Hope Prevails

by Dr. Michelle Bengtson

  In my naïveté, I thought, “Give it six weeks and we’ll be back to normal.” Well, this was one time when naïveté benefited me. The flooring had to be replaced. Most of the drywall had to be cut out and replaced. At one point, we could stand at one end of the house and look between the exposed studs and see all the way to the opposite end of the house. The flood ruined our floors, our walls, our furniture, and our cabinets. Our home was a mess. What was previously a place of refuge and comfort became a place of frustration and despair. Contractors spent months tearing out the damage, putting up new walls, and painting, laying new flooring, and installing new cabinets and fixtures. A year later, our house still wasn’t back to normal; the rebuilding process seemed unending. It was dirty and dusty, and it left us crying out, “When will this be over?”

  God’s Word tells us that rivers may roar, but they will not overflow us. It tells us that we will walk through fire, but we will not be burned or scorched. Because of God’s great love, these hard times won’t destroy us, although during periods of depression, we might feel as if they will. I certainly did. Because of his love, God promises to be with us during our most difficult times—during periods of depression. We must hold tight to that promise as our feet get wet and our backs get hot. God is here to hold on to us and walk every step with us. The secret to this verse is to accept that difficult circumstances will happen while remembering that we are not alone in our adversity. We have an enemy who would like to paralyze us in fear with the rivers, floods, and fires of our lives. Instead, we must take God at his Word and believe that what he tells us is truth and applicable to our concerns.

  The depths of depression can feel so very lonely, like no one cares and no one understands. And at times, it may feel like not even God cares. During the darkest days of my depression, I felt completely alone. I cried out to God from the privacy of my bedroom, “You promise that you will never leave us or forsake us, but I feel all alone! Where are you?” In those periods of despair, I had to choose to believe God and trust in his promises rather than my feelings. I ultimately found comfort not in people or possessions but in the truth of God’s Word. One of the verses that spoke so strongly to me, and I hope it will bless you as well, is 2 Corinthians 4:17: “These troubles and sufferings of ours are, after all, quite small and won’t last very long. Yet this short time of distress will result in God’s richest blessing upon us forever and ever!” (TLB).

  Depression Causes Us to Focus on Feelings Rather Than on Truth

  I used to think that feelings are neither right nor wrong; they just are. But feelings are capricious and can’t be trusted. They are also strong and compelling. The enemy uses our feelings against us. He uses the despair and the loneliness we feel during periods of depression to convince us of the lies he whispers in our ears. “Your God says he will never leave you, but where is he now? If he was really here, you wouldn’t feel so lonely!” In those times, we must cling to the truth of God’s Word. God cannot and will not lie. “God is not like people, who lie; he is not a human who changes his mind. Whatever he promises, he does; he speaks, and it is done” (Num. 23:19 GNT).

  The enemy, however, is the master deceiver. He makes his career out of lying. “From the very beginning he was a murderer and has never been on the side of truth, because there is no truth in him. When he tells a lie, he is only doing what is natural to him, because he is a liar and the father of all lies” (John 8:44 GNT). It’s important to know God’s Word, to study and learn it, so that when we are tempted to trust our feelings, the Holy Spirit will remind us of truth so we will not be deceived by the enemy’s lies. We are told of this in John 14:26: “But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” But the Holy Spirit cannot remind us of the verses we have not read.

  In some of my darkest days, I cried out to him through my tears, “God, I know you say in your Word that you will never leave us or forsake us, and I want to believe that, I do, but where are you now? I hurt, physically and emotionally. I feel so alone. If you are really there, why can’t I feel you?” I thought I was doing all the right things. I regularly attended church, had my morning devotions, and read God’s Word. Yet none of that seemed to make a difference. Time has a way of giving perspective.

  I am an achiever by nature—a doer. I have a very driven personality. Yes, I was having my morning devotions, but truthfully, I was not really having much of a quiet time per se. My surroundings were quiet, but my heart and mind were not.

  Even as I read my devotion or the Scripture for the day, my mind jumped ahead to my schedule or plans or problems of the day. And if time was running short and I needed to head off to work, I would cut short my time in prayer. The time I cut short was the time I spent listening to God.

  God was gentle in his correction, as he helped me to see the error in my thinking. He had not left me, but my lack of attention was not conducive to recognizing his presence or the gift of comfort he offered. He tenderly showed me this one morning as I reread a familiar story about another woman who had difficulty setting aside her to-do list to be still in his presence:

  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

  “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:39–42)

  The Lord showed me that we can be lonely when we are too busy to take time to rest in his presence and listen to him. His Word is true. He promises he won’t ever leave us, but he won’t force us to stay in his presence either. We need to spend time with him and in his Word so we know his truth and can use it to combat our feelings.

  Satan uses three primary tactics to perpetuate our depression, affecting us to such a degree that we no longer recognize ourselves. He seeks to kill our joy, steal our peace, and destroy our identity. We feel alone in our pain and focus on our feelings rather than on God’s truth. The enemy’s key motivation in the life of a Christian is to thwart our effectiveness in glorifying God and blunt our ability to share the good news with others who would trust in God. We are warned in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy,” but then it goes on to give us great hope, as Jesus promises, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

  In the pages ahead, I’ll share with you how the truth of that verse manifests itself within the experience of depression—what depression does to us spiritually. We will reflect on how the enemy kills our joy, steals our peace, and seeks to destroy our identity. Then we will uncover what, by the grace of God, depression cannot do to us. The enemy seeks to keep us in the storm of depression, but God is so good that he doesn’t allow the enemy to determine our worth, dictate our destiny, or separate us from God’s love. In fact, we can take solace in knowing that what the enemy intended to harm us, God will use for good (see Gen. 50:20). That’s what I call “godly revenge.” Take heart, my friend. No matter how bad you feel right now, hope prevails!

  Your Rx

  Consider what you were like before you encountered depression. What has changed that makes it difficult to recognize that old you? What would your friends or family identify as changes? Choose one thing consistent with either the old you or the person you would like to become and take a step of faith toward that new version of you. Perhaps you used to enjoy a daily walk, a bike ride, or artwork. Pick an activity and strive to incorporate it into your life. Or maybe you used to enjoy spending time with friends but have let some of your friendships fade. You could send a text message, email, or call one friend just to touch base.

  Look up the following verses: Psalm 147:3; Isaiah 43:2; 61:1–3; Jeremiah 1:
5; John 10:10. Write them on index cards and place them where you will see them frequently. Read each of these passages aloud three times daily, committing them to memory.

  Make a list (for your eyes only) of the things you like about yourself (e.g., “I don’t like others to hurt,” “People share their problems with me because I won’t tell others,” “I do what I say I’ll do,” etc.) Then each morning as you stand in your bathroom getting ready for the day, look at yourself in the mirror and proclaim over yourself those characteristics or traits you like (e.g., “I am compassionate,” “I am trustworthy,” “I am reliable,” etc.). Remember, faith comes by hearing. If depression has turned you into someone you don’t recognize, it’s time to start listening to the truth about who you are.

  My Prayer for You

  Father, you are no stranger to pain, and I take comfort in knowing that you weep when we weep—that is how much you care for your children. I pray, Father, that you will enfold this one in your mighty strong arms of love. In our darkest hours, sometimes it can be hard to recognize ourselves, but you know every hair on our heads. You know when we sleep, and you know when we wake. And you know our greatest need. Comfort your child now, Father, in a way that only you can, for in your Word you say that you came to give not only life but abundant life. Breathe life back into this despairing heart, I pray. I thank you that we can stand on your promises and know that you will be faithful to your Word. In Jesus’s name, amen.

  Recommended Playlist

  “Greater,” MercyMe, © 2014 by Fair Trade/Columbia

  “God, I Look to You,” Bethel, © 2014 by Bethel Music

  “Your Great Name,” Natalie Grant, © 2010 by Curb Records

  “Whom Shall I Fear?” Chris Tomlin, © 2013 by sixstepsrecords/Sparrow Records

  “The Hurt and the Healer,” MercyMe, © 2012 by Fair Trade

  “You Will Never Leave Me,” Sidewalk Prophets, © 2011 by Word Entertainment LLC

  “Even This Will Be Made Beautiful,” Jason Gray, © 2014 by Centricity Music

  “Beauty Will Rise,” Steven Curtis Chapman, © 2009 by Sparrow Records

  “Who I Am,” Blanca, © 2015 by Word Entertainment LLC

  “Strong Enough,” Matthew West, © 2010 by Sparrow Records

  “Here in Your Presence,” New Life Worship, © 2006 by Integrity/Columbia

  5

  Recover Your Joy

  Those who plant in tears

  will harvest with shouts of joy.

  Psalm 126:5 NLT

  Real joy is not found in having the best of everything, but in trusting that God is making the best of everything.

  Ann Voskamp

  The enemy uses three primary tactics against us. According to John 10:10, he steals, kills, and destroys whatever opposes his kingdom of darkness. In the case of depression, he swoops in and steals our joy.

  Our enemy purposes to build his kingdom of darkness while denigrating God’s holy kingdom. In stealing our joy, the enemy diminishes our enthusiasm for all things. Worse yet, he takes from us that which attracts others to us and thus to God, making us less effective in drawing others to God, the giver of joy. Yet despite the enemy’s lies, God’s Word affirms that we can experience joy even in the midst of our troubles. “When troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy” (James 1:2 NLT). For many years, while I was depressed, that is what I wanted, but I didn’t know how to access it. Maybe that is where you are now.

  We can’t know if David were to see a doctor today if he would receive a diagnosis of depression, but he certainly experienced a crisis of joy. He begged God to return joy to him: “Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you” (Ps. 51:12 NLT).

  During those times when we lack joy, hoping for better days presents a challenge. Depression feels like a heavy curtain that is hard to pull back, obscuring the sunshiny day outside. We have been forewarned of such times: “Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner” (1 Peter 4:12–13 Message). I treasure how the New International Reader’s Version reveals in verse 13 the hope God gives for a return of our joy: “Then you will have even more joy when Christ returns in glory.” I want that. Do you?

  In my darkest days, as illness stole my physical health, I struggled to string coherent sentences together. Dehydration drained my energy like a sieve. One day lapsed into another. I barely knew the day of the week, and I could only guess the date.

  On most days I suffered alone in the house while the children attended school and my husband worked at the office. But the Lord and I had frequent conversations. I searched for answers—answers I knew only he could provide. In the deepest recesses of my heart, those places I had tried to hide even from him, I sensed God had been waiting a long time for me to begin asking the hard questions.

  I felt weak and frail. I was petite to begin with, then illness stole a third of my body weight and left my arms and legs tattooed with rainbow-colored bruises in different stages of healing. During this time, physical illness beat me down and left me despairing. Some days I had to borrow other people’s hope because it felt like mine had run dry.

  I was tethered to my bed by IVs, which kept me hydrated and fed, and lessened my pain. I could do little from my bed other than sleep, listen, or read. I devoured numerous books about joy, and to be honest, I disliked most of them. Several books talked about the importance of being grateful. I interpreted them to say I lacked gratitude and a thankful attitude and therefore my joy remained deficient. Like it was my fault. One more thing for me to feel ashamed of. I had yet to learn it was difficult to be depressed and truly grateful at the same time.

  I saw nothing pretty about me. I detested my reflection in the mirror, nor did I like what I saw in the mirror to my soul. Did God love even me? If so, why? I didn’t have much to offer him. The unloving spirit continued to rear its ugly head, disallowing me to love myself or receive God’s love, then leaving me unable to truly love others.

  Despite my feelings, I prayed every day of my illness. Among other things, I always prayed for three things:

  For God to help me have a more accurate perspective of him

  For God to help me understand how he viewed me and to replace my image of myself with his image of me

  That God would show me what joy was and that he would give it to me abundantly as he promised in Scripture

  The Lord knew the true condition of my heart. He started revealing that, while I was thankful, there was a depth and breadth of things he had given me, done for me, and provided me that I was only dimly recognizing, much less thankful for. For example, I didn’t acknowledge the windows in my sick room that allowed glimpses of nature. My convalescent room was air-conditioned and provided relief from the sweltering Texas summer heat. I rested in a double bed that was much easier to navigate than the king-sized bed on risers in the master bedroom. In comparison to the rest of the world, I was a rich woman. In many ways, I had more than I needed.

  I must admit to you that I did not come to this conclusion quickly. There were many things I wanted and more I thought I needed. While I kept my eyes on those things, I struggled to acknowledge all the blessings I had overlooked. I took so much for granted, including my health—to the point that I previously worked a hundred hours a week and expected my body to give more.

  I can’t really tell you what ultimately cracked my defenses. I think it was just finally an act of desperation. Desperation makes us willing. I so desperately wanted this intangible thing called joy. I wasn’t even sure I knew what joy was. I just knew I didn’t have it. I sensed it was something amazing, and it was something I urgently desired. So I was willing to pray for it daily.

  My transformation started slowly. I found a fresh journal and labeled it “Gratitude Journal.” Day after day I recorded one, or two, or
sometimes three or more things and thanked God. I began with the very obvious things like my family, career, house, and car. Not terribly profound, but it was a start. Each morning when I awoke, before my mind could spring ahead to the day, I immediately thanked God for whatever blessings came to mind.

  Rather than keeping my eyes on my problems, I consciously praised God for who he was and what he had done in my life. A pivotal change occurred when I determined to thank him in advance for his answers. I trusted God to hear my prayers and be faithful to answer them and thanked him before I saw the physical outcome. I focused on keeping my eyes on him. Doing so helped me maintain a joy-producing perspective rather than a joy-defeating perspective, consistent with Proverbs 23:7: “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he” (NKJV).

  The Greek philosopher Epictetus said, “He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not but rejoices for those which he has.”1 We must choose to focus on our blessings. If we focus on what we don’t have or what we wish we had, life will always feel incomplete. Zig Ziglar, a well-respected Christian motivational speaker, said, “The more you are grateful for what you have, the more you will have to be grateful for.”2

  The Quest for Joy

  As I talked to more and more people, I realized I was not alone in my quest for joy. I heard one person after another confess, “I’m not sure I know what joy is.” Many admitted, “I’ve spent more of my life depressed than not depressed.” Countless others shared, “This is just the way I am. If I’ve been this way most of my life, there is little hope of that changing now.” Some went so far as to conclude, “This must be my cross to bear,” as if depression is some kind of spiritual assignment from God.