It’s been four years since I said goodbye to him, since that day I left Tuscaloosa and never looked back. The first few months were hard. A small part of me kept wishing I’d come home one day and find him sitting on my parents’ doorstep, but that sadly never happened. I told him it’d be easier if we didn’t see each other the day I packed up my things and moved out of my apartment with Delilah. Lawson, never one to do as he’s asked still showed up that morning saying he wanted to help my parents move out my things.
I tried to give him back the engagement ring he’d given me, but he refused and told me to keep it…pawn it…he didn’t care. Hearing those words—He. Didn’t. Care.—shredded my heart into a million tiny pieces, and then I watched them as they blew away in the gentle, cool winter breeze as I wheeled myself back to my dad’s truck that was full of my belongings.
To this day, it is still hard to think about the accident, about Lily’s death, and all of my dreams that were ripped from me. Every day I woke up without Lawson beside me, I grew bitterer and hated him a little more. I was back in Lincoln going to a community college to become a registered nurse, instead of a doctor like I’d imagined my entire life. I’d lived and breathed softball since I was old enough to stand up and my dad got me a whiffle ball set.
Lawson got to continue chasing his dreams. He got to graduate with all of our friends at our dream college. His life went on as if nothing had ever happened, while I felt like my life had frozen in place the second I woke up in that hospital room. He only had to serve thirty days in jail, and then got probation and community service for killing my best friend.
I’ve tried to move on. I’ve dated, met some amazing men, but none of them have clicked the way I did with Lawson. Our love was instant, all consuming, and what I thought would be the greatest love story of all time.
I wonder all the time if Lawson has moved on. He so easily walked away from me and didn’t think twice about sleeping with a random girl while we were together, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he had. Delilah swears he’s still hung up on me and has never been able to commit to a girl for very long before finding some lame-ass excuse to break up with her. I hate that it elates me knowing he’s feeling the same way I do. I want him to suffer and be alone, so I don’t feel like such an idiot for not being able to get over him.
Delilah tries her best not to talk about him around me, but sometimes she’ll slip when we’re out together. She’ll say something about him, and the instant his name hits my ears, my heart stammers in my chest.
Before we broke up, I thought the idea of hating someone and loving them all at the same time was something that could never happen. But, as I sit here today and sip my latte at Delilah’s and my favorite café in town Coffee & Books. I battle with myself as thoughts of how I feel about seeing Lawson play on a loop in my mind. The idea of seeing him finally after four years infuriates me and makes butterflies invade my stomach all at the same time.
We’ve been going over last minute menu changes for the wedding, and mapping out our plan to hit some antique shops this afternoon to try and find some unique items to decorate the reception. She’s going for a classic southern feel. I swear my best friend wishes she’d been born back during Scarlett O’Hara’s time.
“So, how are you feeling about you-know-who coming to town today?” Delilah asks nervously as she rings her napkin in her hands.
I feel awful. This is supposed to be a happy time for her, and instead of being excited about her upcoming nuptials, she’s stressing over how Lawson and I will get along these next two weeks.
I decide to lie. I want her to stop stressing and enjoy this time. I love my best friend too much to allow myself to have anything to do with her not being excited about marrying the man of her dreams. “I’m fine. It’s been four years. I moved on a long time ago.”
She gives me a weary look. “Are you sure? If you are really freaking out on the inside, it’s okay and completely understandable, Emelyn. I know he’s my brother, and I love him to pieces, but what he did to you was wrong. All of us were a mess after the accident, but you didn’t see you and me treating everyone we loved as if they didn’t matter. If it helps, he’s freaking out…like big time.”
This gets my attention. “What do you mean?”
“He told me the other night on the phone he’s nervous about coming home. You guys have somehow managed to avoid each other for the last few years. Now that is impossible to do, since you’re in my wedding together. He said he’s afraid it’s going to be too hard being back here, and not just seeing you, but having to walk with you in my wedding.”
I take a long sip of my latte as I absorb her words. A part of me wants to confess to her I’m freaking the hell out inside, while the other part is saying I need to put my big girl panties on and suck it up. Then, to hear Lawson is feeling everything I am only makes my nervousness intensify. Being around him is going to be extremely hard, and I’m not sure I’ll survive these two weeks without doing something stupid.
Lawson McCoy is my ultimate weakness. Even with every fiber of my body loathing that man for breaking my heart, for some messed up reason I still miss him. I never told Delilah, but that’s the reason I’ve avoided him every time he’s come to town for the holidays. I’ve always been too afraid that once I see him, the pain I’ve worked so hard to move past will come flooding back, and I’ll cave and beg for him to give us another chance.
My goal is to survive these next two weeks and steer clear of Lawson unless absolutely necessary.
I give Delilah a huge grin as I place my hand over hers. “I’m fine. Really. I will do whatever I can to stay out of Lawson’s way while he’s here. I won’t allow anything to happen that’ll ruin your special day. We’re both grown adults. There’s no reason why we can’t walk up an aisle together and get along for the sake of our favorite person. We both love you and want this wedding to be everything you’ve envisioned since we were eight years old and made our dream wedding scrapbook.” I laugh as I give her hand a gentle squeeze.
I’m convincing her as much as I’m convincing myself.
“As long as you say so.” Her eyes light up and a small smile spreads across her petite face. “Now, no more dreary, sad stuff. We’re leaving the doom and gloom behind and we’re going to have a fun-filled day of wedding shopping.”
I nod in agreement. “Sounds like the perfect plan to me.”
The door to the café chimes as someone enters. We’re sitting by the front window in our usual seat, where we get coffee together every morning. We were so engrossed in our conversation, I didn’t notice anyone walk by and enter the café until the bell above the door rang.
Glancing up, I spot Tucker Reid. He’s the fire chief here in town and on more than one occasion has tried to convince me to go out on a date with him. I’ve tried to avoid dating anyone in this town. My relationships never last, so it’s easier to just avoid the local guys all together. I don’t want the headache of worrying about running into them around town, so I’ve always dated guys from the ones surrounding Lincoln.
“Good mornin’, ladies. What are you two up to on this lovely day?” Tucker greets us as soon as he spots Delilah and me sitting by the window. He’s best friends with her fiancé Grayson; they work in the same firehouse together. Delilah’s been on my case to give him a chance, and even went as far as suggesting he be my plus one for the wedding.
I have to admit his dimpled chin smile and sparkling hazel eyes are enough to make my heart rate pick up. I’m not blind; I know he’s extremely good looking. I just don’t want to give him the wrong idea by asking him to be my date to the wedding, but I also don’t want to look pathetic in front of Lawson by showing up alone. What if he brings a date? Delilah’s never mentioned if he’s going with someone, but then again, she rarely talks about him around me to begin with.
“Hey, Tucker. It is a lovely day out, isn’t it?” she says, grinning from Tucker to me before glancing out the large glass window.
“
Mornin’, Tucker. We’re getting ready to do some last minute wedding shopping for the reception.” I smile weakly at him before sipping on my coffee, trying anything to distract myself.
I’m a bundle of nerves, and it’s all because of the mischievous glimmer sparkling in my best friend’s eyes right now.
“Are you working at the fire house today?” Delilah asks as Tucker leans against the wall beside our table—directly next to me, of course.
He lets out a low, “Mm-hm. That I am. I’m just grabbin’ a coffee then heading over for my shift. Grayson is working today too; we have a school field trip coming in this afternoon. You know how much the kids love that big goofball. So it should be an interesting day.”
“Aww, I love seeing the pictures of the kids with their fire hats on. Hopefully sooner rather than later, we’ll have a Jr. Fire Fighter running around the firehouse.”
Tucker and I both give her a serious look, silently asking if she’s hinting at anything. If she gets knocked up before the wedding, I’m going to kill her, because I booked us a weekend getaway next weekend for her bachelorette party. Strippers and shots won’t be any fun if she’s all bloated and puking.
“Chill, you guys!” She laughs, holding her hands up. “No baby-on-board car decals yet. Believe me!”
I relax in my seat. Thank God!
“Speaking of weddings, I need to send you my RSVP. I’ve been swamped at work and it keeps slippin’ my mind,” he says, and I feel Tucker move away from the wall and take a few steps, stopping in front of us. Leaning forward, he rests his hands on the table and flashes me his sweet boy-next-door smile.
“Oh, don’t worry. You can just give it to Grayson at work if you’d like. Are you bringing a special lady with you by chance?”
What is she doing?!
He lets out a deep chuckle. “Well, actually no, I’m not. Slim pickin's around here. Everyone seems to be getting hitched lately.”
I divert my eyes out the window, but can feel Delilah’s on me.
“Well, my maid of honor here is flying solo too. Why don’t you two just go together? It’d be fun!”
I snap my head around so fast I cause the table to shake and some of my coffee to spill out of my cup.
I’m going to kill her before she even gets a chance to walk down that damn aisle.
“A beautiful girl like you attending a wedding alone? I find that hard to believe,” Tucker says with a hint of flirtation in his voice.
I drop my eyes to my mug. I wonder if it’s possible to drown yourself in a cup of coffee if you try hard enough, because right about now, I’d do anything to escape this conversation. My matchmaking best friend is so going to get it once we leave this damn café.
Shifting nervously in my chair, I look from Delilah to Tucker. What the hell do I say?
Do I lie and say I have a date? But then what would I say when I show up to the wedding alone?
“Sadly, yes, my best friend here is going alone. I swear she’s going to be one of those old, lonely cat ladies. All she does it work all the time.”
Just as I lift my gaze to Tucker’s to politely turn him down, I hear a rumble of a motorcycle pulling up outside the window. My stomach flip-flops as I see it pull up out front of the café. The instant the helmet is pulled from the head attached to the massive body of solid muscle wearing the sexiest pair of tight jeans I’ve ever seen on a man, black biker boots, and a tight fitting grey v-neck tee, my mouth drops. Not because of the body, even though it looks like his biceps were chiseled from marble, but because of the face I see as the sleek black helmet is removed and set onto the seat of the Harley.
Holy fucking shit!
I think I let a small gasp escape as I take in Lawson standing beside his bike, running his fingers through his long auburn hair that falls to the top of his ears. He was always handsome, but now he has a rough and rugged manly look to him, with a light stubble shading his strong jaw.
“You okay?” Tucker asks, snapping me out of my Lawson haze.
I force my eyes away from the window. “Sorry. I’m fine. To answer your question, I’m very single, and yes, I planned on attending the wedding alone. But I guess it wouldn’t hurt if two friends went together, all in the name of celebrating our best friends getting married.”
I can’t believe the words coming out of my mouth right now. Seeing Lawson has my brain scrambled, but there is no way in hell I’m going to that wedding alone. I need someone to keep me distracted and to help keep Lawson away. If he thinks I’m with someone, it’ll make it easier to avoid him at all costs.
One thing is for sure: I now officially know I’m definitely not over Lawson McCoy. If it’s possible, I think seeing him just now made me fall just a little bit harder for him.
I’m totally and utterly screwed.
Please, God, let these two weeks fly by. The faster we get this wedding over with, the faster we can all go back to our normal lives. Lawson can go back to Tuscaloosa, and I can return to my content life of denial I’ve been living.
CHAPTER THREE
May 10th 1998
My stomach is in knots as I watch my parents’ car slowly pull into a strange driveway, up to a strange house, in a strange town, full of—as the sign says population of 5,376—well…strangers.
Ever since the day my dad broke the news to my mom, my sister, and me that he was offered a parish here in Lincoln, Alabama, I’ve spent every single waking moment praying to God whoever it is that told him this would show up at our door and say, ‘Sorry, but I made a mistake and it looks like you’re staying in Birmingham.’
Both my mom and my dad have said again and again that this is exactly what our family needs. We need a safe, family-oriented community, with small-town values. Since my baby sister was born, my father has been looking to transfer out of the city and into a smaller parish. I, on the other hand, see no reason to leave. It’s the only home I’ve ever known.
Sure, I’m only eight. But that’s eight years I had to make friends and build relationships.
Now I have to start all over again from scratch. Being the new girl during a school year is the most intimidating thing I think I’m going to ever have to go through—at least, I hope it is.
I’ve had nightmares the last few nights that everyone in Lincoln immediately hates me. The dream I had last night though was the worst. I dreamt a group of faceless brats spit gum into my hair and my mom had to buzz all of my hair off. In my nightmare, I wasn’t pulling off the short hair, and everyone made fun of me.
“Home sweet home,” Mom says, bursting with way too much joy for me to handle at the moment.
“It’s just fantastic,” I grumble under my breath as I grab the handle of the back passenger side door, push it open, and climb out. My legs are cramped from the drive, and my body feels stiff and sore. I raise my hands into the air and stretch my body as far as I can as I lean up onto my tiptoes.
Spinning around, I take in the sight of our tiny street that screams perfection.
All the yards are perfectly decorated with floral gardens, well-manicured lawns and even a few with kids, who look to be my age, running around outside their cookie-cutter looking houses.
I suddenly feel that all too familiar feeling of dread consuming me as my belly begins to ache again and my palms start to sweat.
My father’s voice comes from behind me as I feel his big, strong hands come to rest on my shoulders. “Look at that, kiddo. It seems we’ve picked the perfect street. There are kids running all over, playing with one another. In no time, you’ll have so many friends your mother and I are going to drive ourselves crazy answering the door every time one of them stops by to ask if you can come out to play.
Fingering my charm bracelet my parents got me for my birthday, I think back to a week ago, when I was able to play with my best friends and enjoy my last birthday party with all of them.
Why did we have to move to this place?
Rolling my eyes, I begin to mentally swear off every single one of
these more than likely way-too-snotty-for-me kids…until I catch out of the corner of my eye a girl who looks to be around my age with long blonde hair braided down her back, and a boy who appears to be a few years older, sitting on their front porch, next door to our house.
I didn’t notice them at first, because I was too busy with my pity-party as I sized up all the other kids running around the street.
The blonde is playing with a baby doll on the stairs, while who I’m guessing is her brother holds a basketball in one hand and a stick in the other. I can see the girl continuously smacks the stick away from her as she yells at him to go away.
He has ‘troublemaker’ written all over his face as he smirks down at his little sister and continues to poke her baby doll and flip her long braid around the back of her head with the stick. For some reason, I feel nervous butterflies flutter in my belly as I take in his smile and cute face.
Her high-pitched voice carries over to my driveway as I hear her shout up at him, her delicate face whipping to the side to stare him down. It tears my attention from him back to her. A small smile pulls up at the corners of my lips. Immediately, I like her. I haven’t met her yet, but I can already tell she is someone I can be friends with. Like me, she’s little, but she is a force to be reckoned with.
“Knock it off, Lawson! Or else…”
“Or else what?” I hear him snap back at her with an arrogant tone.
I can only imagine how many times they’ve had this conversation.
Before I even process what it is I’m doing, I find myself walking over the slightly overgrown lawn that is ours, and then onto the immaculately trimmed lawn of this kid, Lawson, and his feisty little sister.
Sensing my presence, they both stop talking and turn their eyes toward me—the strange, eavesdropping new neighbor. I force a smile as I get closer. Each step grows harder to make as I watch Lawson climb to his feet and flashes me, hands down, the cutest smile I’ve ever seen in all of my eight years. The butterflies in my belly that, a few seconds ago, were frolicking about inside of me are now fluttering at warp speed, making my stomach flip-flop with nervous excitement.
Mine Would Be You Page 2
