by Jamie Lake
He had to admit, he would much prefer eating out to the mess he’d made of the eggs.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Chip asked. “I mean, if someone spots you...” Chip trailed off in a warning tone.
“I’ll wear a baseball hat and sunglasses,” Peter shrugged. He was tired of being cooped up in the house all day. He felt trapped and he refused to live like a prisoner the rest of his life just because of what other people thought of him. He refused to accept Tony’s punishment anymore. Now that they had a plan, he felt like he could conquer the world. He refused to be intimidated any longer. Of course, he was being thoughtless when it came to Chip and Johnny, but he wasn’t doing it on purpose. He only wanted to have a normal day for once. He wanted a normal day, taking his family out to eat pancakes just like anyone else would.
“I don’t know if that’ll be enough, baby,” Chip said, sounding terribly concerned. His brow crinkled and he looked dubious as he pushed his burned eggs around on his plate.
“Sure it will, movie stars do it all the time. I’ll be like movie stars today.” Peter smiled, preening comically.
“Can I be a movie star too?” Johnny gasped with excitement, looking at his father for approval.
“Sure, son,” Chip smiled at him.
“Can I be a action star?” Johnny said standing up, flexing his non existent muscles.
“Definitely,” Peter answered, leaning over the table and smiling.
“Yeah!” Johnny exclaimed. “What kind of star are you going to be, daddy?”
“I think … I think I’ll just be the bodyguard today,” Chip said, smiling warmly.
“What’s that?” Johnny asked.
“Well, every star needs a bodyguard to protect them against, whackos … That’ll be me.” Chip said, standing up, “Go and get your jacket and baseball cap. Your sunglasses are in the bathroom where you left them.”
“Yes, sir!” Johnny said, running out of the room.
Peter smiled. Chip looked over to him with loving eyes, “You’re so good with him.”
“Well, I’m a … well, I used to be a kindergarten teacher, of course, I am.” Peter answered.
He loved Johnny, too. He did. He’d always liked kids, but Johnny was special. He was family. And to be honest, even when he had Johnny as a student, the kid always felt more like a son to him than anything. He couldn’t explain it then, but now, everything made perfect sense.
“No, it’s more than that,” Chip said, standing up and pulling Peter into an embrace. “He likes you, he admires you a lot. You know, I’ve never brought anyone over like this before, brought anyone into our life before. Johnny really digs you, Peter and that’s important to me.”
Peter smiled as Chip rubbed his shoulders. He really needed to hear that. More and more every day, he felt more like a real part of this family, like he belonged. It was no longer a fantasy that he’d have a family one day, he was actually beginning to have one and he loved every moment of it.
If it hadn’t been for all the drama in his life, he’d say that he’d reached his pinnacle and had everything he’d ever wanted in his life. He just hoped it would last. The thought of losing Chip and Johnny was unbearable. Tony’s threat was never far from his mind, no matter how well the day was going. He could almost hear that smug, arrogant voice now and with that, came the sliver of fear that threatened to drown all of his hope.
CHAPTER 8
Peter had to admit, even in his baseball hat and sunglasses, as they sat down at a booth in the pancake house, that he was a nervous wreck. He tried to pretend not to be but he was finding it difficult to pull it together. He kept imagining that the waitress or worse yet, the other customers were going to recognize him at any second, even though everyone seemed to be minding their own businesses. He fidgeted and adjusted his cap and glasses, sweat pooling at the small of his back.
“I want waffles!” Johnny announced to the whole world.
“Okay, son. Keep it down. We’re in public. Remember what I told you about acting like a gentleman when we’re out in public? Besides, I don’t think they have waffles here,” Chip counseled.
“Yes they do!” Johnny said.
“Son, what did I tell you the last time we were here?” Chip sighed.
“Pipe down and keep my hands to myself.” Dramatically, Johnny placed his hands in his lap.
“That’s right and what else? Tell Peter what else you learned.” Chip said, folding his arms across his chest.
“Don’t swing my feet back and forth and sit up straight,” Johnny replied, squishing his mouth back and forth.
“Very good,” Chip answered. He turned over to Peter, “Know what you want?”
Peter lifted the menu up so that only his eyes were visible, “Still looking.” He barely peeped over the edge of the menu and his eyes were still covered with his sunglasses. He probably was drawing more attention to himself than not, but he couldn’t shake his nervousness.
Chip lowered Peter’s menu with one finger.
“It’s okay. Really.” He offered Peter a reassuring smile.
Peter sighed, he knew he was being paranoid but he couldn’t help himself. He imagined being noticed immediately by the entire restaurant. They’d all turn and stare and start to whisper. Then, they’d jeer at him, call him a “whore” in front of his family. Maybe the media would show up to capture his humiliation. Maybe he was being a little dramatic but he couldn’t help himself after all that he’d been through.
“I’ve got your back, don’t worry about it and you can even take those ridiculous sunglasses off too. There’s no sunlight coming in and we’re not on a beach in Miami, either.” Chip snorted back a little laughter, shaking his head.
Peter couldn’t help but chuckle, he loved how Chip had a way of calming him down and making light of a situation that put him at ease. He heaved a big sigh and let himself relax a little. He figured if he were going to be noticed, it would have already happened.
“Okay,” Peter agreed, taking his sunglasses off and putting them in his shirt pocket. He set down the menu and leaned back in the booth.
“There we go, there are those beautiful eyes I fell in love with,” Chip smiled, crooked and charming.
Peter blushed, “Thank you.”
“Have you made any decisions yet?” the waitress asked, chomping on her gum, smacking loudly and obnoxiously. Her voice held a raspy quality that implied far too many cigarettes.
“Um, go ahead, Peter.” Chip said, being the perfect gentleman but Peter could barely look at her so Chip answered, “How about the banana pancakes for me and him and my son will have--”
“Waffles with strawberry sauce!” Johnny said loud and clear.
The waitress smiled back and gave him a wink, “Make that pancakes with strawberry sauce and you got it kid.”
Johnny grumbled about wanting waffles instead, but he finally relented and agreed to pancakes. The waitress pinched his cheek and wrote down the order before taking off.
“See?” Chip said, “Everything is fine. So… have you given any thought as to where we will M-O-V-E?”
He spelled it out as Johnny looked on, clearly not knowing what the word was.
“Oh, yeah, actually.” Peter said, clearing his throat. He knew that Johnny was pretty smart and that if they didn’t spell out certain words, he’d pick up on it. He didn’t want Johnny to know anything quite yet until they’d figured out the the details besides, Peter loved the kid to death but having him as a student proved one thing: He couldn’t keep a secret for the life of him. And for now, moving needed to be a secret, especially one that the knew would excite the boy. He remembered when his family had moved across town to a bigger house when he’d been little and how excited he’d been.
“I was thinking about Oregon, actually?” Peter said.
“Oregon?” Chip said raising an eyebrow.
“I mean, it’s where my dad grew up and it’s a great place to raise kids and I think Johnny would really like it.”
&nb
sp; “I’ve heard, it’s beautiful.” Chip said, trying to sound encouraging.
“I just feel like … it’s so far from your family and-”
“Look, the less I can see them, the better. As long as we come down and do the wedding here then-”
“The wedding?” Peter smiled, remembering Chip had mentioned that to his mother.
“Well, yeah … Didn’t I tell you I was going to marry you?” Chip said matter of factly, rolling his eyes as though Peter hadn’t been listening to him.
“Well, yeah but I thought …” Peter started to say. His brow crinkled again. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to marry Chip, it was that he didn’t want to further mess things up for him. And besides, Chip hadn’t even asked! Not that he really needed to be asked. He wanted to marry Chip too, he just hadn’t thought Chip was serious until now. It was a bit of a shock, albeit a pleasant one.
“You thought what?” Chip asked, leaning forward, forearms on the table. His gaze was mischievous and his grin was wry.
“I don’t know, I just thought you were saying it hypothetically speaking.” Peter blushed again, feeling the heat of his flush warm his cheeks. He ducked his head. He didn’t want to get his hopes up if he wasn’t totally serious. It was just that it was everything he’d ever wanted. And now, he had it within his grasp at long last.
Chip grabbed Peter’s hand and pulled it toward him, “Baby, when I said I wanted to marry you, I was dead serious. I see a future with us together. I want to have more than just one kid with you, Peter.”
“More little Johnny’s? Fantastic.” Peter joked, giving Chip a wink to let him know he was just teasing.
“Hey!” Johnny said offended, coloring a paper menu coloring book with a red crayon.
“I’m just joking, Johnny,” Peter smiled, “I hope they’re all exactly like you.”
“Good!” Johnny said, “You mean, I’m going to have a brother?! Yay!”
“Well, not right away but one day, yeah,” Peter said.
“Or a sister,” Chip teased.
“Ew! Girls are gross.” Johnny said, wrinkling up his nose. “They have boobies!”
Peter and Chip busted out laughing so loud, the entire restaurant turned to look at them. Peter wiped the laughing tears from his eyes.
“Well, Oregon it is then. Will I get to meet your family anytime soon?” Chip asked, taking a sip of his ice water.
“Well … that might take some time. They’re not as … open to the idea as your mother was but …. I’m sure eventually,” Peter said. He stared at the table, thinking about his parents and how they’d react. It was bad enough coming out to them but he knew that in the back of their mind, they hoped that he was just going through a phase and would bounce back and be the good little heterosexual Christian boy they raised.
Still, he thought, if they could just accept it, he knew they’d adore Chip and Johnny, especially his mother. Maybe all they would need was a little more time and patience. The idea that he could talk to his family still and that maybe they’d accept him for once warmed his heart and gave him hope he hadn’t had in years.
“Well, good things come to those that wait.” Chip comforted.
“Of course, I might need to change my name. We all might need to,” Peter said, drumming his fingers on the table. He wanted to be sure and think of everything. It would be terrible to go to all the trouble and expense of moving only to have to move again when his ugly past came chasing after him.
“Why?” Chip asked.
“Just in case. I don’t want my past to catch up to me. I want to start all over again with no stigma you know? I really would like to teach again, even if I start out just in a private school or a private tutor or something.” The thought of being able to pursue his passion again filled him with even more hope.
“I understand. Well, we can talk about it,” Chip said and by his tone, Peter could tell he wasn’t in love with the idea. He understood. He knew he was asking a lot of Chip, but he didn’t know what else to do.
“Yeah, a lot we’ve got to talk about, details and things. I just want to go some place where we can all start over and I’m out of Tony’s reach.” He couldn’t wait to see Las Vegas in the rear view. He’d never have to think or worry about Tony again. He would finally be free of the overly controlling man.
Chip sighed and Peter knew he hated hearing that name, “If I could pound his face in, I would.” Chip scowled, his hands curling into fists.
“You and me both at this point.” Peter agreed.
“I know it’s best for us to just go but part of me wants to stay here and just fight back you know. He’s like this bully that thinks he can get away with everything. I don’t know when or how but eventually that M-U-R-D-E-R of Anton is going to catch up to him but he was good, he was slick. Whoever he got to do it, wiped their tracks clean.” Chip shook his head with another long sigh. He and Peter hadn’t talked about Anton’s murder much, but it was clear the case was going cold.
“Yeah,” Peter groaned, looking at the menu again, he really didn’t want to think or talk about it anymore. He needed a brain-break from the situation.
“Mr. Vanderbilt!” a little voice said and Peter recognized it immediately to be Sarah, a little girl from his class.
“Oh, Jesus,” Peter groaned, his stomach sinking. He wasn’t hungry anymore, he just wanted to disappear, to run and hide. Fear curdled his stomach and he looked at Chip with desperation.
“Hi Sarah,” Johnny said, bouncing up in his seat, waving his hand.
But before the two of them could begin talking, her mother snatched her away and glared at Peter.
“How dare you talk to my daughter, you … you disgusting pervert,” she snarled and if the words weren’t bad enough, the looks of the other customers that stared in his direction after she announced it to the whole restaurant, topped it off.
Peter wanted to sink down below the table. Fuck, sink into the floor.
“I hope you fry in hell,” she said, snatching her daughter by the shoulder and moving her behind her to ‘shield’ her from Peter.
“Hey,” Chip said, standing up, “Cool it.”
His tone wasn’t unkind. He held up his hands. And cut a look to Johnny as if to say they shouldn’t be behaving this way in front of children.
“And you, bringing your son into all of this,” she spat. The woman shook her disapprovingly. She looked so disgusted.
“I said, ‘cool it.’ ” Chip said, his eyes narrowing at her intimidatingly. His voice wasn’t all nice sunshine now. He sounded cold and darkly angry.
“Maybe we should just go,” Peter said, fidgeting in his seat. He really needed to get out of there. He couldn’t take the scrutiny.
“Waitress?” Chip said, calling out to the woman who was only a table away. “Can we get our order to go?”
“Sure thing, hon,” the waitress said, clearly confused about the whole situation. The girl’s mother backed away, huddling over her daughter protectively as she shepherded her to a booth in the back.
Peter couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of there and knew it was only a sign that they had to leave town for good, sooner rather than later. He hated to turn tail and run, but they couldn’t even go out for breakfast. Things, he had a feeling, were only going to get worse before they got any better.
CHAPTER 9
More than anything, Peter was angry about what happened at the restaurant because Sarah’s mother had only just a few weeks ago volunteered to help him out after class with student activities. Now, she was treating him like the devil. It was such a betrayal and she didn’t even ask for his side of the story. He supposed he could understand. He really tried to put himself in her shoes, but it was hard. He always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt and that no one seemed to want to extend that for him really stung.
He had no idea what to do with himself. All he knew was that he needed to take his mind off things for a bit. He couldn’t keep living in his head, worrying the situa
tion over and over again until it was threadbare and he was exhausted. So, Peter helped Chip clean up the house that day, and he was happy to be doing something that would keep his mind off of things. It’s not like he was a clean freak or that he loved cleaning in any way whatsoever but it was something that helped him focus on something else and something they could do as a family as Chip and him tried to figure out what to do next.
“But why was she so angry?” Johnny asked, doing his best to pick up all the little papers off the floor. Peter knew he was at the age that he just wanted to help out and they had to enjoy it before he got old enough to realize cleaning wasn’t fun.
“Well, I think she was a little confused,” Chip said, trying to put it delicately. He gave Peter a rueful smile, but sometimes, Peter wished he wouldn’t tell Johnny everything. The situation was so convoluted, he barely understood it at times.
“About what?” Johnny wanted to know. He was a source of relentless questions. Ever curious.
“About …” Chip fumbled a little, clearly trying to think of the right way to phrase it so that his son would understand. “Sometimes when adults don’t know about things, like when they don’t know the whole picture, they get scared and when they get scared, they say and do things that they regret later.”
“Really?” Johnny said. His brow crinkled. “Grown ups get scared too?”
“Sure they do, son. And sometimes grown ups make mistakes,” Chip answered. Peter marveled at his way of breaking things down so that his five-year-old son could understand them. It was a heavy topic, after all. How do you tell your son that your boyfriend was accused of being a prostitute when all he was doing was being an erotic masseuse at night and a teacher during the day? It was semantics, he knew. Again and again, Peter wished that he’d made better choices. He’d never thought when this whole thing began that it would affect anyone other than him. He felt so stupid now.
“Yes, grown ups make mistakes. Sometimes really big ones. Tell me about it,” Peter groaned, scrubbing under the cabinets.
Mistakes, he thought wryly. He’d made his fair share but lately this had topped them all.
