Brother Kenton said the baby growing was good, but sometimes Heather noted the hint of a frown that accompanied his words. She’d witnessed her mother’s labor to push Lucas and Jimmy out into the world. She’d gripped Heather’s hands so tightly during some of the pains that Heather’s fingers had been bruised and sore for days. Mrs. Saunders, the neighborhood midwife, had encouraged her with soft words and gentle hands. That’s who Heather had imagined helping her birth her baby. Her mother and Mrs. Saunders. But that was not to be. Instead she would have to depend on Sophrena, who appeared uneasy with the very thought of a baby, much less the messy job of bringing that baby into the world. She might just faint dead away and Heather would be without help at all.
When Heather had those thoughts, she squared her shoulders and cradled the round form of the baby growing within her. If that happened, she was strong. Hadn’t she followed after an army? Hadn’t she done that for love? Love made hard things easier and she loved this little being inside her. She loved him so much she could do whatever had to be done to give him life.
Besides, Sophrena was like Heather’s mother. She was like Heather herself. The same blood ran through them all, a powerful connection in spite of Sophrena having removed herself from the family fold. Heather felt the connection every time she looked directly into Sophrena’s eyes. Sophrena felt it too. Heather was sure she did, no matter what she said about the way Shakers believed in a different type of family.
The snow turned to ice and pecked against the windows. But inside the cabin, the fire was warm and the lamps were lit. Food was on the table. All supplied by the Shaker people and carried to the cabin by Sophrena. The two of them sewed together. They ate together. They prayed in silence together, each in her own way, but to the same heavenly Father. They slept in the same room, their breaths mingling in the night air like Heather’s and Beth’s had before she had gone with Gideon.
It mattered not that they talked little and then only of the Shaker beliefs or of how winter was coming early or of the stitches they were making in the unending baskets of sewing. The bond was growing between them nevertheless. She would not desert Heather in her hour of need. Instead she had deserted her way of life to care for Heather. What could make one do that other than love?
And Gideon would come back to Heather. Her prayers would keep him safe and love would bring him back into her arms.
With ice tinkling against the window glass, they ate their night meal Sophrena had had the foresight to fetch early before the ice accumulated. Then as had become their custom, they returned to the chairs by the fire and went back to their sewing until the retiring bell.
On her first days in the village, Sophrena had explained the purpose of each ringing of the bell as it signaled the proper times for different activities. Rising in the morning and retiring at night. Times of rest and prayers. Meals. It tolled for the gathering to worship in their meetinghouse. Heather had come to depend on the bells to give her days rhythm. Up in the morning, eating and praying and sewing, to bed at night.
But all she was really doing was awaiting her time. Pondering this child in her heart as surely the mother of the Christ had once done so long ago. Wondering what lay ahead. Heather’s child was not the miracle the Christ child was, come to save a sinful world. But her child was a gift to cherish. A miracle of love for her.
Heather no longer helped Sophrena with hemming the Shaker clothes. Instead she hemmed small squares of cloth for the baby’s wrapping blankets and made him gowns of the soft cream-colored fabric one of the sisters had woven especially for that purpose and brought by the cabin earlier in the week.
“A sister or brother needs something to wear no matter how small that sister or brother might happen to be,” Sister Doreen told Heather with a peek over her shoulder, as though worried someone might be listening who would find fault with her words. She let her gaze settle on Sophrena as she went on. “Don’t you agree, Sister Sophrena?”
“Yea, the babe will need clothes.” Sophrena looked up from fingering the material with a smile that seemed to put the other woman at ease.
Sister Doreen was short and tending toward roundness. The hair that peeked out below her cap was white, but her eyes carried the twinkle of perennial youth. She never came by the cabin without a gift and without bringing cheer through the door. Something Sophrena seemed to need even more than Heather as the days passed. Although she never complained of being isolated with Heather in the cabin, she had to be missing the companionship of the Shaker sisters she had lived with so long.
This night, with the ice enclosing them and shutting away the world outside the cabin, Sophrena seemed more relaxed in her talking, as if she didn’t have to worry about an improper word being overheard. They spoke of the weather and of how Gideon’s division would be in the south where the air would be warmer.
“Rain is not good either,” Heather said.
“But kinder than ice, I would think,” Sophrena said without looking up from her sewing. She had finished the basket of assigned sewing and was stitching a gown cut from Sister Doreen’s soft cloth. Her stitches were much quicker than Heather’s and the gown was taking shape under her skilled fingers.
“My Gideon never seemed to know how to keep dry.” Heather frowned. “His feet especially. I took care to keep him in clean socks while I was with him, but now I am not with him.”
“A good thing.” Sophrena looked over at her. “In your condition. It is good you are here. Perhaps we can knit him some socks and send them to him.”
Heather dropped her sewing and stared at the fire, barely hearing Sophrena’s words. “But I miss him so much.”
If only she could get a letter from him to know he was all right.
18
I fear your relative from the world is pulling you away from us, Sister Sophrena.” Eldress Lilith made the dreaded clicking sound with her tongue as she narrowed her eyes on Sophrena.
Sophrena met her look for a few seconds before dropping her gaze to her hands folded in her lap. She was not sure how to respond. Was it young Heather pulling her from the Shaker way or her unwise feelings for Brother Kenton? Feelings that Brother Kenton gave no sign of noticing or sharing. At the thought, tears pricked at her eyes, but she blinked them away. It would surely compound her sin to allow Eldress Lilith to think she was showing remorse for the lacks the eldress was pointing out to her when her sorrow was simply an addition to her sin.
“Have you no wrongs to confess on this day?” Eldress Lilith prodded her when Sophrena stayed silent.
“I have many wrongs,” Sophrena said softly as she raised her eyes to look past Eldress Lilith’s head, out the window. Traces of ice lingered on the tree limbs in the shadow of the building, but most of it had glittered brilliantly in the burst of sunlight that had followed on the heels of the storm the next day and melted away. If only the feelings within her heart giving her such unease would do the same. Glitter brightly for a short time and then burn away under the light of the spirit so her peace could be restored.
“A Believer must voice those wrongs in order to receive forgiveness.” The eldress tapped her fingers on the narrow table between them with growing impatience.
So Sophrena borrowed her wrongs. “I am often impatient. I wish my work done more quickly than it can be done. I tire of the sameness of my sewing tasks. I was too quick with my prayers last night when the floor was chill under my knees. I had a wrong thought against one of my sisters.” Sophrena stopped. No need in adding that her wrong thought just occurred when she had noted Eldress Lilith’s impatience.
The eldress drummed her fingers on the table yet again as she silently considered Sophrena’s list of sins. Sophrena was beginning to feel concern that she was divining her true sins that could not be spoken aloud. At least not to one so unforgiving as Eldress Lilith.
She wondered if the young sisters she had once prodded to confess their wrongs had hidden their true concerns in fear of her sternness. She sent up a prayer that it h
ad not been so, for she would not have wanted to deny those sisters the opportunity to confess and receive proper forgiveness.
But can’t you go directly to the Lord to ask forgiveness? Heather’s words slid through Sophrena’s mind. The girl had no interest in the Shaker way. She was wrapped completely around the new life growing inside her. She wanted family with every inch of her being the way Sophrena had once sought and found peace among her brothers and sisters here at Harmony Hill.
And now she had lost that peace by allowing carnal thoughts to burrow into her mind. Wrong thoughts of worldly love that she had once condemned in weaker-willed sisters. She did not imagine she was in love with Brother Kenton. That would be extremely foolish. But she could not deny she was wondering what it would be like if she were to love him in the way of the world. Nor could she deny he drew her eyes and caused her heart to beat oddly in her chest. She seemed unable to talk sensibly when he came to the cabin to check on Heather, and her cheeks continually felt warm in a way they did not after he left.
She thought of dear Jessamine again and the girl’s curiosity about everything of the world. She had not regretted Jessamine leaving Harmony Hill to go to the world. The girl was not meant to be a Shaker, but Sophrena was. She was happy with her sisters. She was happy with the Believer’s love. She needed nothing more. At least she had not until she turned fifty and Brother Kenton came to Harmony Hill.
Eldress Lilith had been silent for a long time. Not a good thing. Sophrena cast around for some other wrong for which to ask forgiveness. Perhaps her weariness of spirit.
She started to speak, but the eldress held up a hand to stop her. “Nay, Sister Sophrena. Do not add words simply for the sake of filling the air between us with noise. That makes nothing better.”
“Yea, you are right,” Sophrena agreed meekly.
“Sacrifice Day is almost upon us. I will expect you to spend the day in prayer and contemplation of your shortcomings. If you have aught against a sister or brother, you must go to them and heal that breach.”
“Yea, I will do so.”
“Even Sister Edna?”
“Yea, if I have erred against her, but I have not seen her since I began caring for Sister Heather.”
“Oh?” Eldress Lilith raised her eyebrows as if Sophrena’s words surprised her. “Sister Edna tells me she sees you often.”
Sophrena frowned as she tried to remember when she’d last seen the sister. “Then she must be watching from a distance.” That wasn’t surprising. Sister Edna had always been a watcher. One intent on observing others to be sure they were keeping their feet on the Shaker way. Such a duty was needed at times, but Sophrena was glad it had never been her duty.
“Yea, that could be,” Eldress Lilith agreed with a slight motion of her hand. “Whether you saw her or not is of no consequence. What matters is what she saw. She tells me Brother Kenton goes to the cabin almost every day and sometimes twice.”
“Sister Heather’s time is near. He is keeping a close watch upon her.”
“Yea, so it seems.” Eldress Lilith clicked her tongue with disapproval. “Sister Edna says he appears to enjoy those visits.”
Sophrena pulled in a little breath and hoped the eldress wouldn’t notice the stain of red climbing into her cheeks. “Our brother has a cheerful way.” She had to bite her lip to keep from adding that Sister Edna did not. “Such has been a blessing to our young sister as she hopes for delivery of a healthy baby. That is her prayer.”
“One that might not be answered.”
Sophrena looked at the eldress in surprise. “Brother Kenton thinks all will be well.”
“I’m sure you do remember Mother Ann lost all her babies as young children. The Lord speaks truth to us in many ways.” The eldress clicked her tongue again. “Or finds ways to punish our wrong thinking.”
“I will pray he chooses other ways to correct our wrongs,” Sophrena said softly.
“Yea, that would be well. It would be good if you also prayed for right thinking and willing service.” She pushed up from her chair.
Sophrena stood quickly. “I will make that prayer.”
“Good. At meeting tomorrow you can shake away the carnal thinking that seems to be chasing after you, Sister Sophrena. Bring the young sister with you. Perhaps the spirit will fall upon her and reveal to her the error of her ways.”
Sophrena had no belief that would happen. In truth, she had no wish for it to happen. She didn’t want Heather to deny her love for her soldier husband or to be ready to surrender the baby to other sisters to raise. There was something too beautiful about the girl sitting by the fire, closing away everything around her as she looked inward toward her unborn child.
But what of salvation? Had she not accepted the Shaker life long ago as the way to salvation? Could it be that the Millennial rules and what was written in the Covenant she had signed were wrong? Sophrena sighed as the questions circled in her head. What was the truth?
I am the way, the truth, the life. The Christ’s words from the Good Book slipped into her head. But what of Mother Ann and her teachings? Sophrena had embraced them along with the Bible teachings for many years. She had gone forth in worship and found joy in the dance. She had shaken free of worldly trappings. Or thought she had. Perhaps she had never truly conquered the lust for things of the world. Not things. Feelings. Carnal love. A seed buried deep in her heart and now watered by her attraction to Brother Kenton.
The next morning, she was up before the rising bell and tiptoed out of the sleeping room to keep from waking Heather. She poked up the coals of the fire and added wood. Then she knelt in front of the flames to ask forgiveness for all the sins she had been unable to voice aloud to Eldress Lilith. She prayed for skillful hands to help Heather when the birthing time came. Then she stopped pushing words up in her mind and instead bent her head. The fire crackled as the flames wrapped around the new wood, but in spite of that, the silence fell about her in a profound and isolating way. Heather was in the next room. Her Shaker brothers and sisters were spread about her in various other buildings, but at that moment she felt completely alone. Starkly alone.
Only one other time did she remember feeling so alone. Bereft of love. Bereft of hope. That was before she had come to Harmony Hill. Even now, after so many years, she could remember how passionately she had prayed for the Lord to show her a way to survive in the dark valley of her union with Jerome. Not even a week passed after that prayer before they came to the Shaker village. And the Lord had blessed her with joy in the love of her sisters and purpose in the pleasing work of her hands.
It had been enough, more than enough. A blessed answer to a desperate prayer. Why now had she stepped back into that lonely valley? She was not alone. She had much love all around her. In spite of that, discontent had sprouted in her heart. Eldress Lilith would tell her that was because she had allowed a splinter of worldliness to fester there. She should have shaken such feelings away long before now. Perhaps the eldress was right. In a few hours when the meeting bell rang she would go forth to labor the songs. She would sweep aside temptation and put the devil behind her. She would ready herself for Sacrifice Day when she could cleanse her spirit to better celebrate the birth of the Christ.
“Show me the proper way, dear Lord. Rid me of sin and pluck temptation’s weed from my heart,” she mouthed the words silently.
“Are you all right, Sister Sophrena?”
Sophrena jumped at the sound of Heather’s voice. She had been so deep in prayer she had been unaware of the girl coming into the room.
“Forgive me, Sister Sophrena. I should not have disturbed your prayers, but when you gave no notice of hearing the rising bell, I was concerned.”
“The rising bell?” Sophrena looked toward the window as she got to her feet. “Are you sure it rang?” “Yes, very sure,” Heather moved closer to the fire. “It wakes me every dawn.”
“Yea, so it does, but I didn’t hear it.”
“You must have been listening
for the Lord’s voice instead,” Heather said.
“Yea, a needful part of prayer.” Sophrena added wood to the fire and watched sparks fly up the chimney. A waste of proper heat.
“Did he speak to you?”
“The Lord speaks in many ways. Perhaps I will hear him at meeting today.” Sophrena turned toward Heather. “Our meetings are not open to those of the world during the winter season, but since you are living among us, Eldress Lilith suggested you might want to attend to ponder your own feelings for the Lord as we sing.”
“I can no longer hide the swell of the baby within me,” Heather said.
“Things are not to be hidden in our worship. Whatever the need, that is where the songs take us.”
“I will not be expected to dance, will I?” Heather looked concerned.
“Nay.” Sophrena laughed. “Many of the dances take much practice. You can only watch, but if you tarry with us, I will teach you some of the steps should you want to try our way of worship.”
“What is the purpose of the dances?” Heather asked.
“To move closer to the Lord and rid oneself of sin.”
“You Shakers worry a lot about sin.”
“Do you not do the same in the world?” Sophrena frowned over at Heather.
“It is not necessary for us to name them every one.”
“Does that not make your errors harder to recognize and easier to pile the dust of yesterday over them?”
“At times,” Heather admitted, then added with a smile. “Such would surely be hard to do in this place. I have not seen a speck of dust since I came here.”
“It is good to sweep clean our houses and our spirits. You will see.” Sophrena laid another piece of wood on the fire before she reached for her cloak. “Rest here by the fire while I fetch our morning meals and then we will get ready for our meeting. A person open to the spirit can find much simple joy in our songs.”
Christmas at Harmony Hill Page 11
