by Jamie Lake
“Is this the right key?”Chip asked him, trying another key on the key ring with the same result.
“Well, yeah,” Peter said, frowning. That’s when they noticed the paper under the mat. Peter reached down to pick it up, he could tell by the masking tape marks on the door that somebody had ripped it off and as he turned it over, his heart thudded painfully, “Evicted.”
“What the hell? How could …? I paid the rent. We were all caught up. Why would it ...?” Peter started to mumble, shaking his head, unable to understand. Why did things just have to get worse and worse for him? Why couldn’t he just catch a break?
Chip grabbed the paper and stuffed it in his pocket, “Let’s go,” he said ushering Peter back down the steps through the field of media pushing his way to their car. He opened Peter’s door and said, “Get in.”
Chip revved up the engine, slamming his foot down on the accelerator.
“Why? Why am I locked out?” Peter asked confused, putting his hands to his head. He just didn’t understand. He’d paid the rent! Why was this happening to him?
“I don’t know but if these fuckers don’t get outta my way, I swear to God I’ll run them over,” he beeped his horn and finally they backed away, each of them parting like sheep but banging on the car door, trying to shout through the window. Peter had never seen anything like this. He felt sick and dizzy again.
Johnny screamed, “What’s happening, daddy? I’m scared.”
“Don’t worry son, it’s just … it’s just an adventure,” Chip fumbled over an excuse for his son, hating to swear in front of him too.
“But I don’t want to play adventure today,” Johnny said, sniffling back tears. He looked so worried, his eyes large and wide, his lower lip trembling. It sent a lance of guilt and shame right through Peter’s heart.
A camera flashed in Chip’s face and he squealed to a stop, rolled down the window and told the photographer, “Do that again and I’ll fuck your face up.” He was snarling like a wild animal, clearly just trying to protect Peter and Johnny.
The man backed away and Chip peeled out of the parking lot.
This was beyond a mess. This was a living nightmare. Worst of all, it was all Peter’s fault.
CHAPTER 4
“What if they find us here?” Peter asked, his brow crinkled as he took a sip of his tea. He leaned back on Chip’s couch. His hands were shaking so bad, it took both of them to drink properly, and he had still spilled some down his front. Peter felt woozy and sick, a sinking feeling that never left him.
“They won’t, we’re fine,” Chip assured, “Just stay inside for a few days. If you need anything, I’ll get it for you. I’ll ask my boss for a few extra days. You’ll be fine.” He repeated himself as though Peter were a frightened child in an even, cool and calm voice. It didn’t insult Peter though, he appreciated the kindness. And when Chip reached over and patted him on the hand, Peter felt momentarily soothed.
Chip was so wonderful to him, why’d he have to be so wonderful to him? All the days, the weeks events flashed forward in his mind and suddenly he had a tidal wave of emotions that he could not control. The first wave of tears hit like a bomb and he couldn’t hold back any longer. Tears spilled down his cheeks and he had to set his tea down on the coffee table. He wiped at his eyes with his sleeve. Peter didn’t think he deserved any of this: Chip’s support, love, his unwavering reassurance. It was all his fault, what had happened and Chip deserved to be with someone with far less baggage. What was worse was that Peter knew all of his baggage was his own damn fault.
Chip rubbed his back, “It’s okay, baby. It’s going to be all right.”
“How do you know?” Peter asked, “I mean, really. It’s just getting worse and worse. You didn’t hear the things they were saying about me. Calling me a $20 dollar whore. Painting me like I’m some kind of cheap prostitute.” He shook his head, wishing desperately that Chip would grasp the situation. That he would understand how bad this was for the both of them.
“What’s a prostitute?” Johnny asked walking up to them.
This was all he needed. It was bad enough that poor Johnny had to see him go through this but he couldn’t help but think how this might affect him too. He was so little. He didn’t need to even hear that word, let alone know what it meant. He gave Chip a narrow look, knowing his policy on keeping nothing from Johnny.
“It’s a …” Chip tried to think of how to explain it, “It’s somebody who gets paid to kiss someone else.”
“Ewww! Kissing.” Johnny said, scrunching his face together in disgust.
“I knew you wouldn’t want to know,” Chip said, “Now, run along now. We have to do some grown up talk.” Chip waved him off, his tone no nonsense.
“But I want to talk too!” Johnny whined, stamping his foot, clearly intent on staying anyway.
“Okay, but we’re going to talk about kissing!” Chip warned, his smile crooked and wry.
“Ewww! No way!” Johnny said, running off down the hall to the safety of his room.
Chip smiled and for a moment, Peter smiled. Johnny was so innocent and right now, Peter longed for those days when he didn’t have a clue what the world was about, nor the evil things people did to each other just to be hurtful. He thought about Tony and how he’d gone out of his way just to hurt him. Just days before he was declaring his love for Peter, proposing to him on his private jet, wanting to take care of him, saying he’d make all his dreams come true and now, he was his sworn enemy. Hell has no fury like a woman scorn? Fuck that, whoever wrote that had no idea how gay men could be. How could anyone hate someone that much, to ruin their life like this? Peter couldn’t imagine doing that even to his worst enemy. He knew Tony had a mean streak, almost an abusive streak, a controlling streak that had caused him to get rid of Peter’s roommate permanently but this went beyond something he thought Tony was capable of.
Even with having Anton murdered to keep him from talking, something so horrible like that, he’d claimed to have done it for Peter. Not that it made it better, but somehow he just didn’t think that Tony would really turn on him like that. How foolish he felt, giving Tony the benefit of the doubt. He should have listened to his gut. He should have seen all the red flags. Now, his life was ruined and Chip was stuck with him and soon, he’d ruin Chip’s life too.
“I just want you to take it easy,” Chip said, “Don’t worry about a thing. When stuff calms down, I’m going take you to a spa retreat, something to take your mind off of things.”
He placed his hand on Peter’s shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He looked so hopeful that it broke Peter’s heart. Peter didn’t think things would calm down and on the off chance that they did, Peter was certain Tony would do everything in his power to see that Peter was ruined.
Truth be told, Peter was terrified. Not just scared for himself, but for Chip and Johnny too. Tony was a monster, he knew that now more than ever. And he would stop at nothing to get back at Peter for choosing Chip over him. He’d promised to break Chip’s legs. He might even hurt Johnny.
Hell, Peter thought, he might even hurt me too. He didn’t put it past Tony to hurt them. He had to do something.
“That’s sweet of you to offer a spa getaway Chip, it is but I really need to … I need to face this. I need to figure out a way out of this.” Peter shook his head. He knew that was the right thing to do, problem was, he couldn’t figure out just how to do it. What was the first step? He had no idea how to dig himself out from under all of this and start over. That’s what he really needed. A fresh start.
“There is no way out of this, Peter,” Chip said, weighing his words carefully, “This is our new reality now. Sure things will calm down and they’ll get a little better but this is not something that will just go away completely. That’s the reality of the situation.” Chip shrugged.
Peter turned the other way. He looked out the window at Chip’s backyard patio. Carefully landscaped, crafted to perfection; quite the opposite of his life r
ight now, a haphazard mess. It was not what he wanted to hear in this moment but he knew what Chip had to say was 100% true. He felt so angry, so angry with himself for getting himself wrapped up in this mess, so angry at Tony for doing what he did. His blood boiled thinking about Tony, not so much about what it was doing to his life but what it was doing to those he loved and cared for most, Chip and Johnny.
He just wanted to shrink away and hide at this point but he knew that wasn’t the answer. No, he’d been a weakling too long, a victim to circumstance. Now, it was time to fight back, to stand up for himself and protect the ones he loved. He’d created this situation, he had to uncreate it. But how? He had to fix it. He had to find a way to keep Chip and Johnny safe and repair his reputation and repair his career, and while this was all well and good, he had no idea how to go about it.
CHAPTER 5
Peter waited until Chip went out for ice cream with Johnny. He told him to pick him up something and though he wanted to go with him after being cooped up in the house for hours, he knew he couldn’t. Being seen meant being discovered by someone who could point the media trucks in his direction. And Peter wasn’t sure he could handle something like that right now. He was certain he’d just fall apart.
Besides, he had more important things to do. His hand shook as he picked up his phone, scrolling through his contacts for Tony’s number. He started to dial half a dozen times only to press disconnect at the last minute. He was so afraid. Afraid of Tony’s anger, afraid of the consequences. But, he told himself that he had to face it. He had to settle this once and for all.
“You can do this,” he told himself as he paced back and forth, thinking about what he’d say to Tony and how he’d say it exactly. Finally, he just dialed the number again and said, “Fuck it.” He waited for Tony to answer his deep gravelly voice responded on the third ring.
“Hello?” he said, pretending he didn’t know who it was. He sounded blank and empty. At least that was better than furious, Peter thought.
Peter couldn’t speak for the first few seconds and Tony repeated, “Hello?”
Finally, his voice forced its way out of his throat like a cough caught in his throat. “Stay away from my family.” Peter heard himself say. He was surprised he managed to force the words out of his mouth. He’d been needing to say all of this for so long. He wanted to say more, make a bigger threat, something, anything he could to keep Tony away from him and away from Chip and Johnny.
“Excuse me?” Tony said, “Who is this?”
“Don’t fuck around, this is not a game, Tony. This is my life.” Peter said with gusto he didn’t know he possessed. Just the thought of Chip and Johnny in trouble or pain made him vicious and protective.
“Oh, Peter. How nice to hear from you,” Peter could hear the sarcastic smile in his voice, the way his voice went up a pitch sweet like saccharine as if he didn’t have a care in the world.
“I’m serious, Tony. If you want to fuck with me, fine but what you’re doing is affecting the people I love.” Peter said, clenching and unclenching his fist. He was so tired of Tony pushing him around and threatening him.
“Now, Petey, baby--” Tony said, trying to cajole him already.
“Don’t call me baby and don’t call me Petey either,” Peter said, gritting his teeth, cutting him off and not letting him finish. Those days of “Petey, baby” were long gone as far as he was concerned. It was just another way to control him and he wasn’t having it. Not anymore. Not ever again.
“All right then, Peter. I really don’t think you’re in the position to be making any demands, really.” Tony said, sounding arrogant and smug. But under that was something sharp, something infinitely cold. It made Peter shiver.
“What do you mean?” Peter said, not liking his tone. He narrowed his eyes and stopped pacing, his heart pounding, a cold sweat make his skin slick.
“Well, think about it. You’re a smart man. I warned you what would happen if fucked with me and you didn’t listen.” He sounded so casual, as if they were talking about which team won the game that night.
“You didn’t say anything about trying to-” Peter started to say.
Tony cut him off sharply. “I warned you and you blew it!” Tony said, raising his voice so loud, the sound rang in Peter’s ears. So loud that Peter had to hold the phone away so that it wouldn’t hurt his head.
There was silence between them for awhile, tense and thick. Peter stood there trembling, his mouth dry. He knew then that he’d never stop. That he might actually hurt him. “I just can’t believe you’d do something like this, Tony. I knew you could be cruel but this --”
Tony’s sharp laugh cut him off again. “Oh, this is nothing, Petey. Nothing. We’ve only just begun.” He didn’t even sound like himself. His voice was so metallic, so cruel. It was like he’d never felt anything for Peter at all. Peter thought that would make him angry, or even make him feel better about the whole situation, but instead, it just made him so pensive and frightened.
“Do whatever you want with me but leave everyone else out of it,” Peter warned, trying to sound strong and sure, though was feeling anything but. Instead, he thought he heard his voice wobble and go up in pitch. He was terrified.
“Like I said, ‘I really don’t think you’re in the position to do any negotiating.’ I gave you a chance, I offered you an opportunity-”
This time, Peter cut Tony off, sick and tired of the threats. “You offered me an opportunity to be under your control, to do things your way-”
“The right way!” Tony screamed. “We could have had a future together. We could have belonged together but you wanted your fucking prick cop and that fucking stupid ass kid. And now, you’re not going to have either. By the time I’m done with you, he’s going to leave you, Peter and you’re going to have nothing and no one.” Tony sounded so proud of himself. So content. It was as though he was happy at the thought that Peter would be hurt, that Peter would be all alone and miserable.
“Don’t-” Peter started to say but it was too late, Tony hung up. Peter could still hear his arrogant laughter ringing in his ears.
He hurled his phone against the couch and screamed, “Motherfucker!” He knew Tony didn’t just make threats, in fact he didn’t make threats at all, he made promises and though Peter shuddered to think of how he’d do it, when Tony said that he’d find a way to get Chip to leave him, he knew Tony wasn’t joking. He just hoped that all of Tony’s rancor and venom were directed at him, not Chip and Johnny.
***
“Hey,” Chip said with a big smile on his face as he carried a small bag of groceries inside. He shut the door with his foot, his hands far too full. Johnny rushed over to Peter and bounced on his lap.
“Hey!” Peter said smiling, “Ow!” The little boy was bony and when he hopped up and down on him, it really hurt.
“Let’s watch Beauty and the Beast together,” Johnny said, moving off his lap to sit next to him on the couch. He smiled up at Peter hopefully.
“Beauty and the Beast?” Peter said. He had to admit, it was one of his favorite older Disney cartoons. “Sure, pop it in.” Maybe, he thought, it would make him feel better. He really needed to cheer up, especially after that awful phone call with Tony. Just thinking of his name made Peter nervous and his stomach hurt.
“Daddy bought ice cream and popcorn. Daddy, can I pop the popcorn in the microwave?” Johnny bounced up and down excitedly on the couch this time.
“Sure, buddy but only if I keep an eye on you,” Chip said, pulling the microwave popcorn package out of the bag and shaking it.
“Yay!” Johnny raced over to him as his dad yanked the popcorn out of his reach. Johnny jumped for it, each time Chip yanking it away, teasing him. Peter smiled at the two of them. They were so close, far from the relationship his father had with him, especially now.
If he thought it was cold and distant before, now that he came out of the closet, it was almost nonexistent. It was something that would always hurt, no m
atter how long ago it was. Every child, even when they grew up, wants the approval of their parents and it saddened him to know that he’d just never have it. And now? Chip might not either. All because of him.
Though he told himself it didn’t really matter to him anymore, that he was going to be 30 soon in a few years and that his parents’ approval was nothing to him, the truth was, he longed for his dad to say just once, “Good job” or better yet, “I’m proud of you.” It was a long shot, especially now with everything that was going on. He shuddered to think what his parents would think if they found out, more like when they found out. With it plastered all over the news, his dad would have to be living under a rock to not hear about it himself or from one of his attorney colleagues at his firm. How ashamed he’d be. Peter was certain that his father would just disown him. If he hadn’t already.
He didn’t even want to think about it anymore. He wasn’t lucky enough to have family support but he did have Chip and he did have Johnny. If he wasn’t going to fight back for himself, he had to fight back for them. And maybe that was all the support he needed. It was enough, he decided. Maybe he hadn’t had the support earlier in his life, but he had it now. Chip was so steadfast, so loyal. Peter knew how lucky he was.
Johnny had maneuvered his way into a tickling session with his dad by the time Chip’s phone rang. He set Johnny down and pulled his phone out of his pocket.
“Y-ello!” he answered, his smile faded as the voice on the other end sounded angry. “Yes, yes sir. I know him and-- I know that sir but I didn’t know he was involved in... Now? Right now?”
Peter watched him, whatever he was talking about didn’t sound good. He reached over and grabbed the remote control off of the coffee table and turned the TV on, quickly scanning it until he got to the news. He covered the phone, “Uh, Peter, why don’t you help Johnny make the popcorn, will ya?” He offered Peter a tight smile that he assumed was supposed to reassure him. It only made him more nervous, upset and curious about what he walking to on the phone about.
