As quickly as I felt all those things, I pushed them away. I can’t go there. I can’t move backwards when I’ve finally started to move forward. Tucker was a lot of fun, surprisingly. Dinner went well, and then we went out afterwards for a drink. I had to work this morning, so I only had one. There’s no spark between us like I have with Lawson, but that’s fine since I only plan on just staying friends with him. He’s fun to be around and a great distraction while Lawson’s in town.
“Mornin’, Miss Emelyn,” the receptionist, Mrs. Hart, says, greeting me with a warm and welcoming smile. The office opens at nine, which is in fifteen minutes, but normally she’s here at eight getting coffee brewed in the break room and making sure everything is all ready for the day.
“Mornin’, Mrs. Hart. How’s the day lookin’?” I ask as I walk up to her check-in window, prop myself on my elbow, and sip my coffee. It tastes like heaven in my mouth. I literally cannot function without caffeine in the morning.
She clicks the mouse a few times and squints at the screen. “Well, it looks like a jam-packed day of well child checkups and a few appointments for illnesses. You better grab yourself another cup of Joe, because you’re gonna need it today, missy.”
We’re kicking off the week with a bang I guess. “Thanks.” I head back to the break room, lock my purse in the filing cabinet, and head to the wall where we slide our name tags to check in.
The second I step into the nurses’ station and my friend and co-worker Marissa spots me, she leans back in her swivel chair and gives me a big, all-teeth smile. She is always way too damn chipper in the morning.
“Well, well, well, if it ain’t Miss Emelyn. Sit your little butt down right here beside me.”
I give her a questionable look as I walk over to her and plop down in my chair. “What is that look for?” I ask, setting my coffee cup down beside the picture frames beside my laptop. I have one framed photo of Delilah and me during a spring break trip to Pensacola three years ago, and the other is my mom, dad, my baby sister Camryn, who’s five years younger, and me all together at my graduation bar-b-que we had after I completed nursing school.
Crossing her arms, she uses her foot to spin my chair so that I’m facing her. “Don’t act all clueless! Jud was out last night at the pub with a few of his friends and said he saw you there with Tucker! I told him he had to be mistaken, because you would never go out on a date with him. He’s seriously smokin’ hot, but still, you’ve shot him down every time! He snapped a pic of you two sitting at a table near the front door to shut me up. So like I said—spill, woman!”
Gotta love small towns. Word travels pretty damn fast around here.
Rolling my eyes, I grab a pen from my I <3 New York coffee mug I got while on a trip to New York City with Delilah a few months back so she could get her dress. She just had to go to the bridal shop that is featured on Say Yes to the Dress on TLC. Thank the Lord there was no cameramen there filming. It was our first time ever being there, and we went totally tourist crazy, doing the whole Broadway show, saw Rockefeller Center all lit up for Christmas, and went ice skating in Central Park. Granted we spent more time on our asses than upright, we still had a blast. It was absolutely beautiful, and we got to see snow, which was pretty awesome. We get a dusting here, but usually nothing more than that.
Doodling on my notepad, I let out a sigh. “Yes, I went out with Tucker, but just as friends, so don’t go puttin’ the wagon before the horse. He’s my plus-one for Delilah and Grayson’s wedding.” Holding my hand up, I stop her before she can interject. Her mouth bobs open and shut before clamping together. Her big blue eyes are popping out at me with excitement. She has a smoky eye look going on, which only makes them pop even more. Her hair is maroon today, but who knows what color it’ll be next week. The kids love it, because she is colorful in looks and personality. “We’re going as friends. I don’t want to go alone, in case Lawson shows up with a date.”
I’ve known Marissa since the ninth grade. She moved here from Birmingham when her mother got the job as principal at our high school. She knows all about Lawson and my history, and everything that happened the night of and the days following Lily’s death.
“I can understand that. So have you seen Lawson since he came to town?”
“Yeah, I actually ran into him last night at the pub while I was out with Tucker. Talk about awkward.”
She tips her head back and slaps her thigh as a high, giggly chuckle flies from her mouth. I just shake my head and continue to drink my coffee. I’m so glad my life is her entertainment this morning.
“Laugh it up. Poor Tucker didn’t have a damn clue about anything. He only thinks I know Lawson because he’s Delilah’s brother.”
Tucker only moved here two years ago, when our fire department had a fulltime position open after Mr. Harrison retired. So Tucker transferred from a few towns over to fill the position. In the last two years, he hasn’t stopped trying to get me to go out with him. He has no clue about my past with Lawson, and hopefully I can keep it that way. I hate drudging up the past. It’s too painful still to this day to talk about.
Standing, Marissa drapes her stethoscope around her neck and pumps some hand sanitizer into her hands. As she’s rubbing it in, she stares down at me with a glimmer sparkling in her eyes. “I have to know; is he still as hot as he was back in high school?”
I stand, letting out a long sigh. “God, I wish he would’ve showed up here lookin’ uglier than a hedge fence, but sadly, he looks even hotter than he did back when we were together. The worst part is when I saw him last night I still felt that same electric charge between us we’ve had since the day I met him. I thought after how badly he hurt me and with us being apart for four years that maybe the spark would’ve burnt out by now.”
It’s impossible to hide the sadness in my voice. No matter how hard I try to mask my pain, it’s there and it’s just as raw as it was four years ago.
Marissa pulls me in for a hug and rubs my back affectionately. “I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. I know I’d be a hot mess if I were in your shoes right now.” Releasing me, we get to work pulling out the first hour’s appointment files. It’s nine sharp, and both Dr. Zec and Dr. Rayner will be coming out of their offices at any moment to start our busy day.
Our nurses station isn’t much, but it is perfect for the two of us. Soon, Dr. Zec will be switching everything over to electronic filing, so we can get rid of the roomful of metal filing cabinets that line the walls. Until then, we chill in here with our big, bulky filing cabinets. We’re lucky to have such a wonderful, rewarding job and actually have a great boss. This office has Dr. Zec, who’s the pediatrician here, and then Dr. Rayner. It’s an office full of women, but I love it that way. We all get along well. There’s no unnecessary drama. We love our jobs, and it helps make a relaxing work atmosphere.
It comes with its hazards, like screaming kids, some turning physical, trying to bite you as you try to give them a vaccination, and a few times over the last two years, the doctors have been peed on while doing well child checkups. Thankfully, I’ve never been welcomed into the I’ve-been-pissed-on club, and hope I never am.
Finally breaking the silence in the small room, I slam the file drawer shut and drop my files onto my desk, leaning against it. “I’m going to talk to him this week. I’ve been trying to work up the courage, but I can’t keep putting it off. So where do you think I should do it?”
Marissa looks at me, her eyes wide as the shock of what I just said sinks in. “Umm…well that’s a tough one. Maybe somewhere public…but semiprivate?” she suggests, tilting her head and giving me a questionable look before continuing, “I don’t know, like the park or something? I can’t believe you’re going to actually sit down and talk with him. How do you think it’ll go?” She’s firing questions at me left and right so quickly I can barely process them.
“The park sounds like a good idea. I definitely don’t want to do it somewhere too public, where we cou
ld draw attention to us. This town is damn nosey. I’d rather not have our entire conversation eavesdropped on and then gossiped about throughout town.” My stomach twists into a big knot as I think about talking to him. It’s going to be hard, but I just hope I can smooth things out between us, at least to the point where I can be around him and not want to kick him in the balls. I really want Delilah’s wedding to be perfect, and to do that, Lawson and I need to sort our shit out. “I have no freaking clue how it’ll go. I just hope it doesn’t end with me in tears and hating him more than I already do.”
Marissa chews on her bottom lip for a few seconds as if she’s spinning a thought in her head and trying to decide if she should say it or not. She inhales and exhales a few times before finally speaking. “Do you think there’s even the slightest chance you two will talk and sort things out to the point you’ll maybe…you know…give it another try?”
My eyebrows shoot up and my mouth falls open. How can she even ask me that? “No! No way. That ship sailed years ago. There’s no way in hell I’ll ever take him back. I’ll never be able to forgive him for cheating on me—ever. End of story. If we’re lucky, he’ll leave and go back to Tuscaloosa in two weeks with us on good enough terms that when he comes to town to visit again, I’ll be able to be around him and not feel all the pain I feel whenever I hear his name or have to see him. But there’s no way I’ll ever go back down that road.”
“Okay. Whatever you say. I’m just saying it’s not hard to tell you still love him. It’s been four years, and still you’ve yet to be able to move on. People make mistakes. Don’t get me wrong; him screwing around on you behind your back was beyond wrong on so many levels, but y’all were dealing with Lily’s death in your own ways. I can’t even fathom what he was going through during that time. No one would understand better than you. Do you know when you’re going to see him?”
I shake my head slowly. “I’m still trying to decide when. It has to be this week; I’m just not sure when. As soon as I know, I’ll be sure to let you know, because more than likely, after our powwow, we’re going to need to pop the cork on a big o’ bottle of wine to help me cope with opening up all of those old wounds.”
The phone on our desk rings, making us both jump. We’re both laughing as Marissa lifts the phone. After listening for a moment, she replies, “Sure thing. I’ll be right up.” Setting the phone down, she turns to me and says, “Time to start the day, missy. Looks like we’ll be finishing this convo over a cup of coffee at break time!”
Saved by the phone, thank God. I don’t want to discuss this any further for right now. Talking about Lawson is putting a damper on my morning, and I’m already feel crappy enough after seeing him last night, so for the rest of the day, or at least until Marissa tries to get me to text Lawson, I’ll spend the next few hours thinking about anything but him.
CHAPTER EIGHT
After spending four days working up the courage to reach out to Lawson, I think I’m finally ready. Nothing like last minute, I know. Call me Miss Procrastinator.
I sent Delilah a text asking for Lawson’s cell number so I can see if he can meet up with me today after work. I’ve successfully avoided running into him these last four days, since all I’ve done is work and get together with Delilah at my house to go over wedding stuff. She has no idea that tomorrow, Marissa, Camryn, and I are kidnapping her to go to Still Waters Spa in Pensacola, Florida. We’re checking in Friday afternoon and not leaving until Sunday. It’s going to be a weekend of fun, sun, and much needed massages.
Sitting in my car in the parking lot, I pull my iPhone from my purse, deciding to take the leap and send the damn text.
Hey, it’s Emelyn. Delilah gave me ur # bc
I need 2 talk 2 u if ur free today.
I set my phone in my cup holder, back my 2012 Chevy Volt out of the spot, and by the time I pull up to the stop sign at the end of the parking lot, my phone is blasting 1994. Of course I have to rock out to it singing along with Jason Aldean. The song cuts off and I stay at the stop sign for a few more seconds to check the new message. My hands are slightly shaking as I open the new text.
Sure. I’m at Benny’s Diner right now having dinner,
4 but after that, my schedule for the day is pretty wide open.
My head is spinning as I watch my fingers fly across the letters, typing a response back to him. I glance up in my review mirror and don’t see anyone coming, so I know I have more time. I finally hit send and let out the breath I’ve been holding.
I’m just leaving work now. Can we meet in twenty minutes at the park?
I see a car approaching behind me, so I set my phone down and continue driving. Not even a minute later, it goes off again, and I glance at the screen to see he replied back.
C u then.
The entire ride to the park, I drive with my radio blasting—a failed attempt to distract myself. My entire body tenses further with every minute I get closer to the park. I’ve never been so nervous in my entire life. I hope we can make this chat short and to the point so I can stop stressing and enjoy our upcoming bachelorette weekend. The best gift I can give Delilah would be telling her Lawson and I are cool and that she has absolutely nothing to worry about.
In desperate need of caffeine to help calm my nerves—completely backwards, I know—I stop by Coffee & Books Café for an iced coffee. It’s way too hot for a hot cup of coffee this afternoon. I waste no time sipping it down.
Five minutes after leaving the café, I pull into a parking space at the park. Between my nerves and this heat, my small iced coffee is gone by the time I arrive at the park.
I’m still in my scrubs and clogs as I climb out of my car. It’s easily ninety degrees today, so I roll my scrubs up to my knees and get into my trunk to grab my spare pare of flip-flips. Thankfully, when they had the one dollar flip-flops at Old Navy, I bought every color they sold, because you can never have too many. I have them all over my house, and in my car in case of emergencies.
Slipping my clogs and socks off, I toss them into my trunk and slip on my bright, neon yellow flip-flops and my feet immediately thank me. I wiggle my polka-dot painted toes and bask in the somewhat cool breeze that rolls over them.
Locking my car, I lean against the back and breathe out a sigh of relief when I don’t see his motorcycle here yet. I still have about five more minutes before he should arrive, which gives me time to pull myself together.
I close my eyes and slowly breathe in and out as I try to calm my racing heart. I’m resting my hands on my hips and have my eyes closed with my head tilted up towards the hot beating sun. After sitting in air conditioning all day, the warm rays feel amazing and help me relax.
I snap my eyes open as I hear the all too familiar rumble of Lawson’s Harley.
He pulls in slowly and parks right beside my car. My feet are glued to the pavement beneath me as I watch him lower the kickstand and get to work removing his helmet. He’s wearing cargo shorts, Nike sneakers, and a t-shirt. As soon as he stands and climbs off the bike, my stomach flips as I take in the shirt he’s got on. He’s wearing the shirt. I’m shocked to see it isn’t tattered and holey by now. It’s been four years, but the second I see him in his Alabama Roll Tide tee, I’m automatically taken back to a happier time of me wearing nothing but that shirt while snuggling with him at our apartment just off campus.
He always looked good in Alabama red, and that fact rings true still today. He gives me a sheepish grin as he runs his large, strong fingers through his long, brown silky locks. His hair looks damp from the heat of the sun beating on his sleek black helmet, and I can’t help but notice when my fingers twitch as they hang down beside my thighs. They are begging me to let them run through his hair just one time, like I used to.
I don’t know why, but I suddenly think about how happy I am he never changed his hair. Ever since high school, he’s kept it longer, and I love it. Normally guys keep their hair short and styled with product, but not Lawson. He’s as low maintenance as the
y come.
“Hey.” His voice comes out smooth as molasses, causing my body to tingle from my scalp down to the tips of my toes.
Damn me and my traitorous body!
I swallow, trying to wet my now parched throat, and lick my lips. I notice Lawson’s eyes dart to my mouth and watch my lips intently, causing my body to shiver with desire once again.
Dammit! I need to pull myself together. Remember, Emelyn. He’s a cheating SOB!
“Hey,” I say a little too sweetly. “Thanks for agreeing to meet with me.” My words come out a tad shaky as I lose a little of my composure when he begins to approach me. I feel my resolve crumbling with every step he takes.
Why does he have to look so good? He looks like the old Lawson I loved, just more tired and slightly older, but still, when I look into those hazel eyes, I see the man I fell in love with, and its totally confusing the hell out of me. I keep trying to tell myself he doesn’t even deserve me being here talking to him, let alone me standing here wondering what it’d be like to have sex with him on that motorcycle.
What in the ever-loving hell is wrong with me?!
He stops a few inches away from me and rests his thumbs inside the pockets of his shorts as his eyes roam over my face. He looks just as nervous as I’m feeling. I wonder if I look nervous. I’m trying to put on this cool facade and not let him see he’s affecting me.
Mine Would Be You Page 5
