“I’ve been thinking a lot since I flew out here last night. I was wondering what you thought about us being exclusive. I’m not saying we have to jump into a relationship because I know you have a lot going on right now, but I’m saying that we only sleep with one another and no one else. I have no desire to be with anyone but you and I hope you’re feeling the same way and would consider taking that next step with me.”
I swear, at that moment, I thought I’d never find my voice. My heart felt like it was two seconds away from exploding in my chest. My throat turned into the Sahara Desert, and my head began to spin as the words be exclusive bounced around in my head. I’m pretty sure I looked like a deer caught in the headlights because Jax began backpedaling saying it was only a suggestion if I wasn’t comfortable with it to just say so. At that moment, I knew I had to say yes. He is so sweet that he would have me any way he could get me. Pretty much how I have been with Dixon. I know how badly it hurt being turned away from by Dixon, and I couldn’t do that to Jax.
So I caved and, even though my heart was screaming, “Nooooooo!” I listened to what my head was telling me and told him, “Yes. I am more than okay with that.”
The only thing now is I’m not sure what to do about Dixon. If it’s better just to continue ignoring him and hoping my feelings for him will go away. Use Jax to my advantage, by letting him keep me distracted. Or talk to Dixon and let him know where I stand and where things are leading with Jax and me.
For now I’m going with option one. My brain can’t handle anything else right now. But maybe with time, that’ll change.
Chapter Sixteen
Dixon
“What the fuck crawled up your ass and died?” Kayden asked before taking a sip of his coffee. We’re walking through the spa he’s having renovated at his hotel here in France. He had me fly in to help oversee it all and make sure everything looks to be getting completed on schedule.
Turning my head, I glare at Kayden before bringing my travel mug up to my mouth and taking a long sip of my own coffee. Dealing with the time change is a bitch. I’m all kinds of fucking tired right now. Plus it isn’t helping I’ve barely slept since coming back from the Bahamas. Brooklyn haunts my dreams every damn night, making it impossible to get a good night’s sleep.
“Nothing’s crawled up my ass, ya asshole. I’m rightfully pissed because my wingman is fucking pussy whipped. Are you seriously going to make me go out to a strip club alone? In Paris no less? It’s not cheating ya know.”
Shaking his head, Kayden continues his walk through ignoring me. My life officially sucks. My highlight of this trip is usually hanging out with Kayden while we drink whiskey and toss money at strippers. My flight back to Houston can’t come fast enough so I can get back to my boys who still like to actually have a good time.
“So have you talked to Brooklyn at all lately?” Kayden asks out of the blue while still walking around the spa checking everything.
Rolling my eyes, I tell him, “No I haven’t. I tried to text her after y’all got back to Houston but she never responded. I don’t get that chick. She is so hot and cold I find it impossible to keep up.”
Kayden suddenly stops walking and turns back to face me. He shoves his hand into his dress slacks and looks nervously down at the dusty floor before bringing his gaze back up to meet mine.
“Umm,” He says before clearing his throat nervously. “There’s something I think you should know. I overheard Savannah and Brooklyn talking on the flight back to Houston on Sunday, and I heard them discussing Jax. I guess he asked Brooklyn to be exclusive. Not like an official couple or anything, because come on, Brooklyn doesn’t really come off as the settling down type. But from what I understand, they’ll only be sleeping with one another. I heard her tell Savannah she talked to that Xander guy and let him know that things with Jax were getting more serious, so they had to go back to being platonic for the time being.”
Are you fucking kidding me? Of course Jax swooped in and had to be the knight in shining fucking armor coming to L.A. to save Brooklyn. Then of course he asks her to save her dick rides for his fucking dick only.
I shouldn’t care. This is what I wanted. But I can’t ignore that fact that I’ve been absolutely miserable since I fucked everything up with her while in the Bahamas. I’m the world’s worst guy when it comes to commitment and all that shit that comes with it. But being away from Brooklyn for two weeks has made me realize how much I enjoy being around her. It is more than sex with her. I admit I am in love with her, which scares the shit out of me. I did some stupid shit because of it. Now it looks like it may be too late to try and fix things between us.
“I didn’t know that. Thanks for fillin’ me in, Knox. I appreciate it. I’ll respect their agreement and keep my distance from her. The last thing I would ever do is put you in the position of dealing with drama between Jax, Brooklyn and me. Now let’s get this walk-through wrapped up so I can get over to that strip club and get my fill of T&A that my life is sadly missing since I flew my sorry ass over here, for you.”
I hate the idea of her with Jax. But the only thing I can hope for is that the Brooklyn I know will resurface and grow bored of him. Maybe then she’ll find herself standing at my door begging for me to take her inside and show her what she’s been missing. Because she knows it, as much as I do, that there isn’t anyone in the world who can make us feel the way we do when we’re together. We may want to rip each other’s heads off on any given day, but the second she’s naked and riding my dick, all is right in the world. At least for that little moment in time.
I’ve made some big mistakes since meeting Brooklyn. She has made me feel things I never imagined in a billion years I’d ever feel. Making me want her to the point of it being unhealthy. I dream of fucking her every second of every day. It’s gotten so bad that I can’t even enjoy sex without picturing her face while I’m banging other chicks.
At first I thought maybe it would pass, but the last two weeks I’ve gone without seeing her, I’ve only fallen into a deeper funk. I don’t know what to do to get out of it. The old Dixon seems like a million light years away with the possibility of him ever resurfacing being slim to none.
Because Jax is my friend, I’ll respect his and Brooklyn’s agreement. But silently I’ll be lurking in the dark waiting for my moment to swoop in and get Brooklyn back. The saying, You don’t know what you have until it’s gone, never applied to my life. Too many times I tossed away things I liked and never again had a desire to have them back. But Brooklyn changed that. She changed me. I’m a fool for ignoring what was right in front of me.
All I can do is hope that things between them will play out and soon enough run their course, leaving them both going their separate ways. Until then, it looks like I’ll have to go on with my life being the miserable prick I’ve turned into. Lord help everyone who has to deal with me until that day comes.
Brooklyn
Tomorrow is February 9th, also known as my bestie Savannah’s birthday. She’s turning the big 25! So Kayden is flying everyone into Maui to stay in his penthouse suite at the Knox Hotel and Spa here on the island. As far as Savannah knows, we’re all coming only to celebrate her birthday, but I know that isn’t the only thing she’ll be celebrating. Kayden called me asking what size Savannah wore for a ring because he was having a custom ring made for her. Not just any ring. But the ring! He’s going to propose to her while here in Hawaii! He wants me to help him set up a dream proposal for her.
He asked me what her dream proposal would be. I told him she’s always said she loved in the movies when the girl went on a crazy, fun scavenger hunt that ends with her man waiting for her at the end...on one knee...ready to pop the question. She has always said she’d love to have it happen on the beach at sunset standing in one of those cheesy ass hearts in the sand with ‘Will you marry me?’ drawn in the sand. She’s a hopeless romantic, bless her heart. I’d be happy with a bouquet made of Jack Daniels and a big ass shiny rock to drag around o
n my left hand!
That is if I ever find a guy worth strapping my ball and chain onto.
Jax is amazing and all. I love spending time with him. He’s amazing in bed, but there’s no 'blow my mind' chemistry between us. I don’t see myself ever having that desire to have him put a ring on my hand and make us official. For now he’s a good distraction that I need.
Savannah and I have taken full advantage of having the entire island of Maui to ourselves with no boys around so we’ve done a girls' day all afternoon. We went surfing which was all Savannah’s idea, not mine. I had a fucking dog riding a surfboard next me who was doing it better than I was. I did nothing but choke on salt water the entire time!
Now we’re getting all glammed up to head down to the hotel bar and have some drinks and do some dancing. The bar here is amazing with an indoor area to have drinks and an outdoor bar beside the massive pool with a live DJ spinning only the sickest beats to dance too. It’s like Vegas but in Hawaii! The best of both worlds.
The guys are all supposed to fly in this evening. Kayden is coming straight from Paris and Dixon is flying in on the Beaumont jet with Jax. Reagan and Rebecca are flying in from JFK. Her parents won’t fly in until tomorrow because of a show they have tonight. It’s going to be the most memorable birthday for her ever! I doubt Knox will ever be able to top this.
Walking into the bar we head straight towards the bartender. “Can we get two Tequila Sunrises, please?” Savannah asks sweetly sliding up onto a bar stool.
Thinking about Kayden’s big surprise tomorrow, I tell Savannah as I gently tap my fingernails on the bar to the beat of Thrift Shop, “Girl, we so gotta stick to a one drink rule for tonight. We don’t want you all hung over for your birthday party tomorrow.”
Nodding, Savannah reaches for her drink as the bartender slides them in front of us. Reaching for her glass, she grabs her cherry that’s stuck to her cute little umbrella and plucks it into her mouth. She chews it quickly and laughing says, “Good idea! I’ll savor this one drink as long as possible, and then drink water for the rest of the night.”
Finishing our drinks, we slide off of the barstools and head out to the outdoor bar and pool area.
“Come dance with me!” Savannah shouts over the loud music as she takes my hand and drags me towards the dance floor. It’s a gorgeous night with the sky covered in a million tiny sparkling stars. As I gaze up at the night sky, images flash through my mind of my first time with Dixon. I’ll never see a starry night sky ever again without remembering us lying in the bed of his truck naked and wrapped in one another’s arms as we had the best sex of my entire life.
I shake the thoughts from my head as I raise mine and Savannah’s entwined hands in the air and start bouncing around in my leather ankle boot heels under the strobe lights dancing across our skin. I’m wearing short leather booty shorts and a red top while Savannah went with a more tropical themed in a hot pink halter dress and white Louboutin peep toe pumps. Her hair has a cute pink hibiscus flower clip, pulled into a curly side ponytail. While I, on the other hand, went with a high smooth, sleek, ponytail. Even though, to most, we’d appear to be wearing very little out here, we’re suddenly feeling a tad overdressed!
Everyone...I mean everyone...seems to be in nothing but bathing suits even this late in the evening. The pool is still packed with people swimming, lounging and drinking. The dance floor is jammed packed with girls in bikinis and guys in board shorts.
We ignore the fact that we missed the swimsuit memo and continue to dance and sway to the music, getting lost in the pure bliss of dancing without a care in the world. We’ve had a rough couple of weeks, but things are finally looking up.
After a little while, Savannah grabs my arm and yells at me, “I’m going to get a drink. I’ll come find you in a bit, okay?”
“Okay,” I shout back and continue to dance around with a group of girls in barely-there bikinis.
Not even five minutes later, I feel someone smack me in the shoulder startling me. Whipping around I’m ready to knock a bitch out when I see it’s Savannah grinning at me with Kayden standing behind her. “Oww, bitch What was that for?” I ask resting my hands on my hips. I give him a knowing smile as Savannah shoves a room key at me.
“We’re heading up to the suite. I wanted to make sure you weren’t locked out. Goodnight, girly.”
Shoving the keycard into my bra, I pull her in for a quick hug, “‘Night you guys! Now go have fun you two crazy kids—and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” I wink at Savannah and Kayden and burst out giggling with laughter as Savannah blushes and grabs Kayden’s arm tugging him through the crowd.
“Well, then that leaves pretty much anything and everything you can possibly think of doing that is downright sinful, fair game,” Kayden says with an amused tone before disappearing with Savannah through the crowd of bodies.
I dance for a little while longer before deciding to call it a night and head inside to crash. I have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow. I head towards the outdoor bar, which is packed with people waiting for drinks. As I’m standing in line, I hear Trouble by Taylor Swift come on, but it’s a techno remix that the DJ is spinning right now. My body immediately flushes as the song plays. All I can think about is Dixon and the things he did to me in the elevator while I had this song playing in my head.
My phone, blasting Clarity by Zedd, gives me a heart attack, making me jump slightly. I reach into my top, pulling out my iPhone, and see it’s a text from Dixon. The ringtone I set for him is going off and lets me know it was from him without having to look at it. I haven’t heard it go off in two weeks, so the thought of Dixon sends a sea of emotions crashing into me.
Swiping my thumb across the screen, I open the text and immediately can’t help but roll my eyes then glance around seeing if I can spot him. He has to be here.
Dixon:
I suddenly can’t stop thinking about elevator rides & orgasms ;)
#iknewyouweretrouble
What the fuck?
Dixon is here?
I look all around me, but he’s nowhere to be found. I glance at the time on my watch and see it’s almost ten p.m. They should be landing any time. But I don’t see any missed calls or messages from Jax so I’m not sure what’s going on.
“Brooklyn.” Dixon’s deep raspy drawl sends a shiver down my spine and causes my skin to prickle with goosebumps as I feel him standing behind me. Gasping, I spin around and throw my hand against my chest.
“Jesus Christ! You practically gave me a freaking heart attack.” I shriek as I feel my eyes practically bulging out of my head.
He lets out a deep chuckle as he slides his fingers through his auburn hair that’s slightly disheveled on top of his head. His laugh does crazy things to my body. One being that it turns me on way too much. I squeeze my thighs together, trying to ignore the throbbing between my legs, as I continue to hear Taylor Swift singing around us and feel Dixon so close to me.
“Sorry. I didn’t realize you’d startle so easily. Thanks for not knocking me out or anything, by the way. You looked all ready to whoop some ass for a second there.”
I give him my back as I turn towards the bar, “Well, almost getting killed will do that to a girl,” I mumble under my breath, not thinking he’d even hear me. The feeling of his hand on my arm, sends magnetic charge that zaps my skin the second his hand touches me, and the firmness of his grip lets me know he’s determined to speak to me and that he more than likely just heard what I said.
“Brooklyn—I’m sorry. I can’t say it enough, for a lot of things.” The desperation in his voice is apparent. “I wish more than anything I would’ve pulled my head outta my fuckin’ ass and gone to Savannah’s celebratory party for the magazine cover. If I were there, maybe you wouldn’t have gone through what you had.”
I look back at him as I try to ignore the flutter of butterflies swarming my stomach as I hear the words I’ve dreamt of hearing him say to me for weeks. Dixon doesn’t say sorry very o
ften. So to hear him tell me he’s sorry—not once, but twice, in a span of a few seconds—is pretty freaking crazy.
He releases my arm and stuffs his hands into the pockets of his jeans all the while keeping his piercing blue eyes locked onto mine, making my body tingle from my head to my toes.
“Can I get two shots of Jack, please?” I ask the bartender as he finally makes his way down to me. Fuck my one drink rule. After seeing Dixon, I need something stronger than water. “Thanks,” I say taking the two shots and turning back towards Dixon. “Here, drink up. By the look of things we both need help from our good friend, Jack because we’re all kinds of fucked up right now.”
A ghost of a smile curls up at the corners of his lips as he dangles the shot between his fingers. He raises an eyebrow at me before saying, “I couldn’t agree more.” Before downing the shot in one gulp. I mirror his actions tipping the glass back and welcoming the slow burn it makes as the amber liquid slides down my throat then seeps into every inch of my body warming me from the inside out.
“Can we go somewhere....?” His question tapers off as his eyes move to look behind my head.
Just then, I hear my name again but this time it’s in a husky Australian accent followed by two strong arms wrapping around my waist as lips brush against my neck. The pain and anger that flash through Dixon’s eyes makes my stomach twist in knots, and my head suddenly starts pounding as a million thoughts begin buzzing inside my head.
Jax is here.
Dixon is here.
Suddenly my heart and my head are charging into a deadly battle with one another.
How the hell did I get myself into such a fucked up situation?
I’m in love with a douchebag who seems to have finally, after two months of me waiting, decided to pull his head out of his fucking ass. Of course, after I give up on the thought of us ever having something more together than a few flings. Now I’m somewhat with Jax. It’s all way too confusing and making my damn head hurt.
Heart of Dixon Page 17
