God, just kill me now because I won’t survive this.
“Leah . . .” he whispers. I can see his hesitation and a sudden flash of uncertainty that melts what is left of my shattered heart. “You . . . You’re brighter than the sun, darker than the night, and more beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen.”
“That’s . . . that’s really good,” I say breathlessly.
“I read a book or two.” He grins. “And I might have practiced that line with Bee.”
“I’m sure she appreciated it.”
“She probably thought I was crazy.”
All I can do is stare. This is bad. This is so bad in so many ways, and each one has the potential to end terribly, leaving me broken and ruined.
He wraps his hands around mine. “Or maybe we’re both crazy.”
What would my life be like if this were what I chose? I would be Jane, living with Tarzan and the apes. I would fall into this world and happily never return, if it meant being with him forever. But the reality of that is unlikely, no matter how much I wish it. And if Tarzan came out of the jungle to follow Jane into civilization, would we still be the same? And would he be happy with his choice?
Feeling a sense of bravery I wish I’d been born with, I lean forward, meeting him halfway, shoving all my doubts and fears deep inside and locking them away. The fire ignites in his eyes, reflecting the stars above, and he reaches out and wraps his hand around my neck, his fingers threading through my hair as he pulls me in. “Crazy could be a good thing,” I whisper.
He presses his forehead gently to mine and I close my eyes, submitting to the overwhelming rush of emotions that threatens to wash away all sense of reason. My own hands are shaking when I reach forward, touching his shoulders and then sliding them down his arms. My fingers dig into his biceps, and his curl deeper into my hair. The rubber band pops, and his shaky sigh of relief rushes across my face when the mass of hair falls around us. I can feel him smiling as his nose brushes mine and his fingers wrap themselves eagerly into the freed tresses.
Somewhere above us, a branch snaps.
Our eyes flash open simultaneously.
With a soft growl, Bee springs to her feet and walks out of the grotto in seconds, her steps terrifyingly silent for her size. After a moment the boy presses me back against the wall. “Don’t move.” With a single look of warning for me to stay, he leaps to the edge of the pool and, on soundless feet, runs around it and up the incline into the darkness.
As I watch him disappear, I realize absolutely nothing about that was human. He moves like a cat, or maybe a mountain lion would be more accurate.
He’s been out in the wild a long time.
I have no problem staying put because there is no way I can even begin to imagine where I would go. I’m lost and directionless down here and should have grabbed a flashlight. But that would have involved using intelligent thinking, and that’s something I haven’t done in a while. What was I thinking? What am I even doing here?
No, I’m not thinking because I’ve completely lost my mind. I can see clearly now, thanks to the jolt of fear.
A pebble tumbles down the incline. It breaks the glass-like stillness of the pool, sending out a ripple of tiny waves that lap at the rocky edge. I drag my gaze up and wish I hadn’t.
A pair of yellow eyes watches me from the lip of the ravine. The wolf lets out a low growl and takes a cautious step forward, sending a wash of tiny pebbles scattering down the incline. I tuck my feet beneath me, ready to move the second he does. I wonder if the pool is deep enough to submerge in, or if I’ll just slow myself down and make it easier to be caught.
I don’t have time to think about it, because without warning the wolf springs, diving down the slope and reaching the base faster than I can push to my feet. We stare at each other, and I can see the size of him now, lanky but tall, and easily big enough to take me down. I slide my hands along the wall behind me, looking to the right, where I hope there’s enough room for me to run along the pool. The last place I want to get caught is here in the shallow cave.
I take a careful step, at least hoping to keep the pool between us, when he takes a step into the water.
Not good. At all. I take another step, hoping he’ll follow me and sink into the deep water. The wolf growls again, and this time his steps are confident as he slinks closer. And he doesn’t sink. The water can’t be more than a foot deep at most.
I grab a handful of rocks at my feet. I’m not getting out of this. He watches my hands, snarling when I raise my arm. I can almost see his legs bunching up for the leap across the water.
I tilt my arm back, my eyes burning, a prayer on my tongue and a million regrets in my heart.
As the wolf lunges, a blur flies across my vision and takes me to the ground. I feel the impact of the wolf on top of us as I am crushed beneath the boy. He lashes out with a flash of silver. The wolf yelps in pain but comes back with a vengeful snarl, his white teeth snapping near the boy’s face. I try to scramble out of the way, but we are already pressed up against the wall of the cave and there’s simply nowhere left to go.
That’s when the roar echoes from the forest. A massive shape flies out of the trees, dropping the entire distance to land in the middle of the pool with a splash that sends water spraying everywhere. Bee launches herself into the fray, wrapping her arms around the body of the wolf. The boy pushes off me, whipping his blade again with snakelike reflexes. The strangled cry of the wolf makes my skin crawl, gurgling and desperate.
And then it’s stopped short with a snap.
There’s nothing but silence for a moment, as if the entire forest is holding its breath in expectation. Then the wolf’s lifeless body drops to the ground with a crunch of gravel. Bee lets out a deep, territorial growl of satisfaction, nudging the wolf with a massive foot. If I wasn’t already on the ground, this would probably be the moment I dropped in shock. I feel like I’ve run a marathon. My body is shaking uncontrollably, breaths coming in harsh gasps.
The boy kneels, wiping his blade across the fur before sliding it into the leather sheath at his calf, his movements quick and efficient. “Leah?” He spins around and reaches for me, running his hands over my face and neck with frantic, searching caresses. “Are you okay?” Finding no damage, he slides them down my arms to grab my hands. I wince when his fingers slide over my palms, embedded with gravel from the fall. The worst injury is my ribs, where I can already feel bruises forming, but I’ll go to my grave before I lift my shirt to check the damage in front of him. “Here, hold still.”
I can’t help the hiss of pain that escapes me when he delicately brushes the gravel away. I was wrong; it does hurt as bad as my ribs. He makes a noise in his throat, similar to the growl of the Sasquatch behind him. His brow furrows in anger as he holds my palms closer, blowing the pieces away with heavy breaths. As if in defiance of the pain, chills drift casually down my body as I watch him. Only a few stubborn rocks remain, and he looks at me questioningly.
I nod, biting my lip. “Just do it.”
His lips twist into a smile, then the frown returns as he plucks the remaining rocks quickly out of the skin. Before I can finish my cowardly groan of pain, he pulls me to the pool and submerges my hands in the icy water. Once he’s satisfied that I’m either clean or in enough pain, he releases me. “You’ll live.” I stand quickly, moving away from the water, away from him, away from all of it, only to trip over the carcass behind me.
I don’t even hit the ground. He looks down at me, grinning as I lay in his arms a few inches from doing even more damage to my body.
“Don’t even say it.” I glare at him.
His eyes soften as his gaze drifts down. He slowly slides one hand away from my back, the other still cupped beneath my head. He peers down at me, his eyes drinking me in, fingers brushing the hair from my face. “You’re sure you’re okay?”
When he runs a thumb across my bottom lip, eyes so full of longing, something shifts, settling deep inside my bones
with an irrevocable finality.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
I’m at the edge. If I go over, there will be no going back.
Maybe I don’t want to go back.
Maybe what I want is what waits at the end of the fall.
chapter nineteen
I wake to the feel of morning light dancing across my face. It’s strange, considering my bedroom window faces the west. I open my eyes to see a canopy of trees peeking beyond a stone ledge above my head.
Am I dreaming?
I turn my head and bump noses with him. He’s watching me through lazy eyes heavy with sleep, a smile playing at his lips. His arm shifts beneath my head, bringing my face closer to his. A bare foot runs up my calf.
Oh. Wait. What?
The events of last night hit me like a rock. It’s morning and I am nowhere close to my bed.
Holy crap.
“Morning,” he says.
“Morning? Ohmigod we fell asleep!” I scramble to my feet. “You have to take me home! My dad is going to kill me!” My eyes are burning, and I’m afraid I might actually cry I’m so scared of what’s going on at home. Mom’s probably beyond hysterical by now. I am so stupid to pull something like this after everything we’ve all been through. If Dad doesn’t kill me, Matt will. What if they’ve called the police? I can just see everyone at our house, combing over every inch of our property and surrounding forest. The helicopters, the dogs and horses, just like before.
“Leah? What’s wrong?”
“Please, I have to go.”
“I’ll take you home.” He grabs my hand and leads me along the rocky edge of the pool. I look back, remembering Bee, but she’s already gone, only a wide depression in the ferns showing she was ever there.
Once we climb up the slope and reach the soft, needle-coated floor, he drops my hand and starts to run. I curse the fact that I’m wearing boots and sprint after him, figuring it’s only the beginning of my punishment. Blisters are nothing compared to what is coming.
By the time we reach the edge of the forest, the sun hasn’t risen above the tree line yet, and my house still sits in the early morning shadows. We are greeted by silence; no sirens, no helicopters, and no screams.
Is it possible?
Surely I have not gotten this lucky. No earthly way. “I can’t believe they aren’t up.”
“You should go.”
“Yeah,” I agree, but my feet remain still.
“I’m glad you came with me.” He looks up through his lashes, a blush across his face but a dark light burning in his eyes.
Sweet baby Jesus.
“Me too.” Does he have any idea how I am about to say screw it all and walk back into the woods with him? No. Nope. I can’t do that. Remember Matt and Mom and Dad. Turn around, and walk away. “I wish I could stay.”
“Then stay,” he whispers, and it’s a relief when he pulls me back and wraps his arms around me, burying his face in my hair.
The sound of a slamming door breaks the moment like shattered glass. Through the trees, I can see Matt on the back porch, his arms crossed as his head turns from one side to the other, looking.
“I’ve got to go.” I push away from him, or I’ll never leave.
I know he can see it. His lips quirk up in a halfhearted smile, but his eyes are heavy with sorrow. “Leah.” He says my name like a prayer, and I can hear everything he wants to say but won’t.
I nod. I have to go and it’s too late for anything else. But still, I don’t want to walk away. I don’t know if I can.
He takes my shoulders and spins me around, giving me a gentle push. “Go.” I take one step and then another. I don’t look back. It will break my heart if he’s watching me, and break it if he’s not. And either option will cause me to turn and run back to him, anyway. So I walk through the field, the last sprigs of leftover Bermuda grass leaving drops of dew on my jeans and soaking the surface of my boots.
I can tell by the set of Matt’s shoulders and the heat working up his face that I’m about to find this conversation unpleasant. “Have you lost your damn mind?” Matt says as he meets me by the fence. “Where the hell have you been?”
“I just went out for a morning walk.”
“You’re a shitty liar, Leah.”
“What are you talking about?” I laugh shakily. “I’ve only been out for a little while.”
“I slept in your damn room all night waiting for you to come back! Come up with another excuse,” he hisses, grabbing me by the shoulders.
I stare, shocked that he knew I was gone all night and didn’t say anything about it. “Mom and Dad don’t know?”
“No, and you’re damn lucky they aren’t up yet to figure it out.”
Okay. Evasive maneuvers, then. “Why didn’t you wake them up? Weren’t you worried?”
“Scared shitless, Leah. Thanks for asking. But they’d be worse.” Matt crosses his arms, his face red and angry. “Like I said, no matter what I went through last night, it was better than telling them. I figured you’d snuck out with Ashley and I’d at least give you the chance to get back home before they woke up. You owe me regardless. And you can start by telling me where you were.” Matt reaches out and grabs my shoulders again, and I realize just how lucky I am that he’s the one who is greeting me instead of Mom or Dad.
I throw my arms around his neck in relief.
He resists, muscles stiff, back straight, until finally I feel the tension leave his body and his arms wrap around me. “I’m going to kill you if you ever do that again,” he mutters, chin resting on top of my head.
“Deal,” I murmur back.
“You still have to tell me where you were.”
“Would you believe me if I told you I got lost?”
“Not really. You’ve lost your mind, Leah.” He pushes me back, holding me at arm’s length, the edge in his voice gone, leaving nothing but fear. “Of all the things to go and do, you thought walking into the woods and not coming back would be the smartest? After everything?”
After everything. He’s right, it was the worst thing I could have done. And I would do it again in a heartbeat, so what does that say about me?
Maybe we’re both crazy.
“I don’t . . .” He runs a hand through his blond waves in frustration. “Just go. Go take a shower. You smell like an animal. Where did you even sleep, by the way?”
“I found a deer stand. Turns out it wasn’t too far from the house. Just got turned around in the dark.”
“Why? You know the rules. Sneaking out with me is one thing, but going there alone . . .” He points to the trees.
“I saw deer in the pasture and I followed them. I just went too far.”
Matt eyes me distrustfully, but what else is there for him to suspect? He doesn’t know about the Bigfoot, and he doesn’t know about the boy. It’s a completely legitimate excuse.
Except he knows it’s just that, an excuse.
“How’d the game go?” I ask, desperate to turn his attention to something else.
“We lost, thanks for asking.”
“Sorry.” I stare down at my boots, feeling smaller by the second.
“Kelsey and I broke up too.”
“Why?”
“She wanted more.” He shrugs.
“More? More than what?”
“Doesn’t matter. Apparently she’s already got some guy from Huntington going with her to the dance tonight.”
“So you’re not going now? But we were all going together.”
“I’m not going to a dance solo, Leah. I’m not that desperate.”
“Ashley’s going. We could invite her along and neither of you would show up alone.”
Matt frowns. “Ashley? I don’t know.”
“Why?”
“She’s like family.”
“So? Ben is practically family, and we’re . . .” I wave my hand, not sure what word I’m looking for to describe us now that there’s not even room for him in my head.
�
�You’re . . . what?” Matt’s eyebrows rise.
“Not that. Jesus.”
“Look, I’ll think about it. Go shower,” he says grudgingly. “And use extra shampoo.” He sniffs my hair with a wrinkled nose. “You seriously smell. What’d you sleep in, a pile of wet animals or something?”
“Yeah, something.” You have no idea.
Guilt overwhelms me as I stomp up the steps, pausing to wipe the grass from my boots. As everything I should be doing or should have done comes weighing down on my shoulders, I realize one certain fact.
I should have stayed in the woods.
“You didn’t sleep much last night, did you?” Ashley leans forward to stare at the magazine I’m pretending to read, but I swear she’s really just sniffing my hair for the fiftieth time. She doesn’t say anything, though, not anymore. Not after she made me rewash it the second she walked into my bedroom to get ready for the dance. She’s agreed to go with Matt, but I know she thinks she’s just a stand-in.
“No, not really.”
“So you thought walking outside last night and running into a skunk was a good idea?” She sniffs loudly this time, frowns, and sprays a burst of air freshener she confiscated from the bathroom.
I cringe as the cold drops land on my skin. “He was by the apple tree. I didn’t see him.”
“Until he saw you. This would be funny if it wasn’t such a disaster.” She scrunches her nose. “What about your clothes? Did you chuck them?”
“Not yet.”
Ashley turns away with a grimace. “I’ll be right back,” she announces, and then walks out of my bedroom without a backward glance. She says something to someone in the hallway, and suddenly Matt appears.
“How’s it going?”
I wait until I hear Ashley’s footsteps on the stairs. “Fine, but we’ll never get ready until she stops making me wash my hair.”
Matt smirks, but his eyes are humorless. “It’s no less than you deserve.”
“I know.” I glance down at my folded hands, remembering how dangerous it actually was last night. I almost got attacked by a wolf. A real, live wolf. Matt would die. He would kill me first, then he would die.
The Shadows We Know by Heart Page 14
