Dust to Dust

by Karina Halle

“What, what?” I asked.

  Perry breathed out of her nose in a huff and then said, “Okay, promise not to get mad.”

  I frowned as she lifted up her shirt and exposed a black patch of plastic on her ribcage, the kind tattoo artists use.

  “You got a tattoo?” I asked.

  She nodded. “It’s not of you though.” She peeled back a corner and I saw a detailed blue and black waterfall with the names Maximus, Pippa and Mom on it. It was actually quite awesome. “You’re not mad?” she asked.

  I shook my head, taking it in and feeling a bit of sorrow at the sight of Maximus. “Of course not. It’s beautiful. And painful looking. That must have hurt.”

  She nodded.

  I went on, “Why did you think I’d be mad?”

  She tilted her head to the side in thought. “I don’t know, I guess cuz Maximus was on there too. And I’d only just got the anchor for you.”

  “Kiddo,” I said, pulling her close to me and kissing her temple. “First of all, you can get a million tattoos, I don’t care. And second of all, I think your mom and Pippa would love it. And Maximus, well, his ego would love it too. I think it’s wonderful, really.”

  And I did. It made my insides seem all warm and fluttery, though that could have been the beer and shots of Jameson.

  She smiled. “OK, good. I just wanted to honor everyone, you know.”

  I nodded. I knew.

  I gave her another kiss and ordered Perry her favorite beer and Rebecca a club soda with lime. After our drinks came, the four of us raised our glasses to another.

  “Here’s to living the good life,” I said, making sure to look them all in the eye. “And if not the good life, then just life in general. Here is to living life.”

  We all clinked glasses and bottles, Dean getting mine good this time, my beer flowing over.

  I grinned at him, grinned at Rebecca, grinned at Perry.

  Life was good.

  And it was only going to get better.

  EPILOGUE

  Perry

  “On a scale of one to eleven,” Ada said as she stuck her hand into a crinkly bag of chips and popped them into her mouth, “how nervous are you?”

  “Judging by how you’re driving me nuts by crinkling that damn bag and your loud chewing,” I said, taking the bag from her and sliding it down the table, away from us, “I’m going to say I’m at an eleven.”

  “Hey,” she said with a frown, staring at the chips. “I’m hungry. It’s not fair everyone else gets to eat before we do.”

  “Well, that’s the price you pay for being part of the bridal party.”

  “Plus having to wear a hideous dress,” she added. “Don’t forget that.”

  I managed to glare at her. The dress I picked out for her and Rebecca was simple and beautiful and she knew it. It was knee-length and strapless, a fitted cherry red color that flared out from the waist. With her red lipstick and updo, she looked gorgeous and far older than sixteen.

  But she was still a brat. Loving her didn’t change that.

  She sighed and sat back in her chair. I wondered how she could possibly be so bored when I was anything but. I was freaking the fuck out and half-expected everyone to be freaking out with me.

  We were sequestered away in a waiting room just above the hotel ballroom where the reception would take place. Outside the window, guests were filing into the area where the ceremony was set up. It was truly stunning, I had to admit that, with rows of white chairs leading up to a quaint gazebo where the officiant was waiting.

  Dex was nowhere to be seen. That didn’t surprise me, but I knew that if I did see him, standing there, waiting for me, a lot of my anxiety would disappear. I hadn’t seen him for days because of the ways things ended up and I felt like I was shouldering this wedding all on my own. It had turned into a circus of sorts and I wanted nothing more than to ignore all these people – even though they were family and friends – and go be alone with Dex for a long time. Our own private world was the only place I could truly breathe.

  Most people thought Dex and I were crazy for having a partially outdoor wedding in Washington, in October of all times, but though the sky was grey, it looked like the rain was holding off and I could see a few glimpses of bright blue sky punch through. There was a chill in the air, thanks to our location in the mountains, but the ceremony wouldn’t take long and I had this beautiful lacy shawl to protect me from the elements.

  True to us, we ended up booking the Salish Lodge, overlooking Snoqualmie Falls. It was an absolutely beautiful setting, with the air coated in a fine mist from the roar of the waterfall and the autumnal yellow and gold peppered forest rising up on all sides. But really, we booked it because it’s The Great Northern Hotel from Twin Peaks. I mean, come on. David Lynch, Agent Cooper, Log Lady and Killer Bob – totally us.

  “How long is Rebecca going to be?” Ada asked. After the officiant had paid me a visit and went over the last minute details of the ceremony, I had sent Rebecca to go get my father, who would be walking me down the aisle, plus Dean and Seb, Dex’s best men.

  “I don’t know,” I said, getting out of my chair, careful not to get my dress caught. It was off-white, long and lacey with a button-up back. I’d found it in a vintage store in Portland – was never even sure if it was supposed to be a wedding dress or not – but it was too perfect for words. It showed off my waist, hips and boobs, yet still looked elegant and demure, almost like I was some sort of fragile fairy. I wore my hair down, in long twisting waves, while Rebecca had fixed in a few sparkling clear jewels into my hair to complete the ethereal look.

  “I’m going to go touch up my makeup,” I told her, grabbing my purse off the table and sliding the bag of chips back toward her. I already had a shitload of makeup on my face but I needed something, anything, to do, than to sit here and wait.

  After I stealthily made it to the bathroom, paranoid I’d run into people, or Dex, I touched up my pink lipstick and tried to take in a few deep breaths. I didn’t know why I was so nervous. It had nothing to do with marrying Dex whatsoever. I definitely didn’t like crowds or people or being the certain of attention. And I guess I just figured something would go horribly wrong.

  New York seemed long ago but not long enough. The memories still haunted me and they were made worse today. Maximus would have been one of Dex’s groomsman. My mother had always wanted me to get married. Neither of them would be here. Maybe in spirit – always in spirit – just as I knew Pippa would be. But the fact that they were both taken from us left me with a hollow pain in my chest that hadn’t gone away.

  For the longest time, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to get married. Though I wanted to spend my life with Dex, it didn’t seem right, or even fair, to do something that would make me happy. My mother was dead and though we had never been close, she’d always been my mom. She would have liked this wedding – okay, she would have nit-picked the shit out of it – but she would have been here and she would have been happy for me.

  It just didn’t seem right to celebrate anything. But it was my dad who insisted we go through with the ceremony, because it’s what my mother would have wanted and it’s what he wanted. He needed this, to feel his friends and family around him, to see his daughter on her happiest day of her life. Ada needed it. And maybe I needed it too.

  I blinked back the few tears that teased at my eyes and stared at myself in the mirror. I wasn’t sure if it was the makeup artist or what, but I really did looking like a glowing, blushing bride. I just wanted more than anything to cry tears of love, not tears of loss.

  I sighed and gave myself the once over then opened the door to the hallway.

  Dex was standing right there, back to me, and I could only give out a faint shriek before he turned around and saw me.

  “No!” I yelled at him, horrified, as if I’d been caught naked by someone.

  His eyes widened. “Fuck me.”

  I turned around to head back into the bathroom but he quickly reached out and gra
bbed my arm, bringing me to him.

  I stared up at him, still shocked and worried that he had seen me before the wedding, but also soothed by his touch and revved by his look. My god he looked fucking handsome as anything, wearing a tuxedo and bowtie that complemented his athletic body and made him the sexiest James Bond ever. He was as close to clean-shaven as he could be, which still meant some masculine stubble, and had taken out his eyebrow ring. But his face looked clear, deadly handsome, and his eyes, his beautiful dark eyes – they were watering.

  Oh no, not good.

  “Perry,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “You look beautiful. So damn beautiful. I think my heart is on the floor.”

  I gulped, now regretting my wish for happy tears. They wanted to barge on out and ruin my makeup. “You’re not supposed to see me, Dex!” I said in an angry hush. “It’s bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony.”

  His mouth quirked up. “Is that right? Listen, kiddo, the two of us have had all the bad luck in the world. I say bring it fucking on.”

  “I’m serious,” I said.

  He grabbed both my hands and kissed me softly on the forehead. “So am I,” he mumbled against my skin.

  I closed my eyes and fell into his touch. Immediately the ache in my heart was soothed, my nerves stopped fizzing. His lips brought me peace and warmth.

  “Can we just stay like this and skip the ceremony?” I said into his chest. I could feel his heart beating steadily beneath his suit.

  “Nah,” he said. “We’d have a herd of angry people out there and I really don’t want your father to punch me again, especially now that your uncle is here. Don’t tell me that they aren’t part of the mafia because you and I both know that they have some sneaky shit going on.”

  “And now you’re being welcomed into the family,” I said, doing my best Brando impression. I lifted my head and stared up at him. “Do you really think I look beautiful?”

  He smiled so warmly I felt it in my toes. “Perry, you are so fucking beautiful, you’re making me want to cry. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a sight on earth more beautiful than you right now.”

  I smiled softly as a single tear leaked out.

  “And seriously, if I wasn’t so scared of your father, I’d take you into that bathroom and fuck you good and hard against the wall, cuz my god, your breasts right now…”

  Dex rarely looked impressed and always walked around with a smart-ass smirk on his face. It was part of his appeal. But he was impressed. He was floored.

  I stepped out of his grasp and punched him lightly in the side. “Hey, it’s not my fault they’re always the focal point.”

  “I ain’t complaining,” he said, raising his hands in mock surrender. “You still look very tasteful.” He smirked and added, “Tastefully fuckable.”

  I gave him a wry look. “Well, so do you.” I took a step closer to him, starting to seriously ponder the whole sex in the bathroom thing and would that really be a big no-no before the ceremony?

  “Bollocks!” Rebecca’s voice came shattering through us. “What the hell are you guys doing?”

  We both turned to see Rebecca marching toward us with an uneasy Dean and Seb in tow. Dean looked very handsome in his suit. Seb, with his long hair and stoner expression, looked like Pauly Shore going to a business meeting. Oh well, can’t win them all.

  “It’s my fault,” Dex said quickly before Rebecca could get close enough to hit him. “I was wandering around and saw her.”

  “Why the bloody hell are you wandering around?” she asked him before looking to me for an explanation. I shrugged. Even though she was six months pregnant, you could barely tell, and she’d become more intimidating as the baby grew.

  “Well what the bloody hell is taking you guys so long?” Dex asked, imitating her accent. “The ceremony dude is standing at the front doing nothing and everyone else is just sitting there. I don’t want to go stand in front of everyone for an hour, looking like a total douchenugget with him.”

  She was unimpressed. “That’s what happens in a wedding.” She grabbed his shoulders and spun him around and away from me. “Now go back and forget the fact that you ever saw Perry beforehand.”

  “Just look at her, babe. That will be impossible,” he said over his shoulder, moving with swagger. He gave the thumbs up to Dean and Seb as he walked past them and disappeared around the corner.

  She shook her head angrily, the angles of her dark bob swinging against her face and took me by the arm. “I can’t believe him. What an idiot.”

  I nodded my head in agreement but the fact was, even though it was against “the rules” to see him beforehand, our brief encounter had given me strength. My anxiety about everything had pretty much vanished.

  I took in a deep breath and let her lead me back into the waiting room where Ada was dumping out the rest of the chips in her mouth. I wondered when her bad eating habits would catch up with her, then pushed the envy out of my head. We were different people and though I worked out steadily and went all “paleo’ for a few months to fit in my dress, I would always be a curvy girl and finally I was proud of it.

  The reaction I got from Dex only cemented that.

  “Now are we ready?” Ada asked as Dean closed the door behind us, lest Dex wander past again.

  “I think so,” I said. I looked at the four of them, red dresses, black suits, all looking the best I had ever seen them (even Seb, though that wasn’t saying much). Here we were, my sister, my best friend, Dex’s best friends, and one unborn baby, all together in one room, celebrating the journey of Dex and me.

  “Oh no, she’s going to cry,” Rebecca said, and suddenly a tissue was whipped out from her clutch and shoved in my fingers.

  I gave her a mock glare but still dabbed underneath my eyes like a pre-emptive strike. “I’m not going to cry,” I told her. I took in a deep breath and looked at all of them. “I just wanted to thank you guys so much for being here on this day. It means a lot to me and it means a lot to Dex. He doesn’t have any family now, except for his dad and it’s doubtful he’ll show up, so I know you mean the world to him.”

  “Oh fuck,” Seb muttered in a half-sob, quickly wiping at his eyes. “Don’t worry, it’s my allergies.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. Even Seb was feeling emotional. “Anyway, thank you all so very much.”

  “I’d cheers to that,” Ada said. “But we won’t be allowed to eat or drink anything until you get this circus rolling.” She gave me a pointed look.

  “Okay, okay,” I said, crumbling up the tissue and tossing it away. “Let’s go get me fucking married then!”

  “Huzzah!” Dean cheered.

  “All right, everyone pair with your partner,” I told them as if were in kindergarten.

  Though Dean was Rebecca’s baby daddy and the two had grown extremely close – albeit not in a romantic way – Dean was Dex’s best man, which meant he’d be walking down the aisle with my maid of honor, Ada. Seb and Rebecca would go next. Then it would be me and my dad.

  Just as I started to wonder where he was, there was a knock at the door.

  Rebecca answered it and my dad stepped in.

  His normally strained face immediately crumpled at the sight of me.

  “Oh, my little girl,” he said, his voice started to choke up as he came toward me with open arms.

  “Aw, crap,” Seb mumbled behind us, fighting back tears again.

  “Hi dad,” I said softly as he enveloped me into his arms while being careful not to smudge my hair and face.

  He pulled back and brushed my hair off my face, staring at me admiringly, eyes shiny with pride. “You look like a woman, Perry. A beautiful, striking, radiant woman.”

  “Thank you,” I said, always a bit shy when my father paid me compliments. He didn’t do it very often, so it was always a shock.

  “Your mother would have been so proud of you,” he whispered and now I heard someone else sniffling in the group. We were all going to leave here as sobbing
wrecks if this continued.

  Somehow I kept it together and gave him a melancholy smile. “I think wherever she is, she knows.”

  “You’re right,” he said, his voice shaking slightly. “She does. Your grandmother, too.”

  My heart pinched but I refused to push the sadness away. It was okay to be sad. And it was okay to be happy too. Because my mother and my grandmother, whether they were in the Thin Veil or had moved on, I could feel them watching me, I could sense their joy. There was some comfort in that, some peace, and some acceptance that it would make them happy if I was.

  He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “Are you ready to become Mrs. Dex Foray?”

  I nodded. “I always have been.”

  I linked my arm through his and we stepped out into the hallway and waited for Dean and Ada to go ahead, followed by Seb and Rebecca. We walked down the stairs to the doors which opened out into the yard and waited for the cue. My father and I stayed out of sight of the guests, tucked around the corner.

  As soon as the first notes of the music started – a pretty piano piece – Rebecca and Seb went out, walking down the aisle. Then Dean and Ada, Ada giving my dad and I and exaggerated smile before they walked off.

  I counted the beats in my head, waiting for the music to get louder, lusher, and when it did, it was time.

  My dad kissed me on the head and whispered. “Let’s go.”

  We turned the corner and I was met with a rush of emotions. Everyone I knew in the world was standing up, staring at me, smiles on their faces, cameras out, whispering to each other about how pretty I looked. But as I walked past them, none of that mattered. I wasn’t aware of anything except the man at the end of the aisle, the man I was walking toward.

  My eyes were glued to Dex’s as his were glued to mine. I beamed at him – he grinned right back. Though I had just seen him earlier, he still managed to take my breath away. He was the most handsome man I’d ever seen and it hit me in the gut, a wonderful blow, to know he was going to be mine forever.

  Everything rushed past me in a blur and suddenly I was in front of the officiant and Dex, my father handing me off to him and placing my hands in his.