GOING GREEN
Zamenhof saw his language as much more than just a language of convenience for tourists and businessmen. For him it was a means to a very important end: stopping violence between communities by encouraging peace and understanding through a shared language. Without this as a goal, Esperanto had little or no value as far as he was concerned. The most dedicated Esperantists shared his vision, and over time an Esperanto “culture” of sorts began to develop. Esperantists wore green clothes. They pinned green five-pointed stars on their lapels to identify themselves to other speakers they might meet on the street. They went on trips together. They attended Esperanto conferences and theater performances. They had their own flag, with a single, giant five-pointed green star on a white background against a field of solid green. They had their own hymns and their own Esperanto anthem, “La Epero,” which they sang at every gathering. People met each other through Esperanto, fell in love, married, and had kids that they raised as native Esperanto speakers. In time Esperanto culture began to overshadow the language itself, as people learned the language to join the community, and not vice versa.
What do one-third of people allergic to cats have in common? They own a cat.
CULTURE CLASH
But as Esperanto spread beyond the Russian Empire into western Europe and other parts of the world where ethnic unrest was not (yet) as acute as it was in Warsaw and Bialystok, many people who were intrigued by Esperanto’s practical potential weren’t interested in the movement’s culture and values at all. They were repelled by it: All that talk about peace, brotherhood, and universal understanding came to be seen as, well…flaky. Esperantists were like turn-of-the-century hippies.
Add to that the fact that while Zamenhof had a knack for languages, he was an eye doctor, not a professionally trained linguist. There were things about Esperanto that drove language experts crazy. When an organization called the Delegation for the Adoption of an International Language began meeting in Paris in 1901 to choose an auxiliary language, they agreed to consider Esperanto as a candidate…provided that Zamenhof and his followers toned down their goofy green-shirt idealism and fixed the “problems” that the critics had identified in Esperanto.
CANON FODDER
Zamenhof, a man who had literally seen blood running in the streets, would have none of it. He had a lot more in mind for his language than simply making it easier for tourists to say “I’d like to buy a train ticket” and “Where is the bathroom?” He wasn’t about to temper his idealism—not one bit.
Furthermore, Zamenhof understood something about artificial languages that his critics apparently didn’t, namely that they needed to have a central core of unchanging grammar and vocabulary if they were going to survive over time. In natural languages like English, this is such a given that we hardly think about it. The word “elephant,” for example, is spelled only one way: e–l–e–p–h–a–n–t, and it’s pronounced “EH–luh–funt,” not “EEL–uh–fint.” or “eh–LEE–funt.” Questions are indicated by a question marks, not by ampersands or asterisks. And the question mark is placed at the end of the sentence, not at the beginning. These rules are inviolate; not obeying them probably doesn’t even occur to English speakers.
Billionaire philanthropist George Soros (b. 1930) is a “native” Esperanto speaker.
TINKER TOY
With artificial languages, however, everything is up for grabs. And once the tinkering starts, it’s hard to stop. Soon there are multiple “reformed” versions of the language, each with its own unique grammar, vocabulary, and spelling conventions. Once that happens, how is a prospective language learner supposed to know which version to study? More than one artificial language has been killed this way. Esperanto itself owed much of its popularity to the failure of another constructed language, called Volapük. After its adherents splintered into several warring factions in the 1880s, many Volapük clubs abandoned the language and remade themselves as Esperanto clubs. (For more on Volapük, see page 429.)
MAN CRAZY
Zamenhof’s critics had a long list of things they didn’t like about Esperanto. They took umbrage, for example, at the fact that Esperanto had no word for “mother,” other than the word “father” with the feminine suffix –in attached. Most family words in Esperanto are masculine by default and are feminized this way.
They also resented the fact that Zamenhof used the letter -j to indicate plural nouns, not the letter -i, which would have resembled Latin and not made Esperanto so foreign-looking.
The Esperanto alphabet was another object of scorn: Zamenhof had eliminated the letters Q, W, X, and Y entirely. Even worse, he added special marks called diacritics to the letters C, G, H, J, S, and U when he wanted them to represent a second set of sounds. U had a special curved diacritic over it that looked like a small u; the rest had ˆ marks. And neither diacritic could be reproduced on a typewriter—one more thing that drove Esperanto’s critics crazy.
Part III of the story is on page 373.
An Australian product called Shark Shield attaches to your surfboard and emits an electrical field that supposedly repels sharks.
Q & A:
ASK THE EXPERTS
More answers to life’s burning questions from some of the world’s top trivia experts.
NOT 2 SHORT 4 U
Q: Why are text messages capped at 160 characters?
A: “In the late 1980s, 45-year-old Friedhelm Hillebrand sat at his typewriter, tapping out random sentences on a sheet of paper. He counted the number of letters, numbers, punctuation marks, and spaces on the page. Each blurb ran on for a line or two and nearly always clocked in under 160 characters. That became Hillebrand’s magic number—and set the standard for text messaging. He and others had been laying out plans for a standardized technology that would allow cell phones to transmit and display text messages, and because of tight bandwidth constraints, messages had to be as short as possible. Two decades later, to avoid the need for splitting text messages into multiple parts, the creators of Twitter capped the length of a tweet at 140 characters, keeping the extra 20 for the user’s unique address.” (From the Los Angeles Times, “Why Text Messages Are Limited to 160 Characters,” by Mark Milian)
BEE WARM
Q: Bees can live for years, so how do they survive during winter?
A: “Unlike other insects, bees do not go into diapause (dormancy) and become inactive. Instead, they keep themselves warm by producing heat. When the temp drops to about 55°F., all the workers in a nest form a cluster that surrounds the queen, the brood, and a store of honey. The workers at the periphery crowd closely together to form a living blanket that is two bees thick. Bees within the cluster are less densely packed and can move about. Bees move back and forth between the periphery and the inner cluster. Those in the inner cluster eat honey and convert its calories to heat by vigorously vibrating their wing muscles without moving their wings. Even when the outside temps are below freezing, the bees can keep the cluster at a comfortable 68 to 86°F.” (From The Handy Bug Answer Book, by Dr. Gilbert Waldbauer)
TIME DOESN’T HEAL ALL WOUNDS
Q: If skin is always renewing itself, why don’t scars completely heal?
A: “The outer part of your skin, the epidermis, renews itself once every 28 days. It’s made up of cells that keep pushing up towards the surface, where they die and are rubbed off by your clothing or in the shower. A scar forms when the epidermis and the layer of skin just below it are injured and replaced by scar tissue. This scar tissue is much tougher than normal, and doesn’t produce new cells like the surrounding tissue. That means the scar never changes and never gets rubbed off like other used-up skin cells.” (From Owl Magazine’s You Asked—Over 300 Great Questions and Astounding Answers, edited by Katherine Farris)
GUILTY MINUS THE GUILT
Q: What does pleading “no contest” in a trial mean? Is it the same as pleading guilty?
A: “When someone is charged with a crime, he can respond in one of thre
e ways: he can plead not guilty, guilty, or nolo contendere, which means ‘no contest.’ A guilty plea is not automatically accepted by the court, however. The judge must be convinced that the person is actually guilty, as opposed to, say, covering for a loved one. A no contest plea in effect says, ‘I’m not saying I committed the crime, but I recognize that I may be convicted anyway, so I’ll take the punishment.’ A person entering a no contest plea may feel that the costs of a trial—financial, emotional, or time-related—are greater than the costs of the plea. Especially if the punishment is relatively minor, like a fine or community service, a defendant may enter a no contest plea rather than chancing conviction, and possibly a harsher penalty, at a trial.” (From Clear Answers for Common Questions, by Joellen Barak)
TWO STRANGE (BUT REAL) SIGNS
• “Please be aware that the balcony is not on ground level.”
• “If door does not open do not enter”
If you’re average, you’ll spend 5 ½ weeks of your life brushing your teeth.
THE FLORIDA WHITE SOX
Sports teams often threaten to move to a new, more interested city, usually as a way to get the city to build them a new stadium. The strategy works, too, as evidenced by these big franchise moves that never quite came to fruition.
Old Team: Chicago White Sox
New City: Seattle
Not So Fast: In 1970 Milwaukee businessman Bud Selig bought baseball’s Seattle Pilots after a single season of play and moved them to Milwaukee, where they became the Brewers. Even though the team moved because Seattle’s stadium was falling apart, Chicago White Sox owner John Allyn considered moving his team there because Chicago’s stadium, Comiskey Park, was even older (built in 1910) and in worse repair. Ultimately, he decided to sell the Sox to businessman Bill Veeck, because selling a team is a lot easier than moving one. Veeck kept the team in the Windy City.
Old Team: Chicago White Sox
New City: St. Petersburg, Florida
Not So Fast: In 1988 the White Sox once again tired of the crumbling Comiskey, and then-owner Jerry Reinsdorf told the city of Chicago that if the Sox didn’t get a brand-new stadium, he’d move the team to St. Petersburg, Florida, which wanted a big league team so badly that it had already built a 50,000-seat taxpayer-funded stadium. Chicago residents, horrified at the prospect of losing one of the oldest teams in American sports, wrote thousands of letters to Illinois lawmakers (and sent pairs of dirty white socks in protest to St. Petersburg mayor Robert Ulrich). Result: Lawmakers approved $167 million to build a new stadium next door to Comiskey Park.
Old Team: St. Louis Cardinals (NFL)
New City: Baltimore
Real headline: “Fed Chief Hints at Private Fannie.”
Not So Fast: In 1960 the NFL’s Chicago Cardinals moved to St. Louis, where they played for 37 middling seasons (three playoff appearances, no championships). In 1987 owner William Bidwill thought a fresh start was in order, and announced plans to relocate the team. The city of Baltimore, having lost the Colts a few years earlier, began aggressively courting the Cardinals. They presented plans for new training facilities and allocated millions of dollars for a domed stadium. Bidwill met with business and community leaders in other major American cities, but Baltimore was clearly the frontrunner. That’s why it sent shockwaves through the league when Bidwill announced that the Cardinals would be moving to…Phoenix. (They offered a bigger stadium.)
Old Team: Cleveland Indians
New City: New Orleans
Not So Fast: Vernon Stouffer (of the Stouffer’s frozen-food family) bought baseball’s Indians in 1966 at a period of low on-field success, as well as low attendance and low revenues. Stouffer bought the team as an investment, so he immediately began scouting out places to move the Indians where they could make money. In 1971 New Orleans extended an offer for the team to play 30 games there, essentially a test run to see if moving the team there permanently the following season would be a good idea. But as with the White Sox, it’s a lot simpler just to sell a team. Before the New Orleans deal could be finalized, Stouffer sold the team to Cleveland Cavaliers owner Nick Mileti, who kept the team in Ohio.
Old Team: St. Louis Blues
New City: Saskatoon
Not So Fast: Pet food/cereal manufacturer Ralston-Purina acquired the NHL’s St. Louis Blues in 1977, but by 1983, had lost millions on the team…and were still bleeding money. Solution: RP planned to simply wait it out—the team would fold and the company could write it off as a loss. That’s when an investment group led by businessman Bill Hunter, a one-time owner of the Edmonton Oilers, offered to buy the Blues, under the condition that he could move them to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, whose population of less than 200,000 would have made it the NHL’s smallest market…which is exactly why the league blocked the move and made plans to fold the team for good. At the last minute, Los Angeles businessman Harry Ornest bought the team, and kept it in St. Louis.
Average life expectancy of a toilet: 50 years.
HOW TO CRACK A SAFE, PT. II
Can’t remember where you hid the paper that you wrote the combination to your safe on? Here’s Part II of the story. (Part I is on page 209.)
IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED…
There really is a way to open a safe using an ordinary stethoscope, but it’s much more tedious and complicated than it’s usually depicted in the movies. And because modern safes are much quieter than older models were, stethoscopes have given way to electronic listening devices that are much more sensitive.
So what are safecrackers listening for when they put their headphones on? If you thought they were trying to hear the tumblers tumbling, think again:
• There’s a piece of hardware in the wheel pack called a drive cam. It, like the wheels in the wheel pack, has a notch in it.
• By turning the dial on the safe, the safe cracker can find the location of this notch by listening for two clicks. The first click indicates where the notch begins, and the second indicates where it ends. Let’s say the dial is numbered from 0 to 99: The two clicks might be heard at number 15 and 25 on the dial.
• It turns out that when the dial is turned a certain way, the spacing between the two clicks will shrink ever so slightly, say from 15 and 25 on the dial to 18 and 22. But—and this is important—the space between the clicks shrinks only when you begin the procedure from certain numbers on the dial. The trick is finding out which numbers, because each one is a number in the combination.
• The only way to find all the numbers in the combination is by repeating the procedure over and over again, using every third number on the dial as a starting point. If the dial is numbered from 0 to 99, for example, you start the procedure at 0, then 3, 6, and so on, until you reach 99 on the dial (that’s 33 times in all).
• This trick doesn’t reveal the order of the numbers in the combination, but in a three-number combination there are only six possibilities. Once the numbers are revealed, opening the safe is easy.
So you’d rather just bust open the safe? Turn to page 485.
World’s longest-running reality TV show: Cops. (It debuted in 1989.)
ODD-PHRODISIACS
Don’t have any Barry White CDs to get your partner in the mood?
• Bat meat is a folk aphrodisiac in parts of Indonesia and Malaysia. Bats are a fairly common food item there, so they’re inexpensive in markets. Bats are served up like a Western romantic dinner—whole, like a lobster.
• In Nepal, some people believe that drinking rhinoceros urine increases sexual desire and male virility. It may be difficult to collect rhino pee, but it’s so commonly regarded as an aphrodisiac that you can actually buy it in the gift shop of the Kathmandu Zoo—collected and bottled fresh daily by the staff.
• You may have heard that soup made from the male organ of a tiger is considered an aphrodisiac in some cultures, and that sort of makes sense. A little more confusing: unhatched sea turtle eggs. It’s unclear why, but they’re consumed raw in Mexico. Thei
r popularity (they’re frequently stolen from American coastal areas) is thought to be one reason many sea turtle species are endangered.
• The Atta laevigata, a species of ant nicknamed “the big-bottomed” ant due to its wide mid- and end sections, is eaten as an aphrodisiac in Colombia. But only if it’s a queen, and if its appendages are removed, and if it’s roasted. It’s believed to be so effective that it’s a traditional wedding gift to Colombian newlyweds.
• Extracto de rana has been sold for over a century in the outdoor markets of Lima, Peru. What is it? Frog juice, believed not only to increase sex drive, but also to relieve asthma and fatigue. Here’s how it works: A customer picks a live frog from a tank (like a lobster); the proprietor then kills, skins, and blends it with a mixture of white beans, honey, aloe vera, and maca, a plant-based stimulant (which is probably the real source of the increased virility).
• Not all aphrodisiacs are edible. One ancient Arabian formula calls for a man to catch and kill a vulture, chop up the meat, and mix it with honey and amalaka juice (an Asian berry). Rubbing the entire body with the meaty paste is said to enchant women.
One version of the video game Grand Theft Auto includes a hidden X-rated scene.
EAT THE WORLD, PART II
With international foods like these, it’s no wonder that America’s considered a culinary “melting pot.” But what are these tasty dishes, and how did they get here?
Uncle John’s Heavy Duty Bathroom Reader@ Page 34
