"I know what's happened," he said, ignoring my remark. "You think I'm stupid, don't
you. Both of you do."
"I'm here for dinner," I said. "Do let's try to be civilized."
"Civilized! You've wrecked my home!" he screeched, waving his arms at the torn room. I instinctively backed away as he advanced toward me, still shrieking his displeasure.
"Look!" I said, when he was just inches away and I was pressed against the wall. "Cut the crap, Caeru. I'm Tigron, Pell's Tigron, not you. We have to talk. No-one's telling you to pack your little spotted hanky and leave. So calm down, remember who you are and get your people to serve us dinner, OK?"
He snorted in a fit of repressed, seething rage. "It'll have to be on the terrace," he said in a strangled voice. "The rest of this place is just ruins."
"Oh, come on, it's not that bad. Just a little messed up."
"The terrace," he said. "Would you care to follow me?"
It was evening out there, warm and fragrant. All the tiles turquoise beneath my feet. From the balcony we could see the half-tumbled towers of Immanion stark against a blood-red, smoky sunset. The sea beyond them gleamed like polished metal. A wrought iron table had been set out hurriedly, draped with a fringed cloth. Huge, cushioned chairs from some forlorn salon inside had been arranged on either side and looked rather incongruous. One of the clawed, wooden feet was broken.
"You'd better learn to be friendly," I said.
"Is that blackmail or just a simple threat?" Caeru responded, sitting down gracefully.
"Neither. Get it into your head, Tigrina, if you are the Tigron's consort, in view of all that's happened, you are now also mine." I let this statement sink in before sitting down. Caeru remained silent, probably stunned. I admired the view, wafted a napkin over my knees. The servants brought us wine, offered a glass to Caeru to taste which he waved away. I took it. "Very good," I said. "Pour the Tigrina a large glass." Caeru stared fixedly at the table, at his servant's shaking hand. Wine splashed onto the cloth. "This is a farce. I cannot eat," he said. "Did you mean what you said? It's too disgusting to contemplate."
"More disgusting than what you've been living before?" I enquired delicately.
Caeru put his head on one side and sighed. "OK, I'm tired, I'm exhausted; I cannot fight. If it's going to save time and agony, I give in. I give in! What is it you want me to do?"
"Nothing. Just drink your wine and eat. Ashmael wants to call an emergency meeting of the Hegemony. That'll be tomorrow now, I suppose, although it's leaving it rather late . . ."
"No, that'll be tonight," Caeru corrected, looking at me thoughtfully. "They don't waste time. I expect they'll send for you when they're ready." "You mean after they've finished talking about me behind my back." (Aha, a suspicion was forming; an unpleasant one.) "Yes." (That confirmed it.) "Do you attend such meetings?"
"If it concerns me, yes. If it doesn't, no. Same as everyone else. Tonight I will definitely be there."
And so would I! I'd had some vague ideas floating around in my head concerning the Tigrina ever since my confrontation with Thiede, albeit abstract ones. I gave in to a warm feeling of resentment that my beloved had shooed me off to deal with Caeru, thus getting me out of the way, so that he could call the meeting of the Hegemony and start it without even telling me. The old Pellaz would never have done that. OK, at times his naive honesty had grated on my nerves, but at least I'd always known what was going on in his head. Now, I was not so sure. Cue deja vu concerning my observations about beautiful hara being clever, cunning or powerful. Pellaz was frighteningly beautiful and I was no longer sure I could strike any of the other qualities from his list of characteristics. Now, he must think me naive! If we were to exist together, as we must, emotions must be put aside. Clearly intense wiliness was called for. I still had the ace up my sleeve. No my darling; you will not push me around. Not completely.
The first course was served. Spiced fish in aromatic sauce with wafers of toast. Caeru
sucked a slice of lemon, but wouldn't eat. "Don't you trust me?" I asked. The food was
very good. "What a stupid remark!"
"Why? I can make life a lot better for you if I want to, and, of course, if you want
me to." I'd already swiftly knocked back two glasses of the wine which was extremely
potent.
"Oh, can you indeed! I'm very grateful!"
"Yes, you should be. If Pell is a beast to you, it's because he's been bitter and misled, that's all. There's no reason why things can't improve between you now. It can't always have been this bad, can it? Conception, for example, demands more than mere lust to achieve."
Caeru's lips had gone pale with rather more than just lemon-juice. "I expect the ability to shock people is one of your more outstanding talents, is it? Am I supposed to be impressed? What happened between the Tigron and I in the past is none of your business, and as for you being able to improve things between us, which in itself is a conceit beyond comprehension, haven't you forgotten just one thing? Doesn't he now have you here for him to love?" Caeru put up his hand and shook his head as soon as he'd finished speaking as if to negate that last remark.
"Ah, but as I said earlier, Pellaz and I should be looked upon as one entity now. Don't you think I have a say in our emotional life as well as our political one?"
Caeru shook his head again in confusion. "Cal, are you just stupidly romantic, or do you know something I don't?"
I smiled secretively. "Just eat," I said, "then go and have a wash and comb your hair. Come with me to the Hegalion. Let's surprise them."
The Hegalion stood unmarked, a vast, imposing building, about half a mile from Phaonica. As Caeru had intimated, the meeting of the Hegemony was well under way by the time we got there. Perhaps the place had been cleaned up before the meeting started; there was no sign of debris. Polished columns and dark, carpeted stairs lent an air of solemnity. As soon as we were noticed standing in the hall, an usher in black livery hurried noiselessly forward, bowed to the Tigrina. He conducted us up a sweeping flight of stairs and through the main door of the grand chamber. I saw Pellaz sitting at the head of a long, low polished table, his chin resting on his fist. A number of hara were spaced out around the table listening to someone who was standing up to speak. Surprise, surprise. It was Ashmael. The public gallery was full to capacity, with fidgetting hara all dressed in what was left of their best clothes. Pell looked up and saw me, instantly alert, perhaps wondering how I'd got there. Then he glanced briefly at the Tigrina who,was standing a little behind me and a barely perceptible sneer crossed his face. I could tell what he was thinking. He had decided that Caeru wanted to cause him discomfort by bringing me here. Let him think that for a while. It didn't matter. All went silent. Then someone offered to show me to a seat, and a ripple of whispered conversation traveled round the gallery.
"No," Pell ordered, as I went to sit down, "he sits here by me! Cal?" Caeru was already seated, staring at his fingers on the table. I took his hand, hauled him from his seat and dragged him up the room with me. I think he was far too mortified to protest. Pell looked me in the eye, speculatively. He was trying to imply: "No, the Tigrina sits down there with the others," without actually saying it. He also knew I was going to ignoreit. The sussuration of noise had ceased, and now a profound silence filled the hall of the Hegalion as everyone held their breath in anticipation. They were all watching me, all waiting, wondering what was going to happen next. Pell's chair was higher than the rest. Now he was watching me wearily, but there was a slight smile on his face. I could tell that in a way, he was proud of my independent action, but he would still try to fight me. I wouldn't let him. Pell had had his taste of power; he expected to be obeyed by all but Thiede.
I stood up on the dais, Caeru at my side. I turned my back on the Tigron and faced the Hegemony. Ashmael was smiling widely with sheer delight. I addressed them all. I said, "I am disappointed that you have all seen fit to begin this meeting without me. Especially afte
r I have come such a long way to be here, and accomplished so much for our race in such a short time. For that, I am indebted to our sister race, the Kamagrian, especially their high priestess Opalexian, without whose help the progression of Wraeththu would not be possible." A fierce grumbling of surprise echoed
round the chamber at those words. Someone, whom I did not know stood up, near the end of the table.
"Would you care to expand on that statement, tiahaar? Are you implying that unbeknown to anyone another race has been developing somewhere and would I be right in assuming these Kamagrian are female?" "What have they to do with us?" someone else called out.
I could detect a tiny, niggling thread of panic in those questions. Let them wait for the explanation. I put up my hand to silence them and shook my head. Behind me I heard Pellaz exhale, slowly, deeply. A sharp dart of mind-touch reached me: "What the hell are you doing. Sit down and shut up before you embarrass yourself beyond redemption!"
I ignored it. "There will be plenty of time to explain fully about the Kamagrian, their relationship to Wraeththu, and their future relationship with Wraeththu. What matters most now is something entirely different, but it is still something that must be explained before all else. As you all doubtless know by now, the Aghama is no longer completely a creature of this Earth. But that does not mean that he has left us; far from it. Thiede is now above us; trine in power with Tigron Pellaz and myself. Perhaps it would be to insult your intelligence to point out that what is spiritual must also be reflected in the matter, so I do so, not to inform but merely to place what I have to say in context. Simply; as above, so below. Three in one. Whatever any of you thought about my coming here, I can assure you it was not to remove Caera Meveny from office. He has his part to play, as do we all, and it is a vital part, as the mundane counterpoint of the Aghama. I just wanted to make that clear."
"To who?" Ashmael mouthed, for me alone.
"To me," Pell answered resignedly, under his breath, having known that Ashmael would say something like that.
I turned to Pellaz and reached for his hand. He pulled a face at me, but gave it willingly enough. Then I turned to Caeru. "Three in one?" I said, holding out my other hand. He took it as if he expected me to burn him; his flesh was icy. "Pellaz?" For a moment, I thought he would refuse. He smiled at me cynically. "It seems you insist," he said, knowing full well he had no choice. He took Caeru's free hand in his and closed the circle.
"Remember the past," I said. "The good bits."
"Whose past?" Pellaz asked, but he knew. We opened up to each other and the essence of Tigron/Tigrina whirled into a spectral cone of light above our heads. For Pell, it was so effortless, trained as he was by Thiede. There were still some things that Caera and I would have to learn, but, one day, we would raise some fearsome power together alright. This was the earthly Triad. Not even Pell could dispute it. Above us Thiede, below us Caeru. Absolute necessity. From us would have to come the strong heirs to lead this confused and potentially great race into the future. We raised our hands to spin the light and Ashmael was the first to stand and applaud. Within seconds, everyone had joined him.
In comparison to that, the rest of the meeting just seemed like small-talk. Oh, there was much to speak about. Rebuilding, reality. What should be, what was. What had started as a tense and formal affair, became a relaxed discussion. The minute-keeper was hard-pressed to keep up. I created a storm when I stood up and suggested that the people of Immanion sitting in the gallery should be allowed to have their say. From being normally quite a reserved race, the Gelaming suddenly seemed eager to put their views forward, in some cases at the same time as several other hara. Caeru suggested that Abrimel was now responsible and old enough to be allowed to sit with the Hegemony. Permission for this was granted. It was also decided, at the instigation of one particular forceful voice from the gallery, that three members of the public should yearly be elected to take their place in the Hegalion. It was politely hinted that perhaps the current Hegemony was somewhat divorced from common life, and that such new members might give a wider perspective of things. The Council of Tribes would
also have to be re-organized. It was agreed that the working future of Wraeththu certainly seemed to be taking root in Jaddayoth, and representatives of the twelve tribes should be invited to help in the reshaping of Megalithica, which was really too vast to be coped with solely by Galhea, even though it did have the backing of Immanion. I found that an excellent time to reintroduce the subject of the Kamagrian. Everyone seemed a little squeamish about it at first, which Pell deftly pointed out was a human fault and one which should be discarded.
"If it is so that we must share our world with a race of androgynes more feminine in aspect than ourselves, then we should rejoice," he said. "For a long time I tried to reconcile myself to the fact that Woman as a divine form must necessarily become extinct. Now I am glad that it is not so. Are we still so attached to human failings that we shun those that are different to ourselves? Haven't we learned the price Man had to pay for such foolishness? Surely as true Wraeththu we should embrace Kamagrian as the sisters they are and work together with them. As Cal pointed out, without their help we, Thiede included, would have been wandering up the wrong path for a long time. Perhaps forever, or until some other race came to take our place, as we took Mankind's. Think well on this, tiahaara. To be great, don't we also have to be humble? Serve as well as be served? If the power of the Kamagrian is greater than ours, then we should not resent it, but see it as it truly is. A great opportunity for learning."
Enterprise was another new facet of Pellaz I'd have to get used to. I didn't think it would be a good time to tell him that Kate, his good friend, was Kamagrian, nor that she had been Opalexian's eyes and ears in Im-manion. Perhaps she would want to tell him herself. I still had not seen her. From what I could remember, the last time we'd met (a long, long time ago), I'd been a little bit rude to her. That was when I'd hated women because, deep inside, I'd envied them. Strange to think that I can admit that now. Perhaps it is because I have learned to be truly Wraeththu, to see myself as male and female, as I should, and not just a modified male. A lesson that had to be learned by many I think.
And now my story is just about up to date. It will all take a lot of getting used to. Sometimes, I am sure, Pell and I will hate each other's guts because we have both changed so much. This is necessary because we could not function as a pair if we'd remained the same, but it is still hard. Sometimes he is a stranger and I have to fight a certain fear of him. Sometimes I find myself going to Caeru to escape that fear, that power, but less and less as time goes on. We have learned how to love again. That makes up for all the bad times.
The other night, after a ritual in the temple, Pellaz, Caeru and I ate together on Caeru's terrace and the atmosphere was congenial between us. We were talking about Galhea. Swift, once he'd learned what had happened to me, had lost no time in contacting me. He suggested that we should meet in Immanion before I went back to Forever myself. (Still having trouble with Seel over me, I wonder?) He also said that he'd very much like to bring Tyson with him. It was a request more than a statement. I'd asked how Ty felt about it. My son was now about thirty years old; a disorientating thought. "He is like you," Swift had answered, which probably meant he and Cobweb were still trying to force Tyson to agree to it. I'd said OK, but a little reluctantly. Ty doubtlessly felt the same about it. I wanted to see him, but anticipated difficulties in communication at first. He might still hold a grudge against me because I'd left him in Galhea and never bothered to get in touch. I was telling Pell and Caeru all about Galhea, making them laugh with tales of Cobweb's often absurd behavior which I expect they thought I'd exaggerated. I hadn't. I told them, "Cobweb hated my guts for ages! Can't blame him, I suppose."
"Yet you ended up quite close," Caeru observed wistfully. A certain awkwardness materialized. Relations between Pell and the Tigrina were still cool more often than not.
Pell said, "Rue, do you wan
t to know why I hated you?" and the air went cold.
Caeru rubbed his arms. "If you want to tell me," he said, meaning, 'no.'
"It was because I wanted you to be Cal, and you weren't. I felt you were taking his place, and if I let myself grow to love you, I would be reinforcing that belief, doing what Thiede wanted me to do. In a way, it was pure stubbornness on my part. It must have hurt you a lot. I won't apologize because it would sound pathetic after so much mental cruelty, so let's just open another bottle of wine and talk about something else shall we."
But it was said; that's all that matters. I caught Caeru's eye and winked. He smiled back. Sometimes it would be necessary for us to join forces against Pellaz and keep his ego under control. Not too often I hope.
Eventually, it got too cold to sit on the terrace. We stood up to go inside. One of Caeru's attendants was going round drawing the drapes, lighting the lamps that would show the rooms off to best effect.
"It's quite cozy here, isn't it," Pell remarked. I thought we'd be leaving but he threw himself down in a chair.
"Have we exhausted your wine, Rue?"
The Wraeththu Trilogy Page 118
