by L. B. Dunbar
“Take a ride with me.”
“How did you get here with two bikes?”
Ben shrugs. “It doesn’t matter. Just ride with me a bit.”
Hopping on the bike Ben offers, we travel down Beech Street to the inner drive and head in the direction of Lakeside Cottage. Ben remains quiet as we pedal beside one another. This isn’t a race. We aren’t teasing one another or showing off with feats of balance. We simply take our time to push the pedals and glide along the fall-colored drive. The trees are in full display, and a crisp smell filters through the air. Change is coming. I have so many questions, all of which I want to ask Ben, but I don’t. I savor this moment, adding it to a new list. The one where I hold every memory of my older brother before he goes.
We pass the cottage, which surprises me, but I follow Ben’s lead traveling further down the road. We pass Zack’s old home, which is right next door, and the historical inn. We pass a Spanish-inspired home that has always intrigued me, and then we near my house, as I affectionately call the place.
The one where I dreamed of living one day with a husband and child of my own. The place wasn’t as flashy as the cottage house of Anna’s family, but more your traditional lakeside home. It was perfectly situated on a raised lot, and Ben slows as we near it. The FOR SALE sign that once sat in the yard is now gone.
“It sold?” My heart breaks at another dream shattered.
“I think so,” Ben says, hopping off his bike but turning it onto the drive.
“What are you doing?” I ask, still straddling mine. Ben walks up the drive. Distance grows between us until Ben stops and tilts his head.
“Come on.”
Removing myself from my bike, I hold the handlebars and walk it up the gravel drive. “Ben, this is trespassing.”
He chuckles. “Might be the last time you get to peek inside then,” he teases. He stops short of the front walk and lays his bike on the lawn. I follow his lead and walk the broken path to the front door where Ben has stopped before the entrance. He turns to me.
“You know there’s nothing I want more than for you to be happy, right?”
I tip my head to the side, curious where his comment is leading. “Of course.” He’s always been the best of brothers.
“This is the happiness you deserve.” Ben reaches for the doorknob and presses it to open the door.
“Ben,” I whisper, narrowing my eyes as my heart races. “What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything.” Ben slowly smiles. “It was all him.” Ben holds out a hand, and I hesitate as I cross the threshold of the house I’d always dreamed of owning to find Logan standing inside.
36
[Logan]
As Autumn enters the house, she looks as nervous as I feel. I swipe my warm hands down my jean-covered thighs and wait as she cautiously steps farther inside. I’m going to owe Ben big for this, as I called him before I made a decision. I wanted his approval and his help.
“Welcome,” I say, biting off the second word I want to share with her. I hold off as I have more groveling to do and more explaining, but I wanted this moment first.
“What are you doing here?” she asks, sidetracked by the old fireplace and built-in bookshelves. A large bay window looks out toward the water, unencumbered by the house across the street as it sits lower on the incline, pitching toward the lake. The sun is setting earlier on this mid-October day, but it’s no less striking than a summer sunset.
“What do you think of the place?” I question, having a hint as Lorna knew about this house.
“I love this house.” Autumn pauses, glancing around the open space between the front room and the dining area where I’ve set up a card table with flowers and a linen tablecloth. Her head tilts.
“Want to tell me about this house?” I ask, hoping to reel her in and open her up to me about it.
“I’ve always admired this place for some reason. It seems more cottage-y than Anna and Ben’s place, and I’ve always wanted to own a house, not a condo.” Autumn’s place is a newer build pressed up to the waterfront in town. It’s nice and modern with a great view but lacking character.
“Lorna told me you called this your house.” My daughter mentioned how they drove by it one night, and Autumn called this place her home. Mila and Lorna also rode bikes past the house, and Mila called the swing in the front yard her spot.
“I did.” She softly chuckles. “But Ben told me it—” She stops, holding still in the empty front room while I remain by the makeshift dining table.
“It what?” I slowly smile, nearly ready to burst.
“It sold.” Her voice drops as she stares at me. “Did you buy this place?”
“I did.” My voice rises with excitement, fighting the anxiety underlying the phrase.
“Why?”
“I want to give us a home.”
“Logan.” Her shoulders visibly fall, and her lips purse. I’ve stressed over being too late to win her back, but I’m more determined than I’ve ever been to do this with her.
“Welcome home,” I state. Autumn stays where she is, and I slip my hands into my back pockets. I muddled things up a bit last night when I went to her place. It would have been too easy if she had accepted my botched proposal, and I’m a little glad she didn’t. I regrouped today once the realtor gave me the keys to this place and then recruited Ben to get her here. I didn’t want to mess things up again.
“I almost missed you,” I state, and her head pops up. “You said the right man hadn’t found you, and I almost missed you. I was searching out there.” I wave a hand to mean the larger world. “When you were right before me all the time. You were here the entire time.”
Autumn lowers her head, and I take a few steps to be closer to her. I don’t want to feel like I’m shouting my words. She needs them up close. She needs to feel them from me.
“You thought destiny missed you. I felt the same way, but it hadn’t. It’s been before us all this time. I’m the one.”
I reach for her and rub my hands up and down her arms. “You’re the one.”
Liquid fills her eyes as she gazes up at me but quickly turns her head away. I reach under her hair and around her neck and tip up her chin with my other hand so she faces me.
“I’m no Prince Charming, but I promise you won’t need to search anymore. I’m here.”
A tear leaks from the corner of her eye, and she quickly swipes it away. I stroke my thumb over her cheek and lick my lips before continuing.
“I cannot live without you. A lifetime will not be long enough. And I know you’re capable of doing everything alone, but I don’t want you to do it alone. I don’t want to be alone. I want to be here with you. For you. And for a baby. For all the babies.”
Her mouth pops open, but I use my thumb at her lips to stop her from speaking.
“I need you and not in some creepy needy way, but just an aching need to have you with me. Take care of me but let me take care of you. I’ll hold your hand. I’ll hold you up. And while I might not always get it right, I’m damn well willing to try until I figure things out. You feed my ego because you’re so fucking gorgeous, and I’m a chump. Let me remind you every day how fucking gorgeous you are.”
More tears fall from her beautiful eyes, and I swipe at them.
“Marry me, Autumn. Let us be the couple who was made for each other.”
Autumn breaks into a sob, covering her face as she cries, and I’m thinking I’ve really fucked this up. Not a little mess up, but full-blown fuckery. Her head tips toward me, and I catch her in my arms, wrapping them around her back and stroking up and down her spine. I press my lips to her hair as she shudders against me.
“Would it really be that bad?” I question, thinking back to when she refused to sleep with me at first, and I took it personally. Maybe she hadn’t wanted me. Then I learned she’d always wanted me, and I’d been a fool not to see her. An extra stupid jerk as Lorna reminds me.
Autumn shakes her head against my sternum. “No,” she s
ays, and my heart crashes to my feet. Her head continues to wag side to side. “No, it wouldn’t be that bad.”
I pause and press at her shoulders so she’ll look up at me. “What are you saying?”
“I have something to tell you first.”
I stare at her red-rimmed eyes and her swollen lids. She looks so broken and sad, and my chest hurts because I did this to her.
“You can tell me anything, sweetheart.”
“I’m pregnant.”
My heart stills, and then it hammers. Blood rushes to fill all my veins at once. “What?” The question is soft and strangled, surprised.
“I was going to tell you. I just wanted to let it sink in a little bit and—”
My mouth covers hers. I keep it tender and slow, sucking at her bottom lip before covering them both as I absorb what she said. When I pull away from her, I lean my forehead against hers.
“We’re doing this. Together.”
“Logan, I don’t want you to feel—”
My thumb covers her lips once more. “The only thing I feel is love for you and our future.” I drop a hand to her belly. It’s almost unbelievable, yet I’m thrilled.
“When do you think it happened?” My palm still covers her lower belly. There’s nothing to feel yet but one day, she’ll swell, and I’ll be here to watch it all happen. We’ll experience it all together.
“I’m thinking the Adirondack chair on the landing.”
“You’re not very far along,” I state, counting the weeks backward. That was Labor Day weekend. It’s now the middle of October. “Maybe six weeks.”
Autumn fights a grin. “Six weeks.”
“How do you feel?” She’s pregnant.
She shrugs, but she smiles larger as her hand covers mine over her stomach.
She’s going to be a mother, and I’m going to be a father again.
“We’re going to have a baby,” I whisper to her.
“We’re going to have a baby,” she repeats.
“I’m going to fill you with them.” Taking a deep breath, I glance up at the ceiling in need of repair before blowing out a breath and noting the hardwood floors that need refinishing. This house is a project, but I’m excited to take every step of it. I’m excited to live here with her. My Autumn. A new beginning. A permanent change. “I’m going to fill this house with them.”
“Maybe we should take this one baby at a time,” she teases.
“One baby at a time,” I say, leaning forward to kiss her again. I want nothing more than to devour her and lay her out on this cracked wood floor. I want to bury myself inside her, and celebrate this moment, but we have other repairs to be made first.
“I’m going to love you the right way every day. You’ll see.”
37
[Autumn]
For the next weeks, I do see.
The house was the first gesture. Logan bought it under Lorna’s guidance. He told me how they had a long talk about each of their futures. What they wanted. What would make them happy, and Logan admitted that he’d been holding back because he didn’t want more change to disrupt Lorna’s life. Lorna was happy to let her life change one more time. The kids at school knew too much of her story. Her mother left her behind, and it hurt.
Logan and Lorna wouldn’t officially be moving to Lakeside until they closed on the house, which would be another month, but Logan’s place was up for sale. He gave notice that he’d be leaving by the holidays to his architectural firm and sought the means to invest in Four Points.
For us, the next thing to happen was phone calls and virtual dinner dates through video conferencing. In a sense, we returned to who we had been, but this time it was more. It wasn’t just sex. In fact, there was no sex between us. Logan teased and flirted, but he didn’t press for naked video time and sexy texts. We learned more about one another.
When I had my next doctor’s visit, Logan took the day off, drove three hours, and attended with me. He swore he didn’t want to miss a minute. We agreed not to tell Lorna until I was past the first trimester, which wouldn’t be until after the holidays. For now, it was a moment just for us.
Every weekend, they traveled to Lakeside. Lorna’s soccer season was over, and Logan allowed her to quit piano lessons.
“What did you tell Chloe?” He didn’t let Chloe take their daughter overseas, but he was removing her from their original home state.
“Chloe?” He snorted when I asked. “My ex-wife has hardly called her daughter. Hell, you’ve had more contact with Lorna in the past months than her mom.”
I’d been vigilant to maintain a relationship with Lorna, mainly because we shared that kindred spirit I felt. I wanted to be a pseudo-aunt or fairy godmother to her, if I wasn’t going to be anything else. I still had not accepted Logan’s marriage proposal, and he hadn’t asked again after that first weekend. Still, we moved forward in preparation for his closing on the house.
When Logan came to Lakeside, he stayed in the garage apartment with Mason, allowing Lorna to sleep in Mila’s room. The two girls really were the best of friends, and the separation allowed Logan some of the free time he needed. He spent those extra moments with me.
We talked. We held hands. We kissed, but we did not take it further than heavy groping and some torturous grinding.
“I’m not making love to you again until we’re living in the same zip code,” he teased one night as we sat on blankets in the empty house he would soon move into. It was unorthodox to enter the house before Logan officially signed on the line, but Mason knew the realtor. She was someone he hooked up with once, and she owed him a favor, so Logan had keys to enter as needed to discuss things with the contractors. We sat in our familiar position of me between his legs, my back to his chest. “In the same house.”
“Are you asking me to move in with you?” I tease. Logan’s place had sold rather quickly, and the timing coordinated that he’d move here and virtually close on his place.
“Yes.” His adamant response startles me.
“I’m kidding,” I tell him, lessening the pressure.
“I’m not. I want us in the same house, same bed.”
“Don’t you think it’s too soon?” I question. “Lorna will need time to adjust to the move, and you’ll be busy, and—"
“I think it shows Lorna how truly committed I am to us. While her mother ran off to live with a man in France, I’m bringing Lorna with me to live with my future wife. Plus, you’re having my baby, which will be her little brother or sister. We’ve been apart long enough. I’m ready to start living with you day in and day out.”
Logan speaks openly about us marrying. He isn’t feeling me out, questioning if it’s something I want. He’s simply making a statement. We will marry.
“Your wife? Gosh, I hope she doesn’t mind you spending time with me,” I tease again.
Logan shifts, and I adjust to face him between his spread thighs. “Oh, my wife will approve.”
He leans forward to kiss me, hard and fast. Our touches have grown desperate under his rule not to have sex until we are together all the time. Pressing at his shoulder, he falls to his back and takes me with him, so I blanket his body with mine. Soon enough, I may not be able to lay like this with him, but for now, I love it. And I’m ready to beg him to sleep with him, desperate to know how much longer we’ll keep up the ruse of abstinence. Pregnancy has made me horny, and this man just does it for me.
“Are we finally ready to have sex again?” I tease at his lips.
“Are you finally ready to be my wife?” he asks, stroking his hands up and down my back.
“You haven’t asked me anything,” I joke back, keeping my lips against his.
“Then I guess it’s time to ask again.” Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a ring and holds it between us. “Autumn Kulis, will you do me the honor of making, and raising, babies with me, as my wife?”
“I—” I stare at the ring for a moment. Is this really happening to me? Am I really going to have it
all: husband, child, house? It doesn’t seem real.
“You just had this in your pocket?” I tease while choking on the words.
“It’s been there since I returned in mid-October.”
“I—”
“I know I come with a teenage daughter, but she approves. She adores you. She loves you like I do.”
Softly, I laugh. “It could get tricky trying to make babies with a teenager in the house.”
“We can be creative,” he says, leaning forward to take my mouth for a quick kiss. “We’ll need to be creative anyway as we’ll be having more than one baby.”
I chuckle at his joke, but his face turns serious.
“I’m going to fill you up, sweetheart. I’m going to give you all the babies you want and all the love you deserve. Marry me.” He wiggles the ring in his fingers.
“Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.” Cupping his cheeks, I take his mouth with mine and kiss him with all I have. His palm comes to mine, and without even looking, he slips the ring on my finger, not missing a beat as he continues to kiss me. Eventually, the weight registers, and I pull back to stare down at the ring, placing my hand on his chest as I balance over the length of his body.
“This looks familiar.” I stare at the simple cut and silver band.
“I didn’t have my mother’s engagement ring to give to you.” It’s a reminder that Logan has no family but his friends and my family. “This is your mother’s. She gave it to me, saying it brought her years of happy marriage and two wonderful babies.”
Tears well in my eyes. My father bought my mother an anniversary diamond, and she eventually wore that ring every day. This ring is her original engagement ring and means everything to me. It means my mother approves of my marrying Logan.
“Wait? You asked my mother for permission to marry me?”
“I asked Ben. Your mother just happened to be in the room. I wanted to do it all right for you.”
He said he wasn’t always going to get it right, but he was willing to try until he did. I’d say he’d put forth plenty of effort to do right by me after our early hiccups.
