I spoke to Emile Heskey after I left Wigan and he asked me how I was getting on back up in Scotland. I told him it was great to be at Rangers but I was struggling to cope. For example, I went out for something to eat in Glasgow with Amanda and had a burger and chips in front of me, and within two minutes a guy came over, pulled up a chair and started eating my chips whilst telling me how good or bad a player I was. Emile has played for some massive clubs, such as Liverpool and for England, but even he had never encountered anything like that. There is no hiding place in the West of Scotland. When you play for Rangers your life is not your own. I think Tommy Burns once said that being an Old Firm player can be the best job in the world but can also be the most difficult to cope with as one half of Glasgow hates you and the other half think they own you. Funny but in some ways true.
The new season got off to a shocking start for the whole club. We lost to Kuanas in the Champions League qualifier. I had to get my finger out. We all did. A few games into the season I felt I was still not getting it right. I was depressed and had been for a number of months. I took my work home with me. During some of my really low moments, I had to find a release and I went on a few benders. My world was caving in – and I don’t use that terminology lightly. I tried my best to stay strong and keep the people I trusted close to me. To help me cope and blank it out, I found myself going out for a few sessions on the drink. I thought it would help me come through the other side. Eventually. I knew I should have looked at other ways to cope with being down, but this was the simplest way of dealing with it. Nothing was going right on the park. I wasn’t out every day but I would engineer a fall-out with Amanda so that I could escape and get to the pub. It’s amazing how the self-doubt disappears after a few bottles of beer and a few vodkas, but I knew that going on benders would not sort it out long-term.
So I asked the manager if I could have a meeting with him. I spent the best part of half an hour with him, really opened up to him. I told him I felt my first season was a failure and that I was desperate to be a success at Rangers. I asked him to stick with me and to be patient. I assured him I would come good. He said, ‘Jig, I know you will. I trust you. I brought you here for the long haul. I’ve seen players struggle to find their feet in the past but it works out in the end. You’ll be the same. Relax and you will be a big player in this club’s future.’ He showed so much faith in me and he made me feel a million dollars. My confidence was high again. I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders, it was great. I came out of his office reborn and I never looked back. Great man-management. Without doubt, that little chat saved my Rangers career.
Part of our discussion was that he would play me as a sitting midfielder and at centre-half. He told me I was the one player in the dressing room that knew the game inside out. It was going to be a challenge because I’d played 95 per cent of my career in offensive positions. I was on the pitch to try and hurt the opposition. Now I was going to try and nullify them. He was true to his word and played me in both positions a few times. I enjoyed them. That was a turning point.
When I came out the office I phoned my brother Wullie. He knew I was buzzing, and was delighted for me after everything I’d been through. I was privileged to play for Walter – and of course for Ally, Kenny and Durranty – and he helped bring so much success to my working life. A European final and three league titles. My Scotland career also took off under him. I owe him so much. Even in the hospitality lounges at Ibrox he would always take time to speak to my parents and my brothers. And when my Rangers career got back on track I knew I couldn’t do anything to jeopardise that. I had momentum in my game and I was relaxed. I felt good for the first time in long while. So, to avoid any chance of slipping back into a loss of form and any risk of depression, I decided to quit playing for Scotland.
15
WHY I WAS NEVER UP FOR THE CAP WITH BURLEY
MY EARLY impressions of George Burley were not good. I often thought he had a lack of belief in himself. Maybe that was because it was international management and not club management at which he’d been successful at Ipswich and Hearts. It started to go downhill very quickly under his leadership. It was quite alarming, actually. The discipline pretty much went out the window. Things started to happen that would never have been tolerated by Walter Smith or Alex McLeish. You know how it is when people, none more so than footballers, try to nick a mile if they think they’ve been given an inch. It was as if there wasn’t the need to be at meetings on time. I’m not quite sure how to describe it, really put my finger on it, but it just wasn’t right.
He seemed very nervous when addressing the players during team meetings at the hotel. He would get players’ names mixed up. He sort of stuttered and was never convincing. He had a saying and we used to try and guess how many times he would say it before we went into the meeting. It was too easy to be unprofessional during Burley’s time. Of course, he can’t be blamed totally for that, as players need to be responsible for their own actions.
He brought in Terry Butcher as his assistant and Steven Pressley as a coach. I had massive respect for big Terry. Pressley was just thirty-three at the time and playing for Celtic. I didn’t have a problem with Pressley but a few of the players did. It wasn’t Pressley’s fault. I’m not having a go at him. He was there to do a job and he tried to do it, but he should never have been put in that position.
Players sense when a manager has a weakness in his make-up. Some will pounce on it and others will make allowances. Too many players attempted to take advantage of Burley and they would be answering back during team meetings. They often disagreed with things Burley and Pressley would say. The atmosphere could often be cut with a knife.
We had a few beers one night at Cameron House during a squad get-together. We were a close squad and it was really a catch-up. Myself, Faddy, big Davie and one or two others were there. Pressley came in and asked us all to drink up and get to bed. We basically told him that we weren’t leaving the bar as many of us hadn’t seen each other in ages and we fancied a catch-up and that we were going to sit on and relax over a beer. He more or less pleaded with us and I felt sorry for him at that point. It wasn’t fair on him, but we never moved. On reflection, and I can only speak for myself, I was wrong that night. I should have gone to bed, but that was the way it was under Burley and his assistants – there wasn’t enough authority from them and too many players didn’t respect them enough.
Pressley left the bar defeated. Nobody was nasty to him, but nobody was for following his instructions either. Big Terry then came in and asked us to drink up. Faddy played under him at Motherwell and they had a good working relationship. The next thing I knew, after a wee bit of coaxing from Faddy, Terry sat down with us for a few beers. Nobody was drunk and nobody was loud. But we had another couple of pints with him. It was a good laugh. Terry is someone I respect and look up to.
Pressley was very hands-on with the squad. He would take us for the warm-ups. I think a few of the boys resented that and a few really started to dislike him. I know a few of the boys were thinking, ‘Who the fuck do you think you are, ordering us about?’ which either way could be perceived as wrong, but maybe some boys just weren’t having him. Pressley is a nice guy. He had a good career and I was okay with him when we played together. He looks as though he is going to have a very good career in management.
It was pretty much at that point I decided it was time to go. I could only see troubled times ahead. To be perfectly honest, I thought it was a bit of a shambles and I didn’t want to be a part of it.
I rarely, if ever, spoke to Burley so I can’t judge him as a person. I can only judge him as a manager. There wasn’t a working relationship between us. He made my mind up for me that I should quit. He never made me feel welcome. He’d speak to a few of the lads but always ignored me, I don’t know why, but it made me feel uncomfortable. If he didn’t fancy me then he should have told me. Yet, he still picked me for his squads. It was quite strange, really. I just had a feeling we w
ere never going to progress under him. Sure, Smith and McLeish were hard acts to follow, but Burley never got to grips with the job. I thought he was a bit of a bluffer. I wanted out, away from his set-up. It lacked professionalism and I was convinced we’d never reach the heights of the previous couple of years when we beat France home and away. It was also important for me to concentrate on getting things right at Rangers and that had to come before anything else. I decided to get out. I never played one game for Burley.
In the past, some players had had a quiet word with Walter and Alex, just to say to them they didn’t want to be picked, but they’d be happy to help out in an emergency.
My immediate point of contact to make my feelings known was SFA employee Richard Simpson. He was the middleman between the players and coaching staff. It was a telephone conversation in the build-up to the opening games of the 2010 World Cup qualifying campaign. Scotland had a double-header, away to Macedonia and Iceland in early September 2008. I wasn’t in the squad as I was injured.
I told him to pass on the message to George about my standing down from the international scene, but for whatever reason the message never got to Burley. I’d followed the protocol but, with the benefit of hindsight, I should just have phoned George myself.
At the time I thought things had all been taken care of, but they hadn’t. I’d just thought that Burley had got the message and had chosen not to phone me to discuss it. When things then blew up, I felt like I’d been really let down. I wasn’t pleased with Richard about what happened but we’ve had a chat about it since and we’re now absolutely fine with one another. And, on reflection, the whole situation was my fault and I have to accept full responsibility for what followed. Really, I should just have missed out Richard and telephoned the manager directly.
The next thing I knew the press had got a hold of the story and all hell broke loose because Burley knew nothing about it. I then became a villain. I was accused of walking out on my country and not wanting to play for Burley. It was totally misconstrued. I got pelters. It got so bad I had to send Amanda away on holiday with the kids and her family. I felt it was better for everyone to be out of the way so I could deal with it myself.
It was a tricky one for me. There was so much I wanted to come out and say but then I also felt that it would be best if I kept quiet in the hope that it would all be forgotten about.
I spoke to Walter about it and asked for his advice. I told him all I told the SFA was that I didn’t want to be considered for future squads. However, if they were ever stuck then I’d be happy to come back and help out in an emergency situation, similar to what plenty of players had done in the past. I decided to do an interview with Rangers TV in a bid to put the record straight. We agreed on the questions beforehand and I knew the answers I was going to give so I could try and get my points across very clearly.
One of the answers I gave to a question was, ‘I feel like the whole country hates me because of my decision.’ In my opinion I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I felt the national team was going downhill and I didn’t want to be part of it, but I never said that I was retiring from international football or would never again play for Burley. If circumstances arose in the future that meant I would have been required, then I would have reported for duty. Absolutely. However, I also felt the time was right to concentrate fully on Rangers and try to kick on at Ibrox. I was just not on form at Rangers and I had to be doing much better.
Of course, the newspapers picked up on my interview with Rangers TV and printed it all. Simpson got back in touch and claimed that I did not tell him I wanted to finish with the national team. We had a big fall-out and it all got a bit heated. Plenty was said but, ultimately, I should have made sure myself that the manager had got the message.
The whole situation has now blown over and we are okay again with each other. During my time with Scotland, Richard was always professional and good at his job.
Burley then phoned me and I explained everything to him. He told me I was going to be a part of his plans and he wanted me back. But I had made my decision and I wasn’t for going back on it.
I was lambasted all over the country. Radio phone-ins, newspapers, television, they all had a go. I felt I was hung out to dry. There was no protection. I had to take it on the chin and I found it difficult.
My wee nephew got bullied at school. He’d not long started high school. A few of his pals were asking him, ‘Who the hell does your uncle think he is?’ That was tough on us all. I felt ever so sorry for him, but the whole sorry episode made me a stronger person. I had to really learn how to deal with things. It was the toughest spell of my international career, without a doubt.
On the park it started to go much more to plan. I felt I started to play really well for Rangers. I was relaxed and felt I had the right to wear that jersey.
Craig Levein took over from Burley in December 2009. Burley was sacked. The results he had as manager were very poor. I’d heard from one or two people that Levein was keen to get me back involved. Through a third party, contact was made and I made it 100 per cent clear I’d be delighted to go and play for him and Scotland if he wanted me. I knew I would get pelters from some people because they would not be moved on their opinion I had walked out on my country under Burley. I had a feeling some flak would come my way but I was willing to put up with it. My conscience was clear.
I was included in Levein’s first squad, a friendly game against the Czech Republic at Hampden Park. Unfortunately I couldn’t play in the game but I reported for duty to be checked out by the SFA medical team. It was also a chance to meet Levein and his backroom staff. After being out of the international team for a while I was thrilled to be back involved and I enjoyed my three days with the squad.
It also marked the return of Allan McGregor and Kris Boyd. Boyd also quit when Burley was manager. McGregor was banned by the SFA for his part in Boozegate. I’m not blaming Allan or Barry Ferguson for what happened during that sorry episode. To be honest, I was out of the international team by then, but I do know they felt they were hung out to dry as a few others were involved in that booze session at Cameron House after a 3–0 defeat to Holland in Amsterdam in March 2009. The team flew home right after the game and quite a few of them went straight to the bar for an almighty session. Some were just more cute than others.
That episode told me that the discipline had gone completely. Fact. I accept players have a responsibility to be professional, but there was clearly a lack of respect from too many players towards Burley, something I sensed from early on in his tenure and that’s another reason why I felt it was best to get out when I did. I knew I was right at the time, and I stand by that.
Levein had a good track record in management and I felt this was going to be a new challenge for me. I was buzzing. I played in three Euro 2012 qualifiers for him – away to Lithuania in a 0–0 draw and a 2–1 home win against Liechtenstein. My last ever cap was in the 3–2 home defeat to World Champions Spain in October 2010. I should have played more times for Craig but I had to pull out of a few squads with injury. On one occasion – in the build-up to a friendly away to Sweden in August 2010 – I withdrew because I thought I’d had a heart attack.
I was suspended for the first two league games of the SPL season and this international game would have given me the chance to play a game. We were to report for duty on the Sunday afternoon. I was in the house on the previous evening and all of a sudden I felt pains in my chest, and I struggled for breath. Amanda phoned NHS 24 and when she told them the symptoms over the phone they told her they were sending an ambulance. We didn’t want to alarm the kids so we decided it was best to take the car to Wishaw Hospital. They ran tests and kept me in. I was scared. The tests showed up that I had a viral infection from my time in Australia with Rangers during pre-season. It was in my system and it decided to strike that night. I don’t know how I picked it up and I never will. I stayed in hospital for two or three days and I phoned Craig Levein to explain. He understood th
e severity of the situation.
Things improved under Levein but he and the players were just not able to keep it going over a period and he lost his job in November 2012. I felt for him. Levein always phoned me to explain why I was being left out. That’s why I totally respect him. He never ignored me. That’s all a player can ask for. My time with Scotland has come and gone. I feel proud and privileged to have represented my country on eighteen occasions. I enjoyed almost every minute of it.
Gordon Strachan is the new manager and I wish him well. It’s time for a new breed of players to come through and I hope they can achieve what everyone in our country desperately wants and that is qualifying for the 2016 European Championship Finals in France.
16
WALTER’S WINNERS
AFTER THE disappointment of losing the title to Celtic in 2008, there was a determination not to let it happen again, to the point where, for me, it became an obsession. That particular mindset started on the bus journey home from Pittodrie the night we lost to Aberdeen 2–0 and Gordon Strachan’s men won the SPL after defeating Dundee United. Few words were spoken as we made our way back through the roads of Dundee, Perth and Stirling before we arrived at Ibrox Stadium at around 2am. I felt the resolve develop in my own mind and could see it in others, from Davie Weir to Allan McGregor, to Barry Ferguson and Kris Boyd. We weren’t going to lose again. It was time for us to put a marker down. It dominated my thoughts during the summer.
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