by G. A. Rael
With the two weeks drawing to a close, Jordan had found an unlikely comrade in Max, but she felt more distant from Samael than she ever had, and she had no clue how to fix it. The clock had run out and that weekend, she and Chase had plans to go away to a bed and breakfast on the far end of the ward. Whatever was or wasn’t going to happen with Samael, Jordan knew it was time to put things right with Chase.
The time away had given her the space she needed to contemplate the next step she had to take, and while it wasn’t any more appealing than it had been when the idea first occurred to her, she felt a strange sense of peace about it.
That afternoon, once she had finished packing for the trip, she knew what she had to do. She also knew who she had to go to.
Hermes was technically still staying in Chase’s house, even though he was gone more often than not. He never said where and Jordan never asked, but it was a relief when she found him at the kitchen table, reading a book with a blank white cover.
“Let me guess. The Amateur’s Guide to Necromancy and Ruining Lives?” she asked, sitting across from the demon.
He folded the book and slid it across to her. “See for yourself.”
Jordan picked it up and turned to the first page, surprised when she saw the familiar black-and-white illustration before the table of contents. “‘Alice in Wonderland?’”
“Is it?” he mused, watching her with his cheek propped on his hand.
“Shouldn’t you know?”
“It’s something different to whoever picks it up,” he answered. He was still in the same calm, melancholic mood he’d been in ever since his return. Jordan couldn’t believe it, but she was actually starting to miss the old Hermes. “Tell me, Alice, do I make a good Cheshire Cat?”
“You’re more like the hatter,” she said, sliding the book back over to him. “Except you drive me mad.”
He smiled, but it didn’t touch his eyes. “What can I do for you, Jordan?”
“What makes you think I want anything?”
“You’re talking to me. You’d never stoop to that if there wasn’t something you needed for me to earn my way back into your good graces.”
“Is that what you think? I’m that vindictive?”
“Of course,” he answered. “It’s one of your best traits. I’d never trust someone who wouldn’t make me work for it.”
“You really are a cat.”
His eyes smiled, too. Just a little. “Whatever it is, you only have to ask.”
“Fine. I need some herbs.”
“Oh?” He raised an eyebrow. “And here I thought you were still a goodie-goodie.”
“Not that kind of herb,” she said, rolling her eyes. “A while ago, you gave me a tea to help quiet my subconscious. Make it easier to focus on the spell itself. Do you have any left?”
“Triscus root. One of my favorites. What do you need it for?”
“I’m trying to figure out which gift Max unlocked,” she said, trying to look sheepish for dramatic effect. “So far, I’ve got nothing and I thought maybe some intense meditation would help.”
“Ah,” he said knowingly, pulling a small pouch out of his pocket. Jordan had once been impressed that he had everything on hand when he needed it, until she realized that too was part of the magic. “Say no more. I take it things are going well with the werewolf.”
“Please don’t tell me how you know that,” she muttered, tucking the pouch into her pocket.
“Just your scent,” he said, confirming what she was afraid of. “They can’t help but mark what they love.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“I take it things aren’t going so well with the angel.”
“What makes you say that?”
“It’s his night and you’re here with me,” he said, taking a sip from his mug. “That says enough.”
Jordan didn’t have the energy to deny it. She didn’t have the willpower to resist picking his brain, either. He was an angel, after all. If anyone understood where she was going wrong with Sam, it was him. She made herself a cup of tea and tried to pretend like something had just occurred to her. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Is it about why Sam won’t let you in his pants?”
Jordan choked on her chamomile.
“Sorry.” His satisfied grin was better than a lie detector. “Guess you’re not entirely brazen.”
“You say that like it’s not exactly what you’ve been hoping I’d become.”
“I’m not complaining. It’s nice to see you enjoying yourself.”
Jordan searched his words for sarcasm, but he seemed sincere. “I seem to recall you backing off right when things started to get ‘fun’ between us, too, and you’re the only person who cares little enough about my feelings to be honest with me. Am I just the opposite of catnip to angels or something?”
Hermes sighed. “My hesitation had nothing to do with attraction and everything to do with hunger. I might not be a demon, but after wearing the skin for this long, I find the vices hard to resist. You’re all my vices wrapped up in one.”
Jordan shivered as she remembered his warning from before. It seemed like so long ago and she’d always hoped that he was just trying to scare her. “That can’t be what’s happening with Sam.”
“No,” he agreed thoughtfully. “As counterproductive to my interests as it is to tell you this, I don’t think he’s waiting for the reasons you think, either.”
“And what are your interests, Hermes?” she asked, standing to bring her cup over to the sink. He caught her wrist, but he was barely holding her. She still couldn’t bring herself to pull away.
His touch was a whole different flavor. She craved it the way she craved the rest of them, even if she wished she didn’t. His rejection hurt the most. “You already know the answer to that question, Jordan. You just don’t want to believe it.”
She steeled herself, knowing if she turned around now, she’d fall prey to his temptations just like she always did. She knew more about him than she ever had. She knew what he was capable of and what he wasn’t. More importantly, she knew how very little she mattered to him when it came right down to it, even if she had an irreplaceable role in his schemes. That was all she was to him. The queen on his chessboard, an object to use.
The worst part was, he was right. He’d told her as much from the very beginning of their relationship. He’d never pretended like she was anything more, and he’d never asked her to trust him. Somehow, that made the loss of that trust all the more painful.
“Do you want to know a secret, Raphael?”
He fell silent and released her hand. She could tell he didn’t like it when she used his actual name, even if she didn’t understand why.
“There was a time, when Darren was still seeing Allison and everything was so new and overwhelming to me, that you were the brightest part of my life,” she said softly. “You were there for me, and you kept my mind off of things I didn’t have the strength to think about. Even though you’d tricked me and made a fool of me more times than I could count, you made me feel safe, too. I actually thought we were friends.”
“We were.” His voice was quiet, but insistent. When she turned to face him, the earnestness she found in his eyes made her doubt that he was lying. “I’ve always wanted us to be that, Jordan. I know I fucked up by leaving the way I did, and I know you have every reason to hate me for the way I’ve done things, but —”
Her laugh seemed to catch him off guard. She felt the same way, but she couldn’t help it. From his tone to the meaningless words coming from his mouth, everything he was saying just seemed so absurd. “Hate you? God, you really don’t know me at all, do you?”
The confusion on his face was his only answer. For once, she had him at a loss for words. It was a shame that she couldn’t enjoy it. She didn’t even have to consciously go numb around him anymore. It was an automatic reaction whenever he opened his mouth. “I’ve been through with hating you for a long while now,” she
said, tucking a long white strand of hair behind his ear. For the first time, she noticed that her touch seemed to have the same disarming effect on him that his always had on her. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am changing. I certainly never had this kind of power over you before.”
“Jordan —”
“Maybe if I had, you would’ve cared this much back then,” she said, unable to help the bitterness in her words. “But that’s silly, isn’t it? You’re only kind to people treat you badly, and you’re only capable of loving what you can’t have.”
He grasped her arm once more, pulling her into his lap, and his eyes glowed with anger. “You really have become insolent, haven’t you? Have you forgotten who holds the contract to your soul?”
“Have you forgotten who holds yours?” she challenged, pressing her knee into his groin as she grabbed a handful of his silken hair. Pain flashed in his eyes, but so did lust. His grip on her tightened as she leaned in and whispered against his lips. “You made me what I am, but I promise I’ll make you regret it.”
“Is that what you think?” His voice was rough and lower than usual, his lips moving against hers whenever they spoke. He’d yet to release her wrist and she’d yet to release her grip on his hair, but she moved to straddle his lap.
“You’re so proud of having caught me in your web,” she murmured, gliding her fingers all the way down his soft hair until it splayed out around his broad shoulders. She pressed her hand against his neck and tightened her fingers around the pale column to feel his pulse in her grasp. “Did you ever stop to realize that you’re right here with me?”
Hermes grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her with the same passion he usually showed when toying with her. She met him with equal force, her tongue gliding along his, tasting the coolness of his mouth. His hand slipped down to caress the small of her back and he drew a shiver up her spine wherever he touched.
Ever since his return, Jordan had been plotting her revenge. Every petty one-over had run through her mind as a way to get him back for making her worry and long for him and ultimately wish he’d stayed wherever it was he’d run off to when she learned how many other secrets he’d been keeping. None of it seemed sufficient to condemn him to the same cycle of hope and disappointment she’d been in from the beginning.
Now she knew. He wanted her. She could see it so clearly, even if it was only when she’d packed away everything about herself that made her such an amusing toy to play with. She loved him with all her heart, but he only loved her when she didn’t have one.
She undid his belt and unzipped him, but before she could pull him free of the tight boxer briefs underneath his absurdly tight jeans, he stopped her. “Jordan.”
“What?” she snapped, glowering at him. “Isn’t this what you want? Isn’t this what you wanted to turn me into? Someone as unfeeling and selfish and insatiable as you are?”
The shock on his face filled her with disgust. So she could still feel something when she’d turned the switch off, after all. Only with him, it seemed. She pushed away from him and gripped the table only to yank her hand away when she realized the finish was burning off.
Hermes’ gaze drifted to her hands, but she’d already quelled the fire. “Something is wrong…”
“No shit,” she hissed. “Some teacher you are. I can’t even hold a simple spell together around you.”
His eyes filled with confusion and he stood, tucking his shirt back in. “What are you talking about? What kind of spell?”
“Just forget it and leave me alone.”
He crossed the room, forcing her to look him in the eye. “Jordan, this is important. What kind of spell did you cast?”
“I don’t know what it’s called. I just know it helps me not feel things that make being around you unbearable.”
The answer seemed to stun him. He stared at her for what felt like forever and when he finally spoke, he sounded like he was trying to talk a cat off the ledge of a building. “How often have you been doing this?”
“I don’t know. Since you left?”
“How often?” he demanded.
“Whenever I need to. Why does it matter? Am I spending too many magic points?” she quipped.
“This isn’t a spell, Jordan,” he said in a grave tone. “It’s called a mask, and if you do it too much, it could alter you forever. Even I wouldn’t be able to fix you.”
“Good. I’ve had enough of your help for one lifetime,” she said, shoving past him when he tried to block her.
“Jordan!” he cried as the front door slammed shut. “We’re not done talking about this.”
“Really?” She spun to face him in the doorway. “Because I think we are.”
“What’s going on?” Chase asked, coming to the doorway behind her. He looked between them and seemed to sum the situation up easily enough, placing his hands on Jordan’s shoulders. “Is something wrong, love?”
Jordan was relieved she was already numb. She still had to tell him the truth, but Hermes had drained her will, as usual. Maybe that was his ability. It would figure if it was to take something from her rather than granting her anything like the others had. “Hermes was just leaving. Weren’t you?”
She waited for him to throw a tantrum, but instead, he watched them for a few moments and nodded. “Look after her, Chase. She’s not herself.”
He vanished, and Jordan’s blood pressure raised another few points. Chase turned her to face him, his face set in worry and confusion. “What was that all about?”
“Just the usual,” she said, trying to return to normal. Usually it happened on its own, but this time, she was too wired to let the feelings seep back in. She decided she’d just have to fake it. “I’m glad you’re home. I know it’s late, but there’s something I really need to talk to you about.”
“That’s wonderful, but can it possibly wait until we’re on the plane?” he asked, checking his watch. “I’m afraid they bumped our flight up at the last minute and we’re already cutting it awfully close.”
“Flight?” Jordan echoed. Now she was confused. She knew she’d been distracted with the others and was afraid that she’d completely spaced out on something important. “What flight?”
“Our honeymoon, love. I’m sure I told you I bought the tickets last week?”
Jordan blinked. She couldn’t remember having that conversation, but she’d admittedly found her thoughts drifting lately. There were chunks of time she couldn’t fully account for, and she found herself wondering if that was one of the reasons Hermes was so worried about the “mask,” as he put it. “Right. Sorry, I’ve been all over the place lately, but…we can’t leave Cold Creek.”
He smiled and pulled a small silver medallion from around his neck. There was something engraved in the metal, but it was too worn down for Jordan to make out. “I called in a favor from an old friend.”
“I fail to see how antique jewelry is going to keep the angels at bay.”
“It’s a talisman. Demons have been using them to evade angels for centuries. Think of it as a…scrambler, of sorts.”
Jordan held the amulet away from his chest and dropped it when the powerful vibrations that met her fingertips became too much to bear. “Holy shit, that thing’s humming.”
Chase smiled patiently. “It’s the real deal, alright.”
“What kind of ‘old friend’ gave you that?” she demanded. The only reason she wasn’t panicking was that she could tell he was speaking for himself. His eyes were the same, and the original couldn’t fake that gentleness.
“They came to the wedding.”
Jordan was surprised he was being so forthcoming about the strange posse who’d attended the wedding and left without a word to anyone other than Lilian. Every time she’d asked him about them, he had shut down other than to say, “they’re just friends of the family.”
“And these friends of yours…they’re human?”
Rather than dismiss the question as she’d expected, he kept smiling. “
You have questions, my love, and I’ve been remiss in giving you the answers you deserve. For that, I’m terribly sorry. But I promise, starting tonight, there won’t be any more secrets between us. I just need you to trust me.”
“Where are we going?” she asked, still startled by his honesty. She’d known Chase was inhuman for what felt like forever, but keeping up the ruse that she didn’t know had become as familiar to her as the lie itself. She wasn’t sure how to respond now that he was acknowledging it. She wasn’t even sure she could handle the truth, but she had planned on getting him as far away from the others as possible before she told him the truth she’d been hiding. A bed and breakfast on the other side of the territory had seemed like the only option, but if more distance was a possibility, it would only keep him safer. At least until she could convince him not to do anything rash. Hopefully the Triscus root would keep the original suppressed for long enough to give her the chance.
“Ireland,” he answered.
"Ireland? Seriously?”
"Non-refundable tickets, first class," he said, pulling two boarding passes out of his pocket. "You mentioned last year that you'd love to see the old castles, so I thought it would be a good honeymoon surprise. That and my family has a little place on the moors."
"You remembered that? I just said it in passing."
"Everything you say is important to me, Jordan. "
The comment hit her like a punch in the gut. "Chase, I… I can’t be that far away from Darren.”
“Three days. I already did my research, and he’ll be fine as long as it’s not any longer than that.”
Jordan hesitated, looking down at her ring. “I guess…”
"Wonderful," he said, taking her face in his hands and placing a kiss on her forehead. "Our flight leaves in an hour. I’ll just run and tell Hermes, and then we’ll be off.”
“No,” she said quickly. When he turned to look at her, she knew she needed a cover. “There’s no reason. I’ll text Darren on the way, but I’d rather Hermes not know where we’re going.”
