by Cara North
“Do you love me?” Layla frowned at him. Her tone was entirely too serious for the moment.
“Layla, I had no idea what love meant until I met you. I love you more than life itself.” He gulped. At least she said it first this time.
She smiled, bit her lower lip, and said. “So what’s playing in your bedroom?”
“Let’s go see.”
* * *
Tonight was the night Jan would ask her ten questions. She had warned him they were new questions. Layla had been studying, so had he. Neither of them were prepared for the questions they were about to receive this morning.
“What’s birth control?” Savannah asked.
Layla choked on her orange juice. She looked adorable at the other end of the table, all flustered by the question. Rafe took a minute to compose himself. He was sure his eyes rounded, too. “Where did you hear those words?”
“Alice says her mom told her grandma she was not taking birth control anymore. Alice is really mad because her mom keeps talking about a new baby. I mean where do you get a new baby from anyways?” Savannah’s two front teeth had grown back in for the most part allowing her to pronounce her s’s again. She didn’t seem affected by the conversation; the kid was simply curious.
“Well, mommy, you wanna answer this?” Rafe smiled as Layla’s face got redder and redder as her daughter talked.
“I’m not sure where to start.” She rubbed her forehead.
“What’s birth control?” Brice helped her get back to the first question as he shoveled in another bite of pancakes.
“Thank you, Brice.” Layla cleared her throat. “Well, birth control is something mommies take to help them plan for babies.”
Rafe nodded. Sounded reasonable enough.
“Do you take birth control?” Savannah asked, and Rafe looked at Layla with interest. It was a sin to have so much fun watching her squirm.
“Well, mommies should be married before they think about babies. All girls and boys should be grown up to at least…” Layla looked at him with pleading eyes.
“Thirteen,” he supplied.
“Thirteen!” Layla shouted, and all three of them looked at her.
“Well, things happen around that age when they should start to know more about other things. Not that they should be doing those things, but some things will be learned through friends, and it won’t be as simple as this.” His own head was hurting from the questions now.
“So at thirteen boys and girls should start to learn more about babies and birth control.” She sounded more like she was asking then telling.
“Okay.” Savannah nodded. They both relaxed. Then she asked her second question again. They should have known she wouldn’t forget it. “So where do babies come from?”
Before either of them could get a word out, Brice answered, “The vagina.”
“Rafe!” Layla was stunned. What she didn’t realize was the fact that he was, too.
“I didn’t tell him that. Brice, who told you that?” Rafe looked at the little boy.
“Robert has a little sister, and he said his mom had the baby in her belly, and it came out the vagina. He said that boys can’t have babies because they are too big to come out the penis.” He shrugged.
“Like Aunt Chance and Aunt Bethany, they have babies in their bellies, right?” Savannah nodded.
“Uh, yeah, they do.” Rafe’s head was spinning.
“Mom.” Savannah looked at Layla, and he could see her actually squirm in the chair. “Will you have a baby?”
“Well, there are a lot of things to think about before having a baby.” She tried for a smile.
“Yeah, like getting fat.” Brice nodded. “Babies make your belly really big.”
Certainly, this breakfast was teaching him more than it was them. There was a lot more to consider when planning a family. They wouldn’t remain little forever. Some day that strawberry blonde little girl would bring a boyfriend home, and he would have to do his best not to kill him. Sooner than he wanted to think about he would have to talk to Brice about being a young man and respecting both his own body and the way he treated girls. He had a feeling his face was mirroring the same anxiety Layla was feeling.
“Do you think you want another little brother or sister, Savannah?” Rafe asked. “Or do you think you would be like your friend Alice?”
“I want a little brother,” Brice answered.
“You would.” Savannah scowled at him. “I want a little sister, so I can play dress up with her.”
“Well.” Being diplomatic, he nodded. “Aunt Chance and Aunt Bethany are both going to have a baby, so you might get lucky and have a boy and a girl, or two boys, or two girls soon enough.”
“Don’t do it.” Savannah looked at Brice.
“Do what?” Layla asked Savannah.
“Brice.” She gave her brother a look that made him mad, and whatever she wanted him not to do, he was going to do anyways.
“Rafe.” He looked at him. “Can I talk to you alone?”
“Brice, don’t do it,” Savannah warned.
The kid had his undivided attention. “All right, cowboy. Where do you want to talk?” He shrugged.
“How about the living room?” Rafe asked.
“Can we go outside?” The kid’s expression was so serious Rafe got up from the table and grabbed both of their coats before he realized he was doing it.
Savannah didn’t excuse herself. She jumped up from the table and ran upstairs.
“I’ll go this way.” Layla frowned then headed after Savannah.
He nodded then stepped outside with Brice.
* * *
“I have to ask you something.” The little man toed his boot in the snow just off the step.
“All right, ask.” Rafe took a seat in one of the rocking chairs, leaned forward, and rested his elbows on his thighs. He wanted to be a bit more on Brice’s level for something so serious.
“Why won’t you marry my mom?” He sniffed. Rafe couldn’t tell if he was about to cry or if it was due to the cold air.
“Do you want me to marry your mom?” He could feel his heart hurting for the little man in front of him. If Layla had said yes the first time, they wouldn’t be going through this now. Of course, he wouldn’t know Layla like he did now. It was a double-edged sword. Someone was hurt either way. Hopefully, they would all stop hurting and soon.
“We want you to be our dad. Savannah told me not to say anything, but it’s hard not to. When you used to come over, we would wait until you were gone and say goodnight dad.” He was definitely crying now. “Why can’t you just be our dad, Rafe?”
Rafe could feel the tears sting his own eyes. Never did he want to hurt these children. “Hey.” He reached out and grabbed Brice’s coat sleeve. The little boy ran into his hug, and Rafe picked him up. He hugged him. “You’re a very brave little man, Brice. I’m proud of you for asking me these questions. I do want to be your dad. I’ve thought of you and Savannah like you were my own little boy and girl for as long as I have known you. Your mom and I had to do some grown-up thinking is all.”
“But you’re not married, and you don’t act like a mom and dad. You act the same way as before, but you talk more.” He faced him. “I know she isn’t my real mom, but I love her. I know you’re not my real dad, but I love you, too.”
“I love you, Brice. I love Savannah, and yes, I love your mom. Layla may not have given birth to you, but she is your momma, and I am your dad, son.” His heart hurt. He needed Layla. He needed to tell her it didn’t matter what Jan’s questions were, he was going to marry her, and they were going to do it as soon as possible. “Let’s go talk to them.”
“Savannah’s going to kill me.” He frowned.
“No, she won’t” Rafe smiled. “You did the right thing. It is hard to do the right thing sometimes. We all waited too long to do the right thing, but it doesn’t mean we can’t fix it.”
* * *
“He’s going to ruin everything.”
Savannah cried into her pillow.
“How sweetie?” Layla pulled at her strawberry blonde hair and finally found her face. “Tell me.”
“He’s going to tell him we want him to be our dad. I told him to wait, but he can’t wait anymore.” Savannah cried. “He said you had enough time to fix it; he had to talk to Rafe.”
Good Lord, Layla thought they were growing up fast, but they were mature beyond their years. She knew why, but it didn’t make it better or any easier to deal with. “Honey, Rafe is fine.”
“He’s not our dad.” She sobbed.
“Yes, I am.” Rafe’s voice was heard from the doorway. She turned to see him set Brice on his feet, and he took long strides to get to Savannah as she sat up. “Your mom and I are getting married, and I will be your dad, Savannah, I’ve been your dad for months now, Baby-girl. It’s time we made it official.”
“Rafe?” Layla’s heart thumped.
He shrugged. “Come here.”
Savannah sat up and then jumped toward him as she continued to cry. “I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” he asked Savannah as Layla tried to fight her own tears.
“I’m sorry I was afraid to ask you.” She sobbed, sniffed.
“Don’t be sorry, Savannah. That was a hard thing to do, but we’re a family now. You know I made this room just for you? I put the tiles in pink and yellow because they are your favorite. I made Brice’s bathroom blue and green because those are his favorites. I can show you pictures of this house before I met your mom and both of you. I always knew you would be my family. I didn’t know it was going to be so hard for all of us to get to this point.”
Layla held Brice and hugged him. She looked at Rafe holding Savannah. He held out a hand to her. She took it. “Layla, will you marry me?”
“Yes.” She nodded and smiled. There was no doubt about it this time.
“So let’s call your aunts and uncles and see what we can do about it tonight.” Rafe kissed Savannah’s forehead.
“Really, you will be our dad tonight?” She beamed up at him.
“Well, if we can get it done tonight, then yes. If not, as soon as possible,” he promised them all.
“Do we have to wait until then to call you dad?” She frowned.
“No,” Brice, Rafe, and Layla all answered in unison.
Chapter 13
December
Getting married was not as simple as they had planned. Once everyone knew, they also wanted a wedding. Layla’s dad wanted to walk her down the aisle. His mother insisted on being there. It was all too much to deal with, so they took the children, Lucky, and Jan to the justice of the peace and eloped. Everyone was sworn to secrecy, but being legal in front of the children allowed Layla to move into his bedroom. Everyone else would and could wait for a spring wedding.
“Why did you choose Lucky as your witness?” Jan hissed at him.
“Your husband is on duty. I need a witness, and I can’t very well have Jack or Heath do it since it is a secret.” Rafe looked at his little sister. “What’s the problem?”
“Buck does not want me around Lucky,” Jan said.
“Still?” Rafe looked over her shoulder to the man leaning against the wall looking at the floor. Lucky didn’t look in her direction, not once. Brice sat on the bench patiently, a big smile on his face. “You really need to talk to him. Maybe he will tell you what happened. If Buck won’t, maybe Lucky will. He isn’t going to go back to the rodeo, Jan. He is staying to work at our ranch, and he is starting school. You are bound to run into him, and the sooner it is resolved the easier it will be for everyone.”
“If I talk to him, do you promise not to tell Buck?” Jan gave him a fierce expression.
“I think I can manage to keep it a secret since we are all here in secrecy.” Rafe propped his hands on his hips.
“Fine. I’ll talk to Lucky.” Jan let out a long breath. “You think the kids can keep it secret?”
“Have you met those children? Savannah kept the truth a secret for years, and Brice kept their frustration at me not being their father secret for months. Yeah, I think they understand, and they are just as anxious for us to be legal as we are.” Rafe looked at Lucky once more. He hadn’t moved an inch. “We will have the huge spring wedding, and the family will be happy. No one gets hurt. Layla and I get to sleep in the same bed this winter, and the kids can officially call me dad.”
“Well, go on, dad. Your bride and daughter are ready to leave.” Jan nodded and smiled over his shoulder. He turned to see Layla and Savannah both smiling and indeed ready to go home.
“Do we get to be Johnson’s now, too?” Brice asked as he came up beside him and grabbed his hand.
“We’ll get the paperwork ready Brice, but not until the wedding in the spring okay?” Layla gripped Rafe’s other hand.
“Now we get to go eat?” Savannah asked.
“Our first official family meal.” Rafe nodded. “Let’s go.”
“Aunt Jan’s not coming to?” Brice asked and looked back at Jan as they walked out.
Rafe looked at his sister who waved. She hadn’t moved an inch, neither had Lucky. “Nope, it’s just the four of us.”
* * *
Jan stood there until Rafe and his family were out of sight. She was happy for her favorite brother. She was not happy about being left alone with Lucky. Rafe was right though; she did have to get to the bottom of things. If Lucky was staying, it was necessary to know why he and Buck no longer spoke, and why she was “forbidden” to speak to Lucky. She laughed, as if she could be told what to do.
“Hey.” Jan turned to look at him as he pushed up off the wall and stood straight. There was a day when the sight of Lucky stole her breath away. When the sound of his voice made her heart thump harder in her chest. “You wanna grab a drink?”
“You talkin’ to me?” he asked, and she realized when he looked directly at her, and he spoke directly to her, he still had an effect on her.
“Yep.” She nodded. She did not like that he had this effect on her. She loved Buck. She married Buck. Buck didn’t leave for the rodeo, and Buck didn’t care about what her brothers thought.
He lifted a shoulder and looked off into the distance, past her. “Why not?’
That was Lucky. A true cowboy. Distant, brooding, and devilishly handsome, and boy could he sing. The first time he sang a song at the honky-tonk she thought she was in love. “We can go back to the ranch or… the lake if…”
“I’ll meet you at the lake.” He nodded and walked by her putting his hat on his head and not looking back.
“Okay,” she said to the empty room.
* * *
“I brought this for you.” Chance handed her a framed picture from the Halloween bash at the ranch. Rafe and Brice had dressed as Batman and Robin. She and Savannah had dressed as Glenda and Dorothy. Rafe had a lot of fun being Batman and rescuing Glenda from the wicked witch of the west.
“Thank you.” Layla smiled at the first family portrait. “We had so much fun that night.”
“I can’t wait to see what Heath will dress up as for this one.” Chance rubbed her belly. “I know it is a long way off, but have you two thought about adding to this picture?”
Layla shrugged. “Maybe.”
* * *
They were married early in the morning, took the children to lunch and then to the movies. When they got home, Rafe went to work at the barn. Chance had stopped by. They went to Momma’s Kitchen to have dinner, and Layla found herself walking back to the house later than Rafe and the children because she stayed behind to help Chance, Malina, and Bethany clean up. She thought it was odd that Jan and Buck were not at dinner, but when she asked about them, Heath said Buck had to work late and Jan said she needed to study.
The snow crunched beneath her boots, and the walk seemed short and long at the same time. When she walked in that door, she was going to be Mrs. Rafe Johnson. Not his bride to be, but his wife. This also meant she didn’t have to sleep in th
e guest room. A sense of excitement and anxiety washed over her. How could she be nervous after all they had already done?
“Hey.” Rafe smiled as he helped her out of the coat. “Your nose is red.”
“It’s cold out.” She didn’t hear the children. “Are they already in bed?”
“Yeah, it’s nine o’clock. I was about to call down and see if you were coming home tonight.” He laughed.
“Time got away from me.” In more ways than one she realized. The entire day had been a blur, everything happening so fast one minute and moving in slow motion the next.
“Well.” He looked at her then without warning picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. “It’s the best I can do for a threshold since you stayed behind at dinner.”
“Rafe.” She looked at him as he sat her on their bed. “We’re married.”
“Yeah, I know.” He smiled and then bit his lower lip.
“Aren’t you nervous?” She watched his brown eyes as they watched her.
“What’s there to be nervous about?” He sat next to her and took her hand. His thumb stroked across her knuckles.
“I don’t know. I just feel different. I mean I feel good, but…”
“But what? Tell me and don’t hold back.” He looked at her intently and she frowned.
“I guess I am still afraid of letting everyone down.” Layla shrugged.
“I understand that.” He nodded. “I realized the other day how much work goes into all of this. Life, family, raising children, and loving you.”
“And?”
“And I think there will be times I make a wrong decision. I will have to apologize more than once before our lives are over, and they will, too, and so will you. We aren’t perfect. I don’t really feel like I have to be anymore. I can be me. We can have our flaws and still love each other. We can make mistakes and still raise good children.” He leaned in and kissed her lips. “I think in a year we might even want one with our DNA sequence combined. That way when they are teenagers we can make them stay home and baby-sit.”
