by Meg Jackson
“I just don’t know…” I finally muttered, pulling my shirt on all the way. I turned away, trying to think. I want to see him again, I do, but I can’t, I shouldn’t, I can’t get any more attached than I already am…
“You can take time. Think about it. I’ll be here,” he finally said from behind me. I looked back at him over my shoulder. His blue eyes were beseeching, calm, comforting. His hair was messed and tousled, his smile shy and lopsided. I felt my chest turning to rubber. Fuck, I thought.
Fuck, indeed.
I tried to be quiet getting back into the hotel room, but it wouldn’t have mattered. I walked in the door on my tiptoes, turning to make sure that it didn’t make a sound when it closed. When I turned back around, the room suddenly lit up. Alicia and Becky were both awake, both sitting on the couch, both looking at me with eyebrows raised.
“Where have you been, young lady?” Becky said, her voice mockingly grown-up.
“Oh, hey guys, I uh….” I said, stammering, mind racing.
“Do you know what time it is?”
“Do you know how long we’ve been up waiting for you?”
“How could you be so irresponsible?”
“We’re so disappointed in you.”
“How big is his cock?” That last statement came from Alicia and the moment she blurted it out we all lost it, laughing and screaming.
“Oh my GOD, Samantha, you didn’t REALLY, did you?” Alicia finally said, tears streaming down her face.
“Tell us EVERY detail, right now,” Becky added. “And you better not be too sore for hiking tomorrow!”
I rushed to join them on the couch; we covered ourselves in blankets and I told them everything, from the text to the two mind-blowing orgasms. Once I got through the dirty details, we talked about how I felt, whether or not I should see him again. Becky thought I should leave it as it was, not try and see him again. Alicia thought I should spent the rest of the trip in bed with him. We fell asleep in the early morning, all bundled up together on the couch.
The next day, we hiked in the baking heat, taking lots of pictures and admiring the stunning desert views. The whole hike, though, I was fighting with myself about Boon. I should see him, I shouldn’t, I should, I shouldn’t. I must have been visibly distracted, because both Alicia and Becky picked up on it.
“You’re thinking about him a lot,” Becky said when we stopped for a snack.
“Well, yeah, I mean, I did lose my V-card to him. I just don’t know whether or not I should see him again…”
“You shouldn’t. You had your fun. If you end it now, you won’t get hurt anymore. It’ll be a great story, a fun thing to remember, but you won’t end up hurting. If you see him again, you’ll just get even more invested,” Becky said, speaking truthfully and wisely. I knew she was right. It was also really irritating how right she was. Because I wanted to see Boon; even though I knew it was the wrong decision, the wrong thing to want, I couldn’t avoid the desire.
“Listen,” Alicia broke in, “I think you should see him again. Just, like, totally go crazy and have a million orgasms. But Becky’s right, too. I mean, if it were me, I’d see him again. But you’re a little more…I don’t know, serious, Sammy. You could get your heart into real trouble playing with his kind of fire.”
I nodded, listening to them both and thinking about how right they were. And yet…
That night, we went out to dinner and had celebratory drinks. The next two days were more of the same thing we’d been doing: lounging, drinking, dancing, having fun. I tried to push Boon out of my mind anytime he entered, but I couldn’t help but look for him everywhere. In restaurants, at bars, in clubs, in stores, on the street. I always had my eyes out for his tall, ripped body, his tattoo-covered arms, his long blonde hair….
I didn’t see him. And I didn’t text him. And I didn’t get any texts from him. It hurt, a little, but I knew that seeing him again would only make it hurt more. On the last night of our trip, Alicia, Becky, and I bought a bunch of helium balloons. Then, we each wrote our secrets, hopes, and regrets onto slips of paper and tied them to the strings. We went out to the pool and released them, watching the balloons fly into the night sky.
We didn’t share what we’d written. I’m glad we didn’t. Because I’d only written one thing on all my pieces of paper.
Boon, Boon, Boon.
On the morning we were set to leave, the hotel room was a total mess of clothes, shoes, conditioner, and all the frivolous souvenirs we’d picked up. We were all rushing around like chickens trying to fit everything into our suitcases and into the car. Around 10am, there was a knock on the door. We didn’t have to check out for another half hour, so we had no idea who it could be.
Flustered and irritated, I threw the door open.
“Yes?” I asked shortly before even looking to see who it was.
Boon stood with a grin on his face, his handsome, handsome face. My hands dropped to my sides, my mouth popped open in surprise.
“Tag, you’re it,” he said. I laughed. Becky and Alicia both came behind me to see who it was; as soon as they saw, they exchanged a look and laughed.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Mr. Stud,” Alicia said, always the embarrassing one. I shushed her and asked if they would give us some privacy.
“Um, I don’t know if you know, Sammy, but we gotta be out of here in, like, thirty minutes. There’s no privacy at check-out time,” Becky said, rolling her eyes.
“Shut up, buzzkill. Don’t worry, Samantha, I’ll finish packing for you. Go out on the balcony or something,” Alicia said, totally redeeming herself. I smiled at her and opened the door wider to let Boon in. We walked through the pillow-strewn living room to the balcony, and I gave my friends one last look before stepping out to join him in the heat.
“Wow, so…uh. Wait, how did you find me?” I asked, questioning his presence for the first time.
“I have my ways,” he said back, moving closer to me. I felt my heart speed up as he closed the gap between us. I wanted him to touch me. I didn’t want him to touch me. I didn’t know what I wanted.
“Okay, creepy,” I said playfully, allowing him to encircle me in his strong arms and pull me in for a kiss. His mouth on mine felt so right. Like it belonged there for all eternity. When he pulled away, my head was spinning.
“I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye,” he said, eyes locked onto mine.
“I’m…I’m glad,” I said, telling the truth but also scared of what I was saying.
“Samantha, you probably won’t believe me, but you’re…you’re so different. From the girls I’ve known. I….I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. You…you make me feel like a cicada,” he said, his voice sounding strange.
“A cicada?” I asked, my eyebrows raised at the odd simile. He chuckled.
“Not very romantic, I know. But here’s the thing about cicadas; they live for, like, thirty years sleeping under the ground. For thirty years they just sleep in the dirt. And then, suddenly, one summer, they wake up, and they make all that noise, just for one summer,” he said. “You’re my summer. You woke me up.”
I blushed; no one had ever spoken to me so sweetly, so genuinely. It was still a weird simile, but it made me giddy.
“So I couldn’t let you leave,” he said, moving towards me. Just as he grabbed my waist, we heard banging on the door to the balcony. It was Alicia. She was motioning towards the door, where all our luggage was sitting. She waved, signaling to me that they were leaving, going to the lobby. I turned back to Boon, smiled.
“But…I mean…this is it. I…I’m going home now,” I said, sure that I sounded like the biggest loser.
“I know. I know, but I couldn’t let you leave without saying goodbye,” Boon said, pulling me to him and planting another earth-shaking kiss on my lips. I felt my pussy getting wet immediately as his tongue probed mine, our mouths meeting in bliss. My hands flew to his strong chest, and I pressed against him, remembering the feelin
g of his cock in me. I broke away, breathless. His eyes on mine were sweet but…carnal. Glancing down, I saw his hardness through his pants. I looked back up at him quickly.
“I wish we had more time,” I said, biting my lip, trying to suffocate the burgeoning desire between my legs.
“There’s always time,” Boon growled back, suddenly grabbing my wrist and pulling him behind him. He led me through the hotel room and out to the hallway. I was in a short dress, and the sudden chill of the air conditioning made my nipples stand out and caused goosebumps to emerge all over my body. It didn’t help that Boon’s grip on my wrist was demanding, merciless.
He dragged me to the elevator and pushed the down button. We were on a very high floor, and it always took forever for the elevator to get to us. Boon pushed me against the wall, grabbing my thighs and lifting me towards him, his mouth hungry, his hands forceful. I felt my heartbeat rising, my slit growing wet under his touch. He was dominating me, and I loved it. I wanted to be taken right there, right in the hallway, where anyone could see. We heard the pinging of the elevator arriving and Boon broke away, but maintained his grip on me.
The elevator arrived, doors sliding open. Boon pushed me ahead of him and slammed me into the wall, the metal bar at my bottom; just within reach of my hands. I use it to brace myself as he slid his hands up my thighs; feverishly searching for my hips. The motion of the elevator lurching up sent a slight butterfly through my stomach, increasing the intensity of the moment.
“Should we push the stop button?’ my words came out in haste as my leg stretched to reach the button; his hand grazed my wet pussy under my dress.
“No, don’t,” his breath heated, his voice murky with desire and excitement. Boon stroked my thigh lightly and then slid his finger inside me, drawing a gasp from my throat. I couldn’t believe I was doing this: fooling around in an elevator with a guy I’d just met a few days ago, no regard given to the fact that it could stop at any moment.
My body lunged forward onto his hand of its own accord, wanting to feel more of him inside my wet slit; my hand fell to his waist, finding the button to his jeans. I undid his pants quickly, knowing at any minute the door could open, leaving us exposed.
I felt his cock protruding from his waist band as he responded to my touch by pushing me even further against the wall, his finger curling inside me, hitting sweetness that I’d never imagined before. I moaned again as his lips dropped to my neck, lighting my skin on fire with kisses.
Boon reached up and took my shoulder, holding me tight, bearing down on me. He eased himself between my open, willing thighs. I drew my legs around his waist, opening more for him, welcoming him. I felt the head of his cock against my pussy and felt my slit aching to be filled again. He pressed into me with a groan, his huge member stretching me and making my body cry out for more. Rich, hot ripples of passion rocked my muscles, my blood turning fevered as it delivered pleasure to every inch of me.
Boon held himself inside me for a long moment, our hearts seeming to beat in one desperate melody, then began to thrust into me over and over, reaching deep inside me with his long shaft. My body cantered with his as he plunged in, his cock thickening with power; my fingers traced the tattoos along his strong, ripped forearms and I threw my head back, closing my eyes and reveling at the way my pussy rippled along his cock.
Boon’s hand lifted up to my hair, pulling my head even further back as I the heat increased between my legs. The slight, tingling pain of Boon’s grip on my hair only added to my pleasure, my crazed desire. My eyes darted to the light bar above the door: three more floors. My body was matching Boon’s thrusts now, my hips pumping against his, taking him deep.
He pushed in and arched his back; my body ground down on him, my muscles feeling like they were about to snap from tension. It felt like he was searching for something inside me, and his grip on me increased as he pushed into me, until finally I felt the head of his cock hit a spot inside me, somewhere hidden, that lit up my whole world like a jackpot on a slot machine. My pussy pulsed in response, my movements becoming quick and desperate as he thrust into the spot again and again, flames rushing to my face, unable to hold back anymore.
“Oh, God, fuck, Boon, I’m commingg…” I cried out as I felt my juices release on his cock, my body cooling in an instant as wave after wave of pleasure immersed me in heaven. My pussy clenched around his hard cock, as though embracing it, thanking it, and I moaned as I felt the first hot spurt of his cum inside me, my body straining towards him, each burst massaging my still-buzzing pussy. My thighs clenched around his waist, hard, and I held him to me until every last drop of his cum was covering my once-virgin pussy.
Ding.
In an instant, we had separated and were standing, panting and flushed, side-by-side as the elevator doors opened. I patted my dress down, smoothing it out, and felt Boon’s cum dripping down my thighs. My face flushed with sex, I tried to steady my breathing; swallowing hard to moisten my dry throat.
I spotted Becky and Alicia lounging on one of the couches in the lobby and made a bee-line towards them. Their eyebrows rose at the same exact time, expressions of surprise plastered on their face. I guess it was pretty obvious that the elevator ride had been…eventful. I stopped for a moment, looking around to see if Boon was following me. He wasn’t. He was standing next to the elevator, watching me with a strangely sad look on his face.
It was like looking at him through a screen of people: one moment we had a clear line of sight, the next moment a bellboy pushing a luggage cart would make him disappear. And then, all at once, he didn’t reappear. My heart missed a beat as I looked for him, but he was gone. One moment he’d been right there and then, no more. As though he’d been swallowed up by the hotel. I felt his cum leaking out of me slowly as my heart took a nose-dive.
So that’s it. That’s the end of my grand Vegas adventure. I lose my virginity, start to fall in love, and then it’s over. Wham-bam, I thought, staring at the place Boon had just been. Tears pricked at my eyes but I wiped them away before turning back to Alicia and Becky, who immediately noticed my distress and jumped to encircle me in a hug. I felt myself wanting to sob, but held back, fortified by the strength of my friends.
“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened,” Becky said. Becky the walking bumper sticker, I thought to myself with a smile. It was so cliché, so corny, and so Becky. I felt love for both my friends welling up inside me and knew that it would be okay. As long as we three had each other, no boy could break my heart forever.
Not even Boon.
We took our time on the drive home, much less eager to get back to Missoula than we had been to get to Vegas. We took goofy pictures in small towns, pulled over to admire scenic areas, and tried our hardest to get one of those pictures where we all jump into the air at the same time. It never quite worked; inevitably, one of us would be on the ground when the shutter flashed. It didn’t matter; we had fun.
I mostly managed to put Boon out of my mind, but I will admit to having some steamy daydreams, especially when we’d be joined on the highway by a biker or gang of bikers. I found myself looking for the “Cold Steel” patch on passing leather jackets, but I never saw one.
Of course you’re not going to see one, dummy. They’re headed back to L.A., I thought to myself, reprimanding myself for being overly hopeful. And what was I hoping for, anyway? That Boon would have convinced his entire gang to move to Missoula? That he would just leave them, run away to start a life with me in Montana? Introduce himself to my parents, get a decent job, lead a boring life, for my sake? As if, I thought, you’re not that special, Samantha.
No matter how much we talked about dreading going back, I know that Becky and Alicia shared the same warm feeling I did when we started seeing the landscape that told us we were close to home. It had been a wild week, and we were tired of travelling, wanted to sleep in our own beds, hug our parents, see our friends.
That didn’t mean it was easy to hug Becky and
Alicia goodbye when they dropped me off in front of my house. That trip really had changed us; but it brought us even closer together than we’d been before. Even though we’d probably see each other every day all summer, and then all the time while we were in school, having them around constantly had become normal to me, and I missed them the moment they pulled away.
That feeling was fleeting though, as I ran up the steps to hug my mother and father. It was the longest I’d ever been away from them, and I felt like we’d been away forever. They wanted to hear everything, see pictures, the whole thing: I told everything that I could tell without getting in trouble over dinner that night, and went to sleep happy and full of memories and happiness.
The next morning, though, I felt like I was hungover from the whole trip. I felt lazy, and listless, a little heartbroken. Mom and Dad tried to get me up and out, to go to a movie or a jog around the track, but really all I wanted to do was lie in bed, stare at the ceiling, and think. Let everything settle.
Think about how I was suddenly a different person: a sexual person, with a lifetime ahead of me of adventure and experiments. Think about how much I missed the smell of Boon on my skin. Think about how he’d vanished, without a word, in the hotel. Think about everything and nothing all at once.
I missed him. I didn’t miss him. I missed him more than I could say, I didn’t care if he died in a train wreck tomorrow. He was good news, he was bad news. He was the one, he was just another guy. He was special, he was lucky. He was bad news, he was good news. Over and over, my brain and heart flipped the coin, sometimes landing on love, sometimes landing on lust.
It was a fun time, you learned something about yourself, you don’t need him anymore, you know what you want. Someday, you will forget him.
He was special, you felt something deeper than just lust, he had those eyes that made you want to open up. You will never forget him, always want him.
