by June Francis
‘Stop worrying, Dad,’ said Ben. ‘Hitler’s bluffing. You just make sure you can handle the reins. I don’t want any runaway horses while I’m loading.’
Lily pushed Germany to the back of her mind and got on with enjoying the Coronation celebrations.
On Coronation Day the family listened to the ceremony on the wireless before going to the street party. Daisy flirted with Frank, who had been looking miserable since the news of Lily’s forthcoming marriage, but as soon as it was dark and people were dancing in the street, she told Lily she was going into town to meet Ted, the brother of her erstwhile dancing partner.
Matt managed to get away later in the day and swept Lily into his arms to the sound of Frank’s tinkling piano. ‘Let’s dance.’
‘I can’t dance,’ she said, smiling up at him. ‘I’ve never learnt. You need Daisy.’
‘I don’t want Daisy. I want you.’ His voice was intense and his eyes had an expression in them which caused a thrill to pass through her. ‘Just follow my feet.’
Lily did as she was told and soon was giving herself up to the pleasure of being in his arms. After a while he danced her to the corner of the street away from the crowd where they stood swaying to the rhythm of the music for a moment. Then he kissed her with that fierce passion that sent waves of longing through her. ‘Lily, I want you,’ he groaned, burying his face against the curve of her neck. ‘Thank God, it won’t be much longer before we’re married and we can sleep together.’
He had never spoken of bed before and she felt her cheeks going hot. ‘I never thought you’d say such things,’ she whispered. ‘The church always seems against sex.’
A chuckle sounded in his throat. ‘The church knows the power of sex, that’s why. St Paul certainly did. Otherwise he wouldn’t have told Christians that if they couldn’t control their lust, they must marry.’ He lifted his head and gazed into her shadowy face, and the tone of his voice changed. ‘I’ve informed the brotherhood about our marriage and that I’ll be leaving them, and I’ve had a letter from Joy, whose husband is an old school friend of mine. They rent part of my father’s house in Sydney. Remember me telling you she deals with all my mail?’
‘I’d forgotten. What do they have to say?’
‘They enclosed a letter from a friend of mine in the ministry. I wrote to him about doing a preaching tour out there, including my impressions of the state of the faith in the north of England.’ He paused.
‘And?’ prompted Lily, shifting in his arms as her heartbeat quickened again.
‘He wants to know if he should go ahead and arrange it.’ He paused and said seriously, ‘I want to know if it’s what you really want, Lily.’
She stared up at him. How could he doubt it after all she had said about her desire to travel. Go to Australia! She had almost stopped believing it would happen because of the way he had settled down in Liverpool. ‘Of course it’s what I want!’ She hugged him convulsively. ‘Wherever you are, I want to be.’
He looked at her, an almost uncertain expression on his face. Gently he ran a finger along the curve of her jaw. ‘You really mean that? It won’t be easy saying goodbye to your family. It’ll hurt. You’re going to the other side of the world.’
‘I knew it might come to it.’
‘But you haven’t felt the pain of parting yet.’ She almost did not catch the words.
‘I know it’ll hurt but none of us can have it both ways in this world,’ she said with assurance.
‘As long as you’re sure.’
The note in his voice made her question why was he so insistent. ‘We must do as you think right, but I’m all for it,’ she said, placing the decision in his hands.
‘Then we go.’ He kissed her with an aching restraint and she wondered suddenly if he had ever been with a woman before becoming a priest or if he had always been celibate. There was still so much she did not know about him but it was a question she felt unable to ask.
Eventually they drew apart and began to walk back up the street. Lily caught sight of her father and felt the muscles in her stomach tighten. ‘We’ll keep quiet about Australia until after the wedding if you don’t mind,’ she said slowly.
‘Don’t you think it would be better to warn them?’ said Matt, his brows drawing together over the nose that was almost perfectly straight.
Lily imagined the fuss Albert would kick up, and was filled with apprehension. ‘Believe me, it’s better to do it my way,’ she said firmly. ‘That way nothing can spoil our special day.’
Chapter Five
On the morning of the wedding Lily drew back the curtains to allow the sunlight to flood into the bedroom and thought with a grimace, happy the bride that the sun shines on! She knew now they would be leaving for Australia ten days after the wedding, and for three of those days she and Matt would be away on honeymoon at a destination he was keeping to himself. She was filled with painful and conflicting emotions.
‘Can I be first for the bathroom?’ said Daisy, scrambling out of bed, her nightdress riding up about her thighs. ‘You’ll have things to do, Lil. You won’t want to get smelly all over again.’
‘You’ve got things to do, too,’ she said quietly, facing her sister. ‘What about the flowers? You said you’d pick them up.’
‘I will! But I’ve time to get bathed first,’ she said, smiling. ‘I don’t want the rest of them pinching all the hot water while I’m at the hairdresser’s.’
‘We’ll keep the fire going all morning,’ said Lily, picking up a nail file and toying with it.
‘Excited?’ said Daisy, glancing over her shoulder at her as she fingered the pink taffeta bridesmaid’s dress hanging from the picture rail.
‘What do you think?’ Lily felt sick with sudden nervousness and hoped her sister would understand and not be awkward when she told her about their imminent departure for the other side of the world. ‘You will manage while we’re on our honeymoon? We’ll be back Tuesday.’
Daisy sighed and picked a loose thread from the skirt. ‘I’ll have to, won’t I? Do you know yet where you and Matt will be going when you come back?’
Lily came to a decision. ‘I wasn’t going to tell anyone yet, but perhaps you should know. Matt and I are going to Australia.’
A stunned expression fixed on Daisy’s face and several seconds passed before she said, ‘You can’t mean it! What about Dad? How will I cope without you near at hand?’
‘You’ll cope! And lower your voice,’ whispered Lily. ‘I don’t want Dad knowing yet. I’ve told you the first because you’re my sister and,’ she added in a rush, knowing suddenly she could not cope with telling the others, ‘I want you to tell the rest of them after we’ve left on our honeymoon.’
Daisy collapsed on to the bed and May stirred and mumbled indistinctly. ‘I thought it could happen but I hoped it wouldn’t! Why do you have to go so far away? Surely Matt could find other work over here? There’s loads of churches.’
‘Don’t blame Matt, blame God,’ said Lily lightly.
‘God! He’s making you holy like him,’ moaned Daisy.
Her holy! She must be joking, thought Lily, but she felt she had to get out of the room before her sister said anything else that might unsettle her. ‘Where He calls we have to go,’ she said, in that still flippant tone that disguised her real feelings. ‘Just think of it, Dais! Sun, sea, exotic sights – and the company of a man who thinks I’m wonderful.’
‘You’ve forgotten all the smelly sheep!’ called Daisy crossly.
Lily ignored the comment, keeping her mind on the vision her own words had created. She went to wake her father but he was not there and his bed had not been slept in. She ran downstairs and out into the yard to the shippon. Her brother had said he would do the milking single-handed that morning. She flung open the door. ‘Ben! Do you know where Dad is?’
He presented her with an unshaven face. ‘Isn’t he in his bed?’
‘Would I be asking if he was?’ she said impatiently. ‘It hasn�
��t been slept in. Didn’t you wait up for him?’
Ben scratched his chin. ‘It got late. I needed an early start on the day.’
Lily pressed a hand against her forehead and thought, everything is starting to go wrong. ‘If he’s drunk somewhere, I’ll kill him!’
‘He wouldn’t,’ said Ben stoutly. ‘Not on your wedding day. Deep down he cares about you, whatever he might feel about your marrying Matt.’
‘Sez you!’ said Lily, pulling a face. ‘Do you think he’s got cold feet?’
Ben hesitated. ‘No.’ He squared his shoulders. ‘I shouldn’t really tell you this because he wanted to surprise you … but if you’re going to be thinking the worse, I suppose I better had.’
‘Tell me what?’ she said, her curiosity aroused.
‘He aims taking you to church in Grandma’s old carriage. You know, the one in the stables at the farm?’ Lily stared at him, utterly taken aback. Her brother grinned. ‘He’s done it up. He was planning on decorating it last night.’
Lily was overcome by a rush of emotion. ‘I never thought he’d do such a thing for me,’ she said unevenly, tears starting in her eyes.
‘Goes to show, doesn’t it?’ said Ben. ‘He does have his thoughtful side.’
She nodded, feeling terrible about leaving them all, but she had to put on a happy face. ‘And there was me believing I was going in Uncle William’s posh car,’ she said with a smile. ‘So you think he’s at the farm?’
‘It’s a strong possibility. What are you going to do?’
‘I haven’t got time to do anything. I can only hope if he is there, he and Uncle William haven’t shared too many drams, otherwise he’ll be late.’ She brushed away the sudden tears with the back of a hand and took a deep breath. ‘Anyway, it’s no use me standing here. I’ll never get anything done and I’m expecting Mrs Jacobs and her sister soon. She said she would take care of everything while I’m in church.’
‘Get going then,’ urged Ben. ‘You don’t want our Ronnie messing up the place after you’ve tidied up.’
Lily nodded and ran up the yard.
Albert turned up a few hours later. His clothes were rumpled, his hair was unruly and there was stubble on his chin but he seemed sober enough as he pulled on the reins outside the dairy, watched by a group of admiring children. A couple shouted, ‘Give us a ride, mister!’
‘Where the heck did you spend the night, Dad?’ said Ben, coming out of the dairy where he had been serving a customer.
‘I slept in the stables. I missed the tram and our Dora got all toffee-nosed and wouldn’t let me into the house because I’d had a couple of drinks.’
‘She’ll come round.’ Ben’s eyes narrowed as they ran over the black horse between the shafts. ‘Isn’t that Uncle William’s pride and joy?’
‘He’s a beauty, isn’t he?’ said Albert, beaming as he eased himself down on to the pavement. ‘I asked William if I could borrow him to pull our Lily’s carriage.’
‘And he said yes?’ Ben was incredulous. Such horseflesh didn’t come cheap.
‘Don’t sound so surprised,’ said his father huffily. ‘I was used to dealing with horses like this in my day. Now get him some oats and give him a drink. I’ll wait till yer come back, then I’ll get meself ready.’
‘OK.’ Ben went and did as he was told.
‘Thank God, you’re here, Dad,’ said Lily, placing the jar of Pond’s Vanishing Cream on the dressing table as Albert entered the bedroom. She had seen his arrival from the window and was thrilled by the thought of travelling to her wedding in such style, but guilt over the secret she was carrying almost suffocated her. ‘Why didn’t you let me know where you were?’
‘I wanted it to be a surprise. Our William and Dora are going straight to church like everybody else to save you work.’ He grinned. ‘He’s a beauty, isn’t he?’
‘A real highstepper,’ said Lily, peeping out of the window, not wanting him to know how moved she was. ‘You can control him?’
‘Give me some credit, girl.’
‘Sorry. It’s just so unexpected.’ She leaned forward and kissed him. ‘I thought you’d been and got drunk because of the wedding.’
‘Only a couple.’ There was a flush on his face. ‘I’ll save me real drinking till later.’ He sighed heavily. ‘I never thought I’d be losing me little girl.’
Lily smiled. ‘Don’t get maudlin, Dad. It’s a long time since I was a little girl.’
‘Aye! Your mam was alive then. If only she were here now.’ He paused and toyed with a ribbon dangling from the bouquet of roses, carnations and gypsy grass on the dressing table. ‘She was religious, you know? Believed in a heaven and all that – then to go the way she did. Didn’t make sense to me.’
‘I know, Dad,’ she said, thinking, this is terrible! He’ll have me in tears again if he goes on. ‘I miss her, too.’
‘Aye.’ He sniffed and wiped his sleeve across his eyes. There was silence and Lily felt she was going to burst and almost told him about Australia but was too cowardly.
‘I’d best get ready,’ said Albert, rousing himself at last from whatever thoughts gripped him. ‘The preacher won’t like being kept waiting.’ He left the room.
Lily closed her eyes and thought of Matt. Then she started counting, anything to keep her mind off her family. She lifted the white satin dream of a gown from the hanger on the picture rail. It was time she was getting ready too.
Oohs and ahhs rippled through the crowd of women outside the church as Lily carefully descended from the ribbon-and-flower-bedecked carriage in a cloud of white. Daisy came forward to help her with her train. ‘I’m glad it’s not raining,’ she muttered, ‘or this would get in a right mess. I want it to stay nice for when I get married – that’s if you’ll let me have it?’
Lily stared at her. ‘What do you mean, you get married? Are you trying to spoil my day? They’ll need you at home for a while.’
Daisy tossed her head and gave a harsh laugh. ‘I’m not going to rush into anything, unlike you! But don’t you worry over anything I do. You’ve made it plain that you no longer regard any of us as your problem by going to Australia.’
‘That’s not fair!’
‘What’s not fair about it? You know you’ve been like a mother to the younger two.’ Daisy straightened and glanced at May, who was waving to a friend in the crowd. ‘I’ll have to sort that little madam out now.’
‘Daisy, please will you stop it?’ commanded Lily. ‘You’re spoiling my day!’
‘I don’t want you to go.’ Her sister’s voice wobbled as she fluffed out the misty silver veil screening Lily’s worried eyes.
‘Please, don’t upset me now. Please, please! You know I don’t really want to leave you all.’
‘But you are and you look so beautiful,’ sniffed Daisy. ‘Not a bit like my sister at all.’
‘Thanks!’ Lily’s sense of humour suddenly asserted itself. ‘Am I the duckling that’s suddenly become a swan?’
‘I feel you’re a stranger and I’ve lost you already.’ Daisy swallowed hard.
‘Here’s Dad. Stop crying or you’ll ruin your mascara. Think of wearing this dress yourself one day.’
‘But you won’t be here to see me.’ Her voice wobbled and she turned away.
Lily had never been so glad that she was wearing a veil as when her father approached. She forced her lips into a smile.
‘You really want to go through with this, girl?’ he said, looking grim.
‘Yes, Dad,’ she whispered.
‘Let’s get it over with then.’ He crooked his arm. Lily placed her hand inside it and determined not to allow anything to spoil the precious moments ahead.
‘Lily Gwynneth, wilt thou have this man to thy wedded husband, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honour and keep him in sickness and in health; and forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?’
�
��I will.’ Lily’s voice was quiet but steady as her gaze shifted from the new minister, clad in gold and cream robes, to Matt who looked austere but undeniably attractive in a pristine white shirt and charcoal-coloured lounge suit. Their eyes met and she felt warmth flood her, although into her mind popped the thought that he only fulfilled some of the traits she had sought in her perfect hero. Why was she marrying him? she thought with unexpected panic.
‘Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?’ said the vicar and the panic receded.
Albert cleared his throat but no words came out. There was no need for them but he should have taken Lily’s right hand to give it to Matthew. She sensed the struggle inside him and did not hesitate but grasped her father’s hand and did the job for him.
Afterwards, with Matt’s ring on her finger while a friend snapped their pictures, Lily was convinced she had done the right thing in marrying him. He was her present and future and life promised to be exciting with him. As for her family, they would manage fine without her.
Aunt Dora did not believe so and came into the bedroom as Lily was changing into her going away outfift. ‘I don’t know how you can do it! Our poor Albert and those poor children! Your Daisy won’t do her duty by them for long and what will happen to them then? It wouldn’t be so bad if you weren’t going to the other end of the earth but—’
Lily whirled round the from mirror. ‘How did you find out about Australia?’
‘From that woman!’ Her black silk-clad bosom swelled.
‘What woman?’ said Lily, frowning.
‘That aunt of that husband of yours.’ Dora’s eyes glinted. ‘How was it she knew and we didn’t? It’s a disgrace, Lily! She thinks it’s wonderful. Two young people in love sailing off into the blue to a new life in a new country. What’s wrong with the old one? That’s what I say.’
‘Plenty where some are concerned,’ said Lily, her heart beating heavily. ‘But that’s not the reason why we’re leaving.’ She slipped on her snuff-coloured jacket and put the blame on God for her actions. ‘I don’t suppose you remember but Matt told you the first day you met him that he has to go when and where God calls him. It’s His will that matters.’
