Matt’s bewildered gaze finds mine. Suddenly my brother looks like a little lost boy. It’s more than I can stand.
Dad’s arms loosen when he feels the first sob rack my body. “Dad, let me go,” I whisper, and he slowly relents. I crawl toward Reed, slumped on the ground beside Bee, my cast arm tucked to my stomach.
“He took your brother away from us!” Mom screeches, still trying to get the gun. The Sasquatch has become a blur of brown among green as tears streak down my face.
Matt snaps out of his fog, desolation replaced by fury. “He took a lot more than that, and you and Dad never bothered to fix it,” Matt yells. “You’ve forgotten about us!” Mom and Dad stare at him like they’ve never seen him before.
“That’s not true!” Mom cries, reaching one last time for the gun.
“It is, or you wouldn’t be fighting me for a gun when your daughter and Reed are both lying on the ground needing your help!”
I halt in my slow trek across the ground. The selfish part of me wants to see her face, hoping that his words did something to her, but I’m not prepared for the guilt I feel when I meet her eyes. I watch as my mother falls apart in my brother’s arms, but I don’t move. Her tormented cries fill the woods around us, masking the sound of the wounded Sasquatch retreating through the trees.
Ashley stands over Reed, her body frozen in disbelief. Ben moves off to the side, trying to wake the men Reed left unconscious. The scuffed-up RZR stands a few yards away, windshield missing. Bee’s open eyes watch me, then she reaches out to place a hand on Reed’s chest where he lies beside her.
Ashley places her hands over her mouth as Bee pulls the dart from Reed’s body. She drops it to the ground and strokes his hair, just like she did to me. “Ashley, it’s okay.” I can see her frantic nod, but she doesn’t look at me. She walks around slowly, kneeling at her brother’s head. She moves the hair out of his face and her hand brushes against another one, large and black. She stills, and with tears streaming down her face, she slides her hand next to the one that’s not quite human.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I flinch at the hurt in her voice.
“I didn’t want them to get hurt.”
“Well, that really worked out well, didn’t it? How could you not tell it was him, Leah? Look at him.”
I am, and it’s twisting something inside me until I can’t breathe. I want to reach out, touch him, and remind myself that he was mine, if only for a little while, but even that’s been suddenly taken away. He’s no longer the wild boy from the forest. He’s Reed Hutton, brother to Ashley, and no longer my secret.
I never thought I would regret that. I’m happy my best friend has her brother back from the dead, but it has come with such a cost. Looking around this circle of lies, I wonder how much more we’ll have to pay before these sins have been atoned. I realize my secrets pale before those of my parents. They have played their parts so well I don’t even know them anymore.
“Ashley.” Sheriff Hanson hands her a black-cased cell phone. “Call your mother. Tell her to meet us at the hospital.”
Ashley takes the phone obediently. “Where are you taking him?” I ask, circling a protective hand around Reed’s wrist.
“To the hospital you should still be in,” he says ruefully. “But thanks to you, we’ve accomplished more than we hoped.” He smiles warmly at me and nudges Bee with the toe of his boot. She jerks away from his touch and fury rises like bitter bile in my throat. I squeeze Reed’s arm, willing him to wake up and protect his adopted sister.
“You’re going to let her go.” The threat feels empty, and we both know it.
“Of course we are.”
The sheriff plunges a wide needle into Bee’s thick skin. I watch her eyes widen in fear and pain as a tiny silver transmitter slides into her body. He jerks the syringe out and passes it to Jim Stephens, the local veterinarian.
“What are you doing?”
“Just protecting our evidence. The government doesn’t allow proof to come to light, but we’ve worked too hard to let them just disappear again. Now that we’ll always know where she is, she’s free to go.”
“You can’t do this to her. She’s not an animal.”
Any hope I had of him undoing this unspeakable act fades as he shakes his head with a smile. He can’t see the truth, only a trophy lying on the ground. “Well, no sense in wasting a lucrative investment. This is better than winning the lottery.” He chuckles to himself. “And like I said, Leah, we couldn’t have done it without you.”
chapter twenty-nine
Within an hour I’m back in the hospital. Apparently a missing person or two is enough to warrant a helicopter ride. This time there’s no chance of escape. I can see the shadow of a guard standing outside my third-story room.
But at least they’ve left me here alone.
Not on purpose, but I screamed at my parents until the doctor forced them to leave. Now everyone’s on the first floor, either in the waiting room or with Reed. Everyone except me. I might as well be in jail, because that’s exactly how I feel. This is my fault, all of it.
An apple sits on my untouched supper tray, glaring at me. How could something so innocent have triggered such a catastrophic series of events? Yes, I’m glad we have Reed back, but I never knew leaving those apples on the stump years ago would lead to this disaster. I’ve betrayed something precious, something that should have been protected, and instead revealed it to the malice of civilization. I’ve destroyed their world and very likely their existence. For all I know, the male Sasquatch could be dying somewhere in the woods from that gunshot, Bee is now on the sheriff’s radar, and we get to relive Sam’s death all over again.
A soft knock pulls me from my thoughts, and Matt walks into the room. His face is drawn, and dark shadows pool beneath his eyes. “Hey,” he says quietly, taking a chair from the wall and bringing it close to my bed. His jacket is covered in mud stains and pieces of the forest.
“You look awful,” I say.
He gives me a humorless smirk. “So do you.”
We stare at each other, and I’m the first to cave. “So.”
Matt shakes his head. “He won’t talk.”
“To anyone? Not even his mom or Ashley?”
“No.”
I’m dying to ask questions but afraid of the answers. What if he’s angry at me for everything, for finding him, for making this happen? What if he forgets all that he’s been through and becomes this different person? That would be the worst, I think, if what happened in the cave and the way he kissed me today in the woods were all just a memory. That he might never look at me again like I’m the only person in his world. I was, for a little while. Now I never will be again.
What I wouldn’t give to erase time. It’s bitter, this truth of reality. I regret so much and there is nothing I can do but lie in this sterile bed and live each moment over and over, trying to find the path I should have taken, to decide which decision was the wrong one.
“It’s not your fault.”
I close my eyes, wishing so hard that was the truth. “But it is.”
“No. I’m the one who got you out of here. Had we not done that, none of this would have happened.”
“They’d still be hunting them.”
“Yes, but maybe they wouldn’t have found them.”
“Because of me. He was taking me home because he couldn’t leave me in the woods like I wanted. He should have gotten away.”
“Reed could never leave you when we were little. You should’ve known he wouldn’t start now.”
“And look what happened because of it. Everything’s so messed up now.” I press my hands to my burning eyes. “I can’t fix this. And it’s not even over yet.”
Matt looks out the window. His fingers tap silently on his thigh, keeping time to the muscle twitching in his jaw. “They’re not going to let him go.”
“What?”
“Reed. I heard the sheriff talking about setting up cameras around Ms. Hutton
’s house and posting a deputy there to watch Reed for a while.”
“They’re just going to lock him in the house? It will drive him crazy.”
“Until they make him go to school.”
“School?” My thoughts scramble. Reed, my Reed, go back to school? No way. In fact, I can’t even begin to imagine it. He would have to wear actual clothes, for one thing, and cut his hair for another. I mean, he can’t just waltz into precalc and honors English at Zavalla High School like every other senior, whether he’s eighteen or not. He hasn’t been in school since he was in the second grade.
I can almost see this dark future unfold as Reed becomes more human, as he molds himself into something civilized and leaves the forest behind. He will find that there are other treasures in this world than what the forest has to offer, and he will leave me behind.
I try to picture him walking me to class, in place of where Ben was days ago. That will never happen. I don’t want it to happen. This is not his world. “No,” I whisper. “They can’t do that.”
“They’ve got a shrink here who says it will help him, eventually, to socialize with his own peers.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Why?”
“He doesn’t need to be socialized like some animal. He’s survived out in the wild for ten years. What on earth is he going to have to talk about with people like Kelsey Wright? Reality TV, football, or prom? He can’t relate to anyone, because no one understands what he’s gone through. He’s eighteen, for God’s sake, and if he wants to walk back into the forest, no one can stop him.”
“Why don’t you tell me how you really feel?”
“You don’t—”
“Kidding, kidding,” Matt utters dryly, holding up his hands.
“Mom and Dad?”
“Sitting in the waiting room.”
“Doing what?”
“Nothing. They’re just sitting there looking guilty. Mom paces a lot, walks to the elevator, and then turns around. I think you got your point across to her earlier.”
“Too little too late.”
“They’re going to come back up here eventually.”
“Screw them.”
Matt purses his lips and studies me. “Have you tried to look at this from their point of view?”
“What? Are you taking their side now?”
“No. I’m just as pissed as you are, but have you? Pretend you have a kid. Pretend he goes missing, and you know what took him. Wouldn’t you do anything it took to get him back, no matter how long it took?”
“Yes, but I wouldn’t have lied about it or done what they’ve done to us.”
“I know, they’ve screwed up. But think about it Leah—all the not talking, the way Mom used to get mad for no reason and take it out on Dad—”
“The drinking,” I interject.
“Actually, you got that one wrong.”
“What? Then what the hell has she been drinking out of that silver flask?”
“She apparently has severe allergies to hay grass and pine trees and is on some pretty potent meds.”
“That’s so . . . somewhat believable, I guess.”
“Yeah, she used to keep it in the plastic bottle from the pharmacy but said it kept breaking on their hunting expeditions. Said the flask was easier to use.”
“Hunting expeditions?”
“We also have spent an alarming numbers of nights alone in our house while they go out searching and collecting data.”
“Parents of the year.” But it explains a lot. All the pieces have fallen into place. But the picture isn’t what I expect.
“Seriously.”
“Has anyone said how long I have to stay here this time?” I lift the lid to my dinner tray, making sure it’s still the disgusting food I thought it was. I’m not disappointed.
“Mom’s been lobbying with the doctor every time he walks by. I think he finally agreed you could leave in a couple of days.”
“I figured she’d want me locked up in here for a week.”
“She feels awful, Leah,” Matt mutters.
“She should. She’s a cold, heartless monster with a gun.”
“She apologized.”
“It doesn’t matter. She shot him. He could already be dead.” I wince when I knock my cast against the side bar of the bed.
“He took her child.”
“Why are you taking her side?!”
“Because I’m trying to keep the shreds of this family together, and you are making it very difficult.” Matt slumps back against the chair beside my bed and runs his hands through the mess of curls on his head. “You have the right to be angry, Leah. Just don’t make it permanent.”
I glare at him, knowing he makes sense and hating him for it. I’m not ready to forgive, and I will never forget.
chapter thirty
I’m changing into my going-home clothes when there is a knock on the door.
“Just a minute,” I call, jerking my sleeve over my cast. It definitely slows everything down when I have only one hand to use.
“Can I come in?” Ben stands at my door, hands in his pockets.
“Sure.” I open it wider to let him in, cringing at what I know is coming. I’ve been waiting for days for him to come to my room, and he waits until now to do this.
“Don’t look so excited to see me.” He tries to smile but fails, just as I do. “I guess we need to talk.”
“Yep.” I stare at him, seeing the many sides of Ben. The beautiful boy always out of my reach, the sheriff’s son who did what his father told him, regardless of how it would affect me, and then the way he looked at me on the bleachers, like there was nothing else in the world but me.
“Look, Leah, I—”
“Wait.” I stop him, needing to speak before I lose my nerve. “I’m sorry for what happened, and I should have said something before things got as far as they did.”
“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” His voice is cynical, and it strikes a chord of anger.
“You lied too, so don’t pretend this is all on me.”
“I’m not. I know what I did.” He grimaces, then pulls the baseball cap from his head and twists it angrily. “But does it even matter now that I fell for you?”
“Ben . . .” I whisper, swallowing against the burn in my throat. “It wasn’t real. Maybe it felt like it, but you know it wasn’t. Neither of us was honest through all of this. We both had our secrets to protect, and we played the game.”
“So you’re saying you felt nothing? Did you ever care?”
“Of course I cared. You were the one thing I’ve wanted for years. And then suddenly you were there, wanting me back. Or at least acting like it.”
“It wasn’t all an act. I think you know me well enough by now to see that.” He shoves the hat back on his head, eyes burning. “And you still choose him?”
I ignore the question. I’m not talking about Reed, not to Ben. “You weren’t even in it for me at the beginning. Admit it, if your dad hadn’t put you on the trail, you never would have pursued me.”
He’s turning it over in his mind, and it actually hurts, even though it’s likely the truth. For a short time it did feel real, whether it was or I just wanted it to be, and that hurts worse than the lie. “You don’t know that for sure,” he says, but even he can’t hide the doubt in his voice. “It could’ve worked out.”
“For how long? Eventually something like this was going to happen. We were never meant for forever, Ben.”
“It’s funny that I had to pretend to like the old you, only to find that the real you is the kind of person I wanted to be with.”
His words tug at my resistance, but I push the walls higher. I can’t break now, not when everything is falling apart around me. “Regardless, we both lied, and now it’s done.”
“So that’s it?”
Be brave. “That’s it, Ben. I’m sorry.”
“So am I,” he says, his sad smile chipping away at my heart. I’m d
rowning in guilt, and I want to let it swallow me and end this agony. He’s just as much a liar as I am, but he’s still Ben, one of my oldest friends.
Another knock sounds at the door, and I answer it, finding a woman standing in front of me and Mom and Dad across the hall behind her.
“Hello, Leah, I’m Doctor Clark. Can I speak with you for just a moment?” I glance down at the photo on her name tag. Same brown curly hair, same black-rimmed glasses, and “PhD” at the end of her name instead of the usual “MD.”
I glance back, but Ben is already moving. “It’s fine. I think we’re done here.” He brushes past me, shoulders hunched, leaving me sinking in emotions I wish I didn’t have the ability to feel.
“Um, sure, come in,” I say, and shut the door behind her without looking at my parents. I haven’t decided when I’m going to speak to them, but I’m not in a hurry.
“How are you doing, Leah? With everything?”
“Everything?” I perch on the edge of my bed, and she takes the chair. I notice the clipboard she’s carrying and the pencil stuck behind her ear. She looks sincere enough, but I feel like she might be referring to any number of things.
“Your ordeal of getting lost in the woods after your car accident.”
“Oh. I’m fine. The doctor said I can go home today.” I point to my bag, wanting her to understand that my staying here is not an option.
“That’s wonderful. I know you must be ready to get out of here.”
I sit silently, waiting for the punch line. She continues to smile at me, her eyes glancing over everything from the stitches on my forehead to my bare feet and chipped blue nail polish. “Leah, I have a favor to ask of you.”
“Okay.”
“The boy that was brought in yesterday, Reed Hutton?” Her smile fades a little, and my stomach clenches. “He’s in a very . . . delicate place right now.”
“What do you mean? Is he okay?” I hop off the bed, my eyes on the door.
“Yes, he’s fine. As healthy as can be expected, actually.”
I stare blankly at her. “Then what?”
“Physically, there is nothing wrong with Reed. Mentally, there’s nothing really wrong either. But he’s going to need time to adjust to his new life, and we feel that right now it would be best for Reed to have minimal contact with anyone but his immediate family.”
The Shadows We Know by Heart Page 21
