Dust to Dust

by Karina Halle

  I chewed on my lip. “Do you think Michael will be there?”

  He sighed and got up. “Lord, I hope not.”

  “Maybe it will all work out for the best,” I said feebly, looking down at my hands. “It could put an end to everything and we can just go home and never have to look back.”

  He put his hand on my shoulder and stooped over, raising his brows as he looked at me closely. “Have you ever known for something like this to work out for the best?”

  He had point.

  “Just keep an eye on him,” he said, straightening up. “We all will. And while you’re at it, keep an eye on your mother, too.”

  I stiffened. “What do you mean?”

  He gave me a wry smile. “I may no longer be a Jacob, but that doesn’t mean I don’t pick up on things. She’s seeing things – finally. She’s going to need you when she finally comes to term with it.”

  Until then, I finished in my head, she’s going to deny, deny, deny.

  But that didn’t mean I was going to try. When I went back to our room, Maximus in tow, I discovered Dex talking to my mother and father, looking freshly shaven and bright-eyed. My mother seemed calmer too.

  Maybe this was going to go okay. Besides, we didn’t even have to think about the house until tomorrow. Now, I was in Manhattan with my fiancé, friend and family and the night was ours. It couldn’t get much better than that. For all the doom and gloom and my tendency to blow shit out of proportion, I could at least try and enjoy the evening.

  We went out to a delightful little Italian joint that my parents used to frequent when they were first dating in the city. Even though I didn’t have much appetite, I enjoyed the capriccio and copious glasses of red wine that was splashing around the place.

  But most of the time, my attention was on Dex. He was sitting next to me and I kept my hand on his knee, just to feel him, just to let him know I was there. He was quiet but when he did talk, he was his usual smartass self. He kept on turning slightly in his chair, looking over his shoulder for someone or something. When I asked him what it was, he just brushed it off, saying he felt like he was being stared at.

  I couldn’t see anyone in the restaurant who was paying us any attention. And maybe because of that, I was started to get a little more creeped out. Soon I was paranoid that we were being watched but I resisted the urge to keep looking over my shoulder every five seconds. Dex was doing that enough for the both of us.

  After dinner, we ended up not seeing the Lion King like my dad had wanted but caught this small off Broadway play with John Lithgow. It was really good, albeit a little too dark for our moods but the acting and direction was compelling enough to steal my attention for a few hours.

  When it was over and night had settled over the city, all of us decided to walk back up to the hotel instead of trying to catch a bunch of cabs. It was about a half an hour walk but I didn’t mind. I was going to use this time wisely.

  While Maximus was talking to Dex and seeming to keep an eye on him, I decided to approach my mother. I pulled back on her silk shawl.

  “Mom,” I said, “can I speak to you? Privately?”

  She looked at me in surprise. Or maybe that was fear. Maybe she knew what was coming.

  “Sure, pumpkin,” she said and in a rare act of affection, she smoothed back my hair from my face. “What is it?”

  Even though she sounded casual, there as a tremor to her voice that told me she was anything but. I hated to ruin a moment that had us bonding in such a way, but…

  “It’s nothing,” I said, looping my arm around hers. “It’s just that…I know what you saw.”

  She flinched. I wouldn’t have caught it if I wasn’t watching her so closely.

  “What are you talking about?” she asked lightly. Too lightly.

  “In the elevator,” I said, not wanting to do this dance. “We stopped on the sixth floor. I was watching you. You looked as if you saw the devil himself.” Or one of his minions.

  She gave me a look. “Oh, honey. I can barely remember a few hours ago. I didn’t sleep on the plane and then there’s the jetlag. I was so worried about you and Ada.”

  Ah, classic diversion. So I only nodded and smiled and let her sweep it under the rug. But just this time. Next time – and I knew there would be a next time – she was going to be called out on it, as in denial as she was going to be.

  I patted her arm and then we caught up with the roving band of delinquents I called friends and family. I found myself under the security of Dex’s arm as we weaved through the crowded streets, all the way back to the hotel.

  If I could have just ignored every frightful thing that had happened over the last couple of days, this would have been the most perfect evening ever.

  But it wasn’t.

  As soon as we were inside the room, Dex picked me up by the shoulders and turned me around, slamming me back against the door so it shut. “I’ve never needed your cunt more,” he growled, pushing me harder into the door.

  My mouth dropped open, caught off guard. Dex was always a dirty talker but he didn’t use the “C-word” all that often. Nor was he usually quite this rough with me.

  As if to emphasize that point, he brought me off the door slightly and then slammed me back harder, my head banging against it, forcing me to cry out from pain.

  But Dex took no notice. He was completely insatiable, ripping off my jeans, the edges of his nails catching my skin as he did so. I was certain he had drawn blood.

  “Dex,” I said breathless but he’d already managed to part my legs as far as they would go, his head buried between them. His fingers pushed aside my underwear and somehow I felt his tongue sinking deep inside me. It scared me, actually, because while Dex had a great tongue and he knew how to use it, it seriously wasn’t that long.

  The thought seemed to float away from my head as he licked me to new heights that made my knees want to give out. I didn’t know how he was doing it, but at the same time I didn’t want him to stop.

  Suddenly he pulled back and before I knew what was happening, he put his arm around my waist and threw me to the floor. I landed on my ass with a painful thud and was just about to tell him off when he put a hand on my chest and shoved me back down, his head returning to the place it was before.

  “Dex!” I snapped at him, annoyed. “Take it fucking easy.”

  “I want to do terrible, horrible things to you,” he grunted. “I want to make you scream.”

  As adventurous as I was, I wasn’t sure if I wanted terrible, horrible things done to me but my protest never left my lips. He started licking me with renewed frenzy, his grunts becoming louder and louder until he started to sound like a lion tearing into its kill.

  Somehow it was still a turn on and I felt my hips lifting toward his mouth as he brought me near orgasm again. A sharp lance of pain shot through me.

  What the fuck? Did he just bite my clit?

  Before I could even process the pain, it melted into pleasure and soon I was coming, my hands curling into fists in his hair and pulling at him, explicits leaving my mouth as I rode a wave far and long. He growled in response, still going at me, like he couldn’t get his fill.

  Now though I was too sensitive and I tried to get him to stop. I pulled harder at his head and when that didn’t work, I propped myself up on my elbows and scooted back and away from his mouth.

  I gasped when he looked up at me. With his hair in his face and skin wet with sweat, he was smiling, his lips bloody.

  Jesus, that was way more disturbing than it was hot.

  “Dex,” I said, trying to find my breath, “please, I’m too sensitive, you gotta give me a break. You know this.”

  His grin spread and I noticed this strange emptiness in his eyes. A feeling of dread came over me.

  “I’m not done,” he said and his voice was lower than I’d ever heard it. “You’re not done.”

  I gave him an uneasy smile and swallowed. He wiped his fingers along his mouth and stared at the bl
ood, then smiled at it. “Whoops. Guess I got a bit carried away there.”

  I nodded quickly. “Yeah, you did.” But my heart rate was slowing a bit. He seemed to be composing himself. “So, how do you want to –”

  He was on me in a second, his bloody mouth smothering my words. One hand squeezed at my breasts while I could tell he was taking his cock out with the other. “You didn’t scream before,” he whispered harshly against my lips. “I want you to scream this time. I want you to try.”

  Part of me was still a bit turned on by the out-of-character roughness, the other part was unnerved by him. Was this role playing or was this something else? Because this certainly wasn’t Dex at the moment.

  I pulled my head back just as he thrust himself into me one hard motion. I gasped a little and put my hand on his chest, trying to put some of his weight off of me but he was impossible to move. Just like that, he suddenly weighed a ton.

  He continued to thrust into me, his mouth at my ear, breathing harder and harder. His lips went down my neck, nibbling lightly until he was full-on biting me again. I could feel my blood trickle down my skin.

  “Fuck!” I yelped. “You’re hurting me, you asshole.”

  Dex sank his fingers into the hair at the top of my head and yanked it back sharply until I cried out again.

  “What did you call me?” he growled. I tried to look at him and I was sorry I did. Blood was smeared all over his face, his expression contorted into one of absolute hate, absolute soullessness.

  This wasn’t role-playing. This wasn’t Dex.

  Suddenly his fingers went around my throat. “I thought you always wanted it rough,” he said. “Pretty young things always want it rough, always want their blood spilled.”

  His grip around my neck tightened, cutting off the air from my lungs. Panic coursed through me and I felt like he was going to crush me to death.

  I tried to cry out but the sound was lost beneath the relentless pressure of his fingers. My vision was starting to darken and blur at the corners and I sluggishly tried to figure what to do, what I could do to survive this.

  I only had one thing.

  I had to hurt him. Or I was going to die at his hand.

  While he grinned down at me, his eyes darker than sin and filled with hate I didn’t even know existed, I gathered all my strength and plowed my head up into his nose.

  The headbutt was enough to surprise him and in that moment, I punched with him right fist into his head. He yelped and then I jerked my knee toward his balls.

  That was the final straw. He released me with an anguished cry and I was able to roll out from under him. I immediately got to my feet and ran over to the desk and picked up the heaviest object I could find, a lamp.

  “Jesus, Perry,” he said, trying to get to his knees with his eyes pinched shut, coughing up a lung. I could barely breathe myself, my windpipe feeling crushed and bruised, so I had no sympathy if I ruined his balls. “If you don’t like it rough, just say so.”

  I adjusted my grip on the lamp, holding it out from me like a weapon, breathing heavily in an attempt to get all the lost air back in my lungs.

  He got to his feet and, without looking at me, hobbled over to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him, leaving me alone in the room to try and figure out what had happened.

  It seemed like him now, but that had not been him. I knew Dex, knew him with my heart and soul and that had not been him inside of me. It had not been his tongue, it not been his touch. I looked into his eyes and I didn’t sense his beautiful soul. I sensed nothingness, foul and black and endless, a gateway to a world I prayed I’d never see.

  It hadn’t been in my head. That had all been real.

  I gingerly put the lamp back and grabbed my room key off of the desk. I waited by the bathroom door for a second and heard the toilet flush. I wanted to be out of here before he came back out.

  I quickly left the room and ran up the stairs straight to Maximus’s. I pounded on the door and when Maximus answered it, his eyes nearly fell out of his head.

  “Dear Lord, Perry, what the hell happened to you?” he asked and I pushed past him into the room, tears stinging my eyes. I tried to hold it together but as soon as the door closed, I started crying. Maximus immediately put his arms around me, holding me for a minute before he stepped back to inspect me with a horrified eye.

  “What happened?” he asked again. “Where is Dex? Is he okay?”

  My lips twisted into a grimace. “I don’t know. I kneed him in the balls pretty hard.”

  He raised a brow. “Did Dex do this to you?”

  “He did. But it wasn’t him. I know it wasn’t.” I sniffed and walked over to the mirror. I gasped at the sight of my reflection staring back. My throat was already showing pinkish purple finger marks on it, my neck was bleeding from several wounds and the blood had smeared along my shoulders and collarbone. There was no way Dex could have done any of this.

  I eyed Maximus in the mirror.

  “I see,” he said. “Where is he now?”

  “He’s in the bathroom. He seemed to be himself again but he never really looked at me. I don’t know what he thinks just happened. God, I hope he doesn’t, he’s going to hate himself.”

  “How did it start?” he asked.

  I gave him a look. “Well, when a man and a woman love each other…”

  “That’s not funny,” he said. “I’m being serious.”

  “So am I,” I said, turning around to face him. “I don’t know what happened. As soon as we were in the room, he started being really rough with me, more so than usual. Talking dirtier than usual. He was like an animal. Way more so than normal.” I took in a deep breath. I couldn’t get the fear out of me. I was so afraid he was going to really hurt me, kill me.

  A strange look passed over his face, like he was considering something for the first time. “Perry,” he said carefully, “this is going to sound odd, but do you remember when we…um, you and I…had…”

  “Sex?”

  He nodded. “Yeah. That. It kind of got weird there for a moment, do you remember?”

  “Kind of,” I said, not really wanting to remember that shit.

  “Well what do you remember?”

  “Oh come on, you want details of what it was like to have sex with you?”

  “I promise I’m going somewhere with this,” he said, raising his palms to me. “You started to act in a similar way. Violent. Not yourself. Do you remember doing that and if you do, what was going through your head at the time?”

  I couldn’t really remember. I’d put that whole time period under the rug. But when I really thought about it, I recalled feeling like this incredible power had taken over me, like I’d suddenly become blood thirsty. Like I hated Maximus and wanted to hurt him. I relished the hate, the desire to destroy and inflict pain. It was me and not me at the same time and if Maximus hadn’t stopped me, I didn’t know what would have happened.

  “It’s happening to him,” I said quietly. “Something is inside him, sharing his space.”

  Maximus nodded gravely. “That’s what I think. But Dex is still there, just as you were still there. We’re going to have tread lightly with this one.” He didn’t have to explain what he meant by that. Dex would never hurt me in a million years. If it was the real Dex I was going to return to downstairs, he was going to hurt, badly. Far more than he had hurt me.

  But if it wasn’t Dex, who was it?

  “I don’t know,” Maximus said and I realized he was picking up on my thoughts. “But it’s not good.”

  “Are there ever any good tales about possession?” I pointed out. I sighed. “Is it Michael?”

  He pursed his lips. “That’s a bit of a stretch. As far as I know, a living person can’t possess another living person. Even the Jacobs couldn’t do anything like that, and we had an awful lot of power at our fingertips.”

  I didn’t want to get off the subject but I couldn’t help but suddenly ask, “What was that like?”
/>   He cocked a brow. “Being a Jacob?”

  I nodded.

  “I can’t really say. I mean, I don’t have anything to compare it to. We’re supposed to cycle in a way, keep living new lives with new memories, so the burden of immortality never really sits in, but you always remember something.”

  “Burden,” I mused caustically.

  “Well, it is a burden. All life should have an expiration date. To keep living on, it’s not natural. To watch all your friends and family die again and again, there’s nothing like it. It’s an eternity of loneliness. When I realized I could give it up for Rose, I didn’t hesitate. And, no, I don’t regret it.”

  “Especially now that you’re back with Rose,” I said.

  “That helps,” he said. “But as painful as life is sometimes, you have no idea what it’s like to be able to relate to someone, to know you aren’t alone. As a Jacob, I was alone and I was different. In some ways, I was condemned. Now, I’m just like you. I’m free.”

  “And you’re not afraid of death?” I asked. “Because after all I’ve seen, I’m terrified of it.”

  “I am afraid of death,” he admitted. “But not because I don’t know what’s on the other side. I do. I’ve been there. I’m afraid to leave Rose behind. To leave love behind. The idea that I can be taken from her and she from me…you don’t want immortality unless you both have it.”

  “Well, I won’t have that problem,” I said. The subject of death was making me a little uneasy. Everything was making me uneasy. I gingerly reached up and touched my neck, feeling the tender skin. Somehow, I had to get past the idea that Dex had done this. It hadn’t been him. I couldn’t be afraid of my own fiancé.

  “Do you want me to walk you back to your room?” he asked, ever the Southern gentleman.

  I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. Believe me, if there’s a problem I’ll come straight here.”

  “Be prepared,” he said, as I got to my feet. “And alert. But remember it’s still Dex. Until we know what’s going on, it’s still Dex.”

  I nodded and quickly left the room. I went down the staircase and was back outside our hotel room door. I took in a deep breath and then slid my card through. The light went green and I went inside.