by Mott, Teisha
“Did I hurt you?” Nathan asked, immediately pulling himself up, and looking down on her. She violently shook her head. “Are you sure?”
“No, you didn't hurt me,” she assured him. "But..."
"Andie, do you want me to stop?"
Andie paused. Now that was the million dollar question. Did she want him to stop? If she didn't tell him to stop, it was evident that on that Thursday afternoon in early November, in her bedroom at Norbrook, at eighteen years and two months old, she would lose her virginity, and Andie was not quite sure she was ready for that yet. Two months ago, she had not even ever kissed a boy and now this? It was too much too soon and admittedly she was scared.
On the other hand, if she did tell him to stop, Nathan would be disappointed. He wouldn't act like it, but he would be - on the inside. He would do his homework and go back to Preston. He would be so mortified that he would never try to have sex with her again. Maybe he would break up with her, and find a girl who wasn't an inexperienced virgin, and a prude to boot. She couldn't disappoint Nathan, Andie thought. More importantly, she couldn't do - or not do- anything that might make him break up with her. Besides, she tried to rationalise, she had to lose her virginity sooner or later, and she much preferred it be with Nathan, the first boy she ever really truly liked, and who really truly liked her, than some other obscure individual that she could not even imagine at that moment.
He sensed her hesitation. Obviously she was torn -- as torn as he was with the thought of going through with this stupid bet. Nathan closed his eyes. His first thought was that if she told him not to stop, he would win the bet. His second was that if she didn’t, everything would be different for Andie from then on.
“I don’t want to stop, Andie,” he told her. “But if I don’t stop now, I may not be able to stop later on, if you change your mind. Do you understand?”
"I understand, and I really want to do this. It's just that..."
"It's just that what?"
Andie blushed. She couldn't even find the words to tell him why she was hesitant. "Nothing... It’s stupid. Never mind..."
“No, tell me,” Nathan insisted. “What are you thinking?”
“It’s just that I’ve never… I’m still… I’m not…” Andie blushed, unable to even say the words. She wondered why it was so hard. It wasn’t like Nathan wasn’t aware that she had never been in such a situation before.
“You’re a virgin, and you are scared, and you don’t know if you want to go through with this?” Nathan contributed.
Andie nodded, so embarrassed that she wanted to die. She covered her face with her hands. “See? I told you it was stupid!”
Nathan smiled wryly. “It’s not stupid, Andie. It is perfectly okay that you are scared. This is all new to you, and I get it.”
“You do?”
“Yes, I do. I understand that this is a very big deal for you. I have considerably more experience than you do. I know exactly what I’m getting into; you don’t, and I want you to understand that if you have any doubts or trepidation, then we can stop right now!"
Andie looked at him. "Really? And you won't be cross? Or disappointed?"
"Of course not!" Nathan exclaimed. "If you're not ready, you're not ready, and I'm not going anywhere. I can wait for you, and contrary to what most guys say, waiting will not kill me. I just… I don’t want us to do anything that you’re going to regret later.”
Andie smiled. How did she get so lucky, she wondered, to end up with the world's last gentleman for her boyfriend. He would wait for her until she was ready to have sex. He was not going anywhere. Nathan was kind and sweet and she was positive she loved him. And if he wanted to have sex with her, but was willing to wait until she was ready, then clearly he loved her too. Isn't this what was supposed to happen when people were in love? That is what her mother had told her when they had 'that talk' all those years ago! She decided.
"I'm ready," she told him.
“Are you sure?”
Positive." Andie promised, looking directly into the eyes which were as brown as hers. “And I won’t regret this Nathan. This is what I’ve been waiting for my whole life – the chance to be with someone as wonderful as you. There can’t be any regrets. There won’t be.”
“As long as it’s what you want…” Nathan began.
“It is what I want. And you know what else I want?” Andie combed her fingers through his hair, and pulled him down on her. “I want you to stop talking right now."
***
When Nursey pulled into the driveway, and deposited him on the front step, Christopher was initially puzzled by the silver Honda Civic parked in the front driveway. Soon realisation dawned on him. It was Nathan’s car. That meant Andie was home. Christopher was excited. Since Nathan started coming around, Andie was hardly home. He was even more excited she was there, because he had gotten a gold star for the portfolio on the planets that she had helped him with, and he wanted to show it to her. He scampered to the kitchen.
“Rosie, where is Andie?” He asked.
“You can’t say ‘good afternoon’?” Rosilda demanded. “And is how you dirty so? Is roll you roll in the dirt at school? You think you have a never-ending supply of shorts and shirt, and nobody don’t have to wash them? Don’t throw down yuh bag and lunch pan there so… Nursey, tek charge of dis pickney please…”
Christopher ignored her and ran up the stairs. He figured that Andie would probably be in her room hiding from miserable Rosie. He ran down the hall and kicked her bedroom door open.
“What are we doing…?” Christopher began, before he realised what Andie and Nathan were actually doing. “Get off my sister!” He bellowed.
Nathan jumped up as though the bed was on fire. He tried to grab a frantic Christopher, who was running around in circles, while Andie pulled her shirt on and hastily refastened the buttons.
“Stand still!” Nathan said, holding on to his arm.
“Let me go!” Christopher yelled, biting Nathan on the arm. “I don’t know who said you could kiss my sister!”
“Christopher!” Andie exclaimed. She jumped out of the bed and closed her bedroom door before Rosilda or Nursey could hear the commotion. “Stop it and calm down. What is wrong with you? Where did you learn to bite?” She held on to his hands, and shook him.
Christopher began to cry. “I don’t want him to kiss you!” He wept.
“Christopher, shut up!” Andie instructed. “You are going to let Nursey come up here if you don’t calm down and shut up!”
“I’m telling Mommy!” Christopher threatened with a sniffle.
“No you’re not!” Andie told him firmly. “You are going to apologise to Nathan, and then you are going to go to your room and do your homework.”
Christopher glared at Nathan, who had gotten his shirt back on, and was sitting at the edge of the bed rubbing his hand where Christopher had bitten him.
“I’m not apologising,” Christopher fumed. “Because I am not sorry…”
“Christopher…”
“I mean it, Andie!” Christopher screamed, still looking at Nathan. “And if I ever catch you on my sister again, I am going to do more than bite you, you jerk!”
“Tell Nathan you’re sorry or get out of my room and never come back!” Andie told him.
“But Andie…”
“Say it!” Andie barked.
“Sorry!” Christopher spat. His apology was as loud as it was insincere.
Andie looked at him. “Thank you,” she said. “Now you see why you must always knock before you come in here.”
Christopher looked at Andie and Nathan, then wordlessly moved towards the door.
Andie held on to his arm. “What you saw…this entire episode… never leaves this room,” she instructed him. “Do you understand?”
“I’m not promising you anything!” Christophe
r sniffled.
“You have to promise!” Andie said. “If Mommy or Daddy find out, or worse, Samantha, Nathan and I will be in big trouble. You don’t want me to be in trouble do you?”
Christopher glared at his sister. “I don’t think I like you very much right now, Andie!” He said as he left the room.
“I don’t care if you like me or not,” Andie told him. “But if you utter one word you are going dislike me much more!”
“I’m not afraid of you or your stupid boyfriend!” Christopher sassed.
“Well you should be!” Andie returned.
Christopher gave her a dirty look before sauntering off down the hall.
Andie closed the door after Christopher, and turned to Nathan.
“Is he going to be okay?” Nathan asked.
Andie shrugged. “He’ll be fine. How about you? Are you okay?”
“I haven’t been bitten by a child since Joie was one and was fighting me for a bean from my plate!” Nathan said. “But I think I’ll live.”
“I’m so sorry, Nathan,” Andie said. She sat next to him on the bed, and tried to hug him. “I am so, so sorry.”
Nathan pulled away from her. “Yeah, I’m sorry too.” He stood. “I’d better be going.”
“You’re leaving?” Andie questioned. “Why? What’s wrong?”
Nathan sighed. “What’s wrong? Andie, your eight-year-old brother just walked in on us about to have sex! In your bedroom! In your parents’ house! With the helper, and evidently, due to the presence of your brother, the nanny, downstairs! I don’t know about you, but that seems pretty damn twisted to me!”
“Nathan…” Andie was looking at him. She was confused.
He sat down again next to her, pulled her to him, and kissed her forehead. “Baby, you know how I feel about you. But this is huge. We can’t do this now, and Christopher bursting in like he just did clearly means we can’t do it here.”
“But why do you have to leave? Andie asked wrapping her arms around his middle. “I don’t want you to go. What about your homework for tutorial tomorrow.”
“I’ll do it at the library,” Nathan told her, pulling out of her arms. “Anyway, I wouldn’t get much done here either, with you so close to me.” He grinned. “You’re my distraction.”
He stood again, and retrieved his backpack from the corner. “I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Can I at least walk you down?” Andie asked, climbing out of the bed.
“I’ll make my way,” he told her. “You stay here.” He paused to put another brief kiss on her forehead. “Bye, pretty girl.”
Andie stood motionless, watching the closed door. Her head was spinning, and her brain felt fuzzy.
“What on earth just happened?” She thought aloud.
***
Saturday morning. Two days into week 7
Klao Persaud nudged her cousin who sat staring off into space. “He’s gone to Mobay, not to space!” She declared. He’ll be back by Sunday!”
Andie only offered her a half smile. “I know he’ll be back, but Sunday seems so far away”
Bianca Persaud adjusted herself in the deck chair, and sighed. “Now you understand how I feel with Tevin all the way in Trinidad. He is the love of my life, and I haven’t even seen him since summer!”
“You’re a rock, Bianca!” Klao said sarcastically.
It was Saturday morning, and with all the midterms out of the way, and no desire to drive to their respective homes on the North Coast, Bianca and Klao had decided to spend the weekend at their Uncle and Aunt’s house. All three girls were lazing by the pool, sipping lemonade and enjoying Theresa’s homemade pastries. They planned to hang out all day, and, along with Samantha and the twins, take in a movie later in the evening. Bianca and Klao were spending the night, which meant Andie would not be sleeping. They would doubtlessly sit up and chat all night. The last time they hung out like that was the Saturday before they started UWI. Bianca had spilled orange soda on Andie’s blue carpet, and Rosilda had thrown a hissy fit. It was the best night, and there were promises that they would do it again soon.
Andie was pleased when Klao had suggested they hang out that weekend, because she thought having someone around to chat with would take her mind off Nathan. She had planned to invite Fern up, but Fern had taken advantage of the fact that Nathan was driving to Montego Bay, and grabbed a ride with him to see her parents in Discovery Bay. Unfortunately for Andie, her plan to get her mind off Nathan; to stop missing him for even a minute was a dismal failure. Every second, he was all she could think about. Nights were worse, for as she lay in her bed, all her thoughts were on how good it felt being in his arms. Over and over she had replayed last Thursday’s events, except that in her fantasy they were not interrupted by Christopher….
“She’s gone again!” Klao commented with a shake of her head. “Young love is a hell of a thing!” She drained her glass, and reached to pour herself another, only to find the pitcher empty. She stood shakily and adjusted her swimsuit. “I’m going inside for more lemonade.”
“Bring my book while you’re in there,” Bianca asked. “I think I left it on the side table in the hallway.
Klao scampered off and left Bianca and Andie alone. Bianca pulled on her sunglasses. She was lying flat on her back, and the sun was beginning to burn her eyes.
“So this is your first weekend apart, eh?” Bianca asked. “Trust me, it gets easier.”
“I’m not pensive because he’s gone for the weekend,” Andie said timidly. “It’s more than that. I’m just thinking about Nathan and me, and this thing we have going, and how much I…” She stopped herself from saying how much she loved him. “I mean, I haven’t known him that long, but it’s like he is this real and integral part of my life…like I can’t do without him…”
“Those feelings are perfectly normal, Andie!” Bianca assured her. “He’s your first boyfriend, and there is no one to a girl like her first love.”
Andie sighed again. “Bianca…”
“Hmm?” The sun was really beginning to get to her, and she was feeling sleepy.
“Have you and Tevin ever been…y’know…intimate…” Andie felt her face turning red, and she knew it was not because of the sun.
“What you mean?” Bianca asked, pushing the sunglasses up, but keeping her eyes closed.
“I mean have you ever…y’know…”
Bianca slowly opened one eye, then the other. She looked at her cousin, who was blushing deeply. Understanding dawned on her, and she sat up quickly.
“What kind of question is that?” She stuttered.
“A perfectly legitimate one!” Andie said, trying to will the colour from her face. “So have you?”
“No!” Bianca declared vehemently. “Of course not!”
“But have you wanted to?” Andie persisted. “You two have been as thick as thieves for four years, and you just said he’s the love of your life!”
“So?” Bianca was getting flustered. “That doesn’t mean that I’m just going to jump up and…wait a minute…wait one damn minute! You and Nathan…”
“No!” Andie said, turning away.
“You liar!” Bianca pointed at Andie.
“I’m not lying,” Andie said. “I mean, I wanted… we would have been…intimate, but we were interrupted. By Christopher.”
“Jeez!” Bianca breathed heavily. “Shock me shitless, why don’t you!”
Klao came running back out to the pool deck. “I had to mix the lemonade myself!” She pouted. “Theresa was up to her elbows pickling orange skins for what reason I don’t know. And I didn’t see your book, Bee.”
“Well it must be upstairs,” Bianca told her. “Go look if you see it for me please.”
“Bianca, I’m not …” Klao began.
“Just go, Klao!” Bianca snapped.
Klao looked from Bianca to Andie. “What’s going on?”
“Andie and I are talking.”
“And no one wants my opinion?” Klao was confused. “I’m the future Attorney at Law, here, and when since we started keeping secrets from each other?”
Andie looked at Bianca. She was not sure whether she wanted Klao privy to their conversation, but leaving her out would be awfully mean, and unlike them.
“We’re talking about me and Nathan and being…intimate,” she said, looking away.
“What do you mean by intimate?” Klao asked. She sat, and put her foot in the water.
“If you need to ask, you certainly have no place in this conversation,” Bianca said sourly.
Klao looked at Andie. “Andie!” She said, shocked. “I can’t believe that you are talking about being intimate!” She lowered her voice, as though the word intimate was taboo.
“What’s the big deal?” Andie asked. “I mean, we’re all going to have to do it one day. Does it matter when, and with whom?”
“Yes!” Bianca and Klao responded simultaneously.
“First of all, Klao said, “to have sex with someone, you have to at least know them…”
“I know Nathan!” Andie argued.
“Yeah, for all of five minutes!” Bianca pointed out. “And Andie, do you know how big a step this is? It’s not like getting a haircut, or buying a new pair of shoes. It’s being as close to another person as you can ever dream of being. It’s sharing a part of you. And for fear of sounding like a prude, it should be reserved for the sanctity of marriage.”
“Do you think our parents waited until they were married?” Andie asked.
“I don’t know, but we’re not them,” Klao said sensibly. “They grew up in the sixties. That was the era of Woodstock and free love and all inhibitions down. Things have changed since then. With all sorts of diseases and things out there, promiscuity isn’t popular anymore.”
