by Jet, M
"You haven't asked me to leave yet."
She continued to study his face in the mirror. "Thank you… For taking care of me," she said sincerely.
He smiled shyly and dropped his eyes for just a second. But he just as quickly returned them to meet her gaze in the mirror. There was something about the way he looked at her. Maybe she was just drunk, but nobody had ever looked at her like that before. "Well, as long as you're OK, then I guess I'll get on."
Mary Jane turned slowly to face him. For a long moment they stood there locked in each other's eyes. Then she rose on her tip toes and slipped her arms around his neck. They came together in a feverish kiss. Zander deftly lifted her onto the vanity sink and she wrapped her legs around his waist.
Chapter 4
Zander came into the diner and called her several times in the following days. She didn't totally dislike him, and she was impressed that he was even interested in the floozy that had taken him home from a bar and slept with him. She wondered if he'd known that she was a virgin. She wondered if there was a way for experienced man to tell. Maybe it had been the tequila but she'd felt like she'd done pretty well. She'd certainly enjoyed it. But, she wasn't particularly interested in doing it again. At least, not with him.
She still glanced anxiously at every customer who walked in the door at work, hoping it would be Dominique Flame, but it never was. And when it was Zander who walked in, she found herself upset by an intense mixture of desire and disappointment. She was polite and borderline friendly to him, but she knew eventually she'd have to tell him she wasn't looking for love. Or anything else.
However, four weeks after their one night of passion, she found herself crying at her mom's kitchen table.
"Mary Jane," her mother complained. "How in the world did this happen?"
"Well, gee, Mom, the usual way!" she snarled.
"Don't take that tone with me, young lady! It's not my fault!"
Her mother joined her at the table and put a comforting arm around Mary Jane. "Shhh, baby, don't cry. It's gonna be OK. What do you want to do?"
Mary Jane took a deep, jagged breath. "I guess I have to tell the father."
***
Dominique Flame's marriage announcement was released in the newspaper the same day that Zander Barnaby happily proposed marriage.
She sat at a break table at work staring at the picture of Dominique looking gorgeous in his dress uniform holding his perfect blonde bride in her pristine white gown. He wore a small smile and she grinned broadly. She really was pretty; making Mary Jane feel mousy in comparison. She was the same age as Mary Jane but had gone to a high school in a neighboring town, so she didn't know the girl. She fought tears and sadly discarded the paper into the garbage can hanging off the bussing cart.
After work, Zander picked her up in his beat up pickup truck and presented her with a modest diamond ring. Tears sparkled in her eyes as she looked back and forth between the ring and his happy eyes. She imagined he probably assumed they were tears of joy. She couldn't bear to tell him different.
So, she accepted.
They had a small ceremony in the earliest days of summer that year. Their families came together to celebrate at the local party barn. There was music and dancing, and she caught the disdain on her father's face when Zander drank way too much. But he didn't say anything.
Zander moved into Mary Jane's apartment when they married and there they stayed for the duration of the pregnancy. She waited tables at the diner clear up until the end. Somewhere inside her she always hoped Dominique would return and see her, the picture of happiness as a newly married expecting mother. It was mostly a front, but he'd never know. But, he never appeared again.
She had an uneventful pregnancy and Zander worked diligently and held it down throughout. They got a small rental house when the boys were born and Zander told her he didn't want her to return to work. For the first several months things went swimmingly. Zander was a lovely father and Mary Jane began to feel they'd have a very happy life together. And they did. But before the boys turned one, Zander drove a company truck drunk and wrecked it, putting an end to that job and their first house together. They were forced to live with her parents while they got back on their feet and it was a tense and stressful time. Finally he found a job again and luckily avoided legal problems with his previous employer.
And so went the roller coaster of their life together.
***
Zander came home after work and didn't say a word about his day. Dinner was on the table within minutes of his arrival and he ate it silently, brooding and dark. After dinner he was gone again, curtly reporting he was going back to the bar. Mary Jane sighed and made a decision as she stood behind the screen door watching him drive away.
The following morning, she tried one time to get Zander to get up and get ready to go to work on time. As usual after a night of drinking, he stubbornly refused to get up. She reset his alarm hoping he'd be in a better disposition after another hour's sleep but deciding she wouldn't be around to fight with him.
She readied the children and headed out to drop off the twins at school. Then, she took Jessie to the local daycare center. She introduced herself to the center's coordinator and asked if there were openings. Naturally, Jessie was welcomed with open arms.
She toured the facilities, met the daycare providers, and played for a while with Jessie in the room where she would spend most of her time. Though her little girl had never known a babysitter in her entire life, she loved the place and seemed happy as a lamb to be left there. After a while, Mary Jane said goodbye and returned to the van. She laid her head on the steering wheel and bawled. She'd never left any of her kids other than to send the boys to school. She almost wished she'd never had the chance to be a stay at home mom because then she wouldn't know this pain of giving it up. In that moment, she resented the hell out of Zander. In that moment, she hated him.
When she finally somewhat gathered her wits, Mary Jane drove downtown and parked in front of Layman's Lunch. For a moment she sat there looking around the busy downtown street letting the memories rush in. So much had happened to her during the time she worked there. Her life had changed. She let herself feel the pain of wondering what things would be like if Dominique hadn't done what he did. Then finally, with one last deep breath, and check in the mirror to wipe away the smudges of mascara beneath her eyes, she ventured into the diner.
Old Man Layman had been dead and gone for several years, but the management remained the same. She moseyed inside and took a seat at the coffee counter. Unbelievably, she noted that even old Doris was still there, working the tables. Hell, she must be pushing eighty, Mary Jane thought incredulously. Doris approached, flipped up the coffee cup in front of Mary Jane, and poured her a cup without even asking if she wanted it.
"Well hi there, stranger!" Doris said in a shockingly friendly tone. Maybe several years of marriage and child rearing had earned Mary Jane a little more respect than she'd once gotten from the woman.
"Hi, Doris, how have you been?" Mary Jane said sweetly.
"Just fine, just fine! What brings you in?"
"Well, I'm actually hoping to see if you guys are hiring by chance."
Doris smiled, a broad genuine smile, again surprising Mary Jane. "I think they can probably get you working, let me go get the manager!"
Doris sashayed away and disappeared into the kitchen. Soon, the same manager she'd worked for in the past emerged and greeted her warmly. They exchanged a short conversation and Mary Jane was hired on the spot. They agreed she'd start the following morning, and Mary Jane thanked him with a sense of overwhelming relief. Everything was going to be OK this time. No matter what Zander pulled, she would take care of things herself. She smiled and the manager returned to work leaving her alone to finish her coffee.
When Mary Jane took her last sip, she turned on her stool to get up and leave. Which was exactly when Dominique Flame walked in the door. She stopped, falling dead still on her seat. Unl
ike when she saw him in the afternoons at school, he was in uniform then. And there he stood staring into her eyes, right there in the place where their nonexistent love affair had once transpired in her imagination.
For a moment he was as frozen as she; clearly shaken by seeing her. Then he regained his composure and crossed to where she sat. He slid onto the stool right next to her and she turned back to once more face the counter. They sat with their elbows touching.
Doris returned with the coffee pot. She gave them each a look with one arched eyebrow but said none of what she was obviously thinking. Perceptive old woman. She hadn't forgotten.
"'Nother cup, Mary Jane?" Doris asked. Mary Jane nodded and Doris poured. Then she flipped up Dominique's cup, poured his too, and then walked away without a single smart comment.
For another awkward moment neither of them spoke. Then she finally broke the ice. "You drink coffee now?" she said timidly.
Dominique gave a curt nod. "Do a lot of things I probably shouldn't now, I suppose."
She stole a sideways glance at him, consciously noting the feeling on her skin where his elbow touched hers. It was as though that one spot of her was burning. "That so?" she said with just a tiny streak of boldness.
Dominique spun his stool and was suddenly facing her though she still faced forward, which put his lips directly next to her ear.
"Mary Jane," he said softly but urgently. "I made a mistake. I'm sorry."
She turned her head excruciatingly slowly until her lips were only a fraction of an inch away from his. Her breaths came in short shallow bursts and blood rushed in her ears. "Yes, Dominique. You sure did."
She lurched off her seat, grabbed her purse, and bolted out the door leaving it jingling as it swung shut behind her.
Chapter 5
She went back to the daycare center to collect Jessie and sort out the schedule and payment. They spent the day away from home, enjoying their last day of total freedom before she'd be confined to the regimen of a job. They visited the park and went for a long walk. They picked up some groceries and Mary Jane splurged and bought little toys for each of the kids while at Walmart. She killed time until it was time to pick up the boys without going home because she was afraid to find that Zander had lost his job and might be there drinking.
She also dreaded picking up the kids and seeing Dominique. She enjoyed her afternoon with Jessie but was dramatically sad that everything would change the very next morning when she was gone before the children even woke, to pour coffee and deliver eggs and toast to impatient customers. She felt on the edge of a complete breakdown as Dominique's comment played over and over in her head. She blamed him for everything. Every bit of heart ache she was embroiled in; it was all his fault.
When it finally was time for her daily wait in the cafeteria, she sat there with her blood boiling waiting for him to walk in. Like clockwork, he arrived a couple minutes behind her, and his eyes sought hers out as soon as he was in the door. He made his way to her.
"Don't," she said coldly.
"Mary Jane, please," Dominique said quietly, gazing down at her with sad eyes.
"Dominique," she whispered. "I mean it. Just go away. I. Cannot. Go. There. With you."
After a pause when her words hit him, she thought maybe he'd turn and walk away. But instead he sat down next to her just as he had the day before. Only much closer than twelve inches apart this time.
"I'm not asking you to go anywhere with me," he said softly; intensely. "I just… I just want to be near you. That's all. Please."
Tears welled in her eyes as she stared at him. Everything that his actions had caused in her life raced through her mind once more and she blinked hard to try and stave off the tears. "No," she whispered angrily. "No, stop. I don't have room in my world for you to be near me, Dominique. You had your chance. You had my heart. You didn't want it, and that was your choice. It's too late now."
She scooped Jessie up and stormed away, blustering into the gym before parents were even invited in. She strode purposefully to the risers where her sons were seated, only a couple rows down from the Flame boys. She brusquely told them to come on. On the way back across the gym, she shot the teachers a look just daring them to try and stop her.
They didn't say a word.
***
Exactly as she'd feared, Zander's truck was parked in their driveway when she pulled in with the kids. She sighed and sat behind the wheel of the van for several minutes after shutting it off. She felt shaky and weak, once again on the verge of tears. Having been down this road so many times before, she knew that he'd been fired.
"Are we going inside, Mommy?" Jason asked impatiently from the backseat, snapping her out of her dark thoughts.
She grabbed the keys out of the ignition and tossed them in her purse. "Yep, sorry, buddy. I was daydreaming." She helped the kids out of the van and together they ventured into the house.
As soon as she was in the door she heard the scrape of Zander's chair on the kitchen floor and he thundered into the living room.
"The mother fucker fired me!" he shouted.
His beer sloshed out of the bottle as he wildly flailed his arms to accentuate his salty declaration. His eyes looked bleary and wild, his hair a mess. And his loud words had been slurred. Mary Jane bent to kiss each of her children on their heads. "Go play out in the back yard," she told them.
"But I want a snack," Jonah whined. Being unfortunately used to their father's drunken ramblings, he didn't even seem affected by it this time.
"I know, sweetie," Mary Jane said softly. "I'll bring snacks out to you in just a minute, OK? We'll have a snack picnic!" She tried to sound cheerful, but the three kids slumped grouchily out the back door. She turned to face her husband.
"Zander, how many times do I have to ask you not to talk like that in front of my kids?"
Zander gave her a hateful look. "That all you got to say? They're our kids, Mary Jane. And I'll talk however I goddamn well want to, you got that?"
She stared at him evilly. Thinking for the millionth time of the job she had waiting for her in the morning, it suddenly popped into her mind to toss him out. She'd never so much as considered it before. But she felt she was rapidly approaching the end of what she'd accept from him.
"Here's the deal, Z. I knew you were going to get fired. So I went out and got a job. I start in the morning."
Zander's jaw dropped and he stared blinking at her. He raked his fingers through his hair and began to pace, slamming his beer down on an end table so hard, she was surprised it didn't break. "A job? Jesus, Mary Jane. Thought I'd been pretty clear on where I stand on this."
She shook her head. "Sorry, but enough is enough, Zander. I'm tired of struggling. Tired of moving. Tired of all of it. One of us has to be responsible. Guess it's going to me."
He strode to her so quickly that he was in her face in an instant. "Hey, it's not my fault there's nobody to work for in this fuckin' town but shit heads," he growled.
An alarm bell began sounding in her mind. She didn't like him so close to her when he acted like this. However, she was so angry she'd crossed over the line of caring about his delicate feelings. She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I've heard it a million times before. I'm done with your excuses, Zander. And I need a little more help from you now that I'll be working. You can't go run the bars on weeknights anymore. I agreed to work Monday through Saturday, and I go in at five in the morning. That means you'll have to get the kids up and take them to daycare and hopefully you'll find a new job soon. The daycare will take the boys to school, so they'll only be there for a few minutes, and I'll be off in plenty of time to still pick them up each day."
Zander straightened and stood back from her slightly, staring down at her with a snarling mouth and flaring nostrils. Then, he completely surprised her by bursting into tears.
His knees seemed to buckle and he sunk onto the couch. He leaned forward and buried his face in his hands, weeping bitterly. Her hard heart softened slightly.
But at the same time, she'd seen this routine before as well. She wasn't sure she was buying it, but at least it was better than anger and yelling.
"I'm such a fuck up," Zander moaned.
That was her cue to comfort and coddle him, usually. However, she simply didn't have it in her that day. In the past, she'd never failed to stroke his ego and make him feel better about himself, but not this time. She'd adored the years she spent at home with her children, and now it was being stripped from her. She was beyond angry.
"You know what, Zander; give it a rest, alright?"
His head snapped up at her and he stared open mouthed into her face. All the anger was completely gone from his expression then, and replaced by hurt. Her face on the other hand, was stony and bitter as she met his gaze.
"I'm just over it," she muttered. "This is how it's going to be now, and if you don't like it, then just get out."
She spun on her heel and stalked out the back door, forgetting about preparing snacks for the kids.
***
At five in the morning, Mary Jane dragged herself to Zander's truck, dreading going to work. She knew what to expect from her day at the old diner, which was nice. But getting up so early and being on her feet all day was going to take some getting used to. She knew she'd be exhausted that afternoon.
After they'd avoided each other for several hours the evening prior, they both finally settled down enough to sort out a new routine. She had been surprised that after she'd for once had the strength to put her foot down, he was cooperative. He switched to coffee and sobered up, and they'd agreed to switch vehicles in the morning so he could transport the kids to daycare. Then he promised to go out job hunting and return the van to her after she got off work.
"Maybe after I find something, you'll quit?" he'd asked her hopefully.
She stared out the kitchen window and considered his question. Naturally, there was nothing she'd like more than to continue staying home with her children. But just because she'd apparently won an argument for once, didn't mean she believed for a second that he was going to straighten up. Or that he ever would, if she was being honest with herself.
