“All right, let me see who this is for.” Calliope unfolded a piece of paper.
Most everyone was laughing. Except for Kevin. “I can already tell you who it’s for, girly boy right there.” He pointed to me.
“Ah, got it.” Calliope stepped toward Kevin and began singing “Happy Birthday Mr. President.”
The squad lost it laughing. Darren had tears running down his face. Logan was bracing himself against the wall.
“Damn, she’s hot,” Enrique, one of the probies, said.
“It’s a guy,” Everett, another firefighter, whispered back.
“Don’t care, do you see the bod on that chick? It’s a new generation, I’m an equal opportunist.” The strange part was that he was dead serious.
I stared at Enrique, who was all of twenty and had no problem admitting he didn’t care about sexual orientation. Why couldn’t I be more like him? Why wouldn’t I let myself be more like him?
“Get away from me, you freak.” Kevin got up to move.
But Calliope was quicker. “Did you say freak? Ahh, I love it freaky too.” She began shaking her hips in a way that would make Shakira jealous.
“Get away from me, fag.” Kevin held up his hands to push Calliope back.
Calliope stopped. “Did you say fag?” She turned to me and mouthed the word letter. I nodded.
“Kevin, that is enough. That word is not allowed here, ever,” Glen, our shift lieutenant, ordered. “This was all fun and games until you took it too far with hate words and the threat of violence. I’ll be talking to the captain when he returns.”
“Hi, Calliope.” Everly waved.
“Oh, hi, sugar, hope you come to our reopening. Bring all your friends, okay?”
“Will do.”
Calliope left, and all I wanted to do was leave with her. I was sick to my stomach as my belief that Kevin was the gunman only increased.
The rest of the day and evening were active with what we call cat-in-a-tree type calls: chest pains that were really gas, smell of smoke that turned out to be a candle burning that they had forgotten about, and one shut-in who became so because of people like Kevin. She had always been overweight, but people were cruel, and she couldn’t take it anymore so she stopped going out. It had gotten to the point where she couldn’t walk, so we had to use special equipment to help her out of her home.
I hated Kevin even more after that call because he had all sorts of shit to say about us having to go to Sea World to use their scales before we took her to the hospital. They would have to know her weight so they could administer the proper dosage of medications, but they had no way to get that detail. He acted as if this was humiliating to him, and all I could think of was this sweet woman and how that made her feel.
Thankfully, though, those things made the shift fly by. It was an hour till shift change, and I was out washing a truck, scrubbing the headlights, trying to get bug guts off when I saw Sophie and Leo run between some bushes. They were pointing at an older Jeep, which happened to be Kevin’s. I turned to see who they were talking to and sighed at the sight of Everly standing midpoint between the parking lot and the open bays.
Sophie and Leo ducked—to do what? I had no idea. A few seconds later, they turned and ran back to a familiar car belonging to Stella Christakos. She drove by and they all waved.
My phone dinged, I pulled it out and opened a text from Everly. It was a picture of the back of Kevin’s truck. On the back were a few bumper stickers promoting coexisting, supporting all humanity, and Orlando Pride Strong. I shook my head. This had to stop, Kevin was a loose cannon that was going to go off any day, and it wouldn’t end well.
Ringo
“Please don’t go. I’m serious. I think Kevin is somehow involved in all of this. Look at it from my point of view, he wasn’t on duty during the time you were shot then shows up dirty and sweating with some lame excuse. He comes up to the hospital to see you, a man who he was openly hostile toward. He brings a minister who may or may not be a real minister. Plus, he called Calliope a fag and was about to punch her. He isn’t stable.”
“You can go with me,” I offered for the fiftieth time. “I can’t force you out of a closet any more than you can force me in.”
“That isn’t the point. The point is that you are clearly a target for some unstable asshole.”
“I’m going, Pride is important to me. It is a tradition. I understand if you don’t want to come because of your whole”—I trailed one hand up and down his body without touching him—“stuck in the closet situation. But I’m going. Several of the girls from the gang are going with me, and they will wear rainbow Bananas’ shirts. Piper and Harley will be in their Class C uniform, whatever that means. Even Everly and Sarah are coming in their FD shirts. We are an on-to-rajjj.” I flipped my pretend hair since I wasn’t wearing a wig.
“Got it, entourage. Fine, I’ll go.”
“You serious?”
Cooper nodded.
“Don’t look so excited,” I joked.
“I’m going, don’t push it.” He gave me a reluctant smile.
“Yay.” I clapped my hands and hurried as fast as I could back to my room. I already had my Pride Fest outfit all picked out. I slipped on my yellow denim booty shorts. Normally I’d wear a crop top but I was afraid bandages might show so I was debating between two shirts, Gay Men Suck or Let’s Get One Thing Straight, I’m Not. I loved both shirts, hello, that’s why I bought them because as always I was going for the laugh factor. Cause god knows there was no shock factor with this bunch.
Finally making my decision, I pulled on my white T and then dusted some shimmering glitter lightly over my legs and arms before looping a rainbow boa around my neck and grabbing a fedora.
Cooper was sitting on the couch when I rounded the corner, and he spat his coffee out before coughing several times. “Holy shit.”
“What? Oh, this is nothing compared to what you’re going to see. I got you a T-shirt too just in case you wanted to wear one.”
“No, I’m not wearing anything like that.” He held his travel mug up to his lips and still managed to give a chin nod toward me.
“No, yours says, you’re not gay,” I explained.
“Okay, what’s the punch line?”
“On the back it says, but my boyfriend is.” I waited to see what Cooper was going to say, since I really hadn’t gotten him a shirt.
“Maybe next year, okay?”
“That’s progress. I’ll take whatever I can get,” I said as I grabbed several bottles of water and tossed them into a bag.
“Let me take that.” Cooper rushed forward and lifted the bag from me. “You shouldn’t be carrying so much weight yet.”
“Thank you, you ready?”
“I guess so,” Cooper gave in.
“Hey, little Cockwobble.” Chiquita came running. Cooper gave me a disapproving look. “What, she doesn’t care as long as I’m loving and sweet when I say it. All she wants is love and attention.” I bent and picked up the little bastard. “You be a good girl, okay.” I kissed Chiquita’s forehead. “Oh, and don’t be a thundercunt and piss on Daddy’s shoes, okay?” Chiquita ran off to lay in her bed. Damn that dog was so good.
It took us just over an hour to make our way over to Lake Eola, find a place to park, and meet up with the gang.
“The queen has arrived, you may all bow.” I did my best Miss America wave.
“Back the fuck up, right now. Move your boa, I have to see what your shirt says because all I see is the word suck,” Stella demanded.
I moved the boa and pushed my chest out. “Gay men suck. Am I right or what?”
“Depending on what they’re sucking, so do straight men,” she replied and everyone high fived her except for Cooper, who looked really uncomfortable.
“You’ll get used to it.” I overheard Everly say to him.
“I’m used to our shit at the house but it is more digs on each other, not sex talk,” Cooper said as he shook his head.
“I brought a wheelchair in case you get tired. Your lungs are still weak, so don’t push it. Until then, we can throw our shit in it. So, toss those heavy bags over here. I put heavy carabiners on the arms, so hook ’em up and shock the hell out of anyone who tries to grab and run.”
“Stella, really? We have two deputies wearing their badges and guns with us,” Sophie asked.
“Hey, no time for your hate.” Stella laughed.
We wound our way to the first booth full of official Pride merchandise. I purchased a T-shirt and an insulated cup as well as a collar for Chiquita. I was shocked to see Cooper buying a coffee mug. I didn’t draw attention to it since I considered this a small victory. Most of the gang bought small tchotchkes, like key rings, cups, vinyl window decals supporting the gay community, and rainbow bows for their girls.
We accepted samples of products, bought more shit, and paused to watch some of the events like a version of the Newlywed game where three couples were being quizzed.
“What would your partner say is the worst nickname you’ve ever called their genitals?” the host asked.
Contestant one, who was in his early twenties and probably a barista or something like that, said, “He called it Oscar because when he’d give me a hand job, he said the opening always looked like it was saying Oscar.” Of course, he couldn’t leave it there. He had to give the crowd hand motions to show what he meant. We were all doubled over. I glanced at Cooper, and he was shaking his head, his face beet red.
Contestant two was in her thirties and looked like she had to be a professional. I’d bet my money that she was an attorney or a doctor just by the way she conducted herself. “She always called it Borneo even after I got waxed. We were young when we first met, she was my first, and I didn’t know anything. But I guess she expected me to be all buff down there and I wasn’t. So, she started teasing me that she was exploring the jungles of Borneo. It embarrassed me, but she kept at it.” The girls around me covered their faces to hide the fact they were trying not to laugh. The men were making vomit sounds, I think it was the thought of a jungle down there, but it could have just been women’s parts in general.
Contestant three was in his mid to late fifties. “He called it Natalie Wood. At first, I thought it was a compliment, you know, hard like wood? But it wasn’t. I knew who Natalie Wood was; I’m old for god’s sake. But when I finally got up the nerve to ask him, he said it was because I go in hard but then just go all limp and wet.”
“Oh, no, he didn’t,” one person stood and said. “I’ll kick his ass for you, honey.”
The rest of the crowd sat shocked, at least the entertainment side of the gay community who knew who Natalie Wood was. The rest of us weren’t sure whether to laugh or boo.
After the host had asked three questions, he brought the partners back out and asked them the same question, if they matched their lover’s answer, they got points. But we didn’t stay for the rest, we were up and moving. We were less than one-eighth through the festival and still had so much to see.
“Hey, want to have our fortunes read?” Sophie asked.
“Let’s go.” Leo tugged on Sophie’s arm. “Remember when you and I did this as kids?” They headed toward the tent.
“Anyone else want to go?” Ariel asked.
“I do.” I set my bag of souvenirs in the wheelchair. “Come on, Cooper, go with me.” He shook his head.
“We will all move over to the tent.” Piper corralled our group and wrangled us toward the large tent area that was divided down the middle. Half was open and selling tarot cards, Ouija boards, and other voodoo items, and the other half was closed off by dark purple belt curtains.
“Should I get a mood ring?” Stella slipped the oval-shaped stone set in a cheap silver setting onto her finger.
“Why?” I asked. “Your face shows us everything we need to know.” I leaned over and pecked her on the cheek.
“Bite me,” she retorted.
“Would any of you like your fortunes read? Madame Avenir is wonderful and does a great job,” the clerk behind the makeshift counter said.
“Avenir?” Leo asked.
“Yes, do you know her?”
“Sophie, by chance do you remember the psychic’s name we would go to in Cassadaga?”
“No, but for some reason Avenir sounds so familiar.”
“Madame Avenir has a shop in Cassadaga, it’s been there forever, her grandmother opened the shop, and it has been running ever since. Hazel Avenir is the third generation with the gift.”
“Oh, I hope she has children to keep it going,” Leo stated.
“I’m Sasha, my wife and I will keep it going, I’m her daughter,” the young woman said.
“It’s so nice to meet you. I’m not sure whether it was your mom or grandmother, but I think it was Avenir who used to read our fortunes when we were kids. We used to go up there sometimes,” Sophie said as she shook Sasha’s hand.
“It is so nice to meet you, too. Okay, who is going in?”
I raised my hand. “Oh, me, I want to go.”
“Will it be just you or will it be a group?”
“I’ll go with him, or he’s liable to give your mom a heart attack with the things that come out of his mouth.” Sophie patted my shoulder.
“He’s fine, it’s the other young man I want to talk to,” a woman, obviously Madame Avenir, said from behind the curtain.
I giggled and rubbed my hands together. “This is going to be good.”
“Go, it’s on me,” Ariel said as she pushed Cooper and me forward.
The small area was overpowered by the smell of incense, and I crinkled my nose and sniffed several times as if I was a fucking dog trying to figure out the fragrance.
“It’s lotus and white musk, it will help clear your mind so we can see your future,” Madame Avenir said in her ethereal voice. “Come on over, sit, sit.” She patted at two chairs. “You two are at totally different spectrums. You are surrounded by red,” she said to me. “And you are cloaked in violet,” she said to Cooper.
“What does that mean?” Cooper and I asked in unison.
She turned her attention to Cooper and I gulped. Her eyes were like mirrors, and I could see his reflection perfectly in them. “You have ambition, you know what you want and nothing gets in your way.” She grabbed ahold of Cooper’s hand. “But at the same time, you are mysterious and moody. You hold the secrets of the world. You, young man, are teetering on a precipice; each problem you hold on to is another weight tilting your axis. If you’re not careful you will teeter the wrong way with a simple shift in the wind.” Madame Avenir blew a puff of air for emphasis and then released her hold on Cooper.
“Now, you.” She grabbed my hand I had resting on her small table. “You are love, energy, power, passion, everything that makes for a good lover, but you are also blurry. Warning, I see flashing red, who is angry with you?” I jerked my hand back.
“Whatchu talking about, Willis? There’s no way in hell you can see all of that.”
“I can, it’s your aura, it’s red.”
“And red means these things?”
“Yes. The part about already having warnings, is all me, I can see it in my head.”
“You weren’t supposed to tell us this shit. You were supposed to look at our hands and tell us you see long love lines for the both of us, and we are going to live happily ever after. Then tell him to come out of the closet.”
“I’m sorry, if you wanted me to go by a script, you should have given it to me,” Madame Avenir replied.
“Alex, calm down. What she said makes total sense.”
“But there was nothing about us. I want to know about us.”
“There was.” Cooper placed one strong arm at the base of my back. “She talked about the mystery and moodiness. You and I both know what that means. I’m stressed to the limit, I want to do right by you, make you happy, and still do what I believe is the best for my job security.”
“Why? I have money,
I make a lot.”
“Because I love my job and it is my job to provide for my family.” Cooper stopped to grab his phone and answered it. “Dash speaking.”
“Now? In the middle of this?” I threw up my hands.
“Yes, of course. You have my permission.” Cooper’s face turned pale. “No, but I will be right there. I’m across town but will hurry. Yes.” He grasped his forehead as if he was warding off a tension headache. “Thank you. Oh, please call Detective Lieutenant Callum McGuire, he will need all the details.” Cooper disconnected. “Thank you—”
“Go, take care of everything. Don’t worry, it isn’t as bad as you think,” Madame Avenir called after us as Cooper practically pulled me out from behind the curtains.
“Got to go,” he announced to everyone in the tent. “My house is on fire, they suspect arson.”
“Oh, shit,” Sophie called out.
“I’m going to kill that motherfucker!” Stella hollered. We all headed out of the tent in a hurry. “Get in,” Stella ordered to me as she pointed to the wheelchair. “We need to run and you’re not fit for that yet.”
Without a single argument, I hopped in, and we hurried through the crowd. “Oh, no, Chiquita is inside. Oh my god, she’ll be so scared.”
“On it,” Everly called out. “Where are they most likely to find her?”
“To the left, it’s the last guest room before you get to the master bedroom,” Cooper explained.
Cooper sped through traffic like I’d never experienced before and that was saying something since I had ridden with Stella.
When he turned into his neighborhood, I unfastened my seat belt. When he turned onto his road, I put my hand on the door handle. And when he pulled in front of his house, I jumped out of the truck before Cooper even had time to put the truck in park. I was out and running toward the front door. “Chiquita, my dog. She’s inside. She has got to be scared to death.”
“You can’t go inside there, sir,” one firefighter called out.
But I sidestepped and went around him.
“Ringo, stop. I’ve got her!” Callum yelled to me.
Ringo, Slippery Banana: A Beautiful Love Story (Iron Orchids Book 7) Page 8
