Oreo’s antics with the toys. Afterward, Cedar declined Mark’s offer to help clean up, explaining that she had work to do and would see them at their appointment at her office the next afternoon. She thanked Mark again for coming to her rescue as she walked the pair to the front door.
“Is this the bum’s rush?” Mark said.
“The what?” Joey said.
“No, no, of course not,” Cedar said. “I have things I need to do, that’s all.”
“Can I come see Oreo again?” Joey said.
“Sure,” Cedar said. “We’ll schedule something, Joey. I’m certain she’ll be very pleased to see you because I don’t have as much time to play with her as I used to. Mark, you will think about cutting back on your work hours, won’t you?”
“I don’t believe that’s possible, but…yeah, I’ll think about it. I have a lot of irons in the fire, Cedar. My company is growing bigger all the time with all the jobs I’m getting.”
“Just how big does it have to get?” Cedar said.
“As I’ve said before, I have certain goals,” Mark said.
“Things change, Mark.”
“And some things don’t.”
“Well, we’ll get into that another time,” Cedar said. “By the way, do you plan to take the Game Boy you gave Joey back to the store?”
“No, of course not,” Mark said, obviously confused.
“So Joey can keep it forever?” Cedar said.
“Oh, I see,” Mark said, nodding slowly. “Joey, the Game Boy is yours forever. You can leave it in the box, play with it, whatever suits you. It’s none of my business because it belongs to you.”
“Really?” Joey said. “Forever?”
“Forever,” Mark said, nodding.
“Way cool,” Joey said. “I’m going to play with it today.”
“Good,” Cedar said. “Well, goodbye for today, my friend, Joey. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I’m looking forward to it,” Mark said, producing his best one-hundred-watt smile.
“’Bye,” Joey said. “’Bye, Oreo.”
Cedar closed the door, leaned against it and closed her eyes for a long moment before heading back to the kitchen to clean up.
“Mark Chandler,” she said, stomping across the living room, “you are driving me nuts, mister, and I don’t like it. Not one little bit.”
In the late afternoon, Mark stood in the doorway of Joey’s bedroom and watched the little boy concentrating on mastering the Game Boy as he lay on his bed. Mark smiled, then wandered back to the living room.
He had some blueprints he should be looking over, but he just wasn’t in the mood, which was unusual for him. Ordinarily, if something needed to be done for Chandler Construction, he did it with no hesitation or second thoughts.
But his thoughts were the problem. Thoughts of Cedar. When he’d placed his hands on her shoulders while she stood at the stove, it had taken every bit of willpower he possessed to keep from turning her around, pulling her close and kissing her until neither of them could breathe. That image was haunting him now.
Mark slouched into his favorite chair, propped his elbows on the arms, made a steeple of his fingers and tapped them against his lips.
There was something special happening between him and Cedar, and for reasons he couldn’t get a handle on, he wanted to know what it all meant. That made no sense whatsoever because he had neither the time nor the intention of getting seriously involved at this point in his life.
Things change, Mark.
Damn it, there he went again, chasing his confused thoughts around in his mind like a gerbil on one of those never-ending trips on a wheel that got the poor critter nowhere.
Still, Cedar had acknowledged that something was happening between them, but she had been lightning-fast to make clear she wasn’t interested in exploring what that something might be. She sure knew how to slice and dice a guy’s ego, for Pete’s sake. He wasn’t a man, he was a client. Hell.
Take a break, brain, Mark directed, then picked up the remote and found a football game to watch on television.
When the portable telephone he’d left on the table next to his chair rang, Mark jerked awake. He glanced at his watch, saw that he’d slept for about half an hour, then snatched up the phone.
“Yeah?” He yawned. “Hello?”
“Mark? It’s Cedar. I’m sorry to disturb you at home again, but…did I wake you?”
“I guess so,” he said. “I thought I was watching football. What’s up? Did something else break? Do you need a stove, refrigerator, or a—”
“Heavens, don’t even joke about such things,” she said, laughing. “I have enough problems with this monster of a house as it is.” She paused. “I was just reviewing my schedule for the week and wanted you to know now that I’m canceling Joey’s appointment for Wednesday, so you don’t have to take off work early that day.”
Mark sat up straighter in the chair.
“Why don’t you want to see me…us…him on Wednesday?”
“Because we were together Friday and again today and you’re coming in tomorrow. Joey needs a breather, time to think the issues we discuss without hearing everything repeated so soon. I don’t want him to get to the point where he’s tuning me out with a been-here, heard-this attitude.”
“Oh,” Mark said. “Well, yeah, I guess that makes sense. Hey, Joey has been playing with the Game Boy all afternoon. He’s flopped on his bed like a regular little kid having a good time.”
“Oh, I’m so pleased to hear that. You made that happen by letting him know the toy was his forever. In Joey’s mind, the thought of believing in forever is terrifying, given the loss he’s suffered. Foremost, he needs to be assured that he can live with you forever, no matter what he does. Oh, and if the opportunity presents itself, you should let him know you didn’t mind one bit spending the money for his bedroom furniture.”
“He’s worried about that?”
“Mark, at this point in time our little guy is worried about a long, long list of things.”
“Our little guy?”
“Well, yes. I mean, we’re working together to help him be the happy child he deserves to be.”
“You. Me. Together. Interesting.”
“Mark, please, don’t twist what I’m saying into…just don’t.”
“Well, try this on for size, Dr. Kennedy,” Mark said, narrowing his eyes. “You said I should cut back on my work load hours, but you sure put in twenty-four/seven for your career. We could both use a break, right? What if I got a sitter for Joey and you and I go out to dinner?
“It’s a win-win proposition. Joey gets time off from dealing with his Uncle Mark to interact with someone new and you and I take a practice run at not thinking about our careers. That’s good mental health all the way around the block.”
“Yes, it is, but I don’t think—”
“You wouldn’t be going out with a client, because we wouldn’t talk about Joey. We’d just be two people enjoying each other’s company and attempting to achieve a better work-and-play balance in their lives. How’s that? Pretty good shrinky-dink stuff, huh?”
Cedar laughed. “I think you could sell refrigerators to Eskimos.”
“Dinner? Wednesday night? I’ll pick you up at seven o’clock. Say yes, Cedar.”
One silent second passed, then two, then three. Mark’s hold on the telephone tightened.
Until he heard Cedar’s softly spoken answer.
“Yes.”
Chapter Five
On Monday afternoon, Cedar sat in her office sipping a hot cup of tea as she stared into space. She’d spent the morning at a day-care center observing a four-
year-old client who was in foster care because her parents were in jail for selling drugs. Rosie was angry and scared, and was extremely aggressive around other children, often pushing them away or grabbing their toys. Cedar shook her head as she recalled what she had seen.
Rosie had been enrolled in day-care at Cedar’s suggestion to determine the child’s social skills. But from what Cedar had witnessed it was very obvious that Rosie was not ready for daily contact with other kids. She needed to stay at home and have some quiet one-on-one time with her foster mother until she calmed down and began to adjust to her new environment. Undivided attention was possible as the other foster children were in school. The life she had known had been horrendous, but it was familiar and hers. Rosie needed time and lots and lots of hugs.
Cedar sighed and finished her tea.
She certainly was proficient at figuring out why her clients acted as they did, she thought dryly. Wouldn’t it be nice if she knew why she had agreed to go out to dinner with Mark Chandler? The answer to that question would be most welcome and might allow her to get a decent night’s sleep.
She felt as though she was split in two. Two Cedars. The purely professional Cedar was furious at herself for breaking her rule of never socializing with her clients. The other Cedar, the purely feminine one, was looking forward to her evening with Mark so much, it was borderline ridiculous.
It had been too long since she’d just enjoyed herself. She’d been putting in long hours at work for weeks, months, plus dealing with her dud of a house, so Mark’s invitation had caught her at a time when she was tired and vulnerable. The idea of wearing a pretty dress and being pampered for a few hours had sounded heavenly.
If she stopped right there with her rationale for accepting Mark’s invitation, she’d be copping out. She knew darn well that she’d broken her own rule because Mark the man had tempted her to do so.
Enough of this. She was driving herself nuts thinking about Wednesday night at seven o’clock. She was simply going out to dinner with a very handsome man and she intended to have a wonderful evening. The earth wouldn’t stop turning because she’d decided to spend a few hours feeling pretty and womanly.
The intercom on Cedar’s desk buzzed and she jerked slightly at the sudden interruption before pressing the button on the box.
“Yes, Bethany?”
“Cindy is here,” Bethany said.
“Have her come in.”
Cedar got to her feet as Cindy entered the office. The girl stomped across the room and sat down, a stormy expression on her face.
“Hello, Cindy,” Cedar said, settling back into her chair. “How are you?”
“You would not believe how much apartments cost,” Cindy said. “Real slummy dumps, too. They rip people off so bad it’s a crime. It’s, like, so unfair. And guess what else? I can’t even get a job because I’m only fifteen. Is that bogus or what?
“Some fast-food places said to come back when I was sixteen but they didn’t act real thrilled that I was pregnant and said they’d want to know what arrangements I’d made for my baby’s care so they could be sure I’d show up for work. And day care? Forget day care. They charge so much you’d think they were feeding those kids with silver spoons or something. I just…I just…”
Cindy burst into tears.
“I just don’t know what I’m going to do,” she wailed.
Cedar offered Cindy a tissue from the box she kept on the corner of her desk. Cindy yanked a few tissues free and dabbed at her nose.
“I’m tired of being pregnant, too.” She sniffled.
“You’re only about six and a half months along, Cindy,” Cedar said. “You have a ways to go, you know.”
“Yeah, I know, but I’m fat and bored and this kid clobbers me all the time, and…this is my mother’s fault. If she didn’t kick me out, I could have my baby and live at home and—”
“Whoa,” Cedar said, raising one hand. “Your mother had nothing to do with your getting pregnant. That was your doing. I respect your mother for knowing she had enough on her plate with your brothers and sisters without adding an infant. Putting you in foster care wasn’t an easy decision for her to make, but she did what she felt was best for everyone. You can’t expect your mother to raise your baby.”
“But—”
“Cindy, have you given any more thought to finishing high school? You were offered a traveling teacher from your school district who would come to your foster home and get you to the point where you could take the GED test, but you refused. You also dropped out of the classes provided for pregnant teens at your school because you said you felt like a freak on display crossing the campus. Now you say that you’re bored. Why not work toward your GED?”
“Yeah, I suppose. I might be able to get a better job than a fast-food thing.”
“Mmm,” Cedar said, nodding.
“But a GED isn’t going to make it possible for me to have enough money for a decent apartment and day care and…I went over to my friend’s house and she showed me her dress for the Christmas dance, you know? The school rented this ballroom at a fancy hotel, you know? Her boyfriend is going to wear a tux, a real tux with a red cummerbund to match her dress and…”
Two tears slid down Cindy’s cheeks.
“I want to go to that dance,” she said. “I’m never going to have a fancy dress or go to another dance for as long as I live. Never. Oh, God, what am I going to do? I want my baby, I swear I do, but…but the thing is, I’ll be a mother, you know? I’m just a kid who wants to go to the Christmas dance and…” Cindy covered her face with her hands.
“Honey,” Cedar said gently, “mothers don’t have time to go to high-school dances.”
“I…know.” Cindy dropped her hands to splay over her stomach. “I can’t do this. I can’t, Cedar. I was so happy about this baby…it’s a girl, did I tell you that?…I was so happy that she was going to be mine, to love me no matter what, and I thought I’d have a nice apartment with a nursery with bunny wallpaper, and a bunch of cute clothes for my baby. My friends would be so envious because I was so grown up and they were still dragging off to school everyday and…when my friend showed me her dress for the dance, she said she felt so sorry for me, and I felt so sorry for me, too.”
“Do you see a solution to all of this, Cindy?” Cedar said.
“No. Yes. I mean, maybe I should think—just think—a little about letting someone adopt my baby. Maybe. Someone who could give her cute clothes and a nice nursery with bunny wallpaper and…but she’s mine, Cedar. But I can’t…I can’t give her anything.”
“Well, you don’t have to make a final decision at this point,” Cedar said. “What you could do is have your CPS social worker show you some applications from people who want to adopt. You’ll see a picture of them, of their home, learn about them and what they could offer your baby. Looking doesn’t obligate you to anything. What do you think?”
“I guess I could do that. Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t know. Yeah, I guess I could look at the applications, huh? But I was thinking, Cedar, that…that you might adopt my baby. I mean, if I decided to let someone adopt her, I’d want you because you’re so nice and you’re old, you know, not a kid like me, and I know shrinks make lots of money so you could buy the cute clothes and—”
“Cindy, stop,” Cedar interrupted. “I’m a single woman. You’d want to pick a couple, a mother and father, for the baby.”
“Why? My dad split years ago and my mom does a super job all on her own. We don’t have much money, but everybody is happy and…I want to go home to my mom and my brothers and sisters, and go back to school so I can go to dances and wear pretty dresses. I do, Cedar.
“If you had my baby, I’d know for sure she was okay, and I wouldn’t bother you or ask to visit her or anything like that. I promise I wouldn’t. I’d even sign a paper to say I’d never bug you or show up at your house.”
“Cindy, please, calm down. Let’s go back to your looking at applications from couples, all right? I
’ll contact your social worker and she’ll make an appointment with you to review some applications.”
“Don’t you want to be a mother?” Cindy said.
Yes, Cedar’s mind yelled. Oh, Cindy, you have no idea how much I want to be a mother, but— Don’t do this to me, darling girl. You’re breaking my heart.
“That’s not what we’re discussing,” Cedar said, hearing the slight quiver in her voice as she stood. “Honey, our time is up. Your social worker will be in touch, and next week you can tell me what you thought of the couples you read about. Would you like to meet in a pretty park?”
“No, I like it here because it’s private.” Cindy got to her feet. “Will you think about taking my baby?”
“I…”
“Please, Cedar? Just say you’ll think about it?”
“I…well…”
“Good. ’Bye.”
Cindy hurried from the room and Cedar sank back into her chair, totally drained.
She hadn’t handled that well at all, she fumed, pressing her fingertips to her painfully throbbing temples. She never should have allowed Cindy to leave believing that she was actually considering adopting her baby. She should have made it perfectly clear that no, she would not give it further thought because it was out of the question.
Cedar sighed.
A baby. A precious baby girl. She’d hesitated instead of making certain that Cindy knew her offer could not be considered. Hesitated, because for that tick of time she could literally feel that tiny bundle being placed in her arms and that cold, empty place within herself fill with warmth and love and—
“Oh, God,” Cedar said, as tears filled her eyes. “Stop it. Cindy caught you off guard, but that’s no excuse for thinking even for a second that…no. No, no, no. And next week I’ll be certain that Cindy understands that. I will. Yes, I will.”
The intercom buzzed and Cedar pressed the button with a finger that was not quite steady.
“Yes, Bethany?”
“Joey is here.”
Home Again Page 6
