by Jet, M
I did not like the basement.
***
My stepmother Chris had strict standards. She didn’t think I had manners. Chris delivered sharp, swift smacks across my face during dinnertimes when I forgot my manners. It surprised me every time, and I cried. Then Daddy and Chris would fight.
One time, Daddy got the idea that Chris may like me better if I played sports with her because Chris loved to play sports. So, we both put on ball gloves and it excited me that my stepmother might finally decide to like me.
Chris threw the ball to me with all her might. Even though I did catch the ball, it stung my hand badly. My fingers felt broken inside the glove. Not able to help it, I began crying. Though Daddy ran to my side, Chris threw down her glove angrily and stormed toward the house, mumbling about how stupidly I behaved.
***
And so my life has gone up until this day. It is a rare Saturday my Daddy has to work and I am alone with Chris. My life has become a twist of confusion, thinking all the time about how I get treated by my stepmother and by Ryu Black.
I feel that my Mommy has tried to teach me to be a good girl. She takes me to church, she teaches me about being nice, and she even tells me I’m a good girl. I know I’m still young, so I am confused about why some people say I’m good, and some people treat me like I’m bad.
Especially Ryu Black. I have seen my Daddy hug and kiss with Chris. I have seen Mommy act romantic about a boyfriend. But even though they’re all grown-ups, I’ve never seen them do the things that Ryu Black does to me, and so I feel sick all the time because somehow I know, I’m doing something horribly wrong.
For a while now, I’ve been thinking that maybe, if, once and for all, I find out what that word ignorant really means, then Ryu Black will finally leave me alone. At the same time, I’m thinking that maybe if my stepmother knows that somebody else is already hurting me, maybe, just maybe she won’t want to hurt me anymore.
Maybe, she’ll help me.
So, today, on this sunny Saturday morning, I am going to be as brave as I have ever been in my whole life, and I am going to ask Chris for help.
We are coming out of the grocery store. I walk next to Chris as she pushes the cart to the car. As we almost reach the car, I say in a small voice, “Chris? What does ignorant mean?”
Chris stops walking. Her mouth drops open and she stares at me like I’ve just uttered the dirtiest word, which I suspect that I have.
Then, she smacks me across the face.
“SHUT YOUR SMART MOUTH!” she screams.
She starts walking, shoving the cart and dragging me along with her other hand. I am crying. I know I’ve made a terrible mistake. “Jesus Christ,” Chris rants as she pushes me inside the car and slams groceries in behind me. “Will it EVER END with you?” Chris is angrier than I’ve ever seen her.
I stare quietly out the window swiping at my tears as she drives us home. As soon as we get there, she darts out of the car, runs around to my side, and drags me stumbling and falling into the house. Once inside, she jerks open the basement door and violently pushes me inside onto the landing of the stairs leading to the basement. She slams the door shut and I hear the lock on the outside of the door click, and Chris’ footsteps thunder away.
I stand there in stark terror.
Unable to help it, pee trickles down my leg.
After a frozen moment, I launch myself into the door. I yank on the knob and beat until my hands feel bruised and battered. “PLEASE! PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME IN HERE!”
Eventually, Chris returns to the other side of the door, and her fists beat the door a thousand times harder than mine. “SHUT THE HELL UP! DO YOU HEAR ME?” Chris rages and then she is gone once more, and everything is so quiet. I fear she may have actually left.
After a long time, I inch down the stairs into the dark basement. I run across to the old armchair of my daddy’s and leap on. I curl into the tiniest ball and bury my nose into the chair’s fabric, which smells like him.
I try not to wonder when Chris will return. I try not to think of all the crawling creatures down here with me.
I try not to think of Ryu Black and his basement.
I cry so hard, uncomfortable in my wet pants.
After a long time, I sleep.
***
I don’t know how much time has gone by when I wake up to Chris jerking me off the chair, but my clothes are completely dry, so I feel like it’s been a long time.
“Your Dad’s coming home. Come out of the basement.” She stops as she is walking back toward the basement steps and turns to stare at me. “And don’t you say a word to him about today.”
I barely hear her and I feel like a ghost as I drift out of the basement. I feel strange, and my head feels fuzzy. I sit on the couch and stare straight ahead at nothing at all.
Daddy comes through the garage door happily calling my name, expecting me to leap into his arms, as I normally would do. I want to so much, but I can’t seem to make my body move. I can’t seem to make my mouth speak.
Daddy hurries around to where I sit, and kneeling before me, he touches my cheek. “Olive,” he says quietly, glancing at Chris. “Did something happen,” he asks so softly, his eyes searching mine, wanting to know my secrets.
I’m quiet for such a long time. There is a huge lump in my throat and the corners of my mouth drag down against my will. Silently, I beg myself no to cry. Finally I say, “I don’t feel good, Daddy. Please, can I go home?”
Everything is blurry after that. I hear snatches of a phone call to my Mommy. I know I’m carried to Daddy’s new, pretty, red car and gently placed on the seat next to him. I don’t remember riding home, but soon I am home alone with my Mommy, who is staring at me. “Olive, what is wrong?”
I don’t answer. But my Mommy is getting upset. I know she’s not upset with me. She’s upset for me. Her eyes are full of tears. I can’t hold back my tears any longer. Through huge, terrible sobs, I tell my Mommy about Chris, everything about my stepmother that I had been hiding. When I finish, my Mommy, who has been holding me as I speak, is shaking violently. The upset in her eyes is blooming into red, hot fire. She kisses me on my head. “Baby,” she says quietly, “Mommy will be right back, I promise. Just one minute.”
Mommy disappears into her room and shuts her door. She starts shrieking, maybe into the phone. I don’t understand her words. I have never heard her sound so angry. Almost as angry as my friend, Mary.
The next time I visit my daddy, Chris is gone. All her things and her car are gone. Daddy tells me he’s sorry, and that Chris will never hurt me again. After that day, I never see her, and we never talk about her again.
I feel intensely sad that my Daddy is alone again. I feel that it is my fault and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt now that Ryu Black must stay my secret forever.
***
Time rolls on and on. Mary and I grow older. We learn to read and write. We become pretty girls, who do their best to hide any prettiness. Anything to avoid the attention of Ryu Black. He has also grown; in ugliness and strength.
Mary and I spend many quiet hours down the street from Mrs. Black’s house playing on the neighborhood playground. Through the years, we develop a silent language for communicating, and despite Mary’s frightening temper, we maintain a quiet alliance. We are often left to our own devices, as we’ve never been known to create problems and we are always together.
I spend most of my time playing on playground equipment, imagining myself away to different places and times. Using my imagination to be far away and become someone else has become my favorite thing. Though Mary does not play my games, she is always there with me, quietly watching me play.
Sometimes the park is full of kids for us to play with; other times we are there alone in our own protected world. One such afternoon, Mary and I are alone in the park for a long time. Eventually another boy, probably about eight years old, same as us, wanders onto the playground. He looks a little familiar, maybe from other times o
n the playground, or maybe from school. Mary and I go about our business, and he minds his, and the afternoon carries on. I end up on the swing, sitting and barely moving under Mary’s watchful gaze from the other end of the swing set. Soon, the little boy wanders over to where I sit lazily on the swing.
“Can I push you?” asks the little boy kindly.
I watch him for one moment with suspicion and then settle on trusting him and not being afraid. “Sure, thanks!” I smile at him.
The boy gives me a push and I begin to move. Soon, I’m soaring, seemingly right up to the bright, blue sky. I close my eyes, tip my head back, and happily receive the wind in my face and the feeling of freedom. The boy and I are both laughing. On one of his pushes, his hand brushes my behind, but I hardly notice.
Except, I am aware of screaming.
My eyes pop open and I dig my feet into the mulch, leaping off the swing. In a lightning fast movement I cannot comprehend, Mary has launched from her roost at the end of the swing set. The boy is on the ground rolling into a ball. His face is awash with blood. Mary is screaming.
“DON’T YOU TOUCH HER! DON’T YOU TOUCH HER!” Mary seems insane. Her face is red and spit sprays wildly as she screams.
She kicks the boy again and again.
She kicks him in the tummy, his breath rushes out.
She kicks him in the face, his nose exploding with blood.
He’s not crying anymore; he lies still.
I stand there in silent horror, not even breathing. I want to rush to the boy, but I am frozen, staring at Mary.
“Come on, we have to go,” Mary growls quietly in a way that reminds me of Ryu Black.
On another day, I listen to my Mommy talking to Mrs. Black about the boy in the park. “So sad about that boy,” my Mommy says.
“I know,” Mrs. Black responds, “it’s amazing he’s even alive! They say he’ll be brain damaged.”
Mommy gasps. “Do they have any clue who did this?” Mommy asks. Then she and Mrs. Black glance down at me. They both lower their voices so I won’t hear their disturbing conversation.
Now Mary and I aren’t allowed to go to the park alone anymore, and another horrifying secret lives between us.
***
One day, Mrs. Black is excited as she waits for Ryu to come out of his room. When he does emerge, he is dressed all in white, with a blue stripe of color around his collar. He also wears a funny white hat. A modest bit of excitement begins to blossom inside me as well. “Why is he wearing that?” I ask Mrs. Black since I never, ever speak to Ryu.
She looks full of pride looking at Ryu as she answers me. “Ryu has enlisted in the Navy! He’s going to serve our country, just like his dad!”
I am filled with such complete bliss at this news. I feel I might float right off the planet.
Before a week comes and goes, Ryu Black is gone.
***
The day after Mrs. Black’s party for Ryu to send him to the military, life returns to business as usual.
However, Mary does not return to Mrs. Black’s. She is missing from school. Mary’s family has moved away, and she didn’t even tell me good-bye.
1991
Chapter 1
Shadow Dale was the sort of picturesque, story book town that big city folk loved to visit to get away from it all. The streets were lined with majestic old trees, many of which bloomed plush with white and pink blossoms each spring. Springtime in Shadow Dale brought about a peaceful reverie of delicate falling petals, while autumn brought a gentle rain of vibrant leaves. The small town was brimming with ancient homes full of character and historic buildings that stood like squat sentries along the streets of a downtown scene that was like a stroll through a forgotten time. Shadow Dale was a rare place left with a small population, and surrounded by miles of plentiful fields and thriving farms. It was the sort of town where a stranger would feel safe leaving his doors unlocked when he laid down his head at night.
Olive Childress had spent many happy times in the town. Olive’s mother, Leonora Flint, had grown up and lived in Shadow Dale until she reached adulthood. Leonora’s parents, Olive’s grandparents, Ernest and Ruthie remained in Shadow Dale, and Olive spent a lot of time there visiting. Her grandparents took her to ride at the county fair each summer. She walked with them through crunching leaves along the tree-lined avenues each autumn. She enjoyed many late night ghost stories in the large, sprawling house of her grandparents.
However, when Leonora remarried and decided she wanted to return to Shadow Dale permanently with Olive, her new husband George, and the new little one the happy couple was expecting, the decision made Olive bitterly unhappy.
For so long, Olive and her mom had been on their own. Leonora had her share of boyfriends, but somehow it never worked out. Perhaps Leonora had a knack for choosing the wrong guys. Perhaps Olive was a bit of a jerk to new boyfriends to assist them in their decisions to dump Leonora. Whatever the case, the fact was, at the end of the day Leonora tucked Olive into bed, woke her up for school, packed her lunches, watched television sit coms with her, and explicitly lived her life for Olive.
Until George Flint came along.
The unexpected romance with George transpired in a whirlwind that happened so quickly Olive didn't know what hit her. Leonora met George when he went on a date with Leonora's sister Lydia. George hit it off with Leonora, and not Lydia. It happened so naturally that it didn't even seem to upset anybody. George was fun, handsome and different. When he spoke it sounded like music, and he said the silliest nonsense. When she thought George was her aunt's boyfriend, even Olive had a little crush on him. Until she found out it was actually her own mother that George loved…
It seemed like only a matter of weeks before George and Leonora married.
They had a small ceremony in Leonora and Olive's front yard. No amount of attitude or snide comments from Olive seemed to deter George or affect her mom, though the smart mouth routine had run guys off post haste in the past. When Leonora and George looked at each other, the rest of the world simply ceased to exist.
They were a family, whether Olive liked it or not.
Seemingly overnight, everything changed. Leonora got pregnant right away and they decided they didn't want to raise the kids in the big city and that was when the decision was hastily made to relocate back to Leonora's peaceful, small home town.
Olive had grown up in the big city. Goodview was the polar opposite of Shadow Dale. Goodview operated at breakneck speed and never slept. The buildings in downtown Goodview were gigantic, steel grey structures, seeming like living beings throbbing with activity as they stretched to line the sky. Olive loved the sights, smells, and sounds of the city and at one time, she thought her mother loved it too. Even at her young age, Olive suspected her mother was changing everything just to satisfy a man, not to find her own happiness.
In Goodview, a person could easily blend into any given sea of faces and Olive loved to be hidden away. Olive felt comfortable in her school and the people she already knew. The prospect of attempting to fit in with new kids in a diminutive town horrified Olive. The prospect of anybody new positively horrified Olive.
Most upsetting to Olive was the prospect of moving an hour and a half away from her dad. Bill Childress remained single several years after a break from Olive’s stepmother. In fact, Olive couldn’t believe Bill chose to go along with this nonsense and let her be taken away. She told her dad how upset she was to be moving away from Goodview and he brushed off her concerns and optimistically told her to make the most of it.
Even though she moved to Shadow Dale with her mother, new step dad, and a soon to be baby brother, she felt strangely forgotten and abandoned.
But, as had been the case with Olive at times in the past, she soon realized she could adjust and that life would go on. Leonora and George bought a house for them to live in that was just the sort of place that Olive liked. It was an old house filled with character, the air thick with history. Handy George Flint tinkered a
nd soon turned the house into an interesting home. Not long after the move, George converted a huge, unfinished attic into the most amazing bedroom Olive had ever seen, especially for her. He covered the floor with scarlet colored carpeting that he found for a steal in a yard sale. Olive came to spend many happy hours lost in her imagination in the tower windows of her attic room.
***
The family made their move to Shadow Dale one week before the end of Olive's fifth grade year. Leonora and George had strategized a way for Olive to finish as much as the year as possible with her familiar friends, but also give her brief opportunity to meet some school kids in Shadow Dale before summer vacation.
On Olive's first day in the new school, Leonora accompanied her to her classroom. A far cry from the sprawling newer facility with huge playgrounds that Olive had been accustomed to in Goodview, the "new" building was a narrow structure with several levels and a small playground. To Olive, the brick building looked centuries old, and smelled that way as well.
Olive's fifth grade classroom lay nestled on the top floor of the creaking building. Olive and her mother climbed a huge staircase lined with massive, sunny windows. Leonora gazed about wistfully with eyes full of memory.
"This is the very same building where I went to elementary school," Leonora related to Olive.
"Wow! Really?” Olive found the fact interesting. She almost wished she'd come sooner to the new school to spend more time in the high ceilinged halls where her mother walked when she was a young girl.
"Yep, I sure did! And, Mr. Milton, the gentleman who will be your teacher this week, he was my fifth grade teacher, too!"
Olive regarded her mother with wide eyes. "Really? That is SO cool!" Olive imagined possible opportunities to find out forgotten stories about her mother.
Olive and Leonora entered a warmly lit room buzzing with early morning activity. Fifth graders congregated engaging in last minute tasks prior to the day's start. The floor consisted of faded tiles, marked by years of chair scooting and hurried footsteps. The walls were lined with colorful posters of every variety of educational topics. Windows taller than Olive hung open, inviting the early summer breeze, thick with the pleasant scent of fresh cut grass. Leonora convened with a stately looking elderly gentleman who embraced her warmly as they smiled and reminisced.
