A Lord of Hell.
I was murdering Arthur later if he knew about this.
I went through the doors, Jaz and Pierce right behind me with her still propped up in his arms. The entryway of this house was decorated for Christmas, in such lavishness that I wondered if a photographer would be by later to take pictures for a magazine.
Lucifer shut the door behind us, and we were immediately greeted with Alec Claus walking in wearing boxer shorts.
“Alec,” Jaz hissed through gritted teeth. “We have guests.” She gestured to me, so I waved to the young warlock. Having raised four children that I was currently raising a second time thanks to my time jump, I was unfazed by the sight of the warlock in just his underwear. A small part of me appreciated the view, though, because his body was perfection.
With an angry pout, Alec put his hands on his hips. “I distinctly remember Lucifer telling me, ‘It’s okay if you walk around in just your pants, Alec. We’ve all seen your tackle after that one time Letty pulled the fire alarm at Denny’s.’ But my apologies, Lisbeth. I will go put some trousers on.”
“It’s fine,” I assured him. “I’m old enough to have sired your entire legacy. You’re basically a fetus.”
Alec’s lips puckered cutely at me. “But a really cute fetus, I bet. Wanna see how good this fetus is?”
“Hey!” Jaz complained. “Eyes on me, pretty boy.”
The warlock snapped his fingers and was suddenly wearing an expensive suit. “My eyes are only for you, my darling. And sometimes your other husbands. Mostly you.” He stalked up to Jaz like she was the last sushi roll on a buffet table, and he was going to swallow her whole.
While they made out, I looked around the entryway and tried not to curl my lip at the sheer abundance of Christmas decorations. There were garlands, balls, wreaths, lights. Even the paintings had Santa hats placed on the corner of their frames.
“Nice to have another immortal around,” Lucifer said, leaning over me from his towering height. “I haven’t spent time with a vampire in quite some time. Hard to do with how closed off your species is, no thanks to that ruddy Anastasia.”
I bristled slightly at the mention of my mother, but I was used to literally everyone having an opinion about her, which was fair considering she almost destroyed vampires and Lycans before I was born. “I’ve never spent time with a Lord of Hell before. Didn’t even know you existed. What does a Lord of Hell do, exactly?”
“Hell things,” Lucifer answered with a cheeky smile.
“Not that I’m complaining, my dearest darling,” Alec said once he was finished kissing Jaz silly. “Why exactly have you brought a vampire into our home?”
Jaz got up on her tip toes and whispered into his ear, “she needs Christmas stuff, and she doesn’t want anyone to know.” Her whispering didn’t help because everyone still heard, and I rolled my eyes, feeling yet again utter humiliation over this entire situation. “I figured,” Jaz continued as she set her feet back down on the floor. “Since we have an entire attic of Christmas things, she could take her pick.”
“That would absolutely piss my mother off. Let’s do it.”
Alec led the way down the front hallway, and we passed a sitting room where a black-haired girl sat on a couch, surrounded by a set of very cute male twins. One of them had his head in her lap, and the other cuddled her from behind while he stroked her long hair. Sitting on the floor beside them was another giant man with deep grey-brown skin and long white hair. He had hold of the girl’s foot and every so often he planted a kiss on her colorful sock while he read a book.
“Letty!” Alec shouted, disrupting their group cuddle as the girl looked over at us. “Want to help us box up some Christmas things for a vampire?”
She hopped up, despite all three of the men with her complaining, and came to stand beside Jaz. They were about the same height, and their faces looked similar enough that they were probably related. Letty had a somewhat blank expression, almost like she wasn’t fully paying attention. “I love Christmas things.” She held her hand out to me and attempted a small smile. “I’m Jaz’s cousin, Letty. I’ve never met a vampire before.”
“Should we…” Alec started, and he put a hand over his hips as he considered whether or not to keep talking. “…feed you, Lisbeth? I’m not sure how vampires work.”
“Gross!” Pierce exclaimed in utter disgust, and it was so similar to the way Knight had felt about my blood drinking when we first met, I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I’m fine,” I assured them, trying to stifle my giggles. “I’m just here for the Christmas stuff. No blood drinking necessary.”
“Then let us begin,” Alec pronounced.
I’ll admit. When Jaz first mentioned this mystical Christmas attic filled with all the decorations you could ever want, I thought she might’ve been exaggerating just a bit.
She definitely wasn’t.
As soon as we stepped into the attic, my nostrils were bombarded with the scents of peppermint, cinnamon, and pine, but that was nothing compared to the assault on my corneas once the attic’s contents came into view. It ahh… basically looked like Michael’s, Hobby Lobby, and a Christmas catalogue barfed everywhere. Twice.
“Jaz?” I asked quietly, still in partial shock at the bounty before us. “How do you have so much stuff up here if your house is already decorated?” As soon as I said it, I knew how dumb of a question it was. Vampires were not immune to collecting things during their long lives, in fact, we kind of invented it. Witches were probably similar, with long lines of them living in the same house.
Jaz shared a look of exasperation, and she gave me a consoling pat on the shoulder. “Hun. This is the Claus house. They do Christmas like it’s their last night on earth.”
Alec was busy walking ahead and grunting in complaint, though he didn’t bother denying it. “So, Lisbeth. Anything strike your fancy?” He seemed to know where he was going, navigating expertly through the extremely unorganized mess of Christmas things, and he produced an empty red box that was big enough for me to sit in. He placed it in the middle of the empty walkway and brushed back his brown curls with a practiced brooding pout designed to make him look irresistible.
Dear god, where was he when I was single?
Jaz squeaked when she noticed Alec intentionally looking irresistible, and cleared her throat to distract herself. “Okay, free for all, folks. Whatever you think would look nice in Lisbeth’s house, toss it into the box. Just remember, we don’t know what all is in here, so, touch with caution.” She disappeared behind a giant red ball.
Pierce was right behind her, holding the back of her long shirt so she couldn’t get away from him. Alec was already further inside the attic, and Letty had started sorting through a box of ornaments. That left me with the hell guy, and he followed me when I veered off to the right.
I casually picked up a few random things in the hopes he’d go away, but he stayed close by like he’d been tasked with guarding me. “So,” I said as I picked up a pinecone made out of gemstones. “What’s with you and Josephine? I didn’t miss that exchange you two had.”
He chuckled dryly and put his hands into his pockets. “That one doesn’t like me very much.”
I ran my fingertip along the edge of a book and stopped to stare at it. The cover looked like a 3-d picture of the north pole, with reindeer, Santa’s workshop, and snow. It’d look nice on our mantel, maybe I’d even hang some stockings below it for the triplets. “Ex-girlfriend?”
“Fiancée,” Lucifer answered, making me raise a confused eyebrow at him. “It was arranged by her parents, and I can tell you she’s been infuriated about it ever since.”
“Aren’t arranged marriages a bit archaic, even for us?” I picked up the book when he got distracted with a piece of tinsel on his shoe.
“Wouldn’t have agreed to it if it wasn’t necessary, I assure you. Not to mention, I rather enjoy our domestics.” He turned to me just as I was opening the book. “Lisbeth, no! Don
’t open—”
And everything disappeared in a flurry of white.
Chapter 3
Oh god.
Oh no.
I swear to everything that is holy, if I wake up in my bed again to the smell of blood and coffee, I’m going to murder everything.
The ground was freezing cold against my hands and I was lying on my face, so that was a good sign. I got up, brushing the snow off my fingers, and tried to focus on where I was.
“WHO OPENED A MOTHERCASTING SPELLBOOK?” Jaz’s shrill voice echoed around us. I briefly considered running away just in case she decided to slap me.
“Lisbeth did it,” Lucifer answered, and a white reindeer brushed against my arm, looking up at me.
“Nark,” I grumbled under my breath, looking around for the grumpy immortal.
“Lisbeth,” Jaz ground out as she stomped up to me. Her usual pink curly hair was still there, looking as wild as ever, but her normal clothes were gone, replaced with a white icicle number that made her look like a snow princess. “Rule number one of a witch’s house: do not open books. Ever. I don’t care if it’s yelling out swear words, if it looks exactly your favorite book, if it’s got a cute fairy on the front, you never open a magic book. Probably especially if there’s a cute fairy on the front.”
Yes. I had really lived for centuries only to get owned by a book.
“Jaz, sweetheart, let’s get a handle on— WHAT THE HELL?” Pierce’s voice was coming from lower down than usual, and his shriek of dismay continued while a fluffy white Pomeranian ran into Jaz’s ankles. “Jaz. Jaz, I’m a PUPPER,” the dog exclaimed, running in circles around the witch.
“Such a cute widdle pupper too!” Jaz cooed as she picked him up and cutely rubbed noses with him.
The tiny Pomeranian looked murderous. “No, no cute pupper talk. I’m a giant wolf, Jaz. Giant! You being the same height as me I can handle, but this? This is too much.”
Jaz ignored him, cuddling Pierce to her chest and making baby noises. “Don’t worry, your man card is still intact, you cutie wootie you.” Pierce groaned at her, but allowed more pets.
“We really should be looking for Letty and Alec,” Lucifer said, and I turned in a circle looking for him, but he wasn’t there. Where was his voice coming from? The reindeer head-butted my hip. “It’s me, I’ve been turned into a Caribou. Christ, I am so glad Josephine isn’t here. She’d laugh until she passed out.”
Jaz hid a snort while she checked in the nearby holly bushes for our other two companions. When she leaned over to look under a branch, Alec hollered in pain.
“Jaz! You’re standing on me!” She lifted her foot and bent to pick something up, producing a book that looked exactly like the one I’d opened, except it now had Alec in the North Pole scene, and he looked extra pissed. “Normally I wouldn’t complain about you being on my face, but that stung just a bit, my love.”
With a pupper in one hand and a book in the other, Jaz walked back over to us. “You’re a book, babe. I came in here with two husbands, and now I have a dog and a book. Lovely.” She handed me the little white Pomeranian and I pat his head.
“Mmm,” Pierce hummed, his tail wagging against my arm. “I like Lisbeth. She smells like werewolf.”
Smiling at Pierce’s comment, Jaz tried to open the Alec-book, but it wouldn’t budge. “C’mon, honey, don’t be withholding.”
Alec sighed, his little body on the cover rolling its eyes. “You can’t open me. I’m supposed to guide you on your mission.”
“Our mission to what?” Jaz asked as she flipped the book over in her hands to stare down at Alec.
He waited a few seconds, inspected his nails, if only to stave off our reaction. “To learn the true meaning of Christmas.”
Hell. No.
“Nope, I’m not doing that. All I wanted was a stupid tree so I could see Knight happy. He hasn’t gotten to celebrate Christmas with his family in over a century, and I knew Arthur would actually smile at the sight of Knight’s glee. Those two smiles. That’s what I wanted.”
“Aww, that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard,” the Alec-book beamed. “Good motive, horrible execution.”
“Alec,” Jaz hissed, holding him close to her face. “Okay, how do we ‘Learn the True Meaning of Christmas?’ Ugh, god, I can’t believe those words came out of my mouth.”
Alec cleared his throat and smiled brightly. “Ho-ho-ho! Welcome to the Magical Christmas Choose Your Own Journey.”
“Creepy,” Jaz commented out of the corner of her mouth.
“I’m reading a script, Jaz. Now hush up and let me finish, or it’ll start me over like in Jumanji 2.”
Lucifer snorted, then cocked his head to the side. “This… isn’t like Jumanji, right?”
Alec paused far too long for comfort before saying, “No-o-o?” We all groaned. “Look, all I know is we have to find the princess, I don’t know more than that. Let’s hope whoever made this book designed it for boring Christmas morals, not how to properly gut a dragon.”
“Princess,” Jaz mused, smashing the book to her chest and muffling Alec’s voice enough that it was hard to know what he was saying. “That’s probably where Letty is.”
Pierce wiggled in my arms until I set him down. He padded over to Jaz and sat next to her foot, exactly like Knight did when he was in his werewolf form. He rarely left my side under the full moon, or under any moon, especially in this new timeline. In fact, this was the longest I’d been away from my husbands since I time traveled and had to meet them all over again.
I gave Luci-deer a pat on the head and joined Jaz with her pupper and book husbands. “The sooner we find the princess, the sooner I get to see Arthur and Knight smile. Lead the way, Alec-book.”
“Hooray!” Alec exclaimed, still muffled against Jaz’s chest.
Our first mission, as Alec informed us, was finding a sleigh for Luci-deer to pull. We’d been walking down the snowy path for at least half an hour when a general store magically appeared in front of us. It even made the ‘BUH-LING!’ noise from Super Mario as it materialized.
“Kinda sus,” Pierce assessed, scratching at his ear with his little leg. “Can we trust anything in here, Jaz?”
She tapped her fingers against Alec-book’s spine and stared up at the store sign. “Your guess is as good as mine, which I know isn’t helpful.” The tiny Pierce bounded up the porch stairs and went straight through a doggie flap on the door before Jaz could stop him.
We followed him inside, and no lie, Knight was standing behind the counter. My gorgeous, tall, dark, handsome husband was wearing a Christmas sweater with a jumper, like the shop keeper from Frozen, and his long black hair was pulled back into a man bun.
“Welcome weary travelers!” he exclaimed brightly, and my heart skipped a beat at the sight of his grin. God, I was still smitten for him, even though I’d been looking at his face for over sixty years. He stopped when he saw me, and I could tell this wasn’t my actual husband because there was no recognition in his eyes, but he definitely liked what he saw. “Well, hello, there.”
I sat on a stool near him, delicately placing my hands on the counter, and giving him my best flirting smile. “Hey, yourself.”
Jaz loudly cleared her throat. “Okay, kids, no flirting until after dinner. I’ve got people to get back to, so can we please find the true meaning of Christmas before I die in this stupid book?”
I leaned in close, Knight’s heady scent making my head spin. “She’s a little grumpy.”
“I’m telling your husband you flirted with another version of him,” Alec-book warned, but I just sat up on the stool and tickled Knight’s chin with my finger.
“He’ll think it’s hot, but you can definitely try.”
Book Knight appeared to not care about our conversation, because he leaned into me and almost made my heart stop with his dreamy grin. “You wanna get out of here later?”
“LISBETH OMG!”
Grunting, I sat back and rolled my eyes at th
e witch. “Fine. I’ll stop.”
Jaz slammed Alec-book onto the counter, making him shriek in complaint. “Okay, Lisbeth’s hubby, do you have a sleigh we can use?”
Knight instantly perked up. I’d watched enough video games over my son’s shoulder to know that Jaz’s question had triggered his programming. “I do indeed, fair snow maiden. The sled is outside in the barn, and it will have all that you need to finish your quest.” We turned to leave when Knight hopped over the counter and grinned down at me, making my face and neck feel hot. “I’ll show you the way. You can’t very well find the Princess without me.”
I tried giggling at him but my throat went dry halfway through so I ended up coughing up a lung instead. He followed me out the door and we walked to the barn where Jaz was already inspecting the sleigh. It looked big enough to hold the three of us, pupper and book included.
Jaz hoisted herself up onto the seat and I joined her as Knight helped Luci-deer get strapped into the harness. I was trying not to stare at my gorgeous husband, but I couldn’t help myself.
“Soulmates in every reality, huh?” Jaz commented.
Leaning back into the sleigh with a contented smile, I watched Knight sneak a glance at me and tried not to blush. “If vampires could have soulmates the same way witches can, you bet your butt he’d be mine. Arthur is perfect for me, and Balthazar is my family, but Knight… He’s my everything. I couldn’t imagine my life without the three of them. It’s so weird to remember that it used to only be Knight and Arthur by my side.”
Jaz went quiet while we waited, cradling Alec-book in her arms and stroking Pierce’s little pupper head. “You thought your world was complete with two, but then you discovered just how much you needed a third. I can relate.”
Holidays Bite: A Limited Edition Collection of Holiday Vampire Tales Page 10
