I had never loved Jaxon more than I did when he walked into the bedroom I was in. I understood now, what he wanted from me. What he risked last night was unreal to me. I could have so easily become Sam’s. Even now, the memory of him made me hungry. I wanted them both.
But I needed Jax.
He sat on the edge of the bed and lifted the blanket, pulling up my nighty to appraise my ass. Thick red and purple lines marred my backside.
“We’re even, yes?” He sounded subdued.
Hurt.
“I criticized your ability to be my submissive. I was impatient, cruel. Made you feel inadequate. I wanted you to understand, and now you do. That is my punishment.”
He knew everything I did with Sam. Knew I asked for him. Knew his cruelty pushed me to seek fulfillment elsewhere. But more, he knew the moment he gave me to a man like Sam, he would be losing a part of me.
I crawled to him, ignoring the pain, and settled on his lap. His arms encircled me. I’d lost that part too.
“We’re even,” I whispered.
“Do you forgive me, my sweet Miya?” He didn’t give me a chance to say yes. “I’m more monster than man. You know that, right? Falling in love with me was the worst thing for you.”
I hugged him to me tightly. “It was the best thing I’ve ever done. Last night was one of the most amazing of my life. The highs and lows, the flood of power and lack of control. Even the pain. We can have that. Ten times better.” I kissed his pained lips. “Of course, I forgive you, Jax. I love you. I’m going to spend all week while I heal showing your body how much.”
He sighed into my shoulder, the sound on the edge of a sob. “Let’s spend the day at my place. We’ll spend it in the tub and I’ll rub your ass. Only pleasure today.”
That sounded perfect to me.
***
The mansion was empty when we left. I was still in my nighty, engulfed in a hoodie he pulled from the trunk. I had to sit on my side during the drive.
I waited until we were on the highway to tell him. “I’ll do normal, because I don’t have a choice. But I don’t want normal. I want you. And I think the way to give us that is through Samuel.”
He drove for a moment before sighing. “You’re not to see him again.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean,” he said coldly, “if you keep pushing this, we won’t be even anymore. Drop it. Do not bring him up again. And the consequence for breaking this rule isn’t physical, baby. It will be emotional.”
Jealous bastard.
His house was a contemporary glass structure nestled in the forest. I loved how enclosed it was. How separate it was from the rest of the world. Right now, that was what I needed.
He carried my heels and a backpack that probably housed my clothes from last night. I was proud of myself. It was like testing my limits let me know how much I had. I could push and push and know I would be okay. There was power deep inside of knowledge like that.
“No, no basement,” he said, when I headed toward the side hall that led to the kitchen and basement door.
The entrance to his home was large and open to the living room, showcasing the amazing view of the forest. The deep verdant trees and gray Oregon sky created an alluring view.
“We’ll stay in the main house today.” He took my hand and led me upstairs.
His bedroom was the same as his living room, wide open to the forest. The gray sun bled so thickly into the room I could only stare through the wall of glass. I wanted to wake up to that every morning. I bet it was beautiful even when it rained. During summer, it probably bled pure gold into the room through the saplings.
His arms slid around me from behind. “You took a caning last night. Do you have any idea how fucking insane that is? Vega only used that on me for severe punishments. But Sam has different methods than I, I suppose,” he added, his bitter edge not missed. He lifted his hoodie over my head and followed it by my silk nighty.
“You were a submissive?” I craned my head to gawk at him. The shock of that crashed into me.
“I said that last night.”
“No, you said she brought you into this lifestyle.”
“Oh, well, I can see how you’d miss that.” He cradled my face, eyes glittering with humor. “Let’s bathe together. We can talk later.”
I swallowed hard. “Will that please you?”
He tried, I saw his struggle, to keep this all about pleasure, but I’d gotten the high of giving and earning. I wanted more.
“It would please me. Thank you, sweet good girl.” He kissed me slow at first, teasing me, clucking under his tongue when I reached for him; I dropped my hands to my sides. His kiss soon picked up speed, his tongue lazily strolling across mine. “You’re being so good. I knew you could do this.”
He moved to pick me up, careful of my backside, and cradled me in his arms. The entire time our eyes were locked. The love and darkness burning in his gaze brought me severe life.
“I love you,” I whispered, cradling his face in my hands. “I want to be everything you need. To submit, to take your pain. But I want this too. This intimacy and trust. It’s just as important to me as the control is to you.”
In response, he kissed me, seeming to lose himself with me in his arms. The hunger in his lips felt more emotional than lustful. I felt his tongue. He wanted to love me and hurt me, and I wanted his hurt to have his love. We had to be able to do this.
We were made for each other.
He set me on my feet in his bathroom. I was shocked with how feminine it felt. White and clean, with pops of taupe and rust. The wall windows were in the bathroom too, shining right on the clawfoot tub. I felt like a naked fairy in her forest dream house.
“It’s going to sting at first. Take it. It will soon fade. I’ll be back.” He nodded me into the tub.
I eased down, hissing when the scalding water met my raw bruised ass. I sank down slowly, submerging my body in the water. When I opened my eyes, he was gone. He returned a few minutes later with a wooden case. He handed it to me, letting me examine the contents as he undressed. There was of bottle of moisturizing bruising lotion along with a glass bowl of ice cubes, an ice pack, a small purple vibrator, and little clamp-like things. Nipple clamps, I recalled, after browsing an online toy store during my research. Crammed in the corner was an assortment of squares.
I studied the wrappers closely. Ribbed for her, fire and ice, mentholated, thin and heated—he’d brought every kind of condom.
He was going to take my virginity.
Relief and anticipation moved over me. He took the box and set it within reach by the window lip along the wall and tub. “Slide forward.” He sank inside behind me. “Sit up with your ass in the air. Your bruising is terrible.”
I lifted my ass for him, bracing myself on the tub. The cold air on my skin made me tingle. He started with the ice pack, taking his time to apply. My arms struggled to hold my weight. I was weak from the night before, muscles sore in places they had never been. I smiled into the water. After rubbing lotion onto the globes of my raw ass, my arms were near quaking.
“Master,” I whined.
“Be still.” He started all over again. This time with the ice, rubbing it deeply into my wounds as I trembled to keep myself up. He seemed to take extra-long with the lotion, rubbing slowly but firmly, bringing back the life in my bottom. “You may sit.”
I sank down gratefully. My skin felt renewed where he rubbed. “Thank you for taking care of me.”
“You are welcome.” He grabbed my arms and pulled me against his chest. “Open your legs. Put your knees on mine. Wide. Good girl.” He fumbled for an ice cube. I watched in interest as he reached below the water and the ice touched my sex. He inserted it inside of me quickly. And then he cupped me, holding my pussy closed so the ice could melt. “Feel good?” In response, I moaned. “Would you like another?”
“Please.”
He inserted another ice cube into my pussy, rubbing my hole while it me
lted.
“I want your opinion. I’ll warm you up completely. It won’t even hurt when you take my cock. But you must take me all your first time. Every inch, my sweet Miya. Experienced women cannot take my entire cock. But you’re not every woman and you will take every inch as I slowly give it to you. Your other option is to forget the foreplay and I’ll take your virginity roughly. No warm up, no warning. It will hurt, badly. But you don’t have to take me all. You won’t be able to. Which do you prefer?”
It felt like a no-brainer. But it wasn’t. His cock was huge. I could feel the thick hard flesh behind me and knew it would be almost impossible to take all of that my first time. I’d barely had room for tampons, panties, and Master Sam’s fingers. I wanted to please him by taking it all. On the other hand, I wanted my monster to fill me roughly, to take my virginity the way I always imagined him.
“Rough, please.”
He inhaled sharply. “You’re sure?”
“Yes.” My breath sped up.
He wasted no time. “Stand. Go lie on my bed on the corner. Legs wide open, heels on the bed. You may stroke yourself while I wait, but do not enter yourself. Use this.” He handed me the small vibrator as he plucked the thin and heated condom from the pile.
I left him and laid on the corner, opening my legs wide for him and bracing my heels. After turning on the vibe, I placed it on my clit. My sex was already wet from the bath and from my excitement, and the vibe had it dampening his bed. I stroked my clit for a full minute waiting for him, moaning unhindered from the excitement of him finally taking my virginity—it was never mine—and the soft vibes on my aching clit.
Finally, he came out. His hard cock was sheathed in nude rubber, coated in something clear and gel-like. His body was incredible. His torso corded in muscle, his long body wrapped in smooth taut skin.
He leaned over me and put his hands on either side of my head. Then he met my eyes, his black pupils blending in with his dark chocolate irises, the darkness in them like dousing me in fire. He didn’t touch me with his hands. He didn’t warm me up. “Remove the vibrator.”
I turned it off and tossed it over the side of my hip. I put my hands on his chest and looked down. His cock was coming for me. It eased between my lips and found my slick hole. His tip was rather large and it stretched me painfully … erotically.
This was going to hurt.
He stayed that way for a while. Either working me up, or working me down. I ran my fingers over his body. His chest, his abs, the trail of black pubic hair leading down. I lost myself in his muscles.
He took advantage of my infatuation with his abs.
He rammed his cock into me. I cried out from the pressure. He buried his body on top of mine and rocked his hips unapologetically into me, tearing my hymen apart. My nails dug at his body. I tried to close my legs, but he reached down to press roughly on my hips, keeping me so open for him I thought he was truly going to break me. I let myself cry. I dug my nails deeply into his back. I bit his shoulder until I tasted his blood. He pounded my pussy hard and deep. I didn’t come until I felt the burning heat of the condom. He picked the best condom for me. It warmed my swollen fucked pussy, giving me a mind-altering orgasm in the midst of so much pain.
And when he was done, I wasn’t a virgin anymore. I was his.
11.
He pulled out of me as quickly as he’d slammed into me. I lay broken, my entire body shaking from the shock.
He didn’t move me. I couldn’t open my eyes. I heard him return and then the clink of fresh ice in the bowl. He inserted them into me one at a time, letting them melt inside of me before inserting a new one. My muscles clenched uncontrollably. Tears slid down the sides of my eyes. I was afraid to look at my pussy.
It had to be torn, ripped. Even if the ice helped ease the pain. When I found the strength to move, I looked down fearfully. My legs were still open for him. My pussy looked raw and pink and swollen, but it still looked normal. Glistening from the ice and quite happy with herself. There was watered down blood and my excitement marring his dark green blanket.
He looked up the moment I studied his face. There was something different in his eyes. It was glimmering and deep, scorching. He leaned forward with his eyes still on mine and pressed his lips to my pussy. He kissed me caringly all over, his tongue lightly stroking life back into my clit.
I moved to stroke his hair, twisting my fingers in the sweaty strands. My fingers trailed down his face and along his jaw as he kissed me.
“I love you,” I managed between tears.
“I will never love anyone more than I love you, Miya. You are everything I need. Everything,” he promised gruffly, his own eyes shining.
He rose to kiss my lips, covering my body with his once more. He kissed me reverently until I couldn't keep my eyes open. “Stay awake. You need to sit in warm water.”
When he returned, he gathered me in his arms and set me back in the tub. It was only full to my waist now, with fresh lukewarm water. Severe relief filled me. It felt soothing on all my sore parts. I fell asleep in the tub. When I woke, it was dark outside and the water was still somehow warm. My sex throbbed dully. I could still feel him inside of me.
“Take these.” He was wearing a pair of black boxers and nothing else as he handed me four pills with a glass of what looked like chocolate milk.
I quirked a brow at it but didn’t question him.
“Protein, calcium, added vitamin scoop, electrolyte mix, high calorie. You need it. I ordered dinner. It’ll be here in a half-hour. We’ll eat it in bed.”
“Can I brush my teeth?” My mouth was fuzzy.
“I’ll do it.” I watched as he took a toothbrush from the counter holder, rolled dark blue gel onto the end, and then returned, tapping my chin. He brushed my teeth all over, getting every part of my mouth and tongue. “No school tomorrow for you. My TA will cover a few classes, so I can come in late.”
“I can’t miss anymore. If I do, my scholarship might suffer.”
“I don’t think that’s a problem anymore.” He took my empty glass and poured water into it. “Swish and spit.”
“Why isn’t that a problem anymore?”
“Ask Samuel. He is your scholarship now. You may go to college without worries. Study what makes you happy. He’ll pay for however many years you need. Don’t,” he warned. “Do not deny your gift. You may call and say thank you tomorrow.”
I was stunned. He bought out my scholarship? The pressure on my shoulders to keep it, faded away. I was so appreciative, I couldn’t imagine ever being able to thank him enough. I sensed an irrevocable connection to him forming, one my heart pounded a little harder for.
“I’m thinking you take this semester off. Start fresh in the fall, figure out what you want to be instead of fighting your way through a scholarship just to have it. It’s an impressive gift that you earned.” He pressed a kiss to my lips. “I’m honored to be your master.”
I could only melt against his kiss.
I dressed myself in clothes he laid out, studying my bruised backside in the bathroom mirror. In the light of all that happened after, the bruises no longer hurt. Light cotton panties the color of pink roses. My black pajama shorts were short and loose. My matching tank top draped softly over my tits. I combed my hair out and put it into a bun, facing myself in the mirror head on.
For the first time, I met my eyes and held my gaze. I liked who I was right now. Honest with myself. Open with myself. I was beautiful to me. I bit my lip and then smiled at my reflection.
Walking to his bed hurt me everywhere. A dull, low soreness was in my body. There was takeout in bags on the bed. He was setting everything out.
“Jax?” I asked softly, sensing he wasn’t my master right now, just mine.
“Hmm?”
“Is it possible I could go get the deodorant downstairs?”
He shook his head and took off into the bathroom, coming back with a tube of my favorite deodorant. “I have everything you need.”
“I know.” I peered at him as I rubbed the deodorant on. “I’ve always known that.”
He swallowed hard and inclined his head, acknowledging and agreeing with my love, without saying anything.
We ate dinner together on his bed. Me on my stomach and him sitting beside me, our chopsticks bringing noodles and veggies to our lips. It had been so long since I’d eaten, I devoured my noodles in minutes, moving on to a delicious blend of sesame chicken and stir-fried asparagus.
“On a scale of one to ten, where is your pain right now?”
I thought about it honestly. Taking my time to assess my body.
“You have to learn your limits. It is perfectly okay to reach them. If you give me yourself and you find you need to take a break, tell me. I won’t mind if we’re both trying.”
“Eight. I could keep going, but I think I’ll suffer for it later.”
He set his food down and lay on his side, rubbing my bottom through my shorts. “We’ll take the week off. No playing whatsoever until next Monday evening. After being at work all day and without you for the week, I’ll need it. I cannot wait longer.”
I counted the days in my head. “You mean we won’t play at all for 7 days? Nothing? Not even kissing?”
“No sex, your kitty needs to heal. We cannot kiss, knowing us, we won’t stop there. No spankings, no punishments, no role-play. And no masturbating. Please do not make me rescind your healing.” The prospect of doing so seemed to really bother him. “You need it emotionally and physically.” He rubbed my bottom slowly. “You’ll stay here, in my home. With me.”
“What about my apartment?” I didn’t sound like I cared. Because I didn’t want to go back there anyway.
“Give it up. I would like you here at all times. I don’t normally let my subs stay over, but when they do, they get the basement. I want you upstairs, in my home. If we’re going to have an unconventional dom/sub relationship, we may as well explore our options.”
Dark Master (Dark Masters Book 1) Page 7
