by Suzy Shearer
“Go on.”
“She said she wanted to play. She pleaded with me.”
The doctor shook his head as if he was disappointed at either Andrew or Emma or both.
“Anyway, I agreed. She kept begging me for more pain, more and more. I told her ‘no’ but she kept begging. What was I to do? I thought she was all right, in control.”
Simon suddenly looked furious as he turned on Andrew. Andrew thought he was going to grab him.
“Don’t you know what she is?”
“What do you mean? I know she likes pain. She’s got this weird sick kink. That’s why our relationship never worked.”
“She doesn’t just like pain, she needs it. Don’t you realise she’s a true sexual masochist? She doesn’t know when to stop!” His voice was getting louder. People were looking at him. “She relied on you. Relied on your strength to control her, to stop when you knew she’d reached their limit.”
“But she kept asking for more,” Andrew protested.
“Of course she would. But you’re supposed to read her body, know when she was too far into the pain to be sensible. It is like a sub in sub-space. You’re supposed to be in control! You’re supposed to monitor her all the time and call a halt. You are supposed to ignore her pleas.”
Andrew thought this Simon was going to hit him, he looked at Andrew so furiously.
“I didn’t know. I didn’t know.”
Andrew was crying now. Simon ran his hand through his hair.
Angrily he said, “Look, I’ll talk to you later. I need to check her over completely. Go, sit down in the waiting room, grab a coffee. Just get out of my sight. But I’ll find you later and find out just exactly what you did to her.”
* * * *
Emma started moaning as things slowly came into focus. She opened her eyes to see a man looking down at her. She recoiled, looked puzzled then went to move away but groaned in pain.
“Welcome back.” The man smiled down at her. “Lie still. I need to check you over, okay?”
Emma looked confused. She turned her head and, frowning, looked around the room seemingly unsure of where she was.
“Emma, do you know what happened? Do you know where you are?”
His voice was soft and full of concern.
“I…” She shook her head.
“Do you remember playing with Andrew?”
“Andrew?” She glanced down. “Hurts, hurts bad.”
“I know, Emma. We just need to take care of you. Can you recall anything?”
She licked her lips and then shook her head. “I…yes…no.”
“Emma, I have to check you over. Do you understand?”
Her eyes were glazed and she looked so confused. She thought she must look like a little lost girl as she peered around, trying to make sense of what he was saying.
“What happened?” she whispered.
“You bit off a little more than you should have.”
Emma tried to sit up but gave a gasp of pain.
“Just lie still, Emma. You played a bit too hard.”
She felt a glimmer of remembrance.
“Andrew? I was with Andrew.”
“Yes, Emma, but you went too far.”
She tried to push back her hair. It was falling down around her face. Her shoulders ached so badly.
“I wanted…I asked him.”
Angrily the man asked, “Why on earth did you choose someone to control you who obviously couldn’t?”
Emma was puzzled. How did he know? She was worried she would start crying as she answered. “I needed it.”
She looked carefully at the man. “I needed it to stop the…”
Suddenly she recognised who it was, it was Simon. She gave a little scream.
“Why are you here? Where am I?”
“It’s okay, Emma. You’re in the hospital. Andrew called an ambulance.”
Emma got rather agitated. “Go away, Simon!” She thought it would be easy to see she was getting distressed at seeing him.
“I’m the doctor, remember, Emma, and you need one.”
“I need a doctor?” Confused, Emma looked back at Simon.
“Yes, Emma. Look, you really need to let us check you over.”
“I’m okay, I just fainted. I’m all right now.” She sounded surly. “I’ll get dressed and go home.”
Simon shook his head. “Emma, this was more than just fainting. You were unconscious for almost ten minutes. You’ve been injured, you’re bleeding. I need to make sure you are all right. On top of that you’re still in sub-space.”
“No.” There would be no mistaking the firm tone she used. She wanted nothing to do with Simon.
“Please, Emma. It’s important. You’ve been hurt.”
A stray tear slid its way down the side of Emma’s face. She just looked at Simon as she started to shiver. She suddenly felt clammy.
“Emma, please.” Simon’s voice was gentle and full of worry. “Emma, you may be going into shock. Please let the staff check you over.”
She looked from Simon then down to her shaking hands. She looked around and finally realised she was in the hospital. A nurse was standing beside her, reading a blood pressure monitor. Another was writing on a chart at the foot of the bed. They were both looking intrigued by the conversation between her and Simon. She looked at her arm. There was a drip in it. Her body was shivering so badly as she reluctantly agreed.
“Your pressure isn’t too bad, Emma, I need to check your wounds.”
“Wounds?”
“Yes, sweetheart, you have a lot of bloody welts and cuts.”
Emma felt so confused at Simon’s statement. He pulled back the sheet and she got a good look at her body. Her torso and thighs were covered with bloody, criss-crossed, oozing welts. She could see bruises already darkening and they looked so vivid against her pale skin. She gasped in shock. No wonder she felt like she’d been ran over by a truck!
Simon said he was concerned there were many over her kidney areas and across both shins. It was obvious that Andrew had no idea of safe areas, of how to use a whip so it caused pain without inflicting such deep wounds. Simon carefully examined all the cuts.
“Judy, these all can be cleaned, put antiseptic on them all. These ones here need sterile dressings. I don’t think any need stitching but I’ll check once you’ve cleaned her body. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
He left the cubicle. Emma grimaced in pain while the nurse was dressing her many wounds. Now the playtime was over, she was feeling every single painful welt.
“I know this hurts but I’ll be as quick as I can.”
“It’s okay,” Emma replied listlessly. Ten minutes later, she pulled the sheet up over Emma and left. Emma lay. It was all coming back to her now. She felt a tear trickle down the side of her face. Simon walked back in.
Emma looked at Simon properly, the first time she had done since she woke. He looked tired, his eyes bloodshot, his hair scruffy. He had stubble on his face that was way past a five o’clock shadow.
“I want to go home,” she cried.
“No, Emma, not yet.”
“When?”
“In a few hours or maybe tomorrow, once we know you’ve no serious injuries internally.”
She looked as if she wanted to believe him but was fighting within herself.
“Please, Emma. Let me look after you, if not as the man who loves you dearly then as a doctor.”
She snorted when she heard those words. “No. I’m fine.”
She hesitantly threw back the blankets. He stepped back and watched as she gingerly sat up then swung her legs off the bed. She felt herself blanch, and sweat broke out on her face as she went to sit up and immediately fell back onto the bed with a groan of pain. She felt faint.
“Now do you believe me? Be sensible, Emma.”
“No!” she snapped at him. She saw Simon smother a grin as she pulled the sheet around herself.
Tears were starting to fall faster now as she was beg
inning to realise just how much damage she’d done. Emma could not believe how much she hurt. She was so angry—at herself, at Simon, at Andrew. Part of her wanted to hold onto the anger, to hold onto the pain. She wanted to blame him for her own recklessness. She was feeling confused still but knew she had gone way too far.
“I’ll be back soon and when I do, we are checking those wounds, regardless of what you want. I’ll knock you out if I have to!”
She could hear how much anger was in his voice, maybe even a little disgust, as he turned on his heels and left the cubicle.
Chapter Sixteen
An hour later, Simon came back in. She couldn’t believe how much pain she was in. Each time she moved it sent a ripple of agony across her body. She’d refused all treatment whenever anyone had come.
Simon stood near her. He spoke softly.
“Emma, please stop this. I want to talk to you.”
She just looked at him. Simon pulled a chair over and sat down alongside the bed. He took hold of one hand.
“Emma, please. I love you.”
She pulled her hand from his. This was the man who had broken her heart. The man who had dumped her. The man who had made her go to Andrew for help.
“No.”
“No? I know you don’t want to see me. I respect that, but you have no right to ask me to stop loving you.”
She looked at him, confused by his words.
“I don’t understand.”
“What’s to understand? I’m in love with you, you dumped me. But I still love you. Tried to forget you but I can’t. Although I’m confused by what Andrew told me.”
“I dumped you?”
“I think you’re still a bit confused. Maybe we should have this conversation later, when your head’s clear and not still a little in sub-space. Let me check your wounds.”
Simon went to stand. Emma grabbed his arm.
“I’m not confused. I mean, I am, but it’s because I honestly don’t understand.”
“For goodness sake, Emma. What don’t you understand?” His voice rose. “You dumped me, but like a fucking idiot I still love you!”
A nurse walking past looked at him in surprise.
“But I didn’t.”
“Didn’t what? Love me?”
“I did love you. I didn’t dump you, you dumped me.”
Angrily, he pulled his arm from her hand. He looked at her as if she was a stranger.
“Come off it, Em. I got your message loud and clear from your publicist, Alison. I soon got the hint when you wouldn’t answer my phone calls after a few weeks of ringing every fucking hour.”
Just then another nurse came over. She looked at the two of them puzzled, wondering just what was between them.
“I’m sorry, Dr. Harrington, they need you in bay nine. It’s urgent.”
“Okay, coming.” He looked at Emma. “Emma we need to check over your wounds in case you need stitches. I have to go but we have to talk.”
“Simon, I didn’t dump you, you have to believe me!” Emma shouted as Simon walked quickly from her bedside.
Emma was totally confused by what Simon had said. None of it made sense. She tried to think of what he had said, make some sort of order out of it, but nothing worked. She was angry, she was hurt, but most of all, she was baffled. Suddenly she decided she didn’t want to talk to him. If she did, she knew she would be back to feeling like she did when he first dumped her.
A strange man came in.
“Hi, I’m Russ. I just have to check if any of your wounds need suturing. Doc Harrington is caught up and he asked me to check.”
Emma was embarrassed as Russ lifted the sheet and began to poke and prod each of the welts and cuts on her body.
“Mm, did a good job on yourself, didn’t you?”
Emma blushed, feeling so ashamed.
“Okay. I’m just going to put a few steri-strips on a couple of these. They should heal fine without stitches. The steri-stitches will help them stay closed and they won’t scar as badly as stitches.”
He proceeded to dress a few of her cuts. Emma realised, as he was doing it, just how much damage her body had suffered and how lucky she was not to have any permanent injuries. She was shocked when he talked about her body being scarred from the injuries. It was all starting to sink in. She really had gone too far.
“All done.”
“Thank you.”
“You’ll be having a scan soon, to check there’s no internal damage.”
He covered her with the sheet once more.
“How’s the pain?”
Surly, she replied, “I can cope with it.”
“Sure? I can give you something. The stuff they gave you earlier will be wearing off soon, can’t give you anything too strong until we get your scan results though.”
“I’m okay.”
He nodded and left the bay. Half an hour or so went by. She was taken to radiology and her body scanned. She was back in the cubicle about forty minutes later. The pain was increasing but it was all she had to hold on to, all she had to block out the confusion of Simon and her.
“You and I need to talk, Emma,” Simon said as he walked back into her cubicle.
“No! I don’t want to talk to you,” she pleaded desperately. “I don’t know what’s going on.”
“Neither do I, Emma, that’s why we have to talk. I do know you are angry at me. I know you feel hurt but honestly, Emma, I have no idea why.”
She could feel her tears spilling down her face as she looked at Simon. She knew just how attracted she was to him but at the same time, there was a definite undercurrent of anger and maybe a little fear. But above all, each time she looked at him it tore into her heart, breaking it over and over again. She loved him so much.
She tried to sound indifferent.
“Whatever you have to say, you can say and then leave.”
Simon sighed. He looked at Emma.
“Okay. You seem to be angry with me. You seem to think I dumped you when it was the other way around.”
“Of course I’m angry, and it was you who dumped me. I thought we had something special.”
“So did I, so why did you dump me?”
“I never did. I told you men always say good-bye to me eventually and you did, too!”
He ran his hand through his hair. “I…hell, Emma, I wanted to see you! I love you! I was going to ask you to marry me!”
“I bet,” she whispered under her breath but it was obvious he heard her.
“Emma, it’s the truth. I left you dozens of messages but you just ignored every single one of them. After a while I got the hint, especially when I got your reply.”
“What do you mean? What messages?”
“I rang you when you first went on tour as you know. Then my text messages weren’t being answered. I rang the office and left messages.”
“You rang? The office? Messages?”
“Yes, I rang your publicist’s office. Left a pile of messages.”
“Alison?”
“Yes, Alison.” He sounded frustrated. “I must have left a few dozen messages. I didn’t understand why you wouldn’t call me.”
Emma shook her head.
“I don’t understand. I got your message. The one telling me you’d changed your mind and didn’t want to get involved. You said you were sorry but it was better to break things off.”
“What? I never sent a message like that!”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I got it. Alison gave it to me. I rang to tell her my phone had been stolen. I had to get another but I rang her and told her to tell you when you rang. I didn’t want to ring the hospital. Then a few days later she told me you’d rung and said you didn’t want to see me anymore, that you’d even transferred to another hospital so I couldn’t know where you were.”
“Transferred? Your phone was stolen? I never got a message about that.” She saw him rub his hands through his hair. It was standing on end in places and she felt her heart turn over.
“When I rang her, I explained to her that I was having problems with getting in contact with you. I asked her to tell you to ring me regardless of the hour. She said she’d pass a message on. I must have rung a dozen times a day. When I didn’t hear back from you, I rang her again. That’s when she told me you’d decided that it wasn’t going to work with us and never to contact you.”
“What!” Emma shook her head puzzled. “This is so wrong.”
“Then suddenly I got a message saying your number was disconnected. She told me you’d changed numbers because you didn’t want to hear from me again.”
Emma looked completely confused. A nurse came in and spoke to him softly.
“I have to check on some other patients again, but I’ll be back when I can. You rest, we need to sort this out.”
He left, speaking quietly to the nurse, who then came over to her. She looked curious. Obviously the staff would know by now that something was going on between them, especially as Simon had yelled a few times. The whole department must have heard him yelling that he loved her.
“I’m going to give you something for the pain. Your scans are back and we can give you a little stronger meds.”
“I don’t want anything. I told that other doctor.”
“You might think that, but believe me, you are going to be in a world of hurt in about twenty minutes.”
“I don’t care, I don’t want anything.”
“Okay.” She laughed at Emma as if she knew she’d be screaming for pain meds. “But let me know if you change your mind.”
* * * *
Simon checked on his patient. He finally remembered Andrew would be waiting for him still. Walking down the hall to the waiting room, he was dead tired on his feet, but it was time to face Andrew and then he intended to sort out exactly what the hell was going on with Emma.
“Want to tell me your version of what happened?”
Andrew looked tired of waiting for hours. He was a little belligerent but must have realised the position he was in. He took a deep breath and released it.
“I’ve known Emma for years. We were in a relationship about seven years ago. I wanted to take it further but she never did, because of that weird, creepy stuff she wants. Anyway tonight she rang me. She asked me over for a meal. So we were sitting talking and then she dropped a bombshell and asked me to tie her up and whip her. I…fuck, I was scared but I thought if I did what she wanted then maybe we’d get back together. She told me about you. Said she was in love with you but you’d dumped her a few months ago. Said whipping her was the only way she could get over you. She said she needed the pain to make her forget you.”
