by Ella M. Kaye
She wanted him there. It was in her eyes. In the way she’d held him, cried on his shoulder.
So maybe she would change her mind if he just showed up, just for a moment, so he could speak to her without him around watching as he had all afternoon.
Resolved to try, to see if she’d change her mind, Fillan headed toward her place but stopped first to grab a half gallon of cookie dough ice cream, Patty’s favorite. A bribe, he supposed. Whatever worked. She wanted him there.
Pulling onto her street, he slowed the car. Another car was there. A Mercedes. Black. Pretentious. Fillan supposed he knew whose it was. With some reservation, he went on past the house. The last thing she needed was him causing trouble. Circling the block since he couldn’t quite make himself leave, not convinced he shouldn’t interrupt or at least check on her, he drove back to her place and stopped in front, thought again before turning off the engine, grabbed the ice cream, and strutted to the door.
Damn, he was strutting. Like some arrogant peacock trying to make a claim he had no right to make. You are a fool, Fillan. She will ask you to leave again.
He nearly stopped himself, but couldn’t quite, and knocked on the door. Patty hated the doorbell. A small sign covering it said to please knock. She said too many ignored it. He wouldn’t.
It was a damned long time before the door opened. He was used to waiting. She had to take care of Patty first, make sure the girl was alright. Still, it bothered him. Someone was with her...
“Fillan? Hey, what...”
He held up the bag. “Brought something for Patty. I won’t stay. Unless you want...”
“Who is it?” Turner’s voice came up behind her, and then a glare over top her head. “Why are you here?”
“Mark.” Emma threw him a light scold. “This is my house. It’s not your right to ask him that. Come in.”
Fillan hesitated but the look in her eyes was near begging, or so he thought. So he nodded and followed as she backed up. “Her favorite ice cream. Can I take it to her? Is she in the kitchen?” She usually was in the kitchen in the evening, at the table.
“She’s in her room. I was trying to get her to come out, but...” A sly glance toward Mark told him why she wouldn’t.
“Can I step back there?”
“Of course.”
Turner argued, said a single male, a near stranger, should not be allowed in a young girl’s room. Emma hushed him again, told Fillan to go ahead.
He heard lightly exchanged words, quiet but heated, as he treaded back and tapped on Patty’s door. “I brought ice cream. Want to come share it with me?”
She looked up, started to move, and heard Turner’s voice. The girl froze in her tracks.
“Come Patty. I will sit with you. It’s cookie dough.”
A spark in her eyes said she didn’t want to resist. Just a touch more persuasion and she followed him, ducking to his other side away from Turner, her head dipped low, and beat him into the kitchen. She grabbed three bowls and three spoons. Fillan had to chuckle.
“Leave, Mark. This is my house.”
“That I’m paying for.” He smirked.
“No longer, you aren’t. Go ahead. Stop the deposits.”
“Oh come, Emma. I know you can’t support that kid alone. Planning to move the dancer in with you? Doesn’t look he can do much for you, either. Any way around, from what I see.” Another smirk.
She wanted to punch him in the jaw. “I plan to move my parents in. They can help pay the mortgage.”
“Your parents? So you’ll be under their thumb?”
“Better theirs than yours.”
“Is that so?” He stepped closer, lowered his head toward hers. “You didn’t think so before.”
“Things change. Some of us grow up.”
“Grownups support themselves, Emma. Are you doing that yet?”
Heat burned throughout her body. “I can support myself fine. That’s not the issue and you know it.”
“Grownups also don’t take on responsibilities they can’t handle by themselves. Admit it, Emma. You’re not ready for this. I can help...”
“Get out, Mark. I don’t want your help. I don’t want anything from you any longer. I’ll figure things out myself.”
He laughed with an infuriating nod.
“Just go. And don’t come back.”
The laugh turned to a glare. “Fine. Remember that when you need someone to pull you up by your toes again.”
“I won’t.”
“Glad you believe that.”
Emma nearly slammed the door behind him but it would bother Patty, so instead, she stood leaning against it until she calmed herself. He thought Fillan couldn’t do anything for her? She thought he was very wrong about that one. The only thing she didn’t know was whether she could let him.
“I have something for you.” Fillan reached behind him and pulled the plastic bag from the table behind the couch. “I’ve been carrying it. Thought to give it to you Monday after class, but that didn’t work out.”
Emma accepted cautiously and stared at the bag.
“It is nothing perverted. Don’t worry.” He gave her a grin.
“I almost wish it was.” With a quick return grin that affected him more than he wanted to let it, she reached in and pulled out the DVD. “Movement therapy?”
“As close as I could find to a dance therapy video. I have been researching in my spare time, at night when I wish I’d been here with you, I was looking up... well, it says it can sometimes work well with autism, because of the repetitive motion, the emotional expression and outlet and ... I expect it might not hurt to try.”
Without warning, Emma slipped a hand around his head and pulled him in. Her mouth overtook his, her tongue deepening the kiss, turning it quickly passionate. Obviously, she’d set the video down since both hands were on him, the second on his stomach, sliding around...
“Em...” He nearly gasped for breath. “I did not... This was not... I only wanted to help her, not...”
“I know. Thank you.” She teased his lips.
“It might not work. I don’t know...”
“I know.” She kissed him harder, insistent. “Fillan.”
“Mm.” He found his hand sliding up underneath her skirt, caressing her thigh.
She looked down at it, then back to his eyes.
“I am sorry. But y’ have me so turned on right now... It was not my intention. The video...”
“Shh.” Her lips brushed against his neck. “I know.” They raised to his jaw. “Thank you.”
“You said that already.” He let his hand slide up farther.
Until a shriek from the back bedroom interrupted and she jumped up. He followed to Patty’s room. The girl was sitting, pulling at her hair. Emma grabbed her hands, sat in front of her, and spoke to her gently.
Fillan wandered in slowly, kissed Patty’s head and told her everything would be alright, that she was lucky to have such a wonderful second mom, and then kissed Emma’s head. “I am going to go so she can settle. I shouldn’t have stayed so long.”
“No. Stay.”
“Em...”
“Please. It’s been a long day for me, too.”
He found himself nodding. “Alright, but on the couch. Take your time. Let me know if you need me.” He backed away. Slowly. With a deep sigh.
Kicking his shoes off, he lay back on the lumpy couch pillow and let his eyes close as he thought of the look on Turner’s face, the way he looked at Fillan, but mostly the way he looked at Emma. It wasn’t love. It was possession. What an asshole he was. Why had she done that to herself?
He startled at a hand on his arm. Emma sat next to him, facing him.
“What time is it? Must have fallen asleep.”
She ran fingers along his face. “Just after one. She’s so stirred up. Hope she’ll give me a couple of hours.”
“Come here.” He offered his arms and scrunched as far as he could against the back of the couch.
Emm
a curled into him, her fingers clinging to his shirt, her face ducked into his chest. “I know you’re wondering.” Her voice was muffled.
“Wondering what?”
“Mark. Why I married him.”
“I was. But you are exhausted...”
“We were college sweethearts and it just went too far one night. I didn’t mean for it to, but it did and ... well, that was that, really. It was expected that I would stay with him. So I did. I made him wait, as though I wasn’t sure I would, but of course I knew I would. He made sure everyone knew I ... well, that he’d made me his and I just... I was young and stupid. I took his need for me as love and it wasn’t. Not really.”
“No, it isn’t.”
She raised her head to see his face.
“He wants to own you.”
“Yes. It was always that. By the time I woke up from my dreamy little girl haze, it was too late. And then he had the nerve to leave me. Now he thinks I’ll put Patty in a full care center and go back to him and...”
“You won’t?” Fillan felt himself tense at the thought.
“No. I’ll pick up a second job first. I’ll take care of things myself. He can go straight to hell for all I care. Seriously. I mean that, even if I shouldn’t.”
Fillan caressed her face, her forehead, eyebrows, nose, mouth. She leaned in and met his lips. He enveloped her in his arms, held her close, sheltered her as her body quaked with tears she’d forced away throughout the funeral and accompanying display afterward. He could see her pushing it back, forcing herself shut. As her parents did. And her brother. They were all closed tight. A shame.
“Shh, Em. It is alright now. The worst is over, yes? You have been waiting for this and dreading it and now you can pull yourself up again. I will be here for a few weeks yet and I will help you as I can. And you will be well. More than well. You and Patty will be wonderfully happy together, y’ will. I guarantee you will.”
Her body shuddered harder and he took to kissing any skin he could find, shifting to find more.
She got up, her head turned from him, sniffing. And he waited. If she went on to her bed, he would leave her be. He hoped she would return. Just to lie in his arms, to let him be her shield for the night.
He had nearly drifted off again when she came back, in a long nightshirt and bare legs, carrying a blanket. Fillan lay still and waited. His body reacted fast while telling himself he shouldn’t. But she lay next to him again, covering them both, and claimed his mouth, slid one bare leg between his. She smelled freshly washed and her hair was damp.
“You showered.”
“Mm, needed it. Sorry I got so... I don’t do that. Just a very long week.” She took his lower lip between her teeth. Gently. Seductively.
“You sure about this or are you only..?”
“Yes. Maybe both. I don’t care. I only have you a few more weeks and I want you for that time.”
“Oh Em.” He hardened. Fast.
“You obviously want me, too.”
“How could you tell?” Enjoying her grin, he pulled her down against him, shoving his hips up harder against hers. “Is it safe here?”
“As much as anywhere. I’ll hear her.” She tugged at his shirt. “Take this off.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Oh, don’t do that. You’ll remind me of my students.”
He chuckled. “Fair, I would say, since y’ were one of mine.”
She kissed his neck and sat up, giving him room to pull the shirt over his head. “Wow.”
He felt his eyebrows raise. “Tell me that’s a good wow. I’m not sure yet.”
Emma stroked fingers over his chest. “Definitely a good wow. Nice.”
Sitting, facing her, with one of her bare legs wrapped over top of his and the other reaching the floor, Fillan was struck with ... with ... what? A few weeks with her. It wouldn’t be near enough. Not anywhere near enough. Even before joining with her, before being inside her, he knew it wouldn’t be near enough.
He teased her leg and she unbuttoned the few buttons she’d done on her shirt. Her eyes told him to take over and he did gladly, sweeping it up over her bare shoulders and taking in her breasts, the tan line from a modest swim top. He traced it with his fingers, teasing, taking his sweet time regardless of how late it was.
But she was more insistent and leaned in against him, lowered him back to the pillow, lying atop his body. Pulling the blanket back over them both, she wiggled around to get rid of his cut off sweats and his shorts and touched him. She squeezed him lightly as she kissed his chest.
“Em. Oh, Emma. Come here, baby. Come up here.”
She gave him a grin as she slid her body up adjacent to his. “I’m not quite undressed yet.”
A groan ran through his body and up out his throat as she pressed her not quite naked groin against his. “I can fix that well enough.”
Emma held him tight as she lay on top of him, her breath heavy, as heavy as his, her arms around his neck. If she could never have him again, she sure as hell would still be glad she had this.
This.
This was what she’d insist on when she found someone long term again. She would never again hook herself to someone who couldn’t, or didn’t, give her this.
Fillan kissed her neck and squeezed her gently. He didn’t speak and she was glad for it. She just wanted to lie there and hold him, enjoy the moment, their sweat mingled, their breath easing together, their heartbeats meshing in different rhythms.
She wanted this. For as long as she could have it.
Staying still until he moved, she raised her head and touched his face. “I have to get dressed. Just in case she wakes up.”
“A good idea, not that I want to let you pull your luscious skin away from mine.” He grinned. So charming. So easy. He was just so easy to deal with, to be with. So easy to want.
With a light kiss, Emma forced herself up, covering quickly with her discarded night shirt, readjusting her underwear. Fillan replaced the bottom half of his clothes but she claimed his shirt when he started to put it on, dropped it to the floor, and pressed him back against the couch, snuggling next to his bare chest.
He pulled the blanket back over top of them both. “Will this be alright if she wakes and sees us?”
“I’ll hear her.” Emma kissed his bare shoulder. “Pull it on if I have to get up quick, okay?”
In answer, he kissed her head.
Chapter 12
Fillan sat quietly and let his sister rail on him for being out of touch for so long, then he quietly let her know where he’d been: he’d spent every minute not working with Em and Patty or in finding a way to help them when he had to leave, to go home.
Eugenia grew quiet herself, a rare thing indeed. He had managed to stun her, he guessed. As she sat staring at him through the laptop monitor, she raised a large mug to her lips, eyeing him over top. He knew without asking it was mint tea with a touch of anise. Revolting drink, Fillan always told her. Good for the body, she said. He guessed she was right, as strong and hearty as she was for a female. He’d heard endless times how his big sister could take him if she wanted, that he better be good to her.
Not that he wouldn’t be, anyway. She was the one he respected most in the world. Genie had uncommonly good common sense. He guessed she got his share of it as well as his own.
“And now y’ are going to just pack up and leave them the end of summer, then?”
“Little choice I have.”
“You could invite them to come.”
“Right, Genie. Come and stay in my little shack in a country you do not know if y’ will like in a little village with no proper setup to help Patty with her needs. I am sure she will take a huge shine to that idea.”
“Sounds like you have thought the idea through already.”
“Aye, I have. How could I not? But it would be unfair to ask.”
“And it will be fair to leave them so abruptly after y’ have invaded their lives as you have? I hope you are taking
precautions well, in the least, so as not to leave her with more on her hands than she has already.”
“We are both taking precautions.” He felt his body heave a sigh.
She tilted her head with her eyes squinted. “Fillan Reilly, why did y’ sound so glum when you said as much? Y’ would not be lying to me?”
“I have never lied to you, even when I should have.”
She snorted. “Aye, you should have at times. I would worry about you less.” With a roll of her eyes, she set her mug down and leaned closer to the screen, to the web camera. “What has she said about it? About you leaving her and the child?”
“Not a thing. Last she said, about two weeks ago, after we joined, was that she was glad to have me while she could have me. Nothing since. She seems alright with it. Still...”
“Y’ are not alright with it.”
“I would like to bring her back with me, both her and Patty. To be full honest.”
“Ask her.”
“Genie, how can I? I cannot expect it of her.”
“No, y’ cannot expect it. You have to know she will in all likelihood turn you down and be prepared for that. At least it is her choice, then. You are not simply packing up and saying thanks for the ride, lass, see ya maybe sometime in the future. She will feel better knowing you want it, even if she says no, as she will, I would think.”
“Right and then I will have to know she turned me down. It would be easier not to offer than to be rejected.”
“Fillan, you pushed this with this girl knowing full well she had a complicated life already and knowing you were coming home. You do the right thing and think of her first for a change. If you care about her as you seem, you will put her first. Be the gentleman I kept trying to teach you to be or I will box your ears first thing you step foot back here.”
Fillan sighed. Of course she was right. As she always was. “I will see how things go as the time comes.”
“As the time comes? Your plane ticket is set for three weeks from tomorrow. Do you not think it is time by now?”
