by Mark Green
* *
Christ! What the hell should I make of that? I scanned through the message again, knowing I’d have to read it to Angel. If Pete wasn’t exaggerating and she had a chance to regain her sight, that would be amazing. My mind started running away with itself. If she had a child on the way, the chance for her to see her baby would be fantastic, the stuff dreams are made of. But what about Pete? Did she belong with him? There didn’t seem to be much warmth in his message, it was pretty aloof and clinical.
I shut my eyes, trying to clear my head and be objective about a friend. I needed to set aside my own deeper feelings for a moment. How the hell was I going to get my head round all this?
* *
Angel
I’d been lying back thinking when I heard JC tearing paper, which I guessed was one of the e-mails. The music had taken my mind off things for a while, but I’d switched it off to have some clear thinking space. I lay there wondering if I should ask him who the message was from, but I decided against it. With everything else going on, it would probably only complicate things further. So I said nothing and trusted that if it was important, at some point he’d tell me.
JC turned in for the night and so did I. Tomorrow was very likely going to be life changing. I removed the earphones and shut my eyes, drifting in and out of sleep until morning, when I woke to one of the scariest days of my life.
Thirty Eight
JC
It was the day of the pregnancy test and now the tension really set in. We washed and dressed quickly, walking in silence down the long walkway to the dining hut. I couldn’t remember whether Danni would be there in the morning, afternoon or evening. I should have asked Angel, but my mind was racing and I couldn’t concentrate on anything.
As we descended the last step, I saw Danni chatting to Monty.
“Hi guys, how are you?” she said.
I felt Angel’s grip tighten and my heart went out to her. If I was nervous, how must she be feeling?
“Jonathan, can I ask you to give Monty a hand with the boat, we have some supplies for the village to unload. Don’t worry, I’ll look after Angel,” said Danni, as she took Angel’s hand and led her away.
I watched them leave and felt a sense of helplessness. I wanted to be there with Angel to support her, whatever the result.
* *
Angel
I sat on the edge of a hammock as Danni crouched on the wood floor in front of me, rummaging in her bag.
“As you might imagine, Rurrenabaque has a limited stock of these products and I had no luck finding anything locally. But fortunately I had a friend arriving from La Paz, so I sent him off on an errand, after convincing him it wasn’t for me! Men are so funny. Here we are,” she said, as she placed a packet in my hand.
I sat there cradling the answer to the question that had been on my mind constantly for the last few days. My throat was bone dry, my heart racing.
“There’ll be some time after breakfast, before we go off in the boat to see the Macaws nesting, if you want to try then? You must be desperate to know…”
I found myself nodding, lost in a trance. Danni placed a hand gently on my arm.
“We’ll have some breakfast first. These things shouldn’t be faced on an empty stomach,” she said, placing her hand in mine to lead the way.
* *
JC
I helped Monty with a couple of trips between the boat and the dining hut, my heart racing. It was just a decoy of course, Monty didn’t really need my help.
I joined Danni and Angel at the breakfast table, not wanting to eat, but I forced half the normal amount down. I’d probably need all the energy I could get for later. Nerves were burning through my reserves at quite a rate. Fortunately Danni did all the talking, chatting away happily, until at last it was time for us to collect our stuff from the cabin for the day’s trek. She gave me a big encouraging grin as we left the table, but I struggled to be as enthusiastic.
* *
Angel
This was a totally new experience for me, sitting there on the toilet. Waiting. I couldn’t get my head round the fact that I wouldn’t be the first to know. Any ordinary girl would at least have a few moments to register the result before an anxious boyfriend or excited husband started pestering. I realised it was pointless waiting on my own, because even held close up to my eye, I couldn’t make out the result.
“How long do I have?” I called out.
“Another thirty seconds. Here, come and sit down.”
We sat on the edge of my bed and waited. When it was finally time, I held the tester up for JC to read. He sat there for a long time in silence.
“What does it say? Is it positive?”
“I don’t know how to say this Angel… but I don’t know.”
“What?”
“I can’t be sure.”
AAAARRRRHHHH!!!
* *
JC
We got our stuff and legged it down the steps, nearly slipping over several times as we rushed to find Danni, who was sitting with Monty on the meeting room decking. She looked up as we ran over, her face lighting up. Her happy expression dropped, confused as we hurriedly tried to explain. Angel thrust the tester under her nose. Danni took the plastic tube and examined it closely, then showed it to Monty, who nodded, his expression giving nothing away.
“What does it say?” we both said, almost in unison.
Thirty Nine
JC
“It’s positive, you’re pregnant. Congratulations! I’m so excited for you!”
Danni threw her arms around Angel and hugged her tightly.
Oh bloody hell!
“Are you sure?” Angel said, in a quiet voice.
“Yes. Definitely. Do you want to sit down? This is a big thing for you both, yes?”
Danni guided Angel to a seat on the decking, just in time because I could see her starting to shake. She dropped her head over her knees, shock kicking in. She wasn’t the only one. Danni hugged me too, then Monty shook my hand and clapped me on the back, grinning at me. The adrenaline of the last few minutes started to ebb away, leaving me wobbly on my feet. I sat down next to Angel, resting back against the mosquito netting and closed my eyes.
Where on earth did that leave us?
* *
Angel
Fuck.
Pete you fucking bastard!
But I was also elated too. I was going to be a mum!
I felt JC slump down next to me. He must have been shell-shocked. The problem was, it was bound to stifle anything that had been building between us and I still wanted him. Jesus, my head was spinning.
“It must be a shock, finding out the first time,” said Danni, uncertainty in her voice as to how I was taking the news. I managed to nod.
“This is good news, or... unexpected?” said Danni.
That was a good question. I opened my mouth to answer, but JC beat me to it.
“Both,” he said.
The perfect answer! I could have kissed him, if I hadn’t been feeling so sick. I felt his hand rubbing my back, which was reassuring. I wondered how long that would last before reality set in and he ran a mile. Because if I’d been in his shoes, that’s exactly what I would have done.
JC
I found myself starting to laugh. Inappropriate it might have been, but it helped to diffuse my emotions — how my life had changed. At least it wasn’t boring!
“We’re going to make quite a story Angel, you and me.”
Angel sat up straight, her breathing still unsteady. She turned towards me and broke into a grin, her cheeks glistening with tear tracks.
“Aye. You should have put a government health warning on eBay!”
She started laughing with me. I glanced up at Danni, who was looking confused.
“It’s a long story…” I said, laughing some more. It just seemed like the only thing to do to keep my sanity.
Angel
I’d been sitting toying with my drink for a while, s
omething at the back of my mind nagging away at me. I lifted the glass to my lips, tasted the alcohol, and then hesitated, realising what it was. How stupid, I shouldn’t drink! I pushed the glass away and sunk my head onto my hands.
“Sorry Angel, I wasn’t thinking,” said JC over the bar music.
“This is going to take some getting used to,” I mumbled.
“Yeah. I’d better drink that for you.”
I heard him pull my drink towards him, there was a pause, then a clunk as he placed the empty glass back on the table.
“I’m gonna grab the waiter. Soft drink for you?”
I nodded, completely spaced out. We’d got back to Rurrenabaque that morning. I’d tried to finish the last day and night at the lodge, but couldn’t face it. We’d got the boat back with Danni, checked back into The Oriental Hotel, then found the nearest watering hole, ironically called the Mosquito Bar — wonderful!
I heard JC’s stool squeak as it was dragged towards me and felt his arm drape across my shoulder.
“Cheer up chicken, it’ll be okay,” he said.
“You figure?”
JC
I pulled Angel close to me, but there was a reluctance about her. It wasn’t hostility, more a sadness and unwillingness to open up. And let’s face it, this wasn’t the ideal place to cheer her up. We were in the middle of the Bolivian jungle in a bamboo-built travellers bar with thumping dance music and every cocktail you could imagine for only a pound a go. It was also bloody hot and raining, again.
“Put her down, you don’t know where she’s been,” said a vaguely familiar voice. I turned and looked up at Bozzer, standing there dripping wet, wearing a wacky Hawaiian shirt, surf shorts and flip flops.
“Bloody hell! Small world,” I said and stood to shake his hand.
“The world of the traveller is never that small mate, similar psyche and all that.”
“Now where did you learn such a complicated new word?” said Madge, joining Bozzer as she dragged two stools from a vacant table.
“Fancy some company?” she said, more of a statement than question.
Madge reached over and hugged Angel then kissed me on the cheek.
“So, what we all drinking?” said Bozzer.
“Beer and a coke, thanks mate,” I said.
He nodded and hailed a waiter.
“I’d ask you where the film crew are, but your escape has been splashed all over the news. You’re quite a team,” said Madge.
“Yeah, cult heroes. Nice hairdos by the way. Suit you both,” Bozzer chipped in.
“Sorry about the way it was left at Machu Picchu. We had no idea they’d be waiting for us,” said Angel.
Her voice sounded reasonably together, but I knew she was making a big effort to engage in the conversation. Madge reached out and squeezed Angel’s arm, a concerned look in her eye. I guess some people are intuitive, they know when things aren’t right. Bozzer of course was oblivious.
“It was a bit of a shocker, but a few of us met up in Cusco the next evening, had a good laugh about it. Especially when we heard you’d done a bunk. How’d you manage it?”
I explained about the train, Bob and our journey from Peru to here, with Angel pitching in occasionally. We spent some time talking about Bob, his generosity and the classic sing along to Don’t go breaking my heart, which had them in stitches.
The beers kept flowing and Bozzer and I got more and more drunk. I guess the evening was a much needed pressure relief. It had been quite an emotional roller coaster these last few days. They noticed Angel was sticking to soft drinks, but I fobbed them off by saying she’d had a heavy session the night before. Bozzer shrugged and chinked his glass against mine.
“More for me and you then, Jon boy!”
Madge eased back on the booze part way into the evening though. I think she was keeping an eye on Angel.
“Excuse me boys, nature calls. How you fixed Angel, I’m off to the ladies if you need a ride…” said Madge.
Angel nodded and stood, allowing Madge to hook her arm under hers and lead her away. I looked after them, thinking Angel could probably do with a girlie chat.
“Got yourself a cracker there mate. She seems a bit quiet though, heavy one on the sauce, eh?”
I nodded, then drained the last of my beer. I picked up the cocktail menu on the table. Bozzer grinned.
“I’m liking your style mate. What’ll it be?”
Angel
I started crying almost as soon as I pushed the cubicle door shut. I didn’t know if they were happy or sad tears. It was just a way to get my head around stuff. How could I be here, in the Bolivian jungle with a man I met a matter of weeks ago, (and one I’ve started to care about a great deal) pregnant with someone else’s child?
There was a soft knocking on the door.
“Want to tell me about it?”
I reached out and flipped the door catch, allowing Madge to ease the door open. One look at me and she knew. I heard the door shut and Madge crouched down in front of me, stroking my hair.
“How late are you pickle?” she said, in a soft, gentle voice.
Which of course set me off again. She hugged me and I buried my head into her shoulder.
“It’s such a fucking mess,” I managed to say, before my breathing became erratic and I couldn’t speak anymore. I sat there with Madge holding me and cried and cried.
* *
JC
It must have been an hour later that I wondered where Angel had got to. I was pretty plastered by then, but I wasn’t overly concerned. As Madge had led her away to the ladies she’d winked at me. She must have guessed that Angel could use some female company.
“So where you heading next?” said Bozzer.
“Probably try and fly out tomorrow or the day after. The jungle has been a struggle for us.”
Bozzer nodded, squinting at me through his cigarette smoke and the alcoholic haze.
“I can see in your eyes you need out. I understand that, pretty hardcore travelling here, eh. But there’s a flaw in your plan, aside from your passports flagging you up on the radar…”
“We’re past caring mate, we both want to leave. We’re not going out on the local bus, it nearly killed us getting here. If Simon and his film crew catch up with us at La Paz airport, so be it,” I said, cutting in.
“Nah, you’re missing the point amigo. It’s been raining solid for the past week. They don’t call it the rainforest for nothing. Me and Madge have been trying to fly out for the last three days. We’re gonna swing by the Amazonas office in the morning, but if nothing comes in, then nothing’s going out. We’ve got to be in Argentina to meet my brother in a few days, so if there’s no plane tomorrow, we’re gonna ask around, see if anyone else wants to split the rental of a jeep to La Paz. Should be twelve to fifteen hours rather than eighteen on the bus. A seven seat jeep with four passengers and a local driver who knows the roads should be much more comfortable.”
I drained the last of my cocktail and sat back, glancing over my shoulder at the rain lashing down beyond the mosquito screens. I weighed up the chances of a flight leaving in the morning, then as any good analyst would, I factored in the grass runway (which would be waterlogged) and the waiting list of delayed passengers all trying to fly out ahead of us.
“Count us in mate,” I said, as we raised our glasses to seal the deal.
* *
Angel
I told Madge everything. By the end of our mammoth chat I felt much more composed and together. Somewhere at the back of my mind, a decision about my future was being forged. I hugged Madge for the hundredth time and thanked her, then stood, ready to face the world again.
Back at the table it was apparent that the boys had been going through the cocktail menu, which I guessed was JC’s coping mechanism. It reminded me of the one question of Madge’s I’d not been able to answer, because I honestly didn’t know.
How did I feel about JC and how did he feel about me?
Forty<
br />
Angel
I was no closer to answering that question the next day when I found myself sitting in a jeep preparing to set off on our marathon drive back to La Paz. As I waited for everyone, I thought back to my conversation with Madge. On her advice, I tried to talk to JC that night, but all he was good for was collapsing in bed and snoring all night. I didn’t blame him for getting blind drunk. Had I been able to, I would have done the same.
The following morning was wiped out until lunchtime while he slept off his hangover and was then grumpy for the rest of the day. So not the best timing for an in-depth discussion about our feelings for each other, or whether we could get ourselves back on track to almost getting together. But despite everything that had happened, and his mood, he had been as attentive and thoughtful as I’d gotten used to. It was a surreal combination.
Our plan was to get back to La Paz, spend a day or two getting over the journey and then make our way overland to Paraguay, ending up at the Iguazu Waterfalls on the Brazilian border with Argentina. I guess somewhere along the way we’d each work out how we felt about the other and this crazy situation I found myself in.
* *
I felt the jeep engine rumble into life. The door to my right opened and Madge shuffled in beside me, while JC spread out on the bench seat in front of us. I guessed Bozzer was riding shotgun with the driver.
“Got us some water and snacks,” said JC, squeezing my shoulder as we pulled away, leaving Rurrenabaque and the jungle behind.
* *
JC
It had taken me a whole day to recover from my hangover, those cocktails were lethal! We’d met Bozzer and Madge that afternoon at the only swimming pool in town, and had swum between downpours for something to do. The girls sheltered in the bar, deep in conversation, which was good for Angel. She must have missed female company, being stuck with me all the time.
To be honest, I’d not given myself that much time to think about the two of us. The problem was, I think Angel thought I felt sorry for her and if we ended up together then that would be the reason. But in truth I’m not sure how I felt, now there were three of us.
