Personally?”
“Absolutely,” they answered in unison.
Gabby was a little surprised to hear Harper say that, but maybe she shouldn’t be. She looked over to meet Harper’s gaze. When the witch had joined them, she was beaten down, defeated by that cold world she’d come from. Meek and submissive in the worst unhealthy way.
The longer she stayed in the pack, though, the more outgoing and assertive she became. Harper smiled.
“I’m not a telepath, but I know what you’re thinking, Gabby. I was so afraid. So afraid they would completely take me over. I thought I’d have no will of my own. That I was leaving one nightmare for another. But…” She laughed. She was almost giddy as she spoke of her mates.
“They actually make me stronger.”
Gabby could see that was true. “But Harper, honey,” she said gently. “You had to be stronger to be with them. It’s not the same.”
“You think you have to be weaker?” Liza asked, always the shrewd one.
“Don’t I? Neither I nor my wolf will be happy if we’re weaker, and I can’t stand the idea of spending the rest of my life fighting with my mates to keep my place in the pack. I just can’t accept less. If I could be one thing in private and this me, the old me, with everyone else, maybe I could do that. But they’re both alpha males. Ethan especially will try to take over my entire life.
You know he will. He can’t help himself.”
“Ya think?”
“Yeah, I think,” she snapped back sarcastically.
“Gabby.” Shit. The paladin voice again. “Ethan could have challenged for your position years ago, and he would have won it.”
“So he waited till he could win me over?” She didn’t even care that all the bitterness shone through.
“No,” Liza said, shaking her head. “He didn’t do it because it made you feel more secure.
Because you worked so hard to keep him at a distance, it was all he could do. And because, frankly, it doesn’t affect the security of the pack. The difference in your ranks is negligible. You essentially do the same jobs.”
“Well, he doesn’t have that excuse anymore, does he,” she whispered. Oh hell. Her rank and her job were the only things she was sure of.
“This is something you really should be talking to him about, Gabby,” she said, and it was the friend, not the superior in the voice now. “It’s not all conflict, you know. It doesn’t have to be. My private relationship is not on display for the pack. No reason yours should be either.” Liza didn’t have to say what she was really thinking. Gabby knew. Liza kept her personal relationship as private as possible, unlike Gabby’s parents, who were known pack-wide for their volatility.
“And yes,” Liza went on. “You can let go, you should be able to let go, privately, with your mates.”
Liza said it with such conviction, such faith, but Gabby wasn’t sure she had any. She swallowed hard and stood, wanting only to be inside the safety of her house while these thoughts consumed her.
“I need to get back. Thanks.” She nodded to include Harper. “I appreciate it.” She was grateful they’d shared their experiences, that they understood her fears, but in the end she left more confused than when she’d started. She ran home using werewolf speed but without shifting, dimly aware of the damage it was doing to her bare human feet. It didn’t matter to her, but she was so lost in her worries she didn’t realize they were both still in her house until she entered. She didn’t realize until she’d slammed the door behind her and Ethan growled.
Her response was instinctive and mean, and she knew when she snapped her head around to look at him, her eyes glowed yellow. He stood in the middle of her hall, chest bare, jeans zipped but unbuttoned. The smell of sex was heavy in the air. They’d entertained themselves while she was gone.
“Why are you still here?”
He slid forward slowly. Stalked. She stood her ground, refusing to be cowed.
“Why do you smell of our beta?” he practically snarled.
She’d completely forgotten about the gray T-shirt she was wearing. “I shifted to talk to Liza. He gave it to me so I wouldn’t be naked.”
Oh my gods. She wanted to slap herself; the explanation had come out so fast, without any thought.
“Take it off. Take it off now, Gabby,” he demanded, and if she hadn't seen a hint of claws poking through his fingertips, she would have delayed. Would have argued against his trying to dominate her. She’d never seen him like this, though—out of control of his wolf.
She pulled the shirt over her head and tossed it into the corner. Ethan heaved a sigh and came closer. He lifted a hand, claws gone now, and his fingers stroked her cheek. “Where did you run off to? Why?”
She ducked under his arm, feeling exposed down to her bones, and tried to hurry down the hall while looking like she wasn’t running away. Harris caught her elbow when she passed the archway into the living room and tugged her inside.
Chapter Eight
Ethan still wasn’t thinking straight. She’d taken off, angry and confused, and had returned with Zach’s scent on her. He knew in his head she hadn’t fucked their beta. She wouldn’t let Zach touch her, and he wasn’t interested. But the sane, rational human side wasn’t exactly in control right now. Harris shielded her, and that just pissed him off more.
He prowled into the living room behind them and snarled when Harris tried to step in front of her. “Don’t. Don’t do that.” Reluctantly Harris stepped aside, but Ethan didn’t get closer to her.
He was too furious. He didn’t trust himself. He’d never been so angry at her before, and he’d had cause to be plenty angry over the years.
“Where did you go?”
“I ran the perimeter some. I talked to Liza and Harper. It’s not a big deal, Ethan.” He wanted to shake her. He wanted to yell at her. He wanted to kiss the hell out of her until she stopped resisting him.
“Running. Again. Always running, Gabby.”
He paced. It was the only way to stop himself from grabbing her, from begging her to just stop this nonsense already and accept him. Accept Harris. Stop fighting. He knew how much she hated discord, so why was she doing this?
“What do you expect me to do, Ethan? Just let you take over?” Good gods, was she still hung up on that?
“I expect you to talk to me.” He took a couple of steps closer. “I expect you to tell me what you’re feeling. What you’re afraid of.” Two more steps. “I expect you to not come home smelling of another man. Talk to me, Gabby. Please.” Close enough to touch now, and that irrational rage was fading. He set his hands on her shoulders.
He finally noticed, really noticed, she was naked, breathing fast and deep, her skin flushed rosy with the high emotions in the room. He could smell them—a skill all lupines shared—anger and jealousy and protectiveness and yes, even lust. He pulled her close, kissed the soft skin under her ear.
“Talk to me, baby,” he whispered.
He was stunned at how quickly she spun away, moving toward the window and standing with the loose-limbed fighter’s grace he knew so well. Subtly aggressive, ready to pounce. He knew every detail of her, but he was surprised to see this here, now. He held his hands wide.
“I’ve never been a danger to you,” he said firmly.
Her lips twisted in a way that some would have called a smile, but he knew her too well.
“Are you going to challenge me for my rank now that you’ve marked me?” The question stunned him. He could challenge her, and he’d probably win. He suspected they both knew that. But it would be a long, bloody battle. The price too damned high to move up only one rank when neither of them was going higher than they were now. He wouldn’t risk losing her for that little bit of gain. It was too important to her. Not the rank but the position it put her in. She thought he didn’t know about her little side projects. The girls she took under her wing. The abused refugees—human, wolf, and mage—she funneled through Redemption and sent to safer places. She di
dn’t discriminate against the needy. It was one of the things he loved about her.
“No,” he answered. “I’ve never intended that.”
She didn’t believe him. He could see it clearly on her face, in her eyes. But he also saw confusion and longing, and he knew he still had a chance here. She turned away.
“Baby, I can accept being your equal out there. I have never had a problem with that, and nothing has changed now.”
Her eyes were watery when she looked over her shoulder and met his gaze. “And here?
Are we equals here?”
This was where her confusion came in. She was such a marvelous kick-ass woman out in the world, and she hadn’t accepted yet that she wanted something else at home.
“We can be,” he said carefully. “If that’s what you want.”
She gritted her teeth. He could actually hear her teeth grinding together before her gaze swung to Harris. “And you? Will you accept that?”
And holy fuck, we have a problem, Captain.
Ethan was a dominant male, yes, and he knew it. But Harris was a Dominant, capital D, lifestyle male. Ethan seriously doubted Gabby had ever run across anyone like him. He was going to have issues with that equal thing. He accepted Ethan as an equal because Ethan could kick his ass. Huh. Come to think of it, Gabby probably could too. But Ethan didn’t arouse the instincts of the dominant the way Gabby did. Ethan knew Harris. Knew him as well as he knew himself. And he knew it burned in Harris, that need to control her, to own her.
Harris scrubbed a hand over his face as if it could wipe away any visible emotions.
“Darlin’, I don’t think that’s what you really want.” Ethan was surprised at the tenderness, the gentleness in the other man’s voice. He’d expected demands and orders and was relieved when that wasn’t the direction he went.
“You didn’t answer my question,” she pointed out. Ethan wanted to go to her, hold her until the fine tremor in her body became a reaction of desire instead of the mix of fear and anger he scented now. He sure as hell hoped Harris knew what he was doing.
Harris took a step closer to her and held out his hand. “Come away from the window, Gabby. Anyone walking by will get an eyeful.”
He didn’t trust himself to not kill another man who got a good look at her like this. Which was bad, all things considered. She was a lupine. She couldn’t exactly carry clothes around with her in case she needed to shift in a hurry away from home. Maybe once things were settled, he’d get the primitive urge back under control.
“Come sit down,” he ordered. “Let’s talk this through.” She bit her bottom lip, and he nearly groaned aloud. Tiny, perfect white teeth. He’d felt them on his body, on his cock. He hoped to feel them again soon. His body ached with his desire, with his need of her.
She finally moved from her post at the window and approached the long sofa, an unconsciously sexy walk that made his heart slam against his ribs. She grabbed the afghan from the back and wrapped it around herself, tucking it under her arms before she sat down and folded her knees up. She was covered from her chest down to the red-painted toes that barely peaked out. That glimpse was amazingly tantalizing. He took the opposite end of the couch, fisting his hands against the desire to grab her ankle and yank her to him. She stared at him, and he reminded himself he was supposed to be talking.
“What’s your objection exactly, darlin’?” He couldn’t resist reaching over, slipping his hand under the blanket and wrapping it around her ankle. He didn’t pull her closer, though. Not yet. “You liked me dominating you just fine yesterday.”
“That was the heat. That wasn’t normal for me,” she insisted.
Could that be possible? He used the bond between them. He couldn’t read her mind, but he could read her emotions, and he smiled. “It’s not nice to lie to me, darlin’.” She glared and moistened her lips. “Don’t use that bond on me. Harper told me all about it.”
He narrowed his eyes. He’d only met the witch a couple of times, but he knew some of her history, and it was ugly. “And what was that?”
She didn’t answer, and he gave her ankle a squeeze. “You started this, Gabby. What did she tell you?”
“That wizards use it to keep control of their wives. They use it to keep tabs on them.
Where they are. What they’re doing.”
Well, fuck. He couldn’t really deny that, could he? The ability was what had gotten him banished. He looked at Ethan. “Doesn’t your bond with her do the same?” Ethan shook his head. “I don’t think so. I can find her by scent, and I can feel extreme emotions from her, but I think you’re talking about something much more.” Harris got the feeling the lupine might be a bit envious. At least he wasn’t freaking out like Gabby. Her agitation was rising by the second. It was a discordant drone in his head. She was breathing too rapidly, and he could feel her heart racing. He needed to reassure her fast.
“Take a deep breath, Gabby,” he commanded. “Calm down.”
She flinched but that didn’t stop him from pulling her over. He settled her on his lap and held her in a firm embrace while trying to send soothing energy through their bond. She punched his shoulder.
“Don’t do that,” she snapped, but she wasn’t struggling in his hold and her heartbeat was slowing, her breathing coming in slower pants. “Don’t manipulate me. First that damned potion, now this.” She glared at him. “You made a deal with me, and then you made it useless.” Okay, he understood why that pissed her off. Not that he’d change anything if he could. “I should be sorry about it. The bond,” he admitted.
“But you aren’t.”
“No.” What else could he say?
“You should have given me a choice.” She turned her furious gaze to Ethan, who didn’t look one bit contrite.
He felt her anger but, under that, so much else. Confusion. Resolve. She was determined to get away and, if that didn’t work, to at least distance herself from them. Harris knew they could lose her here, now, if he wasn’t careful.
“No,” he said. “I shouldn’t have given you a choice. I shouldn’t have used the bond at all. I know what it is, what it does. The lengths it will drive a man to.” He definitely had her attention now. Ethan’s too. He took a deep breath before plunging in, tempted to get up and pace as he told the story, but unable to make himself release her from his lap.
“I came here when I was eighteen after my brother banished me.” She gasped and slid her hand down his arm to his hand, gave it a brief squeeze. He knew after years of living among them that a lupine couldn’t imagine a worse fate. He laced her fingers through his and brought them to his mouth for a lingering kiss.
“What happened?” she whispered.
“My parents were bonded, but that world is so different from anything you know. It’s cold.
Love and happiness are frowned upon. Held in contempt. It’s all about power, and those emotions make you weak. My mother was a witch, but she was different. She refused to live like that. She told me she was leaving him, after my birthday.”
He took a deep breath. This part sucked. This was the part he’d tried to forget.
“My father found out,” he said flatly. “Because of the bond. He tracked her movements around the city, knew she wanted to flee, and he wasn’t about to let that happen. He would look bad,” Harris said bitterly. “He decided he didn’t need her anymore since he had two grown sons.”
“Gods,” Ethan muttered, clearly understanding where this tale was going.
Harris didn’t meet his eyes or Gabby’s. If he did, he wouldn’t be able to finish, and they both needed to know what he was capable of.
“He was a cold bastard, my father,” he ground out, remembered fury thickening his throat.
“My brother and I had been gone all day. It was my birthday. Mom left the house the same time we did. To run errands she said, but I knew that wasn’t true. I don’t know how he got her back to the house, but when we returned…he was standing over her in the foyer. The gun was
still in his hand.”
Gabby turned her face into his chest, and her hand slid up to clutch the hair at the back of his head. “I’m so sorry,” she murmured.
“I’m not finished,” he ground out.
He knew his voice sounded grim, like it carried death, but Gabby didn’t flinch or try to get away. She just held on tighter. He was afraid his heart might crack open.
“He killed her. He didn’t deny it. The rage was so consuming. He told us not to worry, someone would come along to clean up the mess in a minute. Then he turned around to walk away. I lost it. I lost control of my power. Slammed him against the wall until he was dead.”
“And they banished you for that?” Ethan asked, voice almost a growl as he shared Harris’s fury and grief.
“As the oldest surviving male in the family, it was up to my brother to decide my punishment. By our law, for killing an elder, there are only two options. Death or banishment.
No matter what the circumstances are. There were some pretty loud demands for my execution.” He felt wrung out from telling the story, but he gave them a wan smile. “You’ll have to forgive my brother. He didn’t have a choice, and in the end, it brought the three of us together.”
“So you shouldn’t have created this bond with me because of what happened to your mother. Why did you do it, then?” she asked gently.
He wanted to tell her he hadn’t been able to help himself, that it had just been instinct, but he gave her the truth. “Because I wanted to be that close to you. I wanted to feel this connection with you. I needed it.”
“And it had nothing to do with keeping tabs on me?”
He sensed a trap here. “I’m not trying to track your every move, darlin’.” Her eyes narrowed. “Just some of them?” she asked tartly. “Will you know if I’m on pack business? Dangerous pack business?”
Yep, definitely a trap. He nodded.
“I don’t need protection. I don’t need a big, strong man to keep me safe.” He felt like he’d walked into a minefield. “I know that,” he said warily, not about to admit part of his motivation was protecting her. Even though it was more a guard against his people than any danger a lupine might pose. Any wolf challengers would have to get through Ethan first, and that wasn’t happening. “I can’t pick and choose which parts of the bond work any more than Ethan can control his.”
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