CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Running as fast as I can, I have my arms wrapped around him before he even notices me coming.
“Oh my God, I’m so glad you’re okay,” I say, relief filling my voice and my body.
“Of course, I’m okay, I was more worried about you. They wouldn’t tell me where you were or what happened to you,” he says, with the same relieved tone that I had.
“They didn’t tell me either. All I’ve been thinking about is if you were safe or not.”
“What did they do to you, Allira?” he asks as he embraces my cheek with his hand where my bruised face has just healed. I saw in the reflection of the elevator doors earlier that it’s still a yellowish tinge, but at least it isn’t sore anymore.
“Come inside, there’s a lot to catch up on.”
We enter my room and I flop backwards on the bed completely exhausted, and Shilah takes a seat at the table.
“What did they do?” he repeats.
“Oh, you know, medical tests and stuff.” I try to sound casual. I try to not think about it. I don’t want him to know about their torture tactics.
“You look wrecked, I don’t believe for one second that that’s all they did to you. You do remember what they did to me, just to get you to talk, right?”
Oh right, I’d forgotten that he was given similar treatment that day.
“I figured that until they realised you aren’t actually Defective that you’d be experiencing a lot more of that kind of treatment.”
I sit up when I realise they haven’t told him about me. “But Shilah, I am Defective.”
“What? No, you’re not.” He’s looking at me like I’m crazy, and I’m starting to think he might be right. Not the part about being Defective—I know I am, but I don’t feel different. I guess I’m surprised at how easy the transition was from “normal” to Defective. I expected it to be a momentous thing, discovering what I can do.
“Actually, I am. I don’t know when it was triggered, but it’s true.”
“Wow. That’s crazy. I just assumed the blood tests were mixed up with mine or something.”
“Well, the tests were a complete lie anyway, the results were inaccurate. The only reason you were brought in was because of Drew.” I can’t say his name without getting angry.
“It figures that dickhead is responsible. So what is it you can do? What kind of ability do you have?” he asks.
“I’ll show you, get up.” He gets up and I reach out my hand. He looks at me like he did when we were kids and I told him if he closed his eyes, I’d give him a treat. He knew I was going to punch him, and yet he still did it because of that five percent doubt that, just maybe, I did have a treat for him.
“I’m not going to fall for that, what are you going to do? Electrify me? Make me wet myself?”
“That would be an unfortunate ability.” We laugh. “Just do it. I’m not going to hurt you, I swear.”
He grabs my hand, and for the first time I see what he sees. I don’t know what I was expecting, but seeing three different futures at once was not it. I don’t know when in the future I’m seeing right now, but I can see Shilah and me sitting in a cafeteria, in another one I see a boy I don’t know … oh, he kind of looks familiar I guess—we’re talking in my room, and in the other one, it looks like I’m arguing with Drew. I’m about to ask him how he knows what time or when his visions are projecting, but he interrupts my train of thought.
“Whoa, that’s new,” he says.
“What is?” I ask.
“Usually I can only see the one future, then if I do or say something to change it, only then do I see the new one. Right now, I’m seeing three different outcomes to what could happen. Is this what you do? Make me better? They’re going to be so excited tomorrow when I tell them.”
“Them who? Tell them what?” I ask, pulling my hand away.
“They’ve been training me. They’re going to let me back into the real world, just like they did with Drew. I get to have a normal life,” he exclaims, like it’s the best thing that could’ve possibly happened to him.
“Shilah, no, you can’t do that. You just said Drew was a dickhead, you want to be like him? Haven’t you thought about what that would mean? What you’d have to do?”
“I don’t care what I have to do, it’s nothing that hasn’t been done to me. If I can take it, I’m sure those out there who are just like us would be able to handle it. And if it means I get to see daylight again, then I’m all for it.”
“You really have no idea, do you?” It’s moments like these that make me question whether there’s really only a year between us in age. This is probably why I’ve always felt a need to protect him. “Do you really want to know what they did to me? I shouldn’t even have to remind you considering that Drew beat you within an inch of your life. In the short time we’ve been here, I was beaten, starved, blinded by bright lights, deafened by noise, and strapped to a gurney attached to electrodes, and this was only over a few days from what I could tell. I met others in the prison they kept me, and they got this kind of treatment for weeks before the Institute finally gave up finding out what they can do. If you work for them, you’ll be responsible for something like that happening to someone else, someone who has the same genetic makeup as you, someone they deem as broken.” My voice gains volume the longer I talk.
I want to lecture him until it really sinks in, but I can see that I have him thinking already. The look of concentration on his face is intense.
“I really had no idea. You were really in a prison?” he asks, with a calculating look on his face.
“Yeah, others here call it ‘The Crypt.’ Nice, huh?”
“I thought you were just in a different dormitory to me.”
“You’re in a dormitory? You weren’t given your own apartment like this one?”
“Not until about an hour ago, and even now, the apartment I have is much smaller than this one. I’m apartment twenty-two, if you ever need to find it. They didn’t explain why I was being moved. I was confused because I was told no one gets an apartment until they’re an agent, or training full time to be one.” He looks up at me with a look of realisation. “How do you have this one?”
I’m now suddenly feeling like the biggest hypocrite in the world. “I had to agree to it, I have to protect you. I told them I’d work for them so long as you never had to. And that you would get an apartment near me.”
The anger rises in him. “So after lecturing me for the last five minutes on why I can’t do this to my own kind, you’re telling me that you will be?” he stretches his neck from side to side like he does when he’s angry.
“I’m only doing what I think is right, and trust me, I’m not looking forward to this. I don’t want to do it, but I have to, for you.”
“And now you’re blaming me for having to do it? You don’t think that won’t make me feel even guiltier than if I was doing it myself? You’re not my mother, Allira, and I’m not a little kid anymore. I can make decisions for myself, and I’m not going to sit by and let you create this double standard between us. I don’t care what you say, I’m going to do the training. You were always worried about me having to be caged, and here you are ensuring I am for the rest of my life.” Shilah is up and about to walk out.
I grab for his hand, but he breaks free of me.
“Shilah—”
“I don’t want to hear it, Allira.”
And now I feel myself getting mad. Can’t he see I’m doing this to save him? Save his conscience, save him from doing horrible things, save his feelings, and his safety?
“Fine. Walk out, but Brookfield’s already agreed, and you won’t be going anywhere.” I throw the words out after him.
He storms out, and I’m left here feeling frustrated and angry. I’m doing this so he doesn’t have to. He should be grateful, not annoyed. He just needs to accept that I’m right.
A wave of guilt crashes down on me as I realise I’ve taken the one thing away from h
im that even I got excited about—the chance of freedom, be it somewhat controlled and minimal.
He’s right about not seeing daylight since we’ve been here. Am I wrong to want to protect Shilah against having to live with knowing he’s responsible for the imprisonment of innocent people? If I’m old enough to accept the consequences, shouldn’t he be? Do I need to stop mothering him?
I climb into bed, not bothering to get out of my clothes, just as I’ve done most nights I’ve been here. My new room may seem cosier and more attractive from the outside, but it still feels cold and distant compared to the old farmhouse I once called home. I feel even lonelier than I did when I was in my cell downstairs. Being moved up here was supposed to make me feel less trapped, less confined, but now it feels like I’ve been sent to live in solitary confinement. The walls start to close in on me as I try to focus on going to sleep.
There’s a knock at the door, and I jump up, thinking Shilah’s come back to make amends, but when I open the door, there he is. Waiting right outside my door is Drew Stanley … Jacobs … what’s-his-face, as I shall call him from now on.
“Can I help you?” I spit out through gritted teeth. I don’t meet his eyes. I want him to go away.
“Oh, I just wanted to welcome my new neighbour,” he says with a smile as he leans forward against the wall with his hand.
“Neighbour? Really?” Suddenly my cell is looking even more desirable.
“Well, technically—I’m two doors down, apartment ninety-one.”
“Great, thanks for the heads up of where to avoid.”
Walking back inside, I shut the door behind me. I don’t want to deal with him right now.
Drew talks through the door and it muffles his voice to a murmur. “I’m actually here to take you back down to the cells. Apparently you wanted to say goodbye to your rebound.”
“He wasn’t my rebound,” I shout back in frustration, but at least he’ll show me how to get to Tate, so I don’t continue. “Okay, fine, then let’s go,” I say as I open the door and start walking back down the hallway.
It’s silent as we get into the elevator. I’m all out of insults, and he seems to be all out of egotistical boasts.
“I’ll take you down to the cells, but I’m not going to wait around for you so you can have a moment between you and your new boyfriend, who I looked into by the way. He’s a little old for you, don’t you think?”
I wonder how old Tate is, not that his age actually matters because little does Drew know, it’s not like that at all. I’m trying to do the math in my head, when I remember something about Drew.
“Well, he couldn’t be any older than you. You do remember you were only pretending to be seventeen, right? Or have your lies blended with your truth and now you have no idea what’s true and what’s fabricated?”
The elevator shudders as Drew presses the emergency stop button.
Shit. I’ve goaded him too far, and I’m stuck in a tiny space alone with him.
“Look, I know you have every reason to be mad at me,” he says, still facing the elevator doors. “I got carried away, but you have to understand I was doing what I had to do. Just like you are now. Did you not just agree to become a field agent?” He turns to look at me. “Did you not just do the very thing you think makes me a monster? Well, welcome to the club, honey.” I can see by the look on his face that he immediately regrets his words. He sighs, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.”
“You were doing what you had to do? Did you have to make me fall for you? Did you have to try and sleep with me by the lake? All I keep thinking is how relieved I am that I didn’t let the moment get to me and give in to you.”
I go to push the emergency button again so we can get going, but he stops my hand and holds it, gently, his fingers covering mine, sending tingles up my arm.
“That’s what I’m trying to apologise for. I didn’t want to get that close to you, I wasn’t supposed to, but I couldn’t help it. When I’m near you, all I can think about is kissing you, having you in my arms, and feeling complete.”
Before I can respond, he’s taken my head in his hands and is kissing me. His mouth covers mine, and it’s easy to let him. It’s familiar, it’s comfortable, and it feels like I’m home at last. A part of me wants to keep letting him, but I can’t get the image of him beating Shilah out of my head, and his words from my interrogation fill my mind: “It’s just a shame you didn’t give it up to me by the lake or this would’ve been a lot more enjoyable.” I push him off me even though I want more.
“If that was true, you wouldn’t have done what you did. You didn’t need to abuse Shilah, you didn’t need to taunt me. You should’ve believed me when I said I didn’t know what I could do. I’m not an idiot, Drew, if that’s actually your real name. I may be working for the Institute now, but I can assure you, I won’t lie like you while doing so.”
Pushing the button, I cross my arms and wait at the door until it opens. My cheeks are flushed. I tell my heart to stop racing and then I realise Drew can sense all of this.
“Don’t come with me, I can find it from here.” I look left and look right. “Okay, maybe I won’t be able to find it from here. Just stop it with the confusing behaviour, would you?”
“Fine. Go left,” he says coldly. “And pay attention so you can find your own way back.” We start making our way through the halls. “My name really is Drew,” he says quietly.
I don’t respond and just focus on remembering the path I’m going. I’ve made note of familiar markers along the way, and so all I should have to remember to get back to the elevators is to turn right when I go through the second buzzing door … no left … ah crap.
As we walk down the steps to the cells, I suddenly feel really nervous. This has all happened so fast, I haven’t even thought about what I’m going to say. Although, Tate is probably already listening in so I try to clear my head and create white noise.
“This is where I stop,” Drew says, distracting me from my concentration. “His cell is right down there on the left. Oh wait, of course, you know where it is.”
Ignoring Drew’s taunts, I start walking to Tate’s cell when I hesitate. I don’t know what it is about Tate, but I just don’t want to disappoint him. It’s a strange feeling to have for someone I barely know, but I don’t think I would’ve made it through my days down here if it wasn’t for him. I feel like I could tell him anything, which is new to me. I’m so used to having to keep so much hidden, but I guess that’s not an issue when the thing that’s supposed to stay hidden is public knowledge here.
A guard opens the cell door for me, and Tate immediately gets up from his bed and embraces me. He looks down at me, his hand still lingering on my shoulder as he pulls away from the hug.
“Are you okay?” he asks with true concern in his tone.
“I am. I don’t know what I’ve got myself into, but yes, I’m fine.” We go and sit on his bed and lean up against the wall. I don’t want to tell him what I’ve done. I can already see the disappointment in his eyes.
‘Well, what do you expect, Allira, you didn’t think I couldn’t hear you on your way down here?’
Oh, so you know then.
‘That you’re training to become an agent? Yes, but I don’t know why you’d think I’d be disappointed in you. Just because I choose to stay down here doesn’t mean I believe everyone should. If I had a less important ability, I can’t say I wouldn’t have done it any different to what you’re doing. I’m just glad you’re okay. When you didn’t come back, I thought you were dead.’
“I’m pretty sure a sprained ankle doesn’t run the risk of killing anyone,” I say jokingly.
‘No, but having a double ability does.’
A what?
‘A double ability.’ He looks at me as if I should know what he means. ‘Defective people are deemed Defective because of the unknown abnormality in their genetic makeup. The difference between Defective people and normal people is a su
pernatural ability, a single supernatural ability that no scientist can explain.’
Yeah, I know, I paid attention in science class at school.
‘Having two abilities is rare, Allira, almost unheard of. Don’t you see, if they found out about you, they’d run all sorts of tests on you. You’d essentially become a lab rat, and when they can’t work out why you’re different, they’d dispose of you. They already see us all as a threat, imagine how they’d feel about someone with twice the power.’
But what makes you think I have this, double ability?
‘How about the fact that you can hear me right now, and you levitated with Ty, and you can amplify. I think it’s pretty clear you can borrow from others and amplify their abilities simultaneously.’
They only told me I can amplify abilities. I’m pretty sure they don’t know I can borrow them too.
‘If I were you, I’d make sure they don’t find out.’
Drew interrupts us. “Well, this is a pretty quiet goodbye.” I almost jump out of my skin at the sound of him. It’s lucky Tate and I were having our conversation telepathically. “Don’t mind me, I just wanted to meet the new guy,” he says.
“Enough,” I snap. I’m getting so frustrated with this stupid jealous attitude he has no right to have.
‘This is Drew, I’m guessing.’ Tate looks up at Drew, his expression blank.
Drew’s over-confident act is fading fast. I can hear him thinking about what to do next. He didn’t think this through at all, and that makes me smile.
“Do you need me to take you back to your apartment or can you find it on your own?” Drew asks, clearly trying to cover up this embarrassing moment with a legitimate reason for being here.
“I’m sure I’ll be fine, you can go now.”
Drew leaves, and I feel like I can breathe again. Tate and I continue as if the little interruption didn’t occur.
‘I’m going to miss you around here, kid. I know it was only a couple of days, but I feel like I’ve known you for a million lifetimes.’
I feel exactly the same way.
“I still don’t know how they expect someone like you to become an agent,” Tate says, a small smile playing on his lips.
“I’ve been asking myself that same thing.”
“You’re too nice, and really—they expect you to be an agent and be able to tell a convincing lie? Good luck to them, hey.” He puts his arm around me, and I sink my head into his shoulder. I don’t want to leave this spot. ‘Just do me a favour when you’re out there. If you know that the person you’re after is as innocent as we are, give them a chance. Please give them a chance to get away.’
I will. The last thing I want to do is send people here, knowing that they’re getting beaten because of me. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this without you. I wish you could come with me, I wouldn’t feel so alone.
‘The only thing you have to remember is to be yourself and not let them change you. I’m sure Drew didn’t go into this job the person that he is now. Just be true to you, and you’ll do fine. Besides, training should take a while anyway, right? We can let future Tate and Allira deal with goodbyes, until then I expect frequent visits from you, young lady.’
Of course, old man. I laugh. “Hey, speaking of which—Drew said you were old, just how old are you?”
“I’m one hundred and twenty-four years old.”
“What?” I look at him confused, and he laughs.
‘You didn’t think I was serious, did you? I don’t think immortality is an ability. Although it’d be an awesome one.’
You still haven’t answered the question.
“I’m twenty-four.”
“That’s not old, it’s only three years older than him. I don’t know what Drew’s on about.”
“Well, I guess to him, who thinks we’re together, twenty-four is kind of old for an eighteen-year-old.”
“I guess, although I don’t think age should really be a factor when it comes to that sort of thing, should it? You fall for who you fall for. Some people may need to date younger because their maturity level is so low, for instance.”
“Talking about anyone in particular there? Drew perhaps?” Tate teases.
“It doesn’t matter anyway, it’s definitely over between us.”
Tate just nods.
“I should probably be getting back. I really don’t want to though.”
“Hey, you can come see me tomorrow.” He turns his head and kisses me on the side of my temple. “Go on, go get some rest.”
Walking back to my room, I start freaking out about tomorrow and starting agent training, Tate’s words of advice still running through my head. All I have to do is make sure I stay true to myself. It seems easy enough, but how can I do that when I’m unsure of who I am?
I return to my apartment, only getting lost once on the way back, which I’m pretty impressed with. The cloud-soft, comfortable double bed is doing nothing for my ability to fall asleep. I should be sleeping better, but I guess there’s more to getting a good night’s sleep than just being provided with a comfortable bed.
Under the blankets, I stare at the ceiling as “Be true to yourself” keeps repeating in my head.
When I think of who I am, only one thing really comes to mind: family. Everything I’ve ever done, everything I’ll ever do, is for my family. Without them, I don’t have a purpose in life.
I should go apologise to Shilah, but he doesn’t want to see me.
I think about Dad. What’s he doing now? Is he still on the farm, by himself? Just this thought alone brings tears to my eyes, but I’ve been squashing the tears down since I got here, and I’m worried if I start now, I won’t be able to stop. I don’t even want to explore the idea that they could have Dad locked up somewhere, or worse, executed him for his crimes. Knowingly housing anyone who’s Defective carries strong penalties—turns out he was harbouring two.
I’ve been trying not to think of Dad, my focus has always been Shilah since being here, but thinking about Dad having lost both his children within days of each other is starting to make me wish he was right here with us, even if it meant he was Defective.
What would Dad say if he found out what I’ve agreed to? Would he have done the same thing as me? Would he want me to protect Shilah? The truth of the matter is, without Shilah, I don’t really know myself at all. Take away my family, and who is left?
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