by Adale Geras
‘Really? To me? What have I done wrong?’
Ma was frowning. What on earth was the matter? She said, ‘Nothing. Nothing at all. It’s me. I’ve got to tell you something.’
‘Sounds serious, Ma. Are you okay? You look a bit pale.’
‘I am okay, Em, but I’ll be more okay when I’ve told you this. Not telling you has been awful, but I didn’t want to spoil your day. It’s nearly over now, though, isn’t it? I told Zannah last night but only because she caught me skulking about in the marquee in the early hours.’
‘The suspense is killing me. Go on. Spit it out. I can take it. I’m a big girl.’
Joss sat down on the edge of the bed and began to speak.
*
Isis and Gemma were standing together. They’d been admiring the beautiful pearl bracelets Mattie had given them as their official bridesmaids’ presents. Tiny silvery bits between the pearls caught the light and glittered. Isis looked at the guests gathered round Mum and Dad. They were all clapping and cheering. Grandpa and Em were next to one another, and Grandma was talking to Charlotte. Alex was still taking photographs. There would be thousands and thousands of pictures to look at. Edie and Val were laughing together and talking to Granny Ford, who was red in the face.
‘I’d like to thank all of you for coming to celebrate our wedding,’ Mum said. ‘And especially I’d like to say a big thank-you to my parents, to Charlotte, to Edie and Val. It’s been like a dream come true. And now I’m going to close my eyes and throw my bouquet and I hope the person who catches it lives happily ever after with the man of her dreams.’
Mum looked at Grandma and smiled at her. Grandma smiled back and waved at Mum. Then Mum threw the bouquet up and up, nearly as high as the top of the marquee. Everyone watched it flying through the air and when it came down, they all looked round to see who’d caught it.
*
From where she was standing, Joss realized, the marquee was like the kind of pretty tent you saw in picture books illustrating medieval jousts: white and gathered into a point at the top. She lifted her eyes above it to follow the trajectory – was that the word? Arc, maybe, or parabola, she couldn’t remember – of the bouquet that Zannah had just thrown into the air. It seemed to be moving very slowly. She could make out each flower and leaf as it came closer: dark velvety roses, and freesias and ranunculus and viburnum and trailing ivy. The sky was dotted with white clouds now. What had Zannah said? Happily ever after with the man of her dreams … Even though she knew Zannah had meant the bouquet to be for her, Joss had no real intention of reaching out and trying to catch it. The whole thing, she’d told herself, was nothing but a silly superstition. At the last moment, though, some reflex over which she had no control made her open her hands and the flowers dropped into them as though that was where they belonged. As though they were hers by right.
*
Joss sat in the car looking at the front door for a long time. On the seat beside her, the piece of paper with Gray’s address on it was lying under the A-Z. The house was very pretty: square, on three floors, with a neat front garden. White stucco. White paintwork. Lovely curtains in the ground-floor front room. Which window was his? She could see the buttons to the left of the front door. I just have to go and press one, she thought. It’s no more difficult than that. I have to do it. I have to know.
She got out of the car and walked up the front path. At the door, her courage almost failed her but she pushed the button marked ‘Ashton’ and waited for Gray’s echoey voice to speak to her from the intercom. Nothing. I should go, she thought. He’s not here. I can leave a note. Should I leave a note? No … I’ll come again. Another time. Maybe I ought to go away and think for a bit longer. Make sure I’m doing the right thing.
‘Joss?’ He was standing on the doorstep. She couldn’t speak. Her whole head was suddenly full of white space: silence and more silence with not a word in the world that she could have articulated. She looked down, terrified all at once, and Gray stepped out and took her by the hand. ‘Come in,’ he said. ‘Come home, my darling Joss.’
She took a step over the threshold and heard, somewhere in the far distance, over the clamour of her own heartbeat drumming in her ears, the beautiful, heart-lifting sound of the white front door clicking shut behind them.
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