She stared at him now. "I wish you would tell me…what happened between you two."
"That's best left alone. So when the two of you gonna be married?"
"We haven't set a date yet."
"Do me a favor Amy; don't invite me to the wedding." Clay moved away from her now.
"Clay…there's so many things I want to say. I want to understand why you didn't write, didn't come home."
"I think it's best forgotten under the circumstances. He's your fiancé. And because we don't necessarily get along, it's best to leave it lie. No use giving the town something to gossip about the three of us. And they would gossip."
She hung her head. "Is that how you want it, Clay?"
"Its how it has to be, Amy," he turned to look at her. "I've accepted the fact that you and George are betrothed. I want you to be happy."
In that moment, he saw a sadness he hadn't expected on her face. He shrugged.
"Besides, I've known the banker over in Beaverton for a long time. He'll give us credit if we need it." He changed the subject so she wouldn't feel worse about things.
"There's a bit of gossip now, Clay. Everyone thought you were dead. It's like seeing a ghost….sort of."
She started to say something more, she even reached her hand to his arm, but quickly moved it away when Billy came into the barn.
"I saw the buggy, didn't know who was here." He said as he burst in on them.
Amy hung her head, and smiled. "Good to see you Billy. I heard you are getting married."
"Yes ma'am, and soon. We're going to Tucson to pick up some cattle and bring her back here."
"Oh, when are you leaving?" She asked.
"Tomorrow…"
"I'd love to meet her sometime." Amy said.
"Sure…your welcome here anytime…Amy." Billy glanced at Clay to see if it was all right to say that, but Clay had turned away, almost ignoring them.
"Oh, well, I better be on my way, it's getting dark now." She said she eyed Clay and how he'd moved away from her again.
"Want one of us to run you back to town?" Billy offered.
"No…I'll be fine…thanks…"
"Good seeing you Billy, Clay…."
"Yeah, you too." Clay mumbled.
When she was gone, Billy turned to Clay. "What did she want?"
"Nothing, she just passed by and noticed the place looked a lot better." Clay said.
"That's it?"
"That's it. Except I invited her to eat with us and I don't think she thought you could cook." Clay laughed at his brother.
"Well you just come in and check my chicken fried steak out, big brother." Billy challenged him.
"Hey now, that sounds pretty fancy for a cowboy."
"Darn straight it is…" Billy laughed and they both went inside. "I've learned a few things too these last five years."
However, Billy saw that look of longing on his brother's face as he stared after Amy and the cloud of dust. No one could miss the torture on his face.
Chapter Five
"It must be hard." Billy murmured to himself.
"What did you say?" Clay asked moving closer to his brother as they walked to the house.
"I said it must be hard."
"What?"
"Being around her, and not letting her know how you feel."
Clay hung his head, not knowing how to answer that. He didn't want to lie to his brother, but he couldn't afford him stirring up any trouble about Amy.
"It's best this way, Billy. I can't change what's happened. It wouldn't be right. The war changed a lot of things for a lot of people. When you're older, you'll begin to see that not everything goes the way you planned. One thing I'm sure of, the pain will ease in time. And in the meantime I'll be surrounded by my family."
"Yeah, but…anyone can see, she still loves you, too."
Clay frowned now. "I don't see that. Besides, Amy does what is expected of her, by her parents, and they want this union."
"How do you know?"
"I just do. You forget I was around them a lot when I was courting her. I'm sure they don't want a Yankee for a son-in-law. When I chose to fight for the north, it changed a lot of things Billy. It was something I believed in. I had to fight for the north, to help bring our country back together again. Still, there were consequences for choosing. Amy didn't blame me, in fact, she was happy about it, at first, until her parents got a hold of her. When I came back on leave, I realized quickly that most folks were not happy about my decision. And that Amy's folks had changed her mind for her. Nevertheless, she was still willing to try to make a go of things after the war was over. So I kissed her goodbye and took off. I didn't know her father was chasing me. If I hadn't shot his horse out from under him, he might have caught me. I had to do something. I couldn't kill her father. Then George was there. Vowing to kill me. Amy wouldn't marry a Yank, he'd said. He almost got the job done. The truth is, the war is over, I healed and Amy went on with her life. So that's the way it's got to be. Now are we clear on that. Because I don't want to talk about this, every time she's around. From time to time we will bump into each other; I'd rather it not be an awkward moment."
"You're afraid to see the truth of it." Billy insisted. "What's wrong with you? You come home and find your sweetheart promised to another and you don't stand up to the man and fight for what is yours."
Clay started to argue, but he refrained. "I'm through fighting Billy. The war taught me that. It took the fight right out of me. This leg is proof that fighting doesn't get you anywhere. Let's just drop it, all right? It's better we leave it alone. I didn't come home to start a war. If you want to help me, don't make a fuss about things when she's around."
"But the war's over." Billy frowned. "It might take some time, but people will get over it, Clay. Pa did."
"Yeah, but look what happened. It made him a drunk to take up for a son that deserted the south. In a way, I'm partly responsible for what happened to him. I left here, but he had to live with my decision, and face the people here. I guess in a way, I killed him. Everyone around here thought the south was going to win. Instead, it broke them. Now all that's left is pride. Amy's folks don't want her to marry a traitor to the 'cause'. A dirt farmer. And frankly, I understand that. She deserves better. Look Billy, I wasn't even sure I could walk home on my own two feet. I was laid up for a long time. Once they threatened to saw my leg off. I wouldn't let them. I doctored it myself, I exercised it, and I was determined to walk again. And I did. Now, all I want is a little peace. I came back here because of you Billy. You're the only family I have. You're important to me."
"I know…and I'm glad. But…I was just thinking you should stake your claim, before she marries George…not after." Billy walked ahead of him and left him to mull that over.
Clay caught up to Billy; he had to make him see. "I didn't write her for three long years, Billy. I have no right to interfere because she has gone on with her life, don't you see? My coming back was bad enough. If I said anything, it really would upset her. She shouldn't have to choose. In fact she's already chosen."
"All I can say," he turned to look at his brother now. "Is my brother is suffering. And the look in her eyes told me she isn't too happy either. But if you don't do something before they get married….you're right, you won't have any rights at all to her. If she was mine, I'd fight for her."
"She just came from George's Billy. She's shown me no signs that she regrets getting engaged. She's never said she was unhappy with him. Never. And until she does, I won't interfere." Clay said firmly, staring into his brother's eyes. "And I may not then. Sometimes it's just too late. I don't expect you to understand that, but it's the truth."
"Okay Clay…I just want you to be happy." Billy said.
Clay slung an arm around his shoulders and laughed. "I am happy. You're the reason I'm staying here…your my family, Billy."
"You just wait until you taste my fried cabbage and ham." Billy laughed. "I'm cooking that tomorrow."
"Lord
, I didn't know you cooked that good, boy." Clay laughed.
~*~
Amy whipped the horses into a run she was so flustered. Her heart hammered in her chest. Tears welled in her eyes. She shouldn't have stopped by. She knew Clay wouldn't say anything, even though she wanted him to. She knew it would only refresh the hurt in her heart.
However, he didn't know how she really felt. She hadn't told him. She couldn't. Not after fighting her parents so long over Clay only to come to the realization that he had to be dead by now.
She knew she had chosen another path and that it was not something she could change, but her heart had never changed, and Clay just couldn't see it.
He obviously wasn't looking for that in her eyes.
Why had she accepted George's proposal? He'd been after her for a year to marry. He had openly courted her for several months and then bought her the biggest ring this side of the Rio. She finally gave in; admitting that Clay had to be dead or he would have come back for her.
Now it was too late. She couldn't explain her feelings to Clay or to George. She shouldn't have given in to George's pleas. Nevertheless, he persisted, and he was a wealthy man, able to support her in the style in which she was accustomed. Clay was what her father called a dirt farmer and he had never approved of him for his daughter. That was another part of the problem, her parents. They wanted her to marry George.
At least now, her parents seemed satisfied. But was she?
Deep down inside, her heart was in turmoil.
If Clay hadn't come back, she wouldn't be having these doubts. But he was back, and she had to come out here today. She had to see him again, because she knew he was avoiding her. Not that she blamed him.
Her visit with George had been strange too. He'd acted as though he expected her to bring Clay up. She was determined she wouldn't say anything about him. Not to George. Not to anyone.
Obviously, Clay wasn't going to fight to get her back. That hurt just a little, but she couldn't completely blame him, she'd gotten herself engaged. It would only create a huge scandal.
What she felt for George was nothing like what she felt for Clay, even though George had been very good to her. Yet, Clay acted as if it was completely over between them. Didn't he realize that nothing was settled between them?
Nothing!
She slowed the wagon as she came into town and headed for home. Her house was at the west end of town. She lived in a three-story manor with a beautiful iron fence around it, protected by huge pecan trees on each side. The pecan trees had been imported from central Texas.
Until George had come to town, her parents, the Clarks, had been the richest family in town.
However, money had never impressed Amy. She didn't need what she had. She tried to tell her parents that, but they didn't understand it. As far as they were concerned she was a woman, with no job and no income and she had to marry well. George was the answer to their prayers.
Marrying Clay would have been beneath her, they had told her when she claimed she still had feelings for him.
"He hasn't even written to you, he's bound to be dead like George said." Her mother had argued the night George proposed to her. "You must give up this dream that he's coming back. He's dead and buried Amy. And if he's not, he's forgotten you. And you must forget him."
She loved her parents they had given her everything. They wanted her to go to college, but she refused and decided to run the local general store, they had owned it since they came to town. She enjoyed being here with the people she grew up with, and yet, at times; she wished she had run away with Clay.
Her parents were at the supper table when she came inside.
"It's about time you got home. Where have you been?"
"I went to see George. He wanted to know if I were ready to set a date yet, to be married."
"And…are you?" Her mother looked eager now as she motioned her to take a seat. She passed her the mashed potatoes and looked at her.
"I told him there was no rush. But he seemed anxious. So I set it right after Christmas." She announced.
"Well, finally. It's about time. I'm glad that's all settled dear." Her mother smiled. "We must begin the plans for the wedding. We'll order a dress from New York, and there are wedding invitations to the entire family back east and all his family. So much to do. We must get started."
"Yes, I guess …" Her words drifted off. "I could set it later if we need to."
Her parents looked at her seriously. "You aren't having doubts are you?" Her father asked.
"Of course she's not. Why George is the richest man in the territory. She'll never want for anything. We'll never have to worry again about our daughter."
"You keep saying that. As though things and money is all I really want, Mother. I have a heart too."
"Of course you do. But just look at that ring on your finger, it's huge, and the house George owns why it's magnificent. Once you are married to him, all you'll have to do is fill his house with children."
"She's right my dear. He can give you everything we've given you and more…"
"I know…" Her heart wasn't in her words. She was having doubts about the wisdom of her decision.
She stirred her mashed potatoes in her plate as they passed the chicken.
"I stopped off to see Clay and Billy. They really have the old ranch looking good." She tried to smile at them.
Her mother looked worried. "Do you think that wise?"
Her mother and father exchanged glances.
"I just wanted to tell them the ranch looked good, mother, that's all. They haven't been coming into town to buy their supplies and I was curious as to why. Come to find out they are buying what they need over in Beaverton." She said and passed the masked potatoes.
"Beaverton, why on earth would they go there?" Her father asked. "That doesn't even make sense."
"I'm afraid it makes a lot of sense….considering I’m marrying George."
"You really shouldn't be stopping off there dear, people will talk." Her mother said dabbing her mouth with a napkin.
"Talk?" Amy's brows knitted. "About what? What will they say, mother. Can you tell me that too?"
"Well, about you and Clay of course."
"Mother, they are goin to talk anyway, don't you realize that. Small towns are good for talking."
Her mother shot her a disdainful glance.
"Look," she paused to look at them both. "Clay is an adult mother. Besides, he's let me know that he totally accepts my engagement to George." Amy said, slamming the butter down harder than she wanted to.
"Well, that's good news." Her father said heartily.
"Is it?" She stood up and faced them with her mixed emotions. "It wasn't that long ago that Clay and I were engaged. What about that? Doesn't anyone remember that? But no one wants to talk about that, do they?"
"Of course we do. We just didn't want to bring it up dear." Her mother replied. "Besides, he's just a dirt farmer. You'll be much happier in the long run with George. George can give you so much more."
"Why do you ignore my feelings? I don't care about having things. I don't care about that. Marriage isn't about money, and support and having everything you want. It's about struggles and hardships that you survive and about the love that grows between a man and a woman. I'm not a princess. I'm a human being. Clay was a big part of my life. I loved him. And now…" She couldn't finish, she ran crying to her room.
The room sounded hushed now as they sat glancing at each other.
"Oh dear, maybe it's not as over as we thought it was." Her mother shook her head and grabbed her chest. "She has to see that George will be so good for her. He'll give her everything she could possibly want. She has no future with that dirt farming Yankee."
"We know that. I suspect that Clay's coming back has thrown her somehow. I think he's created doubts, whether it was his intention or not. Maybe I should go out there and speak to him. If only he'd move on, everything would be fine."
"Oh no Martin, that
might make it worse. Clay knows we didn't approve of him and her together. I'd rather you wouldn't. Perhaps this will pass. Especially if Clay has accepted their engagement. Amy has to accept his existence. Let's give her some time."
"Beatrice, it's not so much that I didn't approve of her engagement to Clay. I disproved of his fighting for the north, yes. I disproved of his background. There is no family linage to speak of. I do however know he loved her. I merely felt he wasn't good enough for her. But George can offer her so much more. If something happened to us, she'd need that security. Amy comes from good solid stock. People like Clay are drifters, they never amount to anything. He won't stay out there on that ranch long. And he certainly wouldn't even be there…if he had any sense."
"Perhaps we shouldn't be the ones to force him away." Beatrice cried out. "
"There are other ways…"
"Let's hope this is just a passing fancy. If Clay accepts their engagement, then that may be the end of it." Beatrice said wiping her mouth with a napkin.
"Let's hope so." Martin grunted. "I really don't want to stir the trouble up. However, if I have to…I will! Everything I do is in her best interests, you know that."
Beatrice frowned and studied her husband a moment. "We must be very careful. A woman's heart is a delicate matter. And she thinks she still loves Clay…"
Chapter Six
Th trip to Arizona was warm and dusty. The farther southwest they rode, the more distant the tree lines faded. The heat bore down like a silent prayer; a fine powder of dust lined their lips. Vast distances of green pitchforks shooting from the ground at odd intervals, changed the landscape of their minds.
The change in climate and environment enlightened their mood, somewhat, for this was a good trip, an eager trip. They moved from town to town, camped out among the stars. It was a time well spent, Clay decided.
It gave Clay just the right amount of time to rediscover his young brother and settle into his plans.
Anxious to see his girl, Billy's excitement bubbled over in his smiles and words.
This Side of Forever (Book Five of the Brides of the West Series) Page 4
