“I’m getting worse too, Alec,” I said. “That’s why I came here.”
His heavy breath tickled my ear. “Dammit.” There was a long pause before he shifted to look down at me with a grin. “And I thought it was because you missed me.”
I returned a small half smile. “Well, maybe that, too.”
His smile faded, his eyes leveled on mine, and only then did I realize how close he was standing to me. It was way too close, especially with the magnetism that I felt toward him. And our history. Pressed against the side of the Tahoe, within kissing range of Alec, was dangerous. He must have seen the fear in my eyes because he took a sudden step back, giving me the space I needed to clear my head.
“Alright,” he said with forced cheer, and placed an arm around my shoulders to guide me toward the house. “Now that you’re here, I’m not about to let you leave. Come, meet some people, have a drink, and submerse yourself in denial right along with me.”
CHAPTER 17
Alec’s friends knew how to party.
The house was being rented by the kid that had answered the door, whose name I learned was Tenner. Alec had lived with him for a year before he’d been sent to Boone by the Skotadi on his mission to lure me into the Skotadi life. Tenner was human, and completely in the dark. All Tenner knew was that Alec was fun, and got a lot of girls to come over. For those reasons alone, he let Alec move back in.
Why Alec had returned here baffled me at first. But he claimed it was easier to be around humans. Less desire to mangle them, he’d explained. While being surrounded by a houseful of Kala that he had been programmed to despise had become unbearable, humans he could handle. I supposed I understood his reasoning.
I had to admit, I hadn’t had a desire to rip anyone’s head off all night. Even getting eye-balled by ninety percent the girls in the house didn’t bother me. I figured they were merely curious about the girl that had managed to steal all of Alec’s attention without blatantly coming on to him. Based on the attention we were receiving, we must have made quite the scene.
As the bottles of beer dwindled and the crowd thinned, the heaviness of the long drive started to take its toll on me. I started to feel every one of the five hundred miles I had driven, and that separated me from the people I cared about.
More than anything, I missed Callie and Nathan. By two in the morning, I was ready for a comfortable bed and a pillow to wallow my sorrows into.
It amazed me that, despite his wild lifestyle, Alec’s room was kept immaculate. His bed was made, with navy blue satin sheets, and no clothes—neither his nor any random girls’ clothes—littered the floor. While crisp and clean, I noted that it also lacked personalization. It was only a room, somewhere for him to sleep. No pictures, no mementos from happy occasions.
Only a room.
He retrieved my bags from the Tahoe, and I changed into mesh shorts and a t-shirt in the bathroom across the hall. On my way back, I could hear voices in the living room, but the lingering partiers were definitely taming down. There was no way they could keep me awake at this point anyway.
I found Alec sprawled on the bed when I returned, and stopped in the doorway, eyeing him curiously. I had been so tired, I hadn’t even given a second thought as to what the sleeping arrangements would be. Seeing Alec laying on his back, his arms propped behind his head, and staring up at the ceiling stirred something in me I had thought was dead and buried.
Oh, shit. There was no denying the flip-flop in my stomach at the thought of sharing a bed with him. One, because I knew what Alec was capable of. Two, he was good at it. And three, I was attracted to him. I knew where my heart belonged, and that was with another, but nothing could lessen that raw pull I felt toward Alec.
I realized that was probably why I had done my best to avoid him and situations like this one in the past. Because I hadn’t wanted to give Nathan any more reason to insist that I needed to ‘figure out my feelings for Alec.’ I’d known they had been there. Buried because of my stronger feelings for Nathan, but there. That was what I worried about as I approached Alec now.
“Stole the Tahoe, huh?” he said casually, his eyes still lifted to the ceiling. I could just make out the curve of his lips as they tipped into a grin.
“I wouldn’t exactly call it stolen,” I returned.
“Oh?” He rolled his head toward me. “So, they knew you took it and came here?” There was a smirk on his face, like he knew the truth, but asked anyway.
I sat down on the edge of the bed, close, but not too close, to him. I attempted to establish a distance from him by avoiding eye contact. “Well, no,” I murmured.
“No one knows where you are?” He sounded surprised, though from the look of his growing grin, I figured I had just confirmed what he had been hoping.
“No.”
“Not even Nathan?”
“Especially not Nathan.” I hadn’t intended for there to be a tone to my words, but based on Alec’s reaction, I must have given something away.
His eyebrows raised curiously, and there was no mistaking the suggestive tone in his voice. “Trouble in paradise?”
“Alec,” I chastised.
“What? A guy can’t be hopeful?”
I finally looked at him and our gazes locked, reminding me why I should have stuck to my plan to avoid eye contact. I knew he was teasing, but I also knew Alec well enough to know that there was always a hidden truth to everything he said. Usually those meanings were romantically infused innuendos.
As he had once told me, “I’m a guy, surging with testosterone. What do you expect from me?”
I have come to expect his flirty nature like I expect the sun to rise every day. Just because I anticipated it didn’t mean I knew how to handle it. Avoidance had been my go-to in the past, and was what I opted to go with now. He had more than likely come to expect it, and didn’t push me now.
“What happened?” he asked me, his tone serious again, having dropped the flirty direction he had been going.
“Same as you,” I said. “Horrible dreams, urges, and this desire to hurt people that I don’t want to hurt.”
He nodded along, completely empathetic, and I realized that he was the only one I could truly open up to, because he knew, like no one else could. Micah might have been able to read my mind, Nathan might have been the one I opened my heart to, but Alec was the only one that knew what I was really going through.
And after months of bottling it up, I was glad to have someone to share my troubles with.
“It’s been going on for months,” I continued, “only I didn’t realize it until recently. Little things would make me mad that normally wouldn’t. My temper was slowly getting worse. The day I left…” I trailed off and hesitated, the next words catching in my throat, “I nearly killed Nathan.”
Alec’s eyebrows shot up in the air. “Really?”
“All I saw was a Kala that needed to be destroyed, and nothing else mattered. There was this battle raging inside of me over control of my body, a battle between me and this evil version of me.”
I was relieved to see Alec nod along with my description like he understood exactly what I meant. It made me hopeful that I wasn’t completely losing it, that what I was experiencing was to be expected, and maybe Alec had a way to help me deal with it.
“Anyway,” I continued, “when I snapped out of it, I realized what I had almost done. I don’t want to hurt him. Or Micah. And the dreams I’m having about hurting Micah…”
Alec sat up to place a hand on my shoulder when I trailed off, unable to finish. “I know, Kris. I know, and I’ll do what I can to help you. I’m fighting the same urges. I don’t know how much I can help you, but I’ll try. I’ve got a few tricks that help me sometimes. They might work for you, too.”
I grinned despite the severity of the situation we found ourselves in. “Kind of like the blind leading the blind?”
“Something like that.” Alec swung his legs off the side of the bed and stood with a yawn. “I�
�ll let you get some sleep. See you in the morning.”
I hesitated briefly before asking, “Where are you going to sleep?”
“The couch. Right next to the poker chips and empty beer bottles.”
I grimaced. “I’m sorry, Alec.”
I felt bad that he was giving up his room for me, but Alec merely shrugged. “Don’t be,” he said. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Thanks.”
I smiled, and he turned to leave me alone in his room. Never thought I would live to see that ever happen.
Not surprisingly, I was the first to rise in the morning. Alec was still asleep on the couch and Tenner was nowhere to be found. Fortunately, no stragglers were passed out on the floor.
I decided to be a gracious guest by making a large pot of coffee. As expected, the aroma wafting from the kitchen served as an effective alarm clock, and I heard Alec stir in the living room. However, I hadn’t expected him to saunter into the kitchen wearing nothing but an expensive-looking pair of silver checkered boxer shorts.
He didn’t seem to mind one bit, or notice my mouth dropping open, as he rubbed his eyes on his way to the coffee pot. “We could’ve used you around here a little sooner,” he murmured. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to work this thing for weeks.”
It sounded like a joke, but I didn’t doubt his remark carried with it some honesty. Alec never had been very domesticate—aside from having a clean room, of course.
As I stood with arms crossed, pondering how he couldn’t have figured out how to use a coffee maker in all this time, Alec approached me. He was wide awake now, his gaze steady as it locked on mine. I backed against the counter, cautious, as always, of his advance.
As he grew closer, I stiffened, wondering what his intentions were. He stopped in front of me, close enough to see the flecks of gold in his eyes. Even though I knew what they symbolized, I couldn’t help but notice that they brought out the jade hue in his eyes, and made them all the more alluring. My gaze dropped to his lips as they curled into a sly grin, and I looked away quickly. He stepped forward and our arms brushed. I pulled mine back, and placed my hands safely on the counter behind me.
Despite our already close proximity, he angled closer still. My breath caught in my throat when I realized that he intended to kiss me. I braced for it, and all the while my mind swirled with what I would do.
Kiss him back? Stop him? Tell him…
Tell him what?
I was more than likely in love with someone else. Someone who may never reciprocate my feelings. Someone who I had left in order to join Alec. Someone I may never have the opportunity to be with, but that I would always want.
A chuckle from Alec interrupted my impending panic attack.
“The coffee cups are in the cupboard behind you,” he murmured. He reached around me, pressing his body against mine in the process, and produced two mugs. After a brief but purposeful hesitation, he stepped back and handed one to me. His eyes twinkled when they met mine, before he turned away.
I found my breath again, and inhaled deeply to steady myself.
“It’s a real shame,” he said as he crossed the small kitchen to the coffee pot.
“What?” I croaked.
Fortunately, Alec kept his eyes down, focused on pouring his coffee, as he spoke. “That you supposedly want another guy, even though you’re so damn attracted to me.”
I gulped. Because Alec wasn’t looking at me, he missed seeing the panic in my eyes. Because, dammit, he was right. I was attracted to him, on some deep primal level. Especially at times like this. Times that it would be so easy to give in to that attraction.
Alec wouldn’t fight it. Not like Nathan.
It would be so easy with Alec. But, he wasn’t Nathan. What I felt for Nathan went beyond attraction. It was all that, and so much more.
My mind was made up. Nathan was the one I wanted. Alec knew that. He also knew a part of me would always want him too…and he was toying with that part now. Really, it wasn’t fair.
“Stop, Alec,” I said, managing barely more than a whisper.
Now, he turned to me, and took several steps in my direction. I had never moved from my previous sanctuary, pressed up against the counter, and that was where he cornered me yet again.
“You really want me to?” he asked softly. He was close enough that I felt his breath tickle my cheek.
I nodded, though weakly and not at all convincingly. To Alec, it was more than likely an open invitation.
His grin grew like he knew how weak I was in that moment, and I didn’t doubt that he was about to capitalize on that weakness, but by some miracle, Tenner picked that exact moment to make his entrance. He announced his presence with a loud, overdramatic yawn as if to let us know he was there, and that he knew damn well that he was interrupting something.
Alec reluctantly backed away. Before he turned, I saw that look on his face—that one that said he knew he would eventually get his way. And that made me nervous. Because if there was one thing I had learned about Alec since I’ve known him, it was that he often got exactly what he wanted.
From the quick look that Tenner shot him, it was clear that Tenner knew that much about Alec as well. The look Tenner cast in my direction was one of curiosity. To mask the growing heat on my cheeks, I turned to get another coffee cup from the cupboard, and handed it to Tenner. I met his gaze with far more composure than I felt, daring him to make a comment.
He didn’t.
With his back to us as he prepared his cup of coffee, he spoke to Alec casually. “You remember we were supposed to go snowboarding today? Probably our last chance before the snow melts.”
Alec groaned. “I’m way too hung over.”
Tenner glared at Alec like he was an imposter. “When do we not go snowboarding hung over?”
“True.” Alec rolled his head side to side, then looked at me. “You up for it?”
Tenner turned to me. “You board?”
I shrugged. “Not really. Alec took me once.”
“She’s not bad,” Alec added.
At that time, it had been about the most fun I’d ever had. Granted, I’d had a huge crush on Alec at the time. And we’d been skipping school, which only added to the fun. But to consider myself a snowboarder after one day of falling my way down the mountain was a stretch.
“You know Chelsea will be there,” Tenner said to Alec in a warning tone.
Alec blew out a puff of air. “That could be a problem.”
“Who’s Chelsea?” I asked.
Alec started to wave off the question, but Tenner volunteered the answer hurriedly. “Alec’s latest admirer. They hooked up when he first got here, and now she won’t leave him alone. She doesn’t quite get that Alec doesn’t do relationships.”
Alec nodded along as Tenner spoke, then said, “Thanks, man.”
“Just keeping it real.” Tenner looked at me pointedly. “She happens to be my girlfriend’s best friend, so she’s around a lot.”
“Yeah,” Alec scoffed. “Maybe you should get a new girlfriend.”
At that, a model-tall, skimpily dressed brunette bounced into the kitchen. “I heard that,” she said to Alec, before planting a kiss on Tenner’s cheek. She took his cup of coffee, apparently having just claimed it as her own, and turned to me. “So, this is her?”
I immediately disliked her.
“This is my friend, Kris,” Alec responded drily. I got the impression he didn’t much care for her either. “Kris, this is Sara, Tenner’s obnoxious girlfriend.”
I smiled at her, at least attempting friendliness. She ignored me, and turned to Alec. “I didn’t realize you had friends that were girls.”
“I don’t,” he answered quickly. He glanced at me, then amended, “Well, except for you. And Callie. But that’s it!”
Alec crossed to where I stood, and reached behind me to grab another mug from the cupboard. In the process, he wrapped one arm around me and gave me a gentle squeeze. I took it as a sile
nt apology for the last two minutes. Just before he stepped back, I swore he pressed his lips to the top of my head, but it all happened so fast I couldn’t be sure.
Looking up and seeing the subtle snarl on Sara’s face as Alec presented the mug to Tenner, I was glad for what Alec had done. Regardless of our strained relationship, seeing that girl’s dislike of his affection toward me somehow made all the trials worthwhile.
I suddenly couldn’t wait to meet her best friend.
CHAPTER 18
About halfway through my first run down the mountain, I suffered a moment of regret. I quickly learned that the mountains outside of Boone didn’t compare to the mountains in Colorado.
What had Alec been thinking, being so sure I could handle this?
While I’d eagerly agreed to immerse myself in denial, just for one more day, I could have thought of a hundred better things to do for fun than face planting into hard packed snow all day long.
At least Alec stayed with me the entire time, even if he did more laughing than encouraging. By the time I gimped my way down three beginner’s courses, and saw no indication of things getting easier, I headed straight for the lodge.
“Where are you going?” Alec called after me.
“To get x-rays done of all my broken bones,” I answered over my shoulder.
I heard him chuckle as he glided up beside me. Raising his goggles up and placing them on the top of his head, he gave me a smile, and his eyes gleamed a dazzling green in the reflection bouncing off the snow. “You were just starting to get good,” he argued.
I stopped and looked at him. “Not even close, Alec.”
He relented with a shrug. “Yeah, you do kind of suck. I’m due for a beer anyway.” He leaned down to unstrap his boots from the board, and fell in beside me.
“It’s not even noon yet,” I said.
“Okay,” he drew slowly. “Hot chocolate then?”
Sacrificed (The Ignited Series) Page 17
