I hung up on him with a roll of my eyes and returned to Samuel.
He was lounging on the sofa. The evening light was settling into a deep purple. The trees disappeared into black and the light inside of the house made it feel warm and encompassing. I wanted to be encompassed.
“I’d offer you a glass of wine, but you’re not legal.” He gave me a grin, sipping on the deep red liquid in his glass. “I poured you a glass of water instead.”
“Thank you.” I brought the cold liquid to my lips and drank gratefully.
“You should be drinking lots of water.” He pounded back his drink and then slid forward on the couch. “Drink it down and then come show master your bruises. I have to go.”
I chugged my water and then set the glass down. I decided to give him more since he’d taken such good care of me. I stood in front of him and then slowly took my shorts off, leaving them pooled around my feet.
His low hum of appreciation sounded behind me a moment before he palmed me. “Such beautiful marks you earned.” He kissed my bruises and then tasted each one, sliding his tongue horizontally along each bruise.
In the glass walls, I watched his eyes roll into the back of his head. He parted my cheeks and his tongue slid across my hole.
I inhaled sharply.
“This a virgin too?”
“Yes.” I felt bad for torturing him now. His hands shook and his eyes were closed completely. I couldn’t give him me. I was Jax’s. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, biting my lip to keep from crying. “What can I do?”
He pressed one more kiss to my backside and then pulled up my shorts. “What I want, you can’t give me. If I’d known we’d only have one night together, I would have spent far more time with you, instead of wasting a second with someone else.”
He left me without another word. Alone in Master’s house, I didn’t know what to do. I decided to try his suggestion out, settling on his huge bed with another protein bar and a bottle of water I got from the fridge.
I was too sore to feel restless. But I could sense that it would become an issue. I never had time in my life to be idle. Idleness wasn’t good for a restless soul like mine. I heard Jax come home, listening from beneath his blankets. It was eight-fifteen and the glass windows showed nothing but black forest and moonlight. I listened intently, watching the clock as I waited for him to come up. One minute later, he stepped into his open doorway and sagged against the wall, eyes latching onto mine.
He was wearing a white dress shirt paired with dark jeans. His shirt was untucked and his tie was loosened, his top two buttons on his shirt undone. He dropped his briefcase and jacket on the floor, kicked off his black boots, and came for me.
I rolled over into his arms and sighed the moment his arms came around me. He engulfed me completely, burying his face in my neck and hair.
“I’m in trouble,” he murmured, kissing my neck.
“Why?”
“Because I’ve done nothing all day but think about you. Worry about you. Yearn for you.” He sighed sadly. “I think it’s time to face the fact that you’re right. You’re more to me than my submissive. You’re my … light. In a mind that doesn’t exist other than in darkness, you make my darkness less consuming.”
I closed my eyes against my emotions. “Jax. What does this mean?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted hoarsely. Sealing himself closed, he leaned back and touched my face, cradling it in his large hand. “Show me your pussy.”
I frowned. When I didn’t move, he reached for my shorts. But he stopped before pulling them off. “He buy you these?” The fury burning in his eyes frightened me. He ripped them off me so roughly, the motion hurt my bruises, making me cry out. He grabbed my knees and wrenched them open, prodding my pussy. It had been a couple days since I’d been able to shave and my sex was starting to show signs of neglect.
“What are you doing?” I demanded. This didn’t feel sexy or pleasing. It felt invasive. “Searching for signs that I didn’t have sex with him?” When he tossed my knees away and rolled off the bed, I knew I’d gotten it right. How could he be so gentle and open and then rude and crude the next?
He put his head in his hands sitting on the end of the bed. I wanted to comfort him, but in all honesty, he did this to himself. If he’d accepted what he admitted to tonight before he let Samuel have his way with me, then he wouldn’t distrust him so much.
Unless it was me who he distrusted.
My heart broke. “Do you think I’d ever share my body with him willingly? I did it for you.”
“I know. I know that. I … I don’t know what I feel.” He stomped into his closet. “That’s the problem,” his dark admission came from inside.
I wondered if the reason he was acting this way was because of Sam, or because he didn’t know how to handle his emotions. If he understood his darkness, maybe my light was the reason he was confused about mine.
He came out in a pair of black pajama pants and nothing else. Black hair disheveled, abs rippling on his tense angry body. He looked every part the tortured bad boy. I pulled my shorts back on and followed when he left the room and took the stairs.
There were takeout containers on the kitchen counter and a six pack of beer. He took the beers and threw them into the fridge, slamming the door shut. After my day of rest, I felt partly better, and wanted to make him feel that way too.
“Go sit down at the table. I’ll make it up for us.” I hugged him from behind, wrapping my arms around him and splaying my hands on his bare abdomen. My breasts nudged him softly, my nipples peaking in my cami.
“I tried to fight this, Miya. I don’t want to love you!” he roared, whirling on me and grasping my face. “I don’t know how to fucking do it. I took you to Sam’s to prove to myself that you were a submissive, that’s it, only a submissive. But you’re not, and I can’t fucking stand the idea of you giving yourself to another man.” He leaned closer, baring his soul to me. “Do you have any idea how badly those subs suffered for every moan I heard of yours through that private bedroom? What did he do to you in there? Tell me!” he screamed, making me close my eyes to hide from his anger.
He was mad at himself, I realized, not at me. But he was making me feel horrible. I hugged myself and decided to walk away.
“Where are you going?” he growled.
I whirled, the tears hot and burning. “You’re not being fair right now. You’re punishing me for doing what you told me to do. What if I had denied him? You took me to a place, left me all alone, and are mad that someone found me?”
“I don’t have to be fair. I’m your dominant. I do what I want when I want to. If you want fair, you can go find a normal asshole who eats your pussy with his eyes closed and buys you chocolate hearts when he’s in trouble.” His chest was puffing with his anger and his hands were made into fists. “I want to spank your ass until my hand hurts. Take your food and go upstairs.”
“Why do you always have to act like this? Why can’t you be upset without hurting me in return? I thought we shared something special last night and today. Does your vulnerability come with a punishment too?” I was pushing him, but I sensed I could do so now. He hadn’t made a move to punish me for days. Which was probably why he didn’t know how to handle me. Pain made sense. His emotions didn’t.
“Miya,” he groaned. He rubbed his fists against his eyes. “Leave before I do something I regret.”
I went to him instead, wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my head against his chest. His body tensed and I heard his rage rumble in his throat.
“This is why I spank women. You’re all the same. You don’t respect me.”
I kissed his chest, braving his storm. I was still too sore to play, but I knew he needed some form of release. “I love you, of course I respect you.”
He wrapped his fist around my hair suddenly and yanked me back, baring my lips and throat to him. “You love me? Even with the bad things I want to do to you right now?”
�
��Yes,” I whispered, staring into his eyes. “You’re not a true monster, Jaxon. I don’t know who taught you that you were, but they were wrong. You’re the only man who’s ever made me feel alive. How could a monster do that?”
He closed his eyes in deep regret. The anger left him, replaced by torment. When his eyes opened, they were gleaming with unshed tears, making his darkness shine. “You’re too good for me. Too sweet.” He brought his face down, crushing his lips onto me. He kissed me so deeply, my toes curled on his hardwood floors. My hair was still in his fist and my mouth was bared to him. “Too unreal. Like a unicorn,” he whispered. “My own magical creature.” He turned my face this way and that, almost as if he were in awe of something. “I love you. Even when I get that way. Don’t ever forget that, please.”
He kissed me again before I could answer. Curling my toes and owning my heart. When he was done, he released me and smoothed out my hair and kissed my cheek where his other hand had gripped. His tears fell freely. In them, I sensed the loathing he had for himself. For the bad things he did. For the bad things he would do again.
I licked his tears, holding his head to my chest and rocking him back and forth. I smoothed his hair and said the only thing I knew he needed to hear. “I love you so much, Jaxon. Nothing could ever make me stop. Nothing.”
Finally, he wiped his tears off on my shirt and straightened, giving me a chaste kiss before reclaiming his control over himself. He started opening the containers.
“Can I help? I thought I was supposed to be doing all the cooking.” I stared down at the Italian food he’d gotten for us.
“You deserve to be taken care of. Go sit, please.”
In his tone was a request not to push him in exchange for no monster. I complied, letting him make me an enormous plate and thanking him when he gave me a beer and a glass of ice-water.
“First beer.” I grabbed the neck of the bottle, watching him take a long swallow of his.
His eyes narrowed. “Someone needs to teach you how to be a real teenager.”
“I’m nineteen. It doesn’t count. In less than a year, I won’t even be a teenager anymore. Which I can’t wait for, by the way. So you can stop reminding me all the time.”
He gave me a sad smirk. “Well, take a drink. Let me be the first to corrupt you.” His gaze turned sinful.
“Sheesh, you think I should? I don’t want to do anything that might corrupt me, Jaxon.”
He chuckled, eyes twinkling. “Drink the beer, sweetheart.”
I brought it to my lips and took a small taste, scrunching up my nose and forcing it down. “Ugh.”
“Really? This is good beer.” He took a drink and licked his lips to prove it. “Chug it for me. It’s as punishment as we can get right now.”
I held his gaze and chugged the beer, drinking it down completely and even licking the last drops. “Hmm. Not so bad after all.”
He watched me, stroking his beer bottle from the tip to the bottom, his dirty gaze pinned on me. “You’ll let me know if your pussy’s ready for sex sooner, won’t you?”
I was kind of ready for it now. “If you promise to be gentle, you can have my pussy right now.”
His eyes closed and a low rumble sounded form his throat. “Let’s eat dinner first. Let me calm down.”
Food felt unimportant, but rough sex, which was what we’d have if I let him get me naked right now, would be too painful to bare. After a few minutes my beer started to settle in my system, turning me flush and brave. I liked the feeling. “Can I have another beer?”
He got up and got us both another. I could get used to him taking such good care of me. To test it out, I sighed, dropping my fork on my empty plate.
“You want more?” he asked, grabbing for my plate before I could say yes or no.
“Thank you, Master. You’re being so sweet.”
He swallowed hard. “Great. You’re a brave drunk. You’re going to say things you’ve always wanted if you’re not careful.”
“Doubt it. I don’t keep much in. More pasta.”
He did so, adding another dollop. “Aren’t you going to ask what kind of drunk I am?”
“Tell me.”
“I’m a miserable drunk. Miserable and angry. My limit is two glasses. Always.” His eyes met mine. “I used to have a problem with drinking. Vega caned the problem out of me when she found me, and I wasn’t allowed to drink being her sub, but the moment I was free of her and the torment started to take over again, vodka became my best friend. A drunk, pissed off master makes for a long night.”
I didn’t know what to say. “Should I be drinking then?”
He waved my concern away. “I’m fine now. Although, I wonder sometimes where that addiction went.”
“She really caned you?”
He smiled at his food. “She really did.”
“Did you like it?”
He snorted. “Hell no. I hated her fucking ass for it. Punishments aren’t always fun, Miya. Sometimes, they’re horrible. They make you hate yourself for allowing it to happen, but they’re always worth it, if you can fight through the pain.”
I couldn’t imagine him over a bench being beat. “What other ways did she use to punish you?”
He sat back, taking his beer with him. “Her favorite was making me write apology essays. I, Jax, a worthless sub, will not disobey Mistress Vega ever again. 1,000 lines, handwritten.” He paused for affect, grinning. “While she shoved monstrous dildos up my ass.”
I gawked at him, covering my mouth with my hand and raising my eyebrows sarcastically. “1,000 lines? That’s unbelievably cruel.”
He laughed loudly, the sight of his glorious smile like the sun rising in my darkness. “Somehow, the dildos overshadowed the writing cramps.”
“Did you like that?”
He met my eyes and gave me one of the most honest heartbreaking answers I’d ever been given. “No.”
I knew I didn’t like that bitch. “You know, that’s kind of illegal, right? For an older woman to have sex with a teenage boy.”
“Don’t,” he warned. “I deserved every punishment she gave me. I deserved more than she gave me. Far worse. She was a forgiving mistress, more so than most. She had to be, me being her sub.”
Seeing his perspective from a sub to a sub was like reading a secret handbook. “What was the worst punishment you ever received?”
“I wanted it, Miya. I hated it, but I wanted it.” He sighed gruffly and relented when I pursed my lips. “I cheated on her one night.” He swallowed hard, eyes becoming haunted and far away. “It was early on, when I wanted her to punish me but at the same time, I didn’t like the control she forced on me. I rebelled and hooked up with a woman I met at a bar. I lied about it—that’s what pissed her off the most. I came over the next day for a session and she found a nail scratch on my back. When she asked what it was from, I lied and said it happened at the gym. She beat the truth out of me. Canes, belts, slaps, fists, insults—she got the truth out of me.” For some reason, he grabbed his chest and cringed. “Then the real punishment started.”
I shuddered, struggling not to react. Inside, I was sobbing for my Jaxon. But I knew in my bones if I cried for him now, he’d seal up. I wanted him to keep talking. “What parts did you like? It wasn’t always like that, right?”
“I never got a punishment quite that severe again. I suffered for a long time before she let it go. For months, I wasn’t even allowed to cum. But she’d spend hours edging me, getting me right to the edge of orgasm and pulling back. It drove me fucking insane. Finally, she brought in another sub and pleasured him in front of me for hours. Lovingly,” he added bitterly. “Kissing him, making love to him, blowing him. I wanted to kill him.” He glared darkly at me, like it was my fault. “She broke my heart, the cold-hearted bitch.” He drank his beer deeply. “I liked it most when she did. Making her happy made me feel … important, I guess. When I could make her laugh, or make her cum for hours, I wanted to never be anywhere else. She was fun, too
.” His smile was instant and real. “We’d do things I never did before, like skydiving or skiing. She took me to Vegas and spent the entire weekend making love to me and blowing me without a single rule or punishment. She was good to me, I promise.”
Don’t cry. Please don’t cry. Now I understood his dominant mentality. He expected what he had gone through. But those were dark shoes, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to fill them quite the same way. “What’s the next thing you’re going to do to me?”
“Thinking long term as my sub? I’m going to need your body ready to receive before we go into my chambers. Once you’re not sore anymore, we’ll spend hours stretching your pussy. We’ll eventually work on your ass. Stretching it, getting it ready for my cock. You’ll love anal, I promise. I’ll increase your pain threshold, even find the pain you enjoy. Work in some pain play. Work on your flexibility and stamina. I can only imagine what you did with my list of rules.”
I crossed my legs to relieve the ache inside of me. “I still have them. I printed them out. I haven’t read them in a while, though. And they’re in my apartment.” I wanted to ask about other things besides being his sub. What was next for us? But it was over the line.
“I’m not sure they matter for us. You’ll learn. Less stamina, less play time. Cum too soon, we finish too soon. Sometimes, it isn’t about orgasms. It’s about making that build-up last. Controlling your muscles and body to cum when it’s most right.”
“Hmm,” I muttered, my head spinning with possibilities. “Are we done eating yet?”
He chuckled knowingly. “Go upstairs. Walk slowly. Do not run. Pick a condom from the box. It’s still in the bathroom. Get a towel out of the closet in the bathroom. A white one. Pull the sheets back. Lay the towel down. Take your clothes off and then lay on top of the towel with your legs open toward the glass walls. Work your clit and pussy until you’re wet and about to cum then stop, lie there and wait for me. Don’t touch your tits or nipples. They’re mine. I’ll be gentle, I promise. Slow deep sex. Go.”
I pushed away from the table and walked slowly. He was right to warn me. I wanted to run up those stairs and rip my clothes off. I did what he asked, picking a condom ribbed for her, a towel, and laying it out. I took my clothes off and folded them, setting them on his dresser. I left the lights off and lay on his bed with my legs open at the walls of glass.
Dark Master (Dark Masters Book 1) Page 9
